The dreaded Santa and Christianity discussion is coming soon and I could use some advice!

[boogiebearlove]

My son just turned 4, and he is in a public preschool 4 days a week. I plan to start home schooling him next year, but he is in a public school now. He is getting exposed to things I am just not comfortable with, and in the back of my head I knew it would happen, but I guess I was hoping I'd be better prepared when it did. Well, I'm not! Since it's now the Christmas season, I am unsure of what to do. As a conservative Christian, I had planned to avoid Santa at all costs while raising my children. I don't want them believing in this Fairy Tale that turns Christmas away from Jesus' birth and toward getting a million presents. But I'm unsure of what to tell him, now that I'm sure he'll be hearing other kids talk about it. I thought I would just tell him that some people believe in Santa, but we don't. But I'm worried he'll tell the other kids that his mommy said Santa isn't real, and I don't think that's our place, either. What do I tell him?

[Whistler]

Christian here. I tell my kids "Some people believe Santa brings the presents at Christmas." I leave it at that and go on to talk about the Christian story and how we give presents because we celebrate Jesus's birthday that day. I don't go on and on about Santa and I think in their minds he drops into insignificance too even though they see him everywhere.

[zinemama]

Even for a home schooler, there's no way to "avoid Santa" (take it from a Jew!) so I think you are making the right decision in being pro-active.

I went with, "Santa is a game that some families pretend about. They pretend that a nice man named Santa gives out presents on Christmas. But some little kids believe he's real, so even though we know he isn't, we don't tell them that. Because that wouldn't be very nice." [insert explanation about what makes xmas important to your family.]

Telling him this will give your boy the tools he needs to understand why some kids at school are excited - and why it's not happening with his own family.

When it comes right down to it, if your son does end up spilling the beans, don't feel badly. Most kids learn that Santa's not real from someone at school, anyway. And you will have done all you could.

[lilyka]

why not just tell hom Santa is a fun fairy tale? thats what we did. and they had fun with it. Just like they did all fairy tales. the never confused the truth with a fun story. Its just fun. We play pretend and read stories etc all the time why is Santa so ostrosized?

Or tell him about Saint Nicholas . He was a Bishop in myrna? and helped poor people. he did not want to make them suffer the indignity of charity or risk being refused out of pride, so he would sneak the money and gifts into their homes, leave it in their shoes, toss it down their chiminy at night, etc....They day the church celebrates his life and generosity is Dec 6th (the date of his repose, i could get the year for you if you would like). We actually celebrate St Nicholas day. The kids will get stockings with fruit, nuts, candy (including gold coins) and small gifts with a church theme, and that is when we put our tree and decorations up. And we go to church if they are here (they will be at their dads until Sunday night this year which means they will miss church but their stuff will be waiting for them when they get home) and there is a liturgy (clearly this year it falls on a Sunday so there is a liturgy service). Oh and since we celewbrat St. Nicholas on his feast day it completly seperates him from Christmas.

[genifer]

Hey boogiebearlove! We never celebrated Christmas with Santa either. From the day they could understand anything about Christmas our kids knew that santa wasnt the one who brought the presents. We did stress, even at the age of 4 that Santa was someone most kids believe was a real so I stressed that they were never to tell anyone that santa wasnt real. lol. Even at 4 they were good at it, I presume, we never had anything come back at us for it. My twins are 10 and my son is 9 now and we all survived it. You guys will be ok. Funny thing is that when my son was about 3 or 4 he actually refused to believe Santa wasnt real for a short time, lol. He really wanted to believe in santa for some reason. I found that quite funny. He is such a character.

I think dh and I stumbled and fumbled a lot in this area and we just told the kids Santa wasnt real in the end. We didnt explain anything except that they were in no way to tell anyone who believed Santa was real that he wasnt.

[pants]

we do not celebrate with santa either. I just write on the gifts that they are from daddy and mommy. I think this is a wonderful learning opportunity as this will not be the first time that your child will have to defend something that goes contrary to what most believe. Help your child to understand that there are those that do believe in santa and he should be respectful. But if they ask your child then he/she can tell them that he/she does not believe in santa. Plain as that. If the parents get upset well just tell them it's the truth and your child was not going to lie.

[kgrace]

I grew up in a christian conservative family.
I wish my parents would have given me a little more direction than just we don't celebrate christmas period.
I never had problems in school except just feeling so different and left out.
I remember my aunts taking me to sit on santas lap and being very pushy about the experience I lied and told them I believed in him which made me feel bad
So.. I'm thinking of teaching my daughter about the story of st nicolas where the santa myth came from and also that we don't "do santa" but your cousins friends etc do, and we don't have a problem with that.

[philomom]

No santa here. We do a big solstice party with neighbors and friends, no gifts.


I let my kids know that santa was a "story person". Also, that a lot of their friends would be told by their parents that he was "real". They knew not to spoil the secret and never did.

Our winter season is about planting trees, volunteering, making cookies, traveling to neat places or throwing a log on the fire and breaking out another great book from the to be read pile. We avoid the mall and many other crowded places this time of year.

Have a peaceful, joyous winter time.

[Bluegoat]

At the moment, we have pretty much identified Santa with Saint Nick. Which is easy since Santa Clause really just comes from the name for St Nick, and dd1 really likes "A Visit from St Nick" which uses that name for Santa.. We make sure to attach the St Nicholas story to him and do some St Nick activities. He is visiting the Sunday School at my church next week, so dd1 is pretty excited to see him.

I'm sure she'll figure out he isn't "real" eventually. But at the moment she believes in fairies that put tangles in her hair at night, and the world of imagination is very real to her. I think this is a good thing, so I go with it.

[gothnurse3]

Originally Posted by Bluegoat

At the moment, we have pretty much identified Santa with Saint Nick. Which is easy since Santa Clause really just comes from the name for St Nick, and dd1 really likes "A Visit from St Nick" which uses that name for Santa.. We make sure to attach the St Nicholas story to him and do some St Nick activities. He is visiting the Sunday School at my church next week, so dd1 is pretty excited to see him.

I'm sure she'll figure out he isn't "real" eventually. But at the moment she believes in fairies that put tangles in her hair at night, and the world of imagination is very real to her. I think this is a good thing, so I go with it.

This is pretty much what we did too. They go to a christian school so there is no talk of santa at school. Unfortunately, my MIL has filled their heads with Santa since they were infants because that is what she feels a kid should do. There are no santas on our tree, there is 1 statue of santa kneeling down in front of baby Jesus, and their stockings have santa. I have told them that St. Nick is who brings them the things in their stockings. ( To kinda keep the story in line since MIL spilled the beans). Then I told them the 3 gifts ( just like Jesus) they get from us under the tree are a celebration of love for each other and Jesus' birthday. I have multiple nativity things spread through out the house so that it is a reminder. I am struggling with this too. I wish you much luck and praise you for your courage to teach your children the truth in this messed up world.

[Michigan Mama]

we were up in the air about this, too. My oldest is only 2.5 yrs, but we decided to go with the St. Nicholas idea. Teach the kids about the real person of St. Nicholas.

My dh is from Mexico and when he was growing up, "the child Jesus" was who brought his presents, instead of Santa, but I don't want to give our kids the idea that Jesus' job is to bring us presents. I grew up with Santa, but want to keep Christ at the center. So, St Nicholas it is for us.

[lil_earthmomma]

I was raised without Santa, my parents were worried about the myth making us doubt Christ being real.

Anyways, we still had a ball with Christmas. Santa was a game, santa was St. Nick, Santa was mom and Dad. We never felt deprived but at the same time we were able to see and enjoy the magic of Christmas without believing Santa was real.

I plan on passing on what my grandmother wrote to me when I was in grade 2 and almost spilled the beans, not realized that some children REALLY believed. I still have the note:

"My dearest Tara,

We are all Santa Clause when we do something selfless and good, when we give to others. That is the spirit of Christmas, and St. Nicolas was trying to be like Jesus by sacrificing for others.

Santa is very real to some children. For whatever reason Santa has become the focus of Christmas, rather than a symbol of Christ's sacrifice and how we must love one another.

Telling the truth is important, but people's beliefs go farther than truth. Someone can know the truth and still believe something, even if it doesn't meet up with the truth. It is better to respect that faith and belief are personal and not to foist your beliefs on others. Show them. Show them that you are Santa, and therefore you are Christ's child.

I love you,
Grandma

She's gone now, but I carried this message through my life, and though it took me many years to fully understand it, I am a better person now that I have finally learned to respect other's beliefs.

Sorry to ramble.

[wombatclay]

I'm pagan (raised christian) so I'm coming at this from a slightly different place, but you may be able to adapt what we do... We don't "do" Santa either (or christmas for that matter), but I do tell my girls the story of Nicholas, sort of adapted to address the modern Santa issue.

Basically I tell the regular Nicholas story (loving/gentle/giving person wants to help others and gives to them in secret by dropping gifts of food or money or goods down the chimney with some things landing in the stockings hung up to dry) but I add that because Nicholas didn't want anyone to guess who the secret giver was he also wore a disguise.... red pants, red jacket, and a red hat so that even if someone saw him they wouldn't recognize him.

I continue the story by saying that Nicholas did this for many years but that eventually he grew old and died. Other people in the region began to dress up in red pants, red jackets, and red hats and continued his mission of generosity. His spirit and example encouraged others to share, to give food or warmth or gifts to those in need. And I end the story by explaining that this is why you see lots of people dressed up like Nicholas... they are reminding people to take care of each other and to give without expecting thanks.

Anyway, perhaps you could do something similar? Creating a story that blends the modern "Santa is everywhere" motif into a gentle reminder of the beliefs and practices of your own family? My goal was to encourage my kiddos to think about giving and sharing rather than getting and having, while still addressing the fact that there will be "Santa stuff" everywhere they go during the month of December and preventing them from telling other kiddos "there is no Santa". OK, they may confuse the heck out of a kiddo by trying to retell the story they've heard, but I doubt I'll be getting calls from parents and they get to feel like they are a part of the "Santa thing" without all the presents and commercial junk that's been tacked onto the holiday.

[lilyka]

I have never worried about my kids spilling the beans about Santa being real. First of all I don;t think it would occor to them to make a big reveal since it would never occur to them this was a big secret you know. I don't think they think that anyone really believes Santa is real. Especially by the time they start school. And I figure buy then someone is going to tell them. We go to a very diverse school. It is also a very low income school Santa is the least of our worries and the least of our differences. Sopmeone is going to wonder why Santa does not bring gifts to the muslim kids or the poor kids or why he gives to the naughty kids more than the nice kids.....better they know its not that Santa is mean but that he just isn't real and some parents play along and others don't. I was comforted to learn that. Santa didn't hate me! Anyway, by the time you send your kid to public schoiol you can pretty much assume the gig is up. before school started we did not have any friends who actually did Santa. i think actually convincing your kids he is real is becoming less in style.

[boogiebearlove]

Thanks for your great ideas!

Originally Posted by gothnurse3

This is pretty much what we did too. They go to a christian school so there is no talk of santa at school. Unfortunately, my MIL has filled their heads with Santa since they were infants because that is what she feels a kid should do. There are no santas on our tree, there is 1 statue of santa kneeling down in front of baby Jesus, and their stockings have santa. I have told them that St. Nick is who brings them the things in their stockings. ( To kinda keep the story in line since MIL spilled the beans). Then I told them the 3 gifts ( just like Jesus) they get from us under the tree are a celebration of love for each other and Jesus' birthday. I have multiple nativity things spread through out the house so that it is a reminder. I am struggling with this too. I wish you much luck and praise you for your courage to teach your children the truth in this messed up world.

I LOVE this. I wonder where I might find something like that?

Thank you all so much for your responses. I think that teaching him the story of St Nicholas is a fantastic idea, and that's what we plan to do. I'm also going to stress that some kids believe he still comes around giving presents, but he was from a long time ago so he doesn't anymore. I will tell him not to tell other kids that Santa isn't real, unless they ask him if he believes. I guess I haven't been giving my 4 year old that much credit, and I've been far too concerned with with other people think of this decision than what God thinks

Thank you all for your wonderful words of advice!