what to say

[blumooned]

Hi -
DS is 7.5 months and hasn't had any vaccinations. We have decided to delay until at least 1 year and be selective. I have done a lot of research and feel very informed.
Recently, a family member asked how many shots DS had received. I was totally caught off guard - don't really know why she was asking in the first place. I said he hasn't had any and then started babbling a few reasons and I think I sounded like an idiot!
Here is my question - what do you say to a family member who wants to know why you don't vax, without having to go into all the details?
Also - are you always up front about your choice? I am wondering if I should have fibbed?
Thanks in advance!

[Emmeline II]

Depends why you don't. I'd have a brief explanation prepared, and if they'd like further information you'd have to e-mail it to them.

You could also try deflecting, "why do you ask?"

Or just lie, "I don't know."

I'd try deflecting before lying, but due to the risk of family drama, it may ultimately be best to lie.

[SuburbanHippie]

I started by avoiding the topic. No one asked and I only told those who I trust (like my mother).

Then I started a Facebook war about vaccines with my nursing school student BIL. It ended badly (with me blocking him today LOL). He now knows my kids are unvaccinated and basically thinks I'm stupid (despite that fact I've emailed him a bunch of info).

I should have stuck with avoidance or just playing it off like they were up to date.

[Limabean1975]

You can tell the truth evasively: "He's had all the shots he needs!" Big smile, then "Pass the bean dip."

[ammiga]

I am honest about our decision. If people ask, I tell them that I have faith in dd's body to handle what comes her way and that I have serious reservations about the ingredients and safety of vaccines. If they want more details than that (and are genuinely curious and being respectful), I go on. Otherwise, I leave it at that.

[blumooned]

Thanks to all - I think I will try to avoid this conversation in the future. But, I will have a little something prepared just in case. I really don't see why it should come up again unless someone asks me directly again.

[thtr4me]

I am honest. We have a family history of vaccine reactions. We did partially vaccinate DS, and have since stopped. MMR was one that was never on the table due to severe reactions in other family members. I even was able to camly discuss the issue with my very pro-vaccine extended family, and there was no shock or protest from them. I just mentioned my probable vaccine injury, DS's own concerning reactions, and then just said that vaccines just don't work for everyone, and if you want them and can do them, great. I also said that vaccines are not one size fits all and sometimes are just not for everyone. No one questioned or objected, at least out loud. I did not argue that vaccines were wrong or dangerous, just that they were not working for our family.

[cini]

I've have this problem too. I never know what to say. To be honest I haven't had very many people ask about vaxing at all. The few people that have asked are very mainstream and would not be open to the idea of non-vaxing. Most times I deflect and just change the topic quickly. I am 100% comfortable in my decision but if I start debating this topic with someone very mainstream I get all flustered. One time at a dinner party non-vaxing came up and everyone was commenting about how crazy and stupid non-vaxing parents were. My husband and I were the only ones there that had kids and it wasn't an environment that I wanted to start justifying my position so I just left the room to get more wine! Most times I just avoid the situation.

[AnnieNimIty]

I was un-vax'ed, so were all my siblings, and so it isn't a big issue with my family, most of my sibling in-laws selective vax or delay, so Family isn't that big of an issue.
That being said, with friends or visitors I go the route of "Why do you ask?" as well. Or I just sit there as they discuss it amongst themselves.

One particularly funny instance was when 2 ladies from church came over to visit and we were getting to know each other, and they started talking about "those people who don't vax at all." They have children and one has grandchildren, I am prego and have a dd, so it came up.
I chuckled to myself. Bwahahahahaha.