Another MIL question... Talk about a theme.

[AnnieNimIty]

My daughter is 19months. I guess I still think of her as a baby... if I have this in the wrong place please move it.

My MIL loves my daughter and over all has been great about "letting" us set the rules with parenting. She follows our lead.
When she plays with DD there are two things that reaaaalllly bother me and I don't know how to approach it because DD seems to be happy. Gma says "You are such a time waster!" Sounds to me like a waste of time... And she plays keep away with DD. What bothers me about that is we don't want DD to think that keeping away from someone is a game or nice, and we don't want her to say negative things to people even jokingly. I personally think that sarcasm always holds a bit of truth or a glimpse into how the person speaking sarcastically really feels.

Anyway, I am looking for a gentle way to let MIL know that we don't like those comments.

My husband will tell her but neither of us have come up with good ideas.


Thanks !

[seashells]

Can you give more details?

I'm not sure what is meant by the "time waster" thing - is she maybe playing with DD but planning to go somewhere and saying the baby is so cute she's distracting her from getting ready to go?

And the keep away, is that playing keep away with a toy that the baby is reaching for? But then you said "someone" so I'm not clear on how to play keep away with a person?

Anyway, sorry, I just didn't follow what these games were... they sound obnoxious but I'm not clear on the specifics.

[RiverSky]

What if you said, "She's not a time waster, she's the very best way to spend time EVER!" with a big smile.

Repeat when necessary.

[prothyraia]

I don't quite get the time waster thing, either, but for keep away:

"Hey, MIL, would you mind not playing keep-away with DD? Maybe I'm weird, but that game just always bugged me."

(This sort of comment only works with people who actually want to let you set limits and will respect you and your suggestions. It's waaaay too gentle for people with boundary issues, but it sounds like your MIL would respond positively)

[GreenGranolaMama]

Originally Posted by RiverSky

What if you said, "She's not a time waster, she's the very best way to spend time EVER!" with a big smile.

Repeat when necessary.

This is the way that I would initially approach it...but if it keeps up, I would go w/ the PP ... when I run into things w/ my MIL I always tend to blame things on my "wierdness" ...but REALLY I don't think I'm being weird at all...

[AnnieNimIty]

Originally Posted by prothyraia

I don't quite get the time waster thing, either, but for keep away:

"Hey, MIL, would you mind not playing keep-away with DD? Maybe I'm weird, but that game just always bugged me."

(This sort of comment only works with people who actually want to let you set limits and will respect you and your suggestions. It's waaaay too gentle for people with boundary issues, but it sounds like your MIL would respond positively)

Originally Posted by EarthsMamma

This is the way that I would initially approach it...but if it keeps up, I would go w/ the PP ... when I run into things w/ my MIL I always tend to blame things on my "wierdness" ...but REALLY I don't think I'm being weird at all...

^ I really like those...

Sorry about that...
MIL/Gma says to DD "You are such a time waster!" Playing with her while we are all relaxing and visiting. I feel like saying that is telling someone that they are a waste of time.
When she play's keep away with DD she takes a crayon from her, or food from her, or offers something to her and then when DD reaches for it she holds it away from her and laughs as DD tries to get it. DD hasn't ever really gotten upset by it, but like I said, I don't think that it is a nice game and if both parties don't understand what is going on (with small children that often is the case) then feelings get hurt. I am thinking when DD is older and has little siblings, friends etc. who don't like the game.

I also like the comment

"What if you said, "She's not a time waster, she's the very best way to spend time EVER!" with a big smile.

Repeat when necessary. "





I hope that clarifies. I really appreciate all of your helpful tips. And DH and I will try them out next time it comes up!

[MadiMamacita]

maybe I'm really dense tonight, but I'm still not understanding the time-waster comment.
If you interpret it as "waste of time" and it bugs you/hurts your feelings, def address it!
i'm thinking it could be something along the lines of what a pp mentioned about how MIL might be hanging out with the baby instead of getting things done that she wants to do. She night not mean it to be hurtful, but if you find it inappropriate, use that "best way to spend time" line- sounds like a good one!

the keep away game sounds pretty bizarre. we play that with keys or something but it makes our baby laugh like the dickens. if he didn't think it was so silly, we wouldn't do it. and its usually used as a distraction tool- jangly keys near the facial region usually work pretty well for redirection! I wouldn't take something away from him that he was holding- that would make for one PO'd baby!

I'd say something like, I'm worried that she'll learn that trick and try it out on her friends and it might not be a nice game for her playmates. then if MIL keeps it up, I'd say something like, please don't tease the baby.

[mamazee]

Isn't it funny how different people can interpret things differently. It sounds to me like she's saying, "You're so much fun to play with that I end up spending all my time with you instead of working, like I should be doing."

It wouldn't bother me, but I suppose it's because of how I interpret those words.

[AnnieNimIty]

I am thinking ya'll are right about the time waster comment. MIL isn't malicious and wouldn't say hurtful things on purpose. It is nice to have a different perspective on it.

[kriket]

Originally Posted by mamazee

Isn't it funny how different people can interpret things differently. It sounds to me like she's saying, "You're so much fun to play with that I end up spending all my time with you instead of working, like I should be doing."

It wouldn't bother me, but I suppose it's because of how I interpret those words.

Language is powerful. One word can be the difference between empowering someone and hurting someones feelings! I was a 'sensitive' child and this would have eventually hurt my feelings "You're such a time waster" can both be interpreted as "You're so much fun to play with that I end up spending all my time with you instead of working, like I should be doing." and "I am an adult and have more important things to be doing than playing with you" People should say what they mean!

I would be a bit angry too. I would probably interject something like PP mentioned about "she is the best way to spend your time"