Originally Posted by mamazee
I think it's irresponsible for an adult to rely on any one other person in the way a young child relies on a parent. Adults need to have more than one person to call upon for help, and they have to be able to take care of things themselves if it comes to that. .
Well, I fully expect that Dh and I are going to end up caring for one or another of our parents as they age, and I don't think it's "irresponsible" for them to expect that to eventually happen any more than I think it's "irresponsible" to think that, should our family have a serious crisis (a death or serious illness, for example), we could count on our parents to help us.
At the same time, I think there are plenty of parents who help their kids too much. My parents supply my college-aged brothers with more food money *each* than I spend on our family of three-- which has led to my brothers eating lots of take-out all the time and having a very unhealthy lifestyle.
My Dh stayed for years at a college he HATED (and he didn't make much of an effort to succeed, either, IMO) because his parents were paying the bills without question. I really believe if they had just said, "Well, we've paid for four years-- you're on your own!" he might have either buckled down *or* chosen a program he actually cared about. Now he has a degree which took almost six years of his (our!) life to complete, and he's never used it at all.
When Dh and I sold our house sooner than we expected, both sets of our parents immediately offered to let us come stay with them. As it turned out, just after they offered their hospitality to us, my mom and dad discovered that they would need someone to take care of their house for six months-- so they were going to be doing US a big favor, and now we're doing THEM a big favor at the same time