cant decide about breastfeeding beyond a year

[MrsBone]

I know all the benefits, and all that, but DH and I are wanting to start trying for #2 soon and I really don't want to tandem nurse. Also, the idea of trying to wean a toddler while pregnant sounds very tiring. I am thinking I should just go ahead and try and wean him by the time he's a year, or a little after, then start trying to get PG again. But then I go back and forth. My LO is cosleeping, wakes 2-3 times a night to nurse and loves it. I do like the idea of extending BFing, but it sounds like it would be a lot more work later on to wean than if I just did it earlier. What does everyone think? Is cosleeping with two hard? What did you do when your 2nd came?

[alegna]

2 years is considered the bare minimum by historical human standards. All major medical societies suggest a full fat milk until 2 years of age. Why not stay with the species specific milk?

Toddlers are picky eaters- when they're nursing, you know they're still getting what they need.

Toddlers are often non-verbal, nursing helps with frustration and the bumps and bruises.

Why not wait until your child is ready to wean? When they no longer *need* to nurse, they will stop on their own.

-Angela

[mamaoffour]

I weaned my eldest two at a year and in hindsight it was too early. I planned to nurse my third until he decided to wean and then I fell pregnant. He continued to nurse until I was 20 weeks and he was 16 months. The I assume the taste of my milk made him self wean.Its was a special time we shared before the birth of his brother. I am still nursing no.4 and he has just turned 1.He can wean when he is ready.

My advice would be to keep nursing and start trying to fall pregnant when you are ready. Let the rest take care of its self.

In the grand scheme of our life as mothers, its such a short time. Enjoy it while it lasts!

[Vancouver Mommy]

I got pg with my second when my dd was about 13 months. She weaned herself because of the pregnancy about three months later. I was really sad about it because I wanted to nurse her for at least two years. It was, however, not at all traumatic for her.

[RiverSky]

Originally Posted by MrsBone

Also, the idea of trying to wean a toddler while pregnant sounds very tiring.

If you think THAT sounds tiring, imagine comforting a toddler when the toddler falls and scrapes a knee, or has a nightmare in the middle of the night, or is having a tantrum because she/he wants mommy or is overtired, all while you are pregnant.

It's much better to let yourself get pregnant and assume your child will probably wean naturally during pregnancy, by choice, because the taste of the milk has changed.

You can do it!

[Ammaarah]

I think toddler nursing, while occasionally maddening, is usually worth continuing provided you are not on a tight TTC timetable due to age or medical condition or anything like that.

[Plaid Leopard]

I have a friend who weaned her 1st ds when he was almost 1, so that she could ttc. She didn't end up getting pregnant until 4 years later, and she regretted having weaned her son so soon.

It doesn't seem fair to the first child to cut off something that offers him nutrition and emotional comfort, in the hopes of conceiving another.

I have 4 children and have been nursing, tandem nursing and/or pregnant for over 11 years now. My period returned 15 months after my 1st was born, and I got pregnant with dc#2 the following month. My period returned 26 months after dd was and I got pregnant with #3 within a few months. ds and dd were still nursing at that point, but ds weaned when I was a few weeks along. After dc3, my periods returned at around 18 months pp. Dc 3 weaned while I was pregnant with #4. dc 4 was almost 2 when I got my first pp period. My post-partum periods have been regular from the start.

bf and ttc are not mutually exclusive.

[CheriK]

Most pediatric and health-groups worldwide (the AAP is a huge notable exception) say nursing should continue until at least 2 years. A 1-year old is still growing their brain and immune system, and needs the support of breastmilk if at all possible.

Are you menstruating (or having signs of ovulation)? Plenty of women get pregnant while nursing. There are LOTS of posts on the various BF boards about TTC while nursing, and lots of ideas if you're not yet fertile. I know too many women who weaned "to get pregnant" and then didn't get pregnant, or it took several years, and really regretted missing that with their older child. One thing you might want to consider, is if you wean now and never have another child, will you regret that? Many toddlers self-wean as your milk will change during pregnancy, so it might actually be easier to wean while pregnant.

Personally, I think nursing becomes most rewarding after a year. My DD#2 is turning 1 today and I was thinking about her birth and early days of breastfeeding a lot this morning. For me at least, this is when BF becomes really important! I can't imagine parenting a toddler without nursing. You always have something they'll eat/drink (especially important when they get sick or go on whatever strange food jag). You have "instant comfort" for when they're physically or emotionally hurt. You can soothe them easily to sleep and reconnect when you've been apart. And I would expect all these things to be even more important if you're pregnant and perhaps feeling sick or low energy - anything that will make life easier!

We currrently have a family bedroom with 5 people (2 adults, 3 children). Since we started out with twins, there have always been at least 2 children in our bed. When #3 came along, we added a twin alongside our king. It takes some creative bed arrangements, but I love our sleeping arrangements.

[wbg]

Here is my story. It is obviously personal and the circumstances are different to yours, but I thought I would share it.

I fell pregnant with my 2nd when #1 was 4 months old.
He went from breastfeeding practically all day and all night to refusing the breast completely!
I let him wean and I have regretted it ever since!
First off he was the sickest of all my children He got every virus out there and each time it wiped him out!
With the benefit of hindsight, I know that I could have pushed through his "nursing" strike and gone on to continue feeding him while pregnant.
I have grown and evolved as a parent over the years and try not to beat myself up over decisions I made through my own lack of knowledge, but I always feel like I wish I had not followed his lead, or that my HCP at the time had offered me some insightful words of wisdom.

I think that BFing a toddler is amazing and convenient. I do have times, when it is also exhausting and a little frustrating. But for me the good outweighs the bad.

As far as cosleeping, We still cosleep so there are 6 in our bed. We have a king size futon and then we unroll another double futon next to the bed every evening. My second child preferred to sleep in a crib for the first 18months. She is the exception and she soon moved to our bed when she realised the party was somewhere else! I am currently BFing #4 and she is 18 months. Both her and #3 who I BFed the longest, have had the most healthy years! I know it is anecdotal, but they are my anecdotes and they work for me!

I wish you luck finding the perfect solution for YOU and YOUR BABIES.

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by RiverSky

If you think THAT sounds tiring, imagine comforting a toddler when the toddler falls and scrapes a knee, or has a nightmare in the middle of the night, or is having a tantrum because she/he wants mommy or is overtired, all while you are pregnant.

It's much better to let yourself get pregnant and assume your child will probably wean naturally during pregnancy, by choice, because the taste of the milk has changed.

You can do it!

Everyone's experience is going to be different and mine was the complete opposite. DS was not going to wean during pregnancy and nursing while pregnant was nothing short of horrific for me. It made me want to crawl out of my skin. Weaning while pregnant was exhausting. Parenting while pregnant and not nursing was a million times easier. Nursing while pregnant just felt so wrong. I was completely unprepared for it.

I would never again willingly get pregnant without first weaning.

Of course, I see nothing wrong with waiting to TTC until the child weans himself or gets a full 2 years or whatever. Those are all individual choices. For me if I had my time back I'd have weaned DS around 18 mos and began TTC then.

OP - good luck with your decision.

[SollysMom]

I really really wanted to get pregnant again, but weaning DS before he was ready wasn't an option for me. As sad as I would have been to not be pregnant, DH and I agreed that we wouldn't consider weaning in order to TTC until DS was 2. As it turned out, when he was 14 months all three of us caught a stomach bug and I got so sick and dehydrated that my milk dried up for a day or so (DS still nursed though). It was just enough for me to get my cycle back. Because I was still nursing him frequently, my cycle was very long and irregular. The first was 45 days, the second was 54 days, and I used an OPK during the third cycle and ovulated/conceived on day 35. DS has continued to nurse all through my pregnancy. My supply has diminished but not dried up completely - it doesn't seem to deter him at all. Not all toddlers will self-wean while their mother is pregnant again. At times, nursing during pregnancy has been painful, annoying, or difficult, but I still think it's been worth it and less traumatic than weaning him would have been. And maybe I'm fooling myself, but I'm not too worried about tandem nursing. I actually think it will help DS because hopefully he'll feel like he's sharing me with the new baby, instead of feeling like he's being replaced by the new baby.

[sparklefairy]

Mine are just over 2 years apart and in hindsight, I would plan/ensure a longer spacing if possible. While I did tandem nurse (miserably), I do feel that my older child got shorted on milk, among other things, in getting a younger sibling so soon.

[MrsBone]

update!

Just wanted to update everyone! I have decided that I'm going to continue to nurse my LO until he's 2 years old and then TTC for #2. He's almost 14 months old right now. Hubby and I had to compromise on the # of children we were going to have. I wanted 2 or 3 and he wanted 1 or 2, we compromised on 2. If for some reason one day we decide to have another, I will be happy, but if we don't, I want to get the most time out of each child that I can, including extended bfing. If at 2 years it feels wrong to wean him, I'll continue. I like just taking it a month at a time. A lot less stress.

[MrsBone]

I know it's been several months since I posted on this thread, but I wanted to update again. I became pregnant in July, and DS is now 22 months old. My milk dried up about 2 weeks ago and DS weaned (I pushed it a little bit, but it wasn't hard). So, I'm very thankful for everyone's advice. And, I ended up going almost as long as I had planned, so yay! DS is sleeping better, taking better naps and is overall a happier child since he weaned. Not sure why, but I'm glad I did it. Plus, nursing while PG was very hard. Sore nipples, stabbing pain. NO fun! Anyway, just wanted to say thanks!