Afraid to get pregnant - support please

[Artichokie]

I have a 23 mo old DD and dh and I are talking about having a baby #2. But my biggest obstacle is that I dream of CLWing and nursing a 4 yr old. I was BF'd till I was 4 and I can remember it - i want the same for my dd and me. I am so worried that if I get pregnant my dd will wean when the milk goes away. That would so break my heart.

So, to that end, I have questions.
1. I'd love to hear any positive experiences in which a 2 yr old nursed through a pregnancy and there was a happy tandem nursing experience.

2. If you had a 2 yr old when you got pregnant with your next child, how long did you continue to produce milk? I am confused about milk going away - I started to lactate when I was 5 mo pregnant and leaked for 5 long months, so I'm not sure why it would go away?

3. please share anything that might helpful that I haven't thought of. I've heard so many heart wrenching stories about children weaning abruptly and traumatically through a pregnancy with a sibling because they forget how to nurse or can't stand not getting any milk out.

Help.

[pinky]

My 2.5-3 y.o. happily nursed through pregnancy, even though there wasn't much milk. My now 5-year-old never had the chance, but I'm sure she would have.

I know LOTS of peole who've successfully nursed through pregnancy and then tandem nursed.

[etsdtm99]

my DD was 26 months when DS was born, she nursed through my pregnancy but self weaned at 37 months - so no nursing a 4 year old, but it wasn't due to pregnancy - we tandem nursed for 11 months I have several friends with kiddos older and younger who did not wean due to pregnancy..

for me, my milk dried up almost completely (just a drop here and there, no more leaking, no let down etc) at about 10 weeks and did not come back until after the birth - DD did nurse more when i first got pregnant but then i guess she realized it wasn't working and i ended up encouraging her to night wean because all nigth nursing was not helping either of us.. there was nothing traumatic about it. though that being said - i am a bit afraid of getting pregnant again too .. while it wasn't traumatic, it was different and i wasn't expecting it... i had held out hope that i would be one of those women who didn't notice any difference..

[onelilguysmommy]

1. Me too! I love my memories

2. Your milk won't necessarily go away.
I nursed through two pregnancies so far. Tandem through the third.

I haven't had a 2yo when I got pregnant again. My first was 18mo, my second was 9mo.
I had milk the entire time.


I don't know what to say to make you feel better other than what I have though.

[Mama2Jesse]

Subbing.

Similar place here, OP, only my DS is just 14 months. Really don't wanna take his nursies away... but don't want my children so far apart either. I hear you.

[isabchi]

Please, don't be afraid!. My first pregnancy after DD was when She was 19 mo. I was really scared to force weaning her. Sadly, I end out in a miscarriage not relate to breastfeeding. (Multiple miscarriage before DD also).

1. I'd love to hear any positive experiences in which a 2 yr old nursed through a pregnancy and there was a happy tandem nursing experience.
DD was a around 2 1/2 yo when I get pregnant again, I nurse through the pregnancy with any mayor change or inconvenient,She never complaint about the abscences of milk, not even in the last stage. DS born,and DD was super happy that my milk came back. My only rule for DD after DS born was that She can nurse after the baby, for my peace of mind. She continue nursing on demand. She usually nurses some times 2 or 3 times one day, the she skippe a day or two. Now, She's 4 1/4 yo and DS is 16 mo.
2. If you had a 2 yr old when you got pregnant with your next child, how long did you continue to produce milk? I am confused about milk going away - I started to lactate when I was 5 mo pregnant and leaked for 5 long months, so I'm not sure why it would go away?
I don't notice any mayor change in me, except for the sensitive nipple in the first trimestre. I always tend to have a lower supply though. Anyway, I always available to cover my two children and continue to nursing themon demand
3. please share anything that might helpful that I haven't thought of. I've heard so many heart wrenching stories about children weaning abruptly and traumatically through a pregnancy with a sibling because they forget how to nurse or can't stand not getting any milk out. We have a super close relationship with DD. She knew about pregnancy from day one. We continue cuddle and stay phisically close. She knew about thenew baby couln't eat anything other that mama's milk so he going to be the first to nurse. I designate on side for each one, even though they both share

Best luck for you in this new adventure!

[stik]

I don't have any useful stories about pregnancy or CLW. I wanted to say this though: I think you have to listen to your heart. I think if *any* situation in your life is making you fear pregnancy right now, you should consider waiting. I know a lot of things can push us to act now, things like concern about age or fertility, or the gap between siblings. But I think if you are looking at pregnancy fearfully for any reason, and you're not pregnant already, you should give yourself more time. I think in the long run, waiting is often a better course that forging ahead with fear.

FWIW, my dd's are 6 years apart, and I really needed every minute of the time between them to be ready to have a second child. I wouldn't have rushed it for the world. So that's where I'm coming from here.

That said, I was 25 when my first was born, and just a few days short of 31 with my second. If I had been older, or if fertility issues ran in my family, I might have chosen differently.

[Theloose]

My dd was 2.5 when I got pg (I'm 24 weeks now). My milk was virtually gone almost immediately - I started noticing a dip at 5 or 6 weeks. But dd never complained, still nurses a bunch, and hasn't even mentioned the lack of milk (neither have I). She doesn't show any signs of slowing down, and so I have no doubt that we will be tandem nursing with the new babe in march - dd even brought it up first and talks about how it'll be so much fun

[Artichokie]

Thank you all for responding! A follow up question: did your first child discuss the lack of milk with you? how did you explain it? Did s/he seem annoyed or upset at all?


And stik, I totally agree in theory. There are 6 years between my sister and me and I think it is perfect. But I am 36 yrs old and my dd needs a sibling.

[Heavenly]

My older daughter was 30 months old when I got pregnant with her sister. My milk dried up completely at 8 weeks pregnant but she continued to nurse, although the frequency was less. She mainly nursed before nap and bed and a few other times, but quickly. The main problem I had was in the third trimester nursing started to hurt. A lot! I had to dig my fingernails into my hands to get myself through it. At that point I limited nursing to just before nap and bed and I limited the length when I had to. I know that sounds like a sad story, but it's not because when the baby was born (a month early so older daughter was 3 yrs 2 mths old) the milk came in and nursing was no longer painful for either of them. I did continue to limit nursing with the older one, but that was my choice because I have low supply (breast reduction). My older daughter nursed until she self-weaned on her 5th birthday.

My advice to you is that it can be done but be honest with yourself about the potential for complications and the potential that she could choose to wean. Nice stories are good to hear, I sought them out when I was ttc as well, but you need to hear the bad as well. You need to be comfortable with any possible outcome before you make the decision to ttc. Good luck!

[broodymama]

I got pregnant with DD1 when DS was 14 months old. He nursed all the way through my pregnancy with her, my milk supply dropped a little but I had milk until it changed over to colostrum ~24 weeks. After DD1 was born I tandem nursed. When DD1 was almost 16 months old I got pregnant with DD2, and tandem nursed DS and DD1 all the way through that pregnancy. My milk supply dropped a little more that time around, but I still had some milk and my nurslings didn't complain. After DD2 was born I triandem nursed the 3 of them until DS self-weaned a few months after he turned 4. I continued to tandem nurse DD1 and DD2, getting pregnant again when DD2 was 14 months old. DD1 self-weaned at about 39 months. She had been tapering off for a while, nursed more when we all had the flu at the beginning of this pregnancy, then tapered off again and now it's been a couple weeks since she has nursed. I think she is done. DD2 is nowhere near done, and I expect to be tandem nursing again come June.

[BlessedMommy2006]

I got pregnant again when my DD was 21 months old. She did slow down some, but she nursed through the entire pregnancy. Her brother was born when she was 2 1/2. She went crazy on nursing for awhile and then went down to a more manageable frequency. We've been tandem nursing for 9 months now.

I had some form of milk for the majority of the pregnancy, even if it wasn't as much as normal.

[onyxravnos]

well ds hasn't come yet but my almost 3 year old is still happily nursing and has all through my pregnancy. (and i'm due in 1 week) I imagine there will be a bit of an adjustment when ds 2 comes but i expect he will continue his nursing.

[sunfish21]

My dd was 16 mos when I became pregnant and 2-3 months into the pregnancy my milk supply was about gone. I couldn't hand express a single drop. DD would get upset--sign "more" and ask for the other side. I was broken-hearted that I couldn't give her what she wanted.

But dd is persistant and dedicated....she has comfort nursed right through. Lots of teething has kept her at the breast and now I do have a milk/colostrum mix there...only three months left and she might get 'real' milk again! I have heard that while some will wean others will keep going, even if the milk changes, is reduced or goes away.

[Artichokie]

thank you all for your replies. I think i'm going to start expressing milk and freeing it so when we are ready to conceive and my milk goes away, she can still have some if she is upset by the lack of on-tap milk. Perhaps it will make it less traumatic.

I've never been able to pump, but i can hand express enough for a cup a day for her, I think.

[rjruiz_415]

DD was 24.5 months when I got pg, if I recall correctly. I, too, was terrified of her weaning during the pf. My milk supply dropped to pretty much nothing pretty early on, I would say month 3. She continued to nurse about once a day until baby was born. i think she may have gone a whole day w/o nursing a few times in there as well. I am now a happy tandem nursing mommy I think that a child that age is less likely to wean if they are big comfort nursers, which my dd really was (is-lol) but I do not know for sure. I do know that when I got pg with DD, DS stopped nursing. Well, I stopped offering, and he really did not seem to care, but he was not a comfort nurser at all...

[LilMomma83]

DS1 was a little younger (17mos) when I got pregnant, but, he nursed through. Sometimes he would go a few days without but then he would nurse again. I think my milk mostly dried up, but, he was still happy to nurse - he did nurse a lot more around the 5-6mo mark when it came back! I've been tandem nursing for 5 1/2mos and it was tricky at first because they both wanted to nurse constantly but now DS1 is nursing less and it is just so sweet to nurse them together and I love being able to reconnect one-on-one with DS1 as well and it has been great whenever he gets sick etc...I guess to sum it up, yes it was a little difficult at some points, but, very worth it.

[bc1995]

I have been nursing for over 7 straight years and had 4 pregnancies since ds1 was born. Ds1 and Ds2 both weaned just past their fourth birthdays. Ds1 nursed through all of ds2's pregnancy and part of dd1's pregnancy. Ds2 nursed through all of dd1's pregnancy (he was 2 when we got pregnant with her). Even though I would have a dramatic drop in my supply around 18 weeks, it usually comes back around 24 or so when the colostrum comes in. I never saw a decrease in any of my kids nursing even when I did have a supply drop. Dd1 nursed through dd2's pregnancy (I lost her in the early part of my 2nd trimester), and she is still going strong through this pregnancy.

[BlackSheepPDX]

Jumping in here: I just found out a week ago that I'm pregnant (IUD FAIL!) and have been struggling with (among many issues) what to do about my 30 month old nursing daughter. I'm intrigued by the experiences you all have shared and am considering talking to her as much as possible about what the baby will require, and seeing how nursing progresses with that understanding. I don't want there to be jealously about having to give up nursing for her sibling, but I was already feeling like we needed to start a conversation about how and when nursing was was going to end. With this new persepective, I will approach the problem. My daughter is very smart and very compassionate, and I am interested to see what HER solution is.

[redpajama]

My son (5 in February) nursed through my second pregnancy when he was 12-21 months old.

Then he and his sister *both* nursed through my third pregnancy, when he was ~4 and she was 24-33 months.

He has more-or-less weaned since the baby was born almost four months ago (nurses now and again, but mostly not) and the pregnancy may have had a small hand in that, but he's also going to be five in a couple months, so I think it was coming anyway. And it didn't affect my daughter's nursing at all. She just turned three last month, and she still nurses as much as she did a year ago, I think.

That said, I know that isn't everyone's experience. It seems to me that most people either love or hate tandem nursing, and for some women, nursing during pregnancy can be very painful. So I don't want to give the impression that it's always easy or that it always works out for everyone. But, my personal experience was that pregnancy had little affect on my toddlers' nursing habits and tandem nursing has been a really nice experience for all of us.

Good luck!