Talk to Me About Partial Night Weaning?

[quantumleap]

Current night time nursing schedule is:
between 7h and 7h45 - nurse to sleep, dd is put down in her hammock
between 10h30 and 11h30 - dd wakes, we nurse back to sleep in bed together
and then, wakes to nurse every 1-2 hours until 5h or 6h, at which point the nursing is basically continuous until 7h30

I can NOT keep this up. Sometimes I'm pretty zen about the whole thing, but I'm going a little nuts with the hourly or bi-hourly nursing between 12 and 6. I'm so, so done. DD will be a year in three weeks. She does not need to nurse all night.

So, I would like to cut things down to the bedtime nursing session, and then a single session around 4 or 5. I don't terribly mind the 6h-7h30 nursing, because the alternative is actually getting up at 6h!

DD can and does go to sleep without falling asleep at the breast. She's well established with solids. She does seem to do most of her nursing overnight, despite my offering lots during the day. She's just busy, busy, busy during the day. We co sleep once dp and I get to bed, usually around the time she wakes for that first feed. She does NOT settle for dp, so this is going to be on me. She will not take a pacifier.

So, help? How do you go about this?

Thanks.

[Honey693]

We partially nightweaned when DD was a bit over a year. Before we did she sounded like your DD, up every hour or so and I couldn't take it. We did the Jay Gordon plan, but modified it a little. We only aimed fro a 5-6 hour stretch instead of 7. DD goes to bed between 11 and 1130 so from 12-5 or 6 there's no boob, but she can have cuddles and pats and all that. We only did the first 6 nights of Gordon's plan and I was ok with where we were at then so we stopped. If DD is teething or has had a really bad day though it all goes out the window and if I don't nurse her every 2 or 3 hours she loses her mind. I don't mind as much though b/c most of the time I'm getting a decent amount of sleep.

It also really helped to give DD a big snack/small meal an hour before bed and then nurse her right before she went to sleep. That way I knew she wasn't hungry and she wakes up a lot less if she has a good snack.

[wembles]

I don't have any advice, but wanted to say I'm watching this thread...we are going through the same thing with our son (who, by the way, will also be one in 3 weeks...) He nurses down to sleep around 7:30-8:00. We put him in his crib until we go to bed around 11:00, at which point we brought him in with us. I've been looking at the Jay Gordon method, but need to read through it a bit more before trying it out!

[RadMommy]

I'm watching this thread too - we're in the same boat, and I think we have the same baby My husband and I have wanted to try the Jay Gordon method for a while now, but there seems to always be a reason not to - holidays, daycare, sick, teething, etc. DS is 13 months and has basically weaned completely during the day, but nurses all night :S Now that I'm back at work I need more sleep, plus I want to be able to leave DS for an evening and not worry that he'll get up before I get home and be inconsolable. <sigh> Has anyone successfully done the GOrdon method?

[broodymama]

At 12-13 months, DD1 was waking up every 30-45 minutes to nurse. I was exhausted, constant migraines, and unable to take care of my other kids during the day. I also did a modified version of Dr. Jay Gordon's plan. I pretty much just did the part for "The First Three Nights" as described on his site. After doing that (for 4-5 nights), she started sleeping longer stretches. I still nursed her when she woke up because I wasn't looking to completely nightwean, just cut back on it a little bit.

[PAgreenmama]

we used jay gordon's method or maybe a variation of it when dd was 14 months. at that point she was waking at least 3x per night but some nights it was every 1-2 hours. the fact that she was so erratic was what got to me because i would wake up at some time because she usually would wake up at that time and then she would sleep through and i would be laying there half the night waiting for her to wake because i knew it would happen.... it was ridiculous. anyway, i decided to start slow and just drop the ~2am feeding. she cried for a few nights and then it was over... i was shocked at how easy it was! she was very restless at that time for several weeks but the really neat thing was that when she started sleeping through that time, she slept through the 11-12ish feeding on her own! for a while i still would nurse her at 3 or 4 when she woke but then i started making her wait until after 5am and now at 19months she nurses before bed bed at 8 and usually wakes a few times until we all go to bed (we just settle her by going in a cuddling with her)... once we're all in bed she sleeps until 6:30am! when she does wake at night now she never asks to nurse and hasn't in months... she just needs to cuddle a little and then she's out again.

so jay gordon's advice worked for us... i definitely recommend it and to tell you the truth, i really think dd was ready for it. good luck!

[quantumleap]

Last night was night #2 of the Dr. Gordon idea. The first night went fairly well, surprisingly. DD would settle within a few minutes, the only caveat being that she insisted on climbing on to my chest to do so! Last night went well, until 4, at which point she spent 45 minutes fussing and squirming and digging her feet in to me. She would settle for a minute, I would just start to drift back to sleep and then she would start crying and flinging her body around again. I had set 12-5 as our "night" hours, but at 4h45, I just gave up and nursed her. She nursed like it had been 12 hours instead of 2, and then conked out.
After last night, I must admit I don't feel as positive about the whole thing. I know it's not CIO if they're being lovingly held and cuddled and talked/sung to, but it didn't quite feel right. I feel like maybe I'm being selfish wanting to cut out that middle of the night nurse-fest. Is it possible she still physiologically needs it? She hasn't really gained any weight over the past three months, but she's become mobile and is gaining height. I don't want to do this just because it would be good for me. I do want to get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep in a night though. I'd settle for three or four, even! I'm feeling a bit worse after talking to my sister, who's 7 week old just started sleeping 11-7 every night. Our dd used to sleep from 11 or 12 until 5ish. I just don't know what happened!
Where's the kid instruction manual?!?

[Thing1Thing2]

My advice is that if you don't feel right about something, don't do it.

At 13 months I tried to nightwean my DS (now 18 months). I didn't feel right about it. Come to find out he wasn't getting the calories he needed during the day because of allergies.

I tried a different approach to complete nightweaning. I limited it to once every 3 hours. (Pretending you are asleep reallly does have its advantages in this situation). And if he was really crying for it, really trying to get me to "wake up" I just gave in, ealizing that he must really need to nurse.

After about 2 nights of this, he only woke every 3 - 5 hours to nurse. Slept longer than I expected.

Of course, your LO is a unique individual, so what works for my DS may/ may not work for you.

Just wanted to reiterate, if you don't feel right about something, obey your mommy instincts!

[Louisep]

Just read Dr Gordon's book with the piece on night weaning and was surprised because he doesn't call it nightweaning in there (of course this is the result too) but sleep training. He cautions against it unless you're at the end of you rope (check!). So I just wanted to say to OP, if you're doing okay and feel uncomfortable with the method, maybe don't do it?

For months I have implemented some things from the NCSS and DS no longer nurses all night long BUT he still wakes as frequently (every 2 hours this week which is good!). He nurses maybe 3 times, sometimes only twice at 10pmish and 4am ish. My intention was not to nightwean but to get longer sleep stretches and it seems I've partially night weaned but no improvement in sleep.

[Anna's Lovey]

I'm sure you've already ruled out the possibility that allergies are the culprit? My lo was waking up every hour or two at night until... I cut milk out of my diet when she was around a year old. Wish I had done that when she was first born! Right away she started only waking up one or two times a night.
Good luck to you!

[summerforever1977]

I agree that if something doesn't feel right then don't do it. You can try it again when you are ready and just refuse to let your LO nurse for long periods. At almost a year old she definately doesn't need to cluster feed. Maybe just refuse to nurse her for a long period, letting her get a feeding in if she needs it, but instead of comfort nursing offer her cuddles. My son began crawling on my chest to fall asleep when I started nightweaning him too.

I didn't start nightweaning my babe until around 20 months and at 23 months we are still working on it because he has been sick a few times and I let him nurse 2-3 times a night because of that; it threw things off, but he only "complains" mildly now when I refuse to nurse him at night.

[MujerMamaMismo]

Subbing.
We recently moved our ds onto a mattress next to our bed and was starting to get a 2-3hr stretch here and there but have gone completely backwards due to teething and illness. We're gearing up to ttc again and I really need to get some sleep before the second babe arrives. Our ds is just a couple of weeks away from 1yr too.

[bauchtanz]

Also - we noticed a very big diffrence when I cut out all caffine. I was surprised a little cup of tea would come back to haunt us about 1 am.

[Caterina]

I feel like I could have written your post exactly OP. Our LO is 13.5 mo and sleeps from bedtime at 7-7:30 in her crib until 10:30-11 when I nurse her back to sleep in our bed. Then she wakes every 1.5 - 2 hours until about 6am when she nurses constantly until about 7-7:30. I am so done. I've tried patting her, cuddles etc. and it does work sometimes, but I'm so tired in the night it's been easier to just nurse her. She's also a hard teether and seems to be affected for a month for each tooth! We're on night 2 of the Jay Gordon plan...we started it 2 weeks ago and then she got a fever/cold so we threw it out and went back to all-night nursing on mama. Now that she's healthy again we're trying again. I think another couple of teeth are on the horizon, so we're going to try this window. I'm curious about how it pans out....
Here's hoping night 2 is as smooth as last night was.

[justKate]

bump!

Any updates?

[quantumleap]

We had reasonable success for about two weeks. DD was actually sleeping for 5 hour stretches overnight! I thought I was in heaven. Funny how, when sleep is awful, I am often able to just keep reminding myself that, "This too shall pass", but when things are going well, it takes me about two seconds to convince myself that this is the new normal. Not good for a mama's emotional state!

There has been total deterioration since then, and we are now back to hourly wakings, from bedtime at 7h30ish until she gets up at 7. She's down to one daytime nap now, so a bit crankier than normal during the day.

Thanks for the "update?" post - I've been slacking and just nursing her every time she wakes up. I've just been a walking disaster due to sleep deprivation recently, but I somehow feel a bit more rested today, so back to the gindstone again tonight.

A question about the Dr. Gordon nightweaning technique - why is it that you're supposed to NOT rock/walk/get up with the babe when they don't settle when the breast isn't offered? DD will literally be up ALL NIGHT if I don't get up with her. How bad would it be to get up and rock her to sleep instead of nursing for a period? I don't know how I would transition out of rocking though...

I'm going to visit my parents in Africa in April, and would really, really like to not still be struggling with this in quite the same way then. We're also ttc#2 (How on Earth will I manage TWO kids up all night?!?!), and I know cutting down on the night nursing will be a good thing in light of fertility, and then sleep during that exhausting first trimester (if we're lucky enough to experience that again ).

This is just so HARD! Honestly, I would have 12 kids in a flash, if only they would sleep at night!

[Halfasianmomma]

Just wanted to chime in regarding Dr. Gordon's technique. One thing I found that helped was wearing a sweater to bed, so that the skin of my chest wasn't exposed. I found that DD would roll over towards my end of the bed at night, and when she smelled my skin, she'd immediately want to nurse. I also pretended I was asleep a few times, and it worked.

Lately, DD backslid back into wanting to wake at 3 a.m. to nurse (I woke her up by puking violently for 2 nights in a row and then didn't have it in me not to nurse her back down)...when I stuck to my guns the next night, boy was it horrible. She cried on and off for 2 hours from 3 a.m. to 5 a.m. I stuck to my guns anyway. I offered a sippy of soy milk. I offered water. I offered hugs and even tried rocking her. Eventually, I told her "Mommy is going to go to sleep now and you should too." I turned my back to her and pretended to sleep. She fusses a bit, then flopped down and slept fitfully until the sun was up and she got to nurse.

A similar situation occured a few nights after when she woke at 1 a.m. and was wide awake, playing in bed! I am trying to gently teach her how to fall asleep without nursing, but that was the first night. Let me tell you, she was up from 1 a.m. to 3:45 a.m., sometimes fussy, sometimes playing, flopping around on the bed. She eventually exhausted herself and slept. The next night was better and so was the night after.

All this to say that it pays to stick to your plan and remember that it's just one night in this child's life.

good luck!