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Would you have done this? - Page 8

post #141 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by chinaKat View Post
I think it's interesting that any mom that posted that she left her baby to cry for 20 minutes in his crib while she sat in the next room would be excoriated on this forum.

But if she leaves the house all these people are saying "oh, the worst that could happen is that the baby woke up and cried for 20 minutes."

Let's make up our minds, people!
But in the OP's case, the baby wouldn't have been left to cry. The baby's brother would have been there. Leaving a baby to cry means ignoring the baby.

I'm assuming that the OP would have expected her son to tend to the baby if the baby began to cry.

Just sayin'.
post #142 of 179
post #143 of 179
My dd is very responsible at almost 8, but if she picked up the baby while he was throwing a fit, and dropped him, it would be a horrible thing. So, no I wouldn't leave them home alone, just my 2 cents.
post #144 of 179
I haven't read all the replies...but I just have my two cents...I have a very mature 9 year old boy and my youngest son is 7. But, I would not leave either one or both home alone, not nec b/c of what might happen to them, but what might happen to me... What if I were in an accident and wasn't back in 20 mins like planned? How would my oldest deal with that...I dont know....but I think we have a few years before we try any stay at home alones.


That said, I was babysitting when I was 10.
post #145 of 179
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife View Post
My DH, BTW, thinks CPS should be called and I would guess that the vast majority of adults would agree with him.
Wow. That's a pretty big reaction. What about being responsible for our own children? If it's my decision, I take the consequences. It's not someone else's job to decide I'm doing something wrong and report me...

And I realize you were talking about your neighbor. But really, what about letting people parent their own children?

There are many variables that I did not put in my post, so how can anyone on here make the judgment that it was wrong?

That being said, I don't plan to do things that way again. And the only reason I did is because my instincts told me that everything would be fine. And it was. I would never do something like this if I had the slightest doubt something could happen.
post #146 of 179
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama~Love View Post
I really can't believe some of the responses to this thread. She didn't leave him with a screaming baby for hours, the baby was sleeping, it was 20 minutes or less, and he was playing games. There was no danger, nothing out of the ordinary going on. He had the phone, and knew how to call if there was a problem.

I'd still like to know if those who are so uptight, worrying about the "what-if's", and say "no", do you live in the city? I'd probably feel differently if we lived in the city, but we don't. I don't even know if there are laws for ages for kids to be alone here, or what it is if there is such a law, which I feel is unnecessary and terribly intrusive into our lives.
I love you
post #147 of 179
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by pigpokey View Post
IMO it is dangerous to think this way. If you want a gov't who tells people when their child is mature enough to stay home for a few minutes or a few hours, you're going to get a gov't who will tell you that you can't sleep with your baby or will go to jail if you don't vaccinate.

Now, I don't know that I would have done it, but I am pretty sure my grandmothers would have done it before the age of cell phones, and Caroline Ingalls would have done it leaving on a three-hour walking round trip to town in the age when we still had wolves and children cooked on wood burning stoves.
I love you, too
post #148 of 179
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
And the children weren't suddenly thrust into a role of being responsible for an infant within the span of 2 minutes. They were BROUGHT UP to carry this responsibility. And the kids weren't left preoccupied with an engaging video game. They were prepared and had instructions and were left in charge in gradually increasing time increments... and left in charge with adults at home with supervision before ever being left all alone. This case of the OP's was a responsibility THRUST upon a young child that had not been given the proper tools to navigate different situations. That's unfair to both the infant and the child.


And for the record, I don't know of any cases where anyone was jailed for co-sleeping or not vaxing. You are fear mongering now.
First, my DS has been brought up to know how to care for his sister. If he hadn't been, there's no way I would have left him there with her. He can often stop her crying, even when I can't.

And, no one is fear-mongering. The point is, how legislated do you want your life to be? When are we allowed to be parents? How many choices should we be allowed to make for our kids? Some, most, none?
post #149 of 179
There actually are quite a few cases of parents having their kids taken away for co-sleeping, home birthing, not vaccinating, extended breastfeeding... Google it.
post #150 of 179
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post
I wouldn't do it, but I don't think it's horrible or anything.

I like the suggestion to ask your son how he felt about it -- hopefully he'd be forthcoming if he experienced anxiety about it, and then you'd know if he's not ready for that kind of responsibility.
I did - before I left the house. I said 'what if I leave you here with DD while I take Daddy to work?' And he looked at me with a look of surprise and delight and pride and said 'yeah, sure Mom.'

post #151 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThoughtFullMama View Post
Wow. That's a pretty big reaction. What about being responsible for our own children? If it's my decision, I take the consequences. It's not someone else's job to decide I'm doing something wrong and report me...

And I realize you were talking about your neighbor. But really, what about letting people parent their own children?

.
Well, first of all - I would never call CPS short of true abuse situations - but my DH has a right to his own opinion, no? Claiming that the vast majority of adults would agree with him was maybe a bit of an exaggeration - but the people in my circle who I've mentioned this situation to, agree with him, so that's where I'm coming from.

Also, I do have a 'big reaction' to my neighbors situation b/c it's not similar to yours in that they have left her home alone for 20 min. one time. They leave her home frequently, and she has expressed multiple times that she is afraid when this happens - and it is often hours and hours until someone comes home. These people are very well off, with a million dollar home and a ton of hired help so I have no clue why they don't ask someone to watch her. AND, she does things such as cooking grilled cheese on their 8 burner stove in their gourmet kitchen while she is home alone - fine for a kid her age, under supervision, though. Just so you know, there's a lot more to the story - but I do have every right to be judgmental in this situation, b/c it ends up impacting me and my family (who often watches the child).

You can do whatever you see fit when raising your kids, yes, but do be prepared to have people disagree when you make decisions such as what you did. Clearly, not everyone is comfortable leaving a young child at home with an even younger sibling - for any amount of time.

I just personally see the risks outweighing any potential benefits and would have taken the extra 2 minutes to toss the kids in the car.
post #152 of 179
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife View Post
Well, first of all - I would never call CPS short of true abuse situations - but my DH has a right to his own opinion, no? Claiming that the vast majority of adults would agree with him was maybe a bit of an exaggeration - but the people in my circle who I've mentioned this situation to, agree with him, so that's where I'm coming from.

Also, I do have a 'big reaction' to my neighbors situation b/c it's not similar to yours in that they have left her home alone for 20 min. one time. They leave her home frequently, and she has expressed multiple times that she is afraid when this happens - and it is often hours and hours until someone comes home. These people are very well off, with a million dollar home and a ton of hired help so I have no clue why they don't ask someone to watch her. AND, she does things such as cooking grilled cheese on their 8 burner stove in their gourmet kitchen while she is home alone - fine for a kid her age, under supervision, though. Just so you know, there's a lot more to the story - but I do have every right to be judgmental in this situation, b/c it ends up impacting me and my family (who often watches the child).

You can do whatever you see fit when raising your kids, yes, but do be prepared to have people disagree when you make decisions such as what you did. Clearly, not everyone is comfortable leaving a young child at home with an even younger sibling - for any amount of time.

I just personally see the risks outweighing any potential benefits and would have taken the extra 2 minutes to toss the kids in the car.
Your neighbors situation does sound odd. Thanks for realizing every situation is different I mean that with totally no snark at all.
post #153 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThoughtFullMama View Post
I did - before I left the house. I said 'what if I leave you here with DD while I take Daddy to work?' And he looked at me with a look of surprise and delight and pride and said 'yeah, sure Mom.'

Sounds like you did good then .
post #154 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThoughtFullMama View Post
Your neighbors situation does sound odd. Thanks for realizing every situation is different I mean that with totally no snark at all.
oh, I totally realize every situation is different and I will fully admit that the neighbor girl was on my mind when I read your OP - so that influenced my opinion a bit.

We're all doing the best we can, and considering your screen name I'd guess your kids mean the world to you.
post #155 of 179
I haven't read the entire thread, but saw enough comments to get the general gist of it. Personally *I* wouldn't leave my 7 yr old son home with his younger sister for a few minutes because he doesn't have the skills to deal with situations that may arise and because to be frank, he's a raving coward like I was at that age. Otherwise, I really think it depends on the child. We have regressed our children significantly in this country to the point where I do see that it is to their detriment when they get older. I can't tell you how many grown boys I meet rather than "men", and it does have a negative impact on them. If you raise your children to have responsibility from an early age and they are capable of dealing with situations, then no, I don't see any issue with it whatsoever.
post #156 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThoughtFullMama View Post
Please, no flaming, okay? I'm just wondering if there are any Mama's out there with really responsible 8 year old boys who would leave them with a eight month old baby for less than 20 minutes to run their spouse to work. Because that's what I did this morning.
I would've done it. I grew up in a farming family, and by 8, I had tons of responsibilities, including watching after 3 cousins who were 4, 4, and 3. I don't think age necessarily makes one unable to watch after others. OTOH, I'd be hesitant about leaving a couple of 13-year-olds I know with my kids.
post #157 of 179
I have not read all (or even most) of the replies. Just to answer the OP's question of whether or not I would do it.....


Ummmmmm...... NO. My first thought is what if you were in a car accident? That is much more likely then a kidnapper coming to the door, etc. Can you imagine you son's worry and anxiety when you did not come home after an hour? If you say he would not become anxious because he is so mature, then I would say that *not* being anxious is a sign of immaturity when there is clearly reason to worry. Not to mention how CPS would have loved to have heard about how the police went to your door and found your scared 8 year old at home alone with your infant. That would be a whole other bag of worms to contend with.

I my opinion, you dodged a bullet this morning.... don't pull the trigger again.
post #158 of 179
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife View Post
We're all doing the best we can, and considering your screen name I'd guess your kids mean the world to you.
Absolutely. And I think it's really interesting that we're encouraged to trust our 'Mama instincts' when it comes to knowing what's best for our own children, but when we do, sometimes others can not see beyond their own biases of what 'they would do' in that situation. Not talking about you, I've read some of your other posts and I think you're pretty level headed. Some people, tho...

What really gets me is that no one can know another person's reality. So, for someone to say that I should or should not have done what I did, bothers me. For someone to say they wouldn't have done it, is another thing altogether. Anyway, I digress.

I don't really think I'd do it again, but I'm glad I did this time. For many reasons, which I won't get into here.
post #159 of 179
Quote:
Originally Posted by Landover View Post
Ummmmmm...... NO. My first thought is what if you were in a car accident? That is much more likely then a kidnapper coming to the door, etc. Can you imagine you son's worry and anxiety when you did not come home after an hour? If you say he would not become anxious because he is so mature, then I would say that *not* being anxious is a sign of immaturity when there is clearly reason to worry. Not to mention how CPS would have loved to have heard about how the police went to your door and found your scared 8 year old at home alone with your infant. That would be a whole other bag of worms to contend with.
Wouldn't most children call mom to see what was up though if she was gone too long? When I was taking night classes and DS was 3, he would often call me while I was driving home from school because he was scared (his dad would be in the bedroom putting his sister to bed). Honestly my kids aren't mature enough to leave totally alone, but even at 3 my son knew how to call his grandma and that if he didn't get ahold of me while DH was in the other room he would call her. I would hope that an 8 yr old who's mom felt he was responsible enough to stay home alone with a younger sibling would know to do the same!
post #160 of 179
Just a question:
If child services were called, would they really take the kids away or is that just part of people's what-ifs??

And for the record, I trust the mom's judgment. Not all kids are responsible by the "legal" age and some are responsible way before that. I don't think a loving mom would put her children in danger.
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