does anyone's DH...

[StrongFeather]

use the response:

"but I can't feed him, give me a bottle" as an excuse when you talk about evening out the parenting responsibilities?

Around here, I find this being the common response as to why DH can't do things for our LO... and frankly I CAN"T just give him a bottle. It's messing with my supply to do so. What to do?

[lifeguard]

Not quite but I know (especially when ds was really small) dh often felt useless because all ds wanted was to bf - all. the. time. So if he started to fuss at all dh would bring him back to me, even when it was something else that ds needed - he just had no confidence that he could handle him at all when fussy.

And if I wanted to do even short errands to the grocery store or whatnot without ds then dh wanted a reserve bottle just in case. He was VERY uncomfortable with the idea of having a hungry, unhappy baby on his hands.

[FullMetalMom]

Remind him that your son poops and needs baths.

[The4OfUs]

I found in the early months instead of evening out the *parenting* responsibilities, it made more sense for us if he took over the bulk of the house responsibilities - he'd batch cook on weekends so I had stuff to just reheat during the week for dinner, and did laundry and vacuumed. DH isn't great with babies, especially little ones, and that's totally Ok with me - he loved them desperately, he just wasn't quite sure what to do with them, and it wasn't a major deal to me to have him involved in every aspect of their care (maybe *because* he was doing so much else to support me) - I'm not saying he ignored them as infants , they had lots of sweet snuggle and goofy play time. I'm just saying that he didn't do much of the day to day care of them - and for us, it worked. He was supportive with the house and with tending to them when I needed to decompress, and I was EBF which he also fully supported, so I didn't see the sense in "making" him figure out how to calm them when upset if he couldn't within a couple minutes, or give a bath, or whatever else that he was clearly uncomfortable with when I was right there - I don't ascribe to the "they have to get used to other caregivers" camp, if there's no real reason to have other caregivers - if both parties are uncomfortable, and one of them is an infant, I just don't see any value in "making" them spend time together unless there's a real reason for it (like WOH) - if God forbid something had happened to me, then they would have figured it out . For us, this arrangement worked out just fine. As ours got older (I'm talking, like, from 6 months on), and started being able to interact more, they bonded together just fine and at almost 6 yrs old and 3-1/2 yrs old both the kids think their dad is the super coolest evah.

I'd see if you can find other ways he can support you by doing things around the house and taking some of that kind of stress off you. But um, if you are looking for actual parenting duties to delegate, then I'd say bathtime, diaper changes, and dressing are the things he could be doing. And playing.

[noobmom]

If your DH was just saying "I can't feed him" I could see that just expressing a little sadness on his part that he can't contribute to feeding the baby.

But adding the part about, "give me a bottle" when he knows how important BFing is to you and the fact that it messes with your supply makes me think he's using it as an excuse. My DH would never suggest that in a million years, even if he might say he wishes he could help me feed the baby, KWIM?

I agree with the PP, just say "Why do you need a bottle to change a diaper?" If it helps, remember not to hover over your DH whenever he IS doing something with the baby. It's hard for us moms to let the dads do things their way.

[LadyCatherine185]

My DH never did, because he was fully in support of EBF'ing. Sounds like your DH wants to take the easy way out of "helping"... because frankly, feeding baby a bottle is more fun than diaper changing/bathing/helping with household chores.

Your DH doesn't need to feed baby in order to bond, either. I have always been the sole 'feeder' of DS, but DH helps in many other ways. Diapers, holding/playing with him, as well as helping with household chores. At that young of an age, baby is going to need Mama most of all. Once he gets a little older your DH can do more with him.

Now my DH plays with DS all the time, and takes him out every Saturday morning for a "man date." They are extremely attached, DS even prefers DH to put him to bed at night.

[zippy_francis]

My DH had a similar response but what we did was make bath time Dad and daughter time that was just theirs. Since feedings was my time with DD's. When he was home he was doing baths and of course eventually when DD's were older and could take bottles he helps with that too. If it is quality time and he is feeling left out then that will help give him the special time he needs with baby. And if it is just for the help for you, that works too!

[ps4624]

My hubby firmly believes that the breast is the only way to soothe DD or put her to sleep. I think she could be taught other ways, but he's the one who is going to have to do it. It's a bit of a point of contention for me.

[dogretro]

Originally Posted by FullMetalMom

Remind him that your son poops and needs baths.

Show your husband how to give your baby a bath. Then, next time, ask him to do it and leave the room. If he needs help, he can call for you, but he can also bathe baby w/ out the pressure of you there watching him. Have your baby's clothing and diaper laid out for him, too, so that he can dress the little one. A lot of times dads are scared of handling the new baby, but getting the chance to have time semi-alone in a nurturing environment will help him out a lot.

[ExuberantDaffodil]

I had supply issues and my hubby had to figure out how to syringe feed right away. So even though he has had plenty of chances to feed the baby, he knows that changing diapers, making sure I have something to drink at all times, and helping me out around the house during this recovery period are much better, easier ways to help "even out' the parenting (whatever that means ). And since the baby likes to be held almost constantly, he takes her when she is all full and happy and walks around with her. There are so many ways to help a BFing mom out other than to feed the baby. Plus, the more time he spends taking care of her, the more his confidence grows, which I believe is extremely important.

[HappyFox05]

My DH did a lot around the house & a lot for me (bringing me food, water, books, internet, himself) when DD was little. He also bathed her & changed her.

[anj_rn]

My reply would be... I still have to pump the milk, so how does that even things out? I still think my husband should start lactating, it would make everything much easier.