"cuz Ive seen the studies"

[sg784]

....to show how far behind hs'd kids are...." -friend who is on her way to becoming a public school teacher....this was the end of her statement that started with "i worry bout your kids,"

how to even respond?

[abharrington]

hmm...maybe get some stats on local drop out rates?

or maybe just ask (in a genuine, concerned manner) for the citations of the studies...so you can read them to determine what risk factors/causes they link to the "behindness" ...and then you can make sure you kiddos are not among the statistics. grin.

i would guess the studies include homeschooled for all reasons...including chronic illness and such. other factors that would affect overall performance.

[AAK]

I would say,
"Wow, that is fascinating! I would love to see those." And then I would ask her for the references or copies and expect her to cough them up in a timely manner. While waiting, I would collect my own (that support hs) and give them to her.

amy

[Mama~Love]

I would not be friends with someone like that, otherwise you will never hear the end of it. I could not & would not put that kind of stress/negativity on myself.

[RiverSky]

"That's hilarious! I'd love to see those studies, would give me a good laugh."

[Dar]

"Really? All of the studies I've seen indicate the opposite."

[sg784]

Originally Posted by Dar

"Really? All of the studies I've seen indicate the opposite."

i mumbled something like this and changed the subject.....
wish i was more ballsy about sticking up for my own choices...

[~Boudicca~]

Oh dear. I don't know if I could hold my tongue on that one. How completely asinine.

[craft_media_hero]

I would not respond. That is messed up. Saying something like that and "I worry about your kids" is a very passive aggressive way of undermining your parenting choices, probably to make herself feel better about becoming part of the public school system.

Plus it's just outright untrue. Every homeschooled kid I've known has excelled above their ps peers in at least one subject, usually because their not held back by having to wait for the class to catch up in that one area that really sparks their interest.

I might be tempted to pull out dd's math book and say "really? coz I've looked at ps math, and this is third grade stuff. She's in first. Are you still worried?"

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by AAK

I would say,
"Wow, that is fascinating! I would love to see those." And then I would ask her for the references or copies and expect her to cough them up in a timely manner. While waiting, I would collect my own (that support hs) and give them to her.

If there were such studies as the ones she says she's seen, we'd all know about them - but the studies are actually to the contrary. In fact, here - you might just have this on hand to toss to her if this subject comes up again:
Evidence for Homeschooling: Constitutional Analysis in Light of Social Science Research - a research packed abstract that's been published in the Widener Law Review. - Lillian

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by AAK

I would say,
"Wow, that is fascinating! I would love to see those." And then I would ask her for the references or copies and expect her to cough them up in a timely manner. While waiting, I would collect my own (that support hs) and give them to her.

amy

Originally Posted by Lillian J

If there were such studies as the ones she says she's seen, we'd all know about them - but the studies are actually to the contrary. In fact, here - you might just have this on hand to toss to her if this subject comes up again:
Evidence for Homeschooling: Constitutional Analysis in Light of Social Science Research - a research packed abstract that's been published in the Widener Law Review. - Lillian

... those.

Funny, but I'm just finishing my Master's in teaching and all I see are studies about how the various ways that public school teachers are unable to connect to large segments of their students (sometimes all depending on the difference in culture and race) and/or have biases about their capabilities (based on socioeconomics, race, geographic location, etc.) in a way that compounds the existing obstacles in educating specific segments of the population.

All of which, btw, supports the idea that a parent teaching their child is the optimal teacher since most of those disconnects don't exist in the parent-chidl relationship.

[eilonwy]

My response would probably be, "A handful of stories about this one family you know does not constitute 'a study'", but I'm a complete smarta**. I'm with the others-- ask her to back it up with actual data.

[enigo]

A simple "Did you just call my kids stupid?" Ought to be enough to get her to change the subject quickly

[Callimom]

Originally Posted by sg784

....to show how far behind hs'd kids are...." -friend who is on her way to becoming a public school teacher....this was the end of her statement that started with "i worry bout your kids,"

how to even respond?

She sounds insecure and probably immature. I wouldn't engage her other than to shut her down by saying something like: I appreciate your concern for our family. We've done our research and are confident this is the best decision for our family. Given your position I don't think this is a topic we should discuss further. Asking her for her (hypothetical) studies is likely to just entrench her further in her position and unless they would sway you, it's probably not worth the energy.
Then it is up to you to decide what level of involvement and friendship you want to have with this person. I personally would put some distance between this kind of nonsense and my kids.

[kgianforti]

She probably watched that one episode of Wife Swap where the kids WERE behind because the parents were too lazy to really do anything with them and called it "unschooling". If I didn't know anything about HSing, I would think it was wacky based on seeing that show!!

[ohiomommy1122]

Originally Posted by enigo

A simple "Did you just call my kids stupid?" Ought to be enough to get her to change the subject quickly

[ikesmom]

Yeah I agree..I wouldn't engage or invite anything from her.
I would let your homeschoolers shine and that is proof enough that your doing what is right for your kids. I am totally against measuring a kid through testing..assigning them a level or status (unless that is something they are seeking to do themselves) and then grouping them into a category. I think that is part of a reason many people choose to homeschool; to avoid the regime.

I wonder what the score keepers say when those kids enter 7th and 8th grade and the scores start to go down." They are in a social stage and they are worried more about peers and slack on the academics at this point" or "look at the studies or scores..it must be XYZ....it is always easy to point the finger at the parents, other kids (ESL or Special), a discipline problem, the admin, or most blamed THE PARENT. Those studies also categorize kids as ; single parent, ethnic/culture background, , home environment, birth history, child health, parent education background or income level. C'mon do we really want to be part of all the labels? My kids don't want to be a study..just learn and be loved.

[Momma Aimee]

Originally Posted by AAK

I would say,
"Wow, that is fascinating! I would love to see those." And then I would ask her for the references or copies and expect her to cough them up in a timely manner. While waiting, I would collect my own (that support hs) and give them to her.

amy

YEP

"oh really, I'd love to see a copy of that study, when can you drop it by"

and then I would start spaming her with everying i could find and tagging it with "can't wait to talk to you about this" or "I am so glad to have someone to discus this all with"

This is what i do with BIL a high school teacher.

[NightOwlwithowlet]

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

She sounds insecure and probably immature. I wouldn't engage her other than to shut her down by saying something like: I appreciate your concern for our family. We've done our research and are confident this is the best decision for our family. Given your position I don't think this is a topic we should discuss further. Asking her for her (hypothetical) studies is likely to just entrench her further in her position and unless they would sway you, it's probably not worth the energy.
Then it is up to you to decide what level of involvement and friendship you want to have with this person. I personally would put some distance between this kind of nonsense and my kids.

That! I can't find the little symbol. We have friends that we dropped when our sons were small.

Both our sons were diagnosed with speech delays. They started their son in Special Ed at 2 years old with 40 hours of day care and a nanny to run him to appointments. He's had every intervention and therapy imaginable. Our son stayed home until he was four and then went to a typical pre K program. He's had some ST and OT, but has mostly been busy being a kid. Every visit turned into a litany of what their kid was doing and how concerned they were for our son. I just eased them out of my life. Ii don't have time for that negativity. I do email her from time to time.

Incidentally, my son is doing great; outgoing, has friends, wide variety of interests, academically on target and is nice to babies and puppies. Their son speaks very well, but has a host of behavior, aggression, and attachment issues. I let my kid's progress speak for me.

[phathui5]

Originally Posted by enigo

A simple "Did you just call my kids stupid?" Ought to be enough to get her to change the subject quickly