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Would you have done this? - Page 6

post #101 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by starling&diesel View Post
What I've bolded is a comparison. So that is what I was responding to.
Yes, I understand what a comparison is and what you were responding to. I still don't understand how what you posted relates to my point which was that people often don't assess risk accurately. You were discussing informed consent and informed decision making which I think is a completely different matter. Maybe we should just agree to disagree...or agree to not understand each other .
post #102 of 179
It's hard for me to imagine. I have an 8 yr old dd, but she would absolutely freak out if I left her alone or with her 6 yr old sister. They'd both freak. They're somewhat responsible and I wouldn't worry about them wreaking havoc or taking the other car for a joyride or leaving the house or anything, but they just would really not like it. The only time I've left them alone in the house is when I went to check on our elderly neighbor right across the street after she'd fallen. I was gone about 10 minutes and the girls were watching TV. If they hadn't been watching TV they woudl have freaked out, too, but they also knew right where I was and knew they could come get me. I have been tempted to leave them while I took the dog around the block (15-20 minutes and again they could come find me), but they won't go for it.

Dd1, in particular, was a very high needs baby so I can't imagine having a baby that would be content enough to be left with big bro. Dd2 was also somewhat high needs. Just couldn't imagine leaving them with anyone, but DH and, frankly, I had trouble with that. They were big criers and dd1, in particular, was not easily consoled.

So, if I think about some imaginary baby and an imaginary 8 yr old I can see where it might seem like an okay idea, but in my personal experience it would just never fly. I'd scoop them both up and throw them in the car with DH. It would take 2 minutes more.
post #103 of 179
What does living in the city or the country have to do with it?
post #104 of 179
Why not just throw them both in the car in their jammies?
post #105 of 179
someone posted this:
Quote:
There was a mom recently in the news who left her two young children at home while she went out, there was a fire, and both children died.
i am very familiar with this story, as it happened in my town. i just wanted to say that this situation was VERY different than the op's scenario. The children were 5 and 6 yo. The mother didn't leave them to "go out;" she left them alone in a hotel room (where they were living) to go work the graveyard shift at a fast food restaurant (so they were alone for 8+ hours overnight). The older son had a history of playing with fire, and he was the one who set the fire that killed him and his brother. It also came out in the trial (of the mother, for manslaughter) that the hotel did not have working smoke detectors.

to the op, i have been tempted to leave my 8 yo and sleeping baby alone while i run literally around the corner on an errand, but have always decided i better not...thinking about what if i were in an accident. i haven't considered what others have brought up, about it not being fair to the 8 yo, but i see this as a valid concern as well. I am glad that everything went smoothly for you this morning, but i do think it would be safer and wiser to not do this again. at least take the baby with you or let your dh take the car. no flames, though!
post #106 of 179
That is exactly the point. If mom had been home supervising her children, the fire would not have happened and those 2 boys would be alive.
post #107 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilypie32 View Post
That is exactly the point. If mom had been home supervising her children, the fire would not have happened and those 2 boys would be alive.
8 hours alone regularly and 20 minutes ONCE are not the same thing. Working fire detectors would have made a huge difference too. Apples and oranges.
post #108 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeRangeMama View Post
8 hours alone regularly and 20 minutes ONCE are not the same thing. Working fire detectors would have made a huge difference too. Apples and oranges.

A fire can be started and kill inside of 20 minutes... And fire detectors only make a difference if the person inside the house have the presence of mind not to freak out and to calmly exit the building.
post #109 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by rere View Post
What does living in the city or the country have to do with it?
Most city people are more uptight and paranoid about things, it seems. That's just the impression I get though, I've never lived in a city. So they would tend be more cautious about things. Country people tend to be more laid back, at least we are.
post #110 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by JL83 View Post
A fire can be started and kill inside of 20 minutes... And fire detectors only make a difference if the person inside the house have the presence of mind not to freak out and to calmly exit the building.
Obviously, but the two situations are not at all comparable. You can twist it to make them sound similar, but the OP's child was not a known fire starter left alone all night in an unsafe environment. Her child has shown responsibility, was left for a short period of time ONCE, and didn't have a history of starting fires. Different situations entirely.
post #111 of 179
I grew up in the country& live rural ( not on a farm) There are to many what ifs. A 8 yr old would never forgive them selves if something happended. Even older kids dont act as you expect in emergencies ( sometimes). What IF the OP got in an accident ( not her fault). As I said earlier its illegal in Maryland and it IS so for a reasn. Starting at 8yrs a child can be left alone for short periods of time ate 13 they can be in charge of younger children. Yes its only 20 minutes but a lifetime can change in those 20 minutes.
post #112 of 179
I wouldn't have done it. I was an "extremely responsible" girl in the eyes of my parents, teachers, etc..."smart, good judgement," you name it. They probably wouldn't have guessed that as an 11 year old babysitting an infant while the mom ran to the grocery store that I would have been too small to get the baby out of the crib so I stood on a rocking chair (only chair in the room) to get him, or that when he turned one that I would have done the heimlich (sp) on him because I was dumb enough to give him a candy heart to eat (choke) on....
post #113 of 179
I have a 9 yr old DD, 7 yr old DS and 5 mo old and no way would I leave either of them alone in this situation with the baby. I'd toss them all in the car and go, enough time or not. That's what we do all the time. I just personally am not comfortable with it.
post #114 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama~Love View Post
Most city people are more uptight and paranoid about things, it seems. That's just the impression I get though, I've never lived in a city. So they would tend be more cautious about things. Country people tend to be more laid back, at least we are.
I've lived in several cities, the suburbs, and a few small towns in the country. IME there are laid back and uptight people everywhere. Can we try to avoid the stereotyping and stick to the topic? Thanks.
post #115 of 179
Quote:
Most city people are more uptight and paranoid about things, it seems. That's just the impression I get though, I've never lived in a city. So they would tend be more cautious about things. Country people tend to be more laid back, at least we are.
Stereotype alert!

Also, while I would not have left an 8-year-old home alone or with a baby, for any amount of time, I find this city/country thing interesting. It would seem much safer to do this in the city, especially in an apartment building where a kid could run next door for help. In the country he might have the terrible choice of trying to raise help on the phone or leaving the baby to get help.
post #116 of 179
I don't have time to read all the replies, but

VERY FEW STATES in the US have any laws about how old a child has to be to stay home alone or to babysit a sibling. That's called parenting. There are people in my state who often claim we have some kind of law about age 9 to stay alone for any period of time. It's not true.

IMO it is dangerous to think this way. If you want a gov't who tells people when their child is mature enough to stay home for a few minutes or a few hours, you're going to get a gov't who will tell you that you can't sleep with your baby or will go to jail if you don't vaccinate.

Now, I don't know that I would have done it, but I am pretty sure my grandmothers would have done it before the age of cell phones, and Caroline Ingalls would have done it leaving on a three-hour walking round trip to town in the age when we still had wolves and children cooked on wood burning stoves.
post #117 of 179
I havent read throught the entire thread since my last post, but it just occurred to my husband and I (We were JUST talking about this) What if you got caught in traffic, and 20 minutes suddenly turns into an hour, or two? Not to mention, My DS2 (when he was younger, maybe 6 months) can go from sleeping baby to crying hysterically and unconsolably baby in 30 seconds flat. I wouls just feel better if the kids were with me. Personally, my husband would just have to be late for work. He agreed, itsd his responsibility to get to work on time, therefore he would rather be late then potentially put one of are kids in a not so good situation.
post #118 of 179
It depends on the kid. I couldn't have left dd1 home alone at that age, let alone with a baby there too, she just wasn't ready. Dd2, I could leave, and would be happy to leave her with a baby sleeping in a crib at that age (moot point, dd2 is my last).
post #119 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by pigpokey View Post
I don't have time to read all the replies, but

VERY FEW STATES in the US have any laws about how old a child has to be to stay home alone or to babysit a sibling. That's called parenting. There are people in my state who often claim we have some kind of law about age 9 to stay alone for any period of time. It's not true.

IMO it is dangerous to think this way. If you want a gov't who tells people when their child is mature enough to stay home for a few minutes or a few hours, you're going to get a gov't who will tell you that you can't sleep with your baby or will go to jail if you don't vaccinate.

Now, I don't know that I would have done it, but I am pretty sure my grandmothers would have done it before the age of cell phones, and Caroline Ingalls would have done it leaving on a three-hour walking round trip to town in the age when we still had wolves and children cooked on wood burning stoves.
I don't know anyone who cooks their children on wood burning stoves. Usually it's over an open fire on a spit. (Just trying to lighten the mood.) Caroline Ingalls is a poor example of frontier women, as it is an inaccurate and fictional account by a woman in her 60's trying to remember her life 50 years ago. The books are written for children for a reason. And the children weren't suddenly thrust into a role of being responsible for an infant within the span of 2 minutes. They were BROUGHT UP to carry this responsibility. And the kids weren't left preoccupied with an engaging video game. They were prepared and had instructions and were left in charge in gradually increasing time increments... and left in charge with adults at home with supervision before ever being left all alone. This case of the OP's was a responsibility THRUST upon a young child that had not been given the proper tools to navigate different situations. That's unfair to both the infant and the child.

The problem with *no* laws for latch-key kids is that it's open to interpretation and therefore at the discretion of the judge. Which is worse?

And for the record, I don't know of any cases where anyone was jailed for co-sleeping or not vaxing. You are fear mongering now.
post #120 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by waiflywaif View Post
Stereotype alert!

Also, while I would not have left an 8-year-old home alone or with a baby, for any amount of time, I find this city/country thing interesting. It would seem much safer to do this in the city, especially in an apartment building where a kid could run next door for help. In the country he might have the terrible choice of trying to raise help on the phone or leaving the baby to get help.
That was my thought too - not only are there plenty of people of both types in both areas, I think it's much safer when there are neighbours right next door, more taxis available to the mum, etc.

I was left alone with responsibility for other kids at that age and I remember it being emotionally taxing. I wouldn't say scarring, but it definitely is not something I would choose for my child. As an adult I find a baby crying stressful, and that's really the most likely thing - just that the baby would wake up unhappy for whatever reason.
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