Problems with hitting and kicking STILL...

[bass chick]

My 3 year old son still hits and kicks when he gets mad at someone. We've been working on this with him for 2 years...saying the typical, "We don't hit. Hands are for gentle touch." and then we lead in example by showing him and the other child a gentle touch. He usually follows suit and gently touches the child and says "sorry".
Problem is, he is still doing it, and I am unable to tolerate it anymore because I've opened up a dayhome. And he is hitting the dayhome kids when he gets mad at them. There is one kid that he just doesn't like and when he gets to close he goes out of his way to hit this little kid.
I don't know what else to do. This week I simply removed him from the play area after discussing this issue with him and made him go to our bedroom. He doesn't mind the bedroom because that's where his blanket and soothers are...and he was just sitting on the bed looking through books after his screaming at me stopped. He gets very mad when I remove him from the playroom and yells and screams at me and hits and kicks me.
Anyways, my question is...
How else can I deal with this besides removing him? I feel as though by taking him and putting him in a room alone that I am withholding love. I mean, I'm NOT withholding love, but if he is perceiving that I am, then I may as well be since a person's perception is their reality.
At the same time, I can't have him hurting other children and quite frankly I can't follow him like a shadow all day long to protect the other kids.
He is not mean, but just has a temper (and the red hair to go with it) and deals with his anger by hitting and kicking and screaming.

[Fiverdoe]

I had to deal with the same kind of thing for a long time. Let me tell you that the hitting and kicking gave way to name calling and screaming (around 4 ish).... I have to laugh a little bit because sometimes I think we just get kids that do these things. I think the main deal here is to not confuse withholding love and consequences.

Just because you remove your child from the activity room and place him alone in a room you are not withholding love. Trust me. You feel guilty maybe (I did) because you are having to step outside your comfort zone, but don't worry you get used to stepping outside your comfort zone as your child grows.

One key is too remember that by removing him you are trying to modify his behavior not punish him. It is great that he has a quiet room to go to with a lovie and a snuggle. In my case I would sometimes sit with my daughter if she was not being abusive to me, but I can see in your situation that you have to attend to the other children.

And all the while that you are telling your DS that he is being removed from play until he can respect the other children you need to also direct him that he is not to hit you and be disrespectful to you. I reached my breaking point one day when I was bringing my child to her room (I was easily carrying her so I'm thinking she was early 3's) and she, out of anger, slapped me hard across the face.... well I lost it and screamed at her. I mean I let out that she is never to hit me again and that I would not have that in my home...etc.... etc... Well I felt terribly guilty, but honestly she stopped the behavior.... a behavior that was present in her since she could do it....

I am not condoning an angry outburst with your chilld, but sometimes I find that if I am a little louder and firmer than usual, my DD tends to hear me better.