Feeling lost at 27 months with EC...

[subrosa5]

Hi there,

OK, so my daughter has been going on the potty since she was 2 months old. I always held her over it when I changed her diaper and she'd always go.We had naked time at home so she would be aware of what her body was doing and I'd always rush her to the potty when she'd go.

At 20 months we did a huge move to a different country. Around this time she crawled up on the toilet of a house we were viewing and went! So 21 or 22 months I finally got her some under ware, as we had been using pull ups for a while.

She is now 27 months old. I tried all during the summer to stop using diapers at nap time. I placed a potty in her room and she would use it herself but then things would get spilt and spread all over her room! She did have a lot of dry nap times but it seems like it stopped. I removed the potty and put her in pj's where she can't remove the cloth diapers to avoid messes! I feel like we regressed a bit.

When she tells me she needs to go it is almost always too late. Today I even offered the chance to go before we got in the car, she refused sort of loudly so I let it go. 15min later she told me she had to go, I pulled over but it was to late.

I'm feeling a little lost. EC is supposed to be easier but it really hasn't felt like it...I know she is aware of her muscles down there, I also know and understand that when she is really involved in playing she isn't going to pull away but when I see a child of the same age, who never did ec, using the potty on her own for the last couple of months and telling someone when she needs to go and having dry naps and nights....I wonder what am I doing wrong? Feeling like I wasted my time.

Any advise would be greatly appreciated Thank you.

[zoebird]

2 yrs, 3 months, right?

ok, let me be honest with you--most children under 3 are not potty trained. i know this because when i go to child care situations (eg, the gym), most parents are just barely introducing the potty to their 3-4 yr old. many are pulling their hair out that their nearly 5-yr old isn't yet potty trained and has to be before school starts in september.

so, it's not as if--at least around here--it's common for 2 yr olds to be potty learned.

knowing this, let yourself and your daughter off the hook. what is going on can change in a week, a month, or a couple of months. it simply is what it is right now, and if that's one miss a day (nap time), then that's good!

EC is really not about making potty learning easier. to me, EC is about communicating and respecting the soveriegnty of the child through this method of supporting them in the cleanest elimination process possible. it's about teaching about their bodies and putting them "in control" to an extent.

when they graduate is when they graduate. some at 1, some at 2, some at 3. heck, i had "misses" (eg, wet the bed on occasion) until i was 9, and i've heard it's even more common for boyss, who grow faster than their bladders. so, no big deal. it happens.

let it go. accept what is. keep up the communication, and enjoy your daughter.

[pixiepunk]

Originally Posted by zoebird

2 yrs, 3 months, right?

Ok, let me be honest with you--most children under 3 are not potty trained. I know this because when i go to child care situations (eg, the gym), most parents are just barely introducing the potty to their 3-4 yr old. Many are pulling their hair out that their nearly 5-yr old isn't yet potty trained and has to be before school starts in september.

So, it's not as if--at least around here--it's common for 2 yr olds to be potty learned.

Knowing this, let yourself and your daughter off the hook. What is going on can change in a week, a month, or a couple of months. It simply is what it is right now, and if that's one miss a day (nap time), then that's good!

Ec is really not about making potty learning easier. To me, ec is about communicating and respecting the soveriegnty of the child through this method of supporting them in the cleanest elimination process possible. It's about teaching about their bodies and putting them "in control" to an extent.

When they graduate is when they graduate. Some at 1, some at 2, some at 3. Heck, i had "misses" (eg, wet the bed on occasion) until i was 9, and i've heard it's even more common for boyss, who grow faster than their bladders. So, no big deal. It happens.

Let it go. Accept what is. Keep up the communication, and enjoy your daughter.

amen sista!!!

[sapphire_chan]

For us, regressions like that happen right before new skills (or teeth, but you're past teething) and when the new skill (or tooth) appears ECing gets back on track and even better.

Oddly enough, it could be the skill of knowing in advance she has to pee that is causing all the pee misses.

[subrosa5]

Feeling lost with EC

I agree with you Zoebird, respecting the sovereignty of the child is what it is about to me. I never wanted her to have to sit in her own excrement... so yes, she is 2, I should let myself off the hook and relax a little; however, like Sapphire mentioned, the misses may be due to her knowledge of going. She knows when she needs to go. The day I posted this she woke up in the night to go potty, I changed her cloth diaper but it was dry and she went in the potty in the morning...all with a dry cloth diaper!! But now it's been getting worse...she does not want to go on the potty and puts up a fit before we get in the car some times which leads to a mess. I guess I am upset that she doesn't seem to want to not go in her diaper at nap and night time all of a sudden. She wakes up at night and I know she needs to go or she just woke herself up with the dampness of the cloth diaper but she refuses to go and just wants me to put her blanket on her so she can go to sleep. In the morning it is soaked and sometimes even has BM's. It may be my fault since there was a few times our reactions haven't been the greatest when accidents happen in the day...it's just I know they are not accidents and that makes me more upset which probably really aggravated the problem. How many "accidents"(which aren't accidents) am I going to have to go through before she decides to communicate with me...? Did I ruin things and cause her to react a certain way and is it fixable? I really appreciate advise. Thanks again!

[hrsmom]

Someone posted these phases of EC grad-hood awhile back, and it really helped me put things in perspective. Here they are:

Phase 1: Staying dry reliably with mom's help
Phase 2: Signalling rather consistently, needing occasional reminders
Phase 3: Independence in going potty
Phase 4: Self sufficient, including wiping


My LO is at about the first phase (and sometimes not)- the thing I really appreciate about this is that she still needs my help. And I appreciate where she is, since previously she was not reliably dry even with help. She may be here for many months, who knows! As for signalling, she does probably once a day, so I can see that she's on her way to phase 2, but isn't there now.

I think EC is easier in some regareds, and in some ways it isn't. Gotta go!

[orangefoot]

Originally Posted by subrosa5

I'm feeling a little lost. EC is supposed to be easier

I wonder what am I doing wrong? Feeling like I wasted my time.

Who told you it was easier

There is a lot going on inside the head of a newly 2yo little person. Misses will happen and they aren't the end of the world.

My 3 years and 3 month old is a grad* in all the senses of the word but I can't remember exactly when it happened. She has has a cold this week and I have found wet trousers and pants next to the toilet almost every day this week. Never mind. I don't feel that we have gone backwards or that this means 'failure' of EC, it is just that she is having misses because she is a bit off colour.

This week it is this, next week it will be something else. The surest thing with little people is that change is on its way so don't get too hung up on any one phase.

*grad in my head is that we don't have to worry about needing to take extra clothes anywhere and I don't think about signals, cues or timing any more

[subrosa5]

EC Question

OK, so I laid off asking her...she had an accident and now knows to tell me BEFORE she goes and that I will take her to the potty as fast as possible. I let her be in more control and it's great, hard for me but great!

Now a question...She has a BM around the same time everyday. I've noticed that she is waiting to get into her diaper for nap time to do a BM. I've tried talking to her about it, telling her where BM's should go and that she can call me. She's called me but will only go #1..then I put her back in her cloth diaper for nap..hear her play around and I know all the while she needs to go. I go in and smell it right off the bat. She insists on going to the bathroom and we clean everything up, put a new diaper on again and this time she goes to sleep.

Any suggestions or little tricks I could do to promote BM's going in the potty?

Thanks fellow Moms