Queer & Pregnant: Dec '09, Jan & Feb '10 - Page 9

[megan sacha]

So far the birth team is looking like DW, m/w, two m/w in training, birth doula and maybe my mom if we decide to birth at home. If at a birth center, I think my mom would be at home with DS. I know my mom will want to be there, but I won't invite her unless that's truly what's feeling right.

pleasantlyfurious, as a doula, you know the importance of feeling safe in your birth surroundings. It sounds like your mom may potentially cause your labor to stall given what you've said about her and what having her there may be like. What are your thoughts on that?

[jjnoho]

wow! i hadn't really thought about that yet. i still have time i guess. there is the obvious of my dp and midwife but beyond that i don't know who would attend. i am on the fence and feel ambivalent about a doula. i feel weird about having a virtual stranger in there. so for those of you out there who are or have used a doula, sell me on it. why should i have a doula??

[KnittingTigers]

PF- My mom wanted to be there so badly. I know it would have meant the world to her, and I know that it really hurt her that I didn't want her there. BUT, giving birth was SO INTENSE, and I knew that I couldn't handle having anyone or anything there that pushed my buttons. My mom sounds a lot like yours. She's very loving and she means well. But, she's incredibly overbearing, very negative, and has ABSOLUTELY NO BOUNDARIES. None.

I was at home for almost all of my labor, with my DP, my good friend (who was acting as our unofficial doula), and one other friend, who basically stayed out of the way and ran errands for us (walking the dog, bringing food and water). When we finally left to go to the hospital, I had my friends call my mom to tell her that I was in labor, and to meet us there. When we arrived, I told my midwife and the nurses that she was not allowed in the birthing room. I know that this sounds harsh, but seriously, I just could not handle interacting with anyone else, and...I don't know...I just wanted the birth to be wholly "mine." My mother constantly co-opts my stories, experiences, etc., and tells them to the world. I just wanted the birth to be MY story. As soon as DD was born and we left the birthing room, she was there to meet us. And when we arrived at the hospital, my doula friend came into the birthing room with us, and my other friend hung out in the waiting room with my mom, so she wasn't alone.

Anyway, that's my $.02 on it. It's YOUR birth, and it's one time in your life when it's completely okay to just ask for EXACTLY what you want, and not feel guilty about it at all. (My mom is the queen of the guilt trip, so I had to really work on this...)

And, jjnoho, I would really recommend a doula. My DP was skeptical that we needed someone else, but it turned out to be a lifesaver. If you're in labor for 8 or 10 hours, your DP is going to need to pee, eat, drink, stretch, occasionally. It's nice for both of you to have someone else there, making sure things are okay. Your midwife probably won't be there the whole time- they tend to show up for active labor and delivery, but not for all the handholding beforehand.

[indigoscot]

ob appt today. babe passed the nst..but...dp's cervix is closed and posterior and just barely thinning. we have another nst on friday..and monday...and next thursday. if no babe by then, dp will be admitted for induction. <sigh>

g

[elismum1908]

For Eli's birth I had DW, MW, doula, my mom, and on and off nurses, a PA student, and at the very end an OB b/c things were getting scary. All was fine though and Eli was healthy.

We NEVER planned to have my mom there it just happened and I was really okay with it. We have very different ideas about birth (she had one medicated one unmedicated). She could not understand why I wouldn't just take the induction (water had broken but was not going into labor). She had a hard time seeing me in pain and assured me it was ok if I got an epi, even though I was dead set against it. And in the end I think she was traumatized by seeing DS being born. I did tear quite a bit. But she took AWESOME pictures which was worth the hassle of having her! She told me to tell her to scram at any time, but I really did want her there.

This time around she does not want to be there and we will need her to be with Eli. It will be DW, MW, and possibly a doula. My new MW will be with us through the entire labor (last time this was not the case) and she provides labor support. She said she is more than happy to work along side a doula if that's what we choose. Mostly, it's coming down to finances. We are much more strapped for cash this time around since I am a SAHM. But I really think doulas are worth every penny, if you have the pennies!

Guess we need to make some decisions...

[megan sacha]

I'm a postpartum doula and I say postpartum and birth doulas are worth every penny! And, if you don't have a lot of pennies, you can probably find someone who is willing to work for less or free. Sometimes these are doulas who have recently completed their training and looking for more experience, but some more experienced doulas also do this when they can. I take on pro bono work from time to time.

A labor doula is wonderful no matter what kind of birth you have planned (even c-section) but especially helpful if you are aiming for an unmedicated birth. At Finn's birth we had a doula with a lot of experience and an apprentice doula, for whom it was her first birth. DW's water broke and she hadn't gone into labor 15 hours later so we consented to an induction and our two doulas were with us through a very long and painful labor ending in a very unwanted c-section. There's no way we could have gotten through it without them. All told, they were with us for 38 hours straight at the hospital. Our doula provided physical support for DW and I even got to dose for a bit when I became unable to stay awake any longer. She made sure both of us were nourished with needed food or water, ice chips, etc. She provided emotional support for both of us the whole time. I can't even begin to describe how wonderful she was. Then she wrote up our birth story for us with the detailed notes she had taken, which really helped us to process.

If you hire a doula, make sure you are very comfortable and you'll have a few prenatal visits with them before the birth, so they shouldn't feel like a stranger at all.

Indigoscot, can you avoid the induction for a little longer if no baby by next Thurs? Most first timers go to about 41.5 weeks.

[indigoscot]

megan - alas no. dp is high-risk due to some complications she has so next thursday it is. she is going to see her chiro and acupuncturist tomorrow and massage therapist on friday. this weekend we will go walking around a park or mall (depending on the weather). she is using the birthing ball to sit on. she has been eating spicy food and pineapple this week. we have both visualized to him being born and talked to him. if you have any other suggestions as to what we can do, let us know!!!!!

g

[mkpgoddess]

Indigoscot - if she isn't doing it already, Evening Primrose Oil. It won't put her in labor but it will help efface and dilate her cervix, which is most of the battle!! It comes in capsules (anywhere that sells vitamins will carry it) and should be inserted vaginally and taken orally. Vaginal at night, 1000 mgs (or two capsules). Puncture them first and insert, wear a pad because it can get messy. The "capsule" part will either dissolve or fall out on their own. Take 1000 mgs orally in the am. The vaginal ones are doing most of the work, but the oral ones back it up. I really swear by this!!

As for our labor, I don't know. Right now we don't even know where labor/delivery is going to be. With the gestational diabetes, it's most likely going to be in a hospital and I'd really like for it to be just DP and me. I want a doula but am having a hard time finding one. Maybe once I'm past all the nausea and can think a little more clearly, I'll work on that

[kjm]

indigo-- I would suggest acupuncture induction protocol 2-3 time between now and next Thurs. Any TCM practitioner should be able to administer this.


and to weigh in on the Mom issue. My Birth team was 9 people and not one of them was my mother. I was very fortunate that my mother knew she wouldn't be able to be there, She said she just wouldn't be able to see me in so much pain. She wasn't supposed to even be here for the birthing of the placenta, but we forgot and called her too soon. She stayed in the other room, but said even that was hard. PF, I hear that your mom is a doula and so this doesn't really help you, but I think it is important to be able too draw boundaries with the future grandparents NOW!

Though DP's mom was great through the birth, she did get grumpy at the end of the night when she told DP she was sleeping over and would "stay out of our way and sleep on her air mattress in the office." DP had to directly say No and suggest that she stay with my mom. My mom said that DP's Mom "was very hurt by that." But when DP called that morning to say I was in labor zhe said "Ma, we really didn't get any sleep last night and so you need to make arrangements of where to stay after the birth is over" to which hir mom sad "oh we will just play it by ear".
I felt awful booting her, but DP knew that was what zhe needed, a good night sleep and NOT needing to entertain hir ma first thing the next morning.

[sunwillshine]

You guys, I know this is freakishly early to be hopping over here, but it's not my fault... the digi told me to do it.



Wasn't going to test early (I'm 10dpo), but my temps are super high, and I just had this "feeling"... and all I had in the house to pee on was a CBE digi from last month!

EDD is 10/4/10!! I'm so so so excited to tell DP tonight (just doesn't seem right to email her a pic of the test or call her... I'd rather do it in person. Now I'm wishing I had waited to test so she could be there... but man, when a woman has an URGE, you just gotta go w/ it, kwim??)

SO SO excited to be joining you all, and hope to stick around for a nice solid 9 month (give or take some weeks).

[jjnoho]

Originally Posted by Lyndzies

You guys, I know this is freakishly early to be hopping over here, but it's not my fault... the digi told me to do it.



Wasn't going to test early (I'm 10dpo), but my temps are super high, and I just had this "feeling"... and all I had in the house to pee on was a CBE digi from last month!

EDD is 10/4/10!! I'm so so so excited to tell DP tonight (just doesn't seem right to email her a pic of the test or call her... I'd rather do it in person. Now I'm wishing I had waited to test so she could be there... but man, when a woman has an URGE, you just gotta go w/ it, kwim??)

SO SO excited to be joining you all, and hope to stick around for a nice solid 9 month (give or take some weeks).

congratulations lyndzies! we are glad to have you over on this side!!! sending you sticky vibes

i will add you to our list

[wishin'&hopin']

Congratulations Lyndzies!!!! Welcome to Q&P...you early bird you!

AFM, 27 weeks (90 days give or take to go ) The baby is active but I'm getting a mellow vibe from the little guy (wishful thinking, perhaps, but oh well)

I will have DW in the room with me for delivery (oh and nurse/doctors at the hospital) we will labor at home for as long as possible and then head in (hospital is 15 minutes from our house). NO ONE else will be in L&D with us. We are discussing having a non-anxious friend be our gopher during labor (one who isn't invested enough to steal the show, who has had a child, is quiet, and will do things like grab DW a sandwich or protein bar or head to our house to retrieve stuff we forgot or make the initial phone calls to tell people the baby has arrived). NO relatives will be allowed at the hospital (simplified by the fact that they all live too far away to get there) and we probably won't tell anyone that we are in labor till after the baby is born (possibly hours later). I know myself, I won't do well with anyone who I feel like I need to entertain during labor--or who gives advice--or talks too much--or is in the way--or attempts to be humorous. No one is allowed to visit in the first two weeks who wants to stay at our house. This may sound harsh but in the long run it will allow me to have a BETTER relationship with the extended and immediate family because I won't be peeved about the birth.

[indigoscot]

congrats lyndzies!!!! woohoo! october is a great month to be born - and your edd is very close to my birthday! gooooo librans!

g

[megan sacha]

Lyndzies, such fabulous news and I'm so happy to see you over here. Yay for early results!

[carmen358]

Congrats, Lyndzies! I hope you have a happy and healthy 9ish months

Weighing in a bit late but I have to say that I would definitely work with a doula again! Both of the doulas that attended Skylar's birth were amazing...and we had only just met one of them! I really feel like they made it so much more empowering and I always felt very safe and loved. They never pushed me into anything I didn't want, were extremely attentive and basically made the whole thing enjoyable! Acupuncture and a doula were two key things in the 3 of us having the birth experience we really wanted.

Indigo, I hope your dp gets to avoid induction!! Is a more natural (midwife blend) induction a possibility??

[osker]

Lyndzies! Congratulations!!! Wowie!

[sunwillshine]

Thanks to everyone for the warm welcome! I'm so excited to go home shortly and tell DP the amazing news!!!

I think I'm still in shock. Holy crap. It actually worked. I mean, I knew it could theoretically work (you are all proof of that) but a little tiny part of me was wondering if the world was playing some cruel joke on me and it wasn't actually possible to get knocked up by shooting sperm inside me using good friend, a tupperware cup, and a syringe.

It's all just so incredibly amazing, and I feel so blessed. DP and I are two very lucky women to be able to experience this together. I'm truly humbled by life and by procreation at the moment... now that it's going on INSIDE ME!

[megan sacha]

Originally Posted by Lyndzies

I think I'm still in shock. Holy crap. It actually worked. I mean, I knew it could theoretically work (you are all proof of that) but a little tiny part of me was wondering if the world was playing some cruel joke on me and it wasn't actually possible to get knocked up by shooting sperm inside me using good friend, a tupperware cup, and a syringe.

Maybe everyone feels this way once they conceive. Heck, I kind of felt that way about my body for years before even trying to conceive. And, I'm still in shock that I'm pg. Can't quite wrap my head around it. It's too crazy. The odds were so against us getting pg with me, at my age, with PCOS and on that cycle. Crazy!

[mkpgoddess]

Lyndzies - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! OMG, I am so excited for you!!! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! I know I'm late to the party, but I just wanted to say CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[elismum1908]

Lyndzies!!! WooHoo, gotta love that digi! How did the telling go?