**December** Dating Thread: Updates and (Re)Introductions, please!

[sugarmoon]

Hi All!

I know I'm a day early, but I'm sitting here on my couch, waiting for ATG to get here after he gets out of work, and I'm thinking about how 3 weeks ago, I was swearing up and down to Butterfly that I had no interest in dating, no time, no energy, zip, zero, zilch.

And here I am smitten.

So, I'm thinking it is a good time to do updates and (re)introductions, as many of our situations have changed, we've had a lot of new people joining us and others who have stopped posting...

I'm Sugarmoon, single mama of 4 little ones. I'm not a solo mama, but I'm very close. My kids don't do overnights with their dad (his choice) and I get a very minimal amount of child support, a pittance really.

And in dating news...it appears that I am dating someone. I'm not quite sure I dare use the "B--F-----" word, just yet, but...

I met ATG (short for Artsy Teacher Guy) online, on a small local site. I initated contact with him, because the profile I posted was very very limited, and had no picture of me, due to some issues I have with my ex. We exchanged emails for a week, then met for coffee, which turned into a full day together.

I am trying to keep my head on square, it is still very early, and there is a lot I don't know about him (and vice versa) but for now, things are great. Pictures of ATG are available privately, including one in which he looks *just* like Hugh Laurie, of House.

In other news, I ran into Complications (my old flame/friend from last fall/winter) in town today. While it still gave me a pang, and I am still sad about how that whole situation ended, I didn't feel nearly as gut wrenched as I did the last time I ran into him. I think the difference is twofold -- one is that I wrote him what I thought was a very nice, closure type of email a week or so after the last time I ran into to him, and got a pretty harsh shut-down in response. It made me sad to get that kind of response from someone who had been such an intimate friend for so long, but also made it clear how differently we experienced our friendship and it's ending As paradoxical as it may seem, that really helped me with my feeling of things being unresolved with Complications. Things felt much more resolved after that email, and I was able to really let of of a lot of my angst about the whole thing. So that helped, today, I think. And of course, being involved with ATG helps!

Thats all the news from me. I'm going to need to buy some cuter pjs if ATG keeps coming over after work - I've already showered and gotten into pjs, and I can't really wait until he leaves, cause my littlest will be awake by then, most likely, and I'll need to go jump in bed with him. So here's to me, dating in my pajamas

[LorenaAZ]

lol I'm not seeing anyone yet but wanted to post a for dating in pajamas!!
I joined a dating site 2 days ago and heard from such freaks that it's left me pretty hopeless. I'm in no rush, but I feel silly for having spent the money on the site.

Good luck with ATG!!

[Holland73]

Ok... I am Holland and solo mama (X lives 10,000 miles away in another country) to a 6 year old ds. I am also a 1st grade teacher, so my life is ALL about the 6 year olds right now!!! Which is why dating and developing a more active social life is imperative for my sanity right now.

October was the end of an 18+ month relationship and November gave me hope that what I was looking for was out there with a wonderful 2 week dating escapade with Mr. Paralegal. Unfortunately, he wasn't completely over his XW and when she emailed pleading for reconciliation and he was suddenly very confused (great sign he was fully over her)... I quickly took my exit from the situation. I don't need or want the drama.

Now... I am still doing a bit of the internet dating search and looking for other opportunities to meet single men. In fact, I joined a Meet-Up for Speed Dating, which sounded like a crazy methamphetamine-high means of meeting other singles. I think that next one they have I will attend, just to see what it is all about.

But, I am also trying to balance the "man hunting" with building a stronger support system and well-rounded life for myself by becoming more active in stuff that interests me. I started my own book club and am getting ready to start training for my next 1/2 marathon, which is always very time-consuming.

That's about all for me!

Sugarmoon: I used to have many of those PJ/"after child is in bed" dates... love 'em. But, I would frequently just wear my yoga clothes, instead of pjs, as I typically just sleep in a t-shirt/undies and don't own any pjs.

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by LorenaAZ

lol I'm not seeing anyone yet but wanted to post a for dating in pajamas!!
I joined a dating site 2 days ago and heard from such freaks that it's left me pretty hopeless. I'm in no rush, but I feel silly for having spent the money on the site.

Give it time.

There are just a lot of freaks out there... in person and on the internet. Although, I do find they are significantly more freaker online (or more quicker to show that freaky side of themselves online) than in person, due to disconnect and anonymity the internet can provide between people.

I always just laugh at them and quickly push delete, while saying... "Thanks for your interest... crazy person!"

[eewieew]

I can't even remember the last time I posted on here! Not to mention that I had to change my username for privacy reasons so many of you wouldn't remember me anyway.

I'm a single mama to a fabulous 9 month old peanut. Dad is around and involved, and we're on relatively good terms, but there's still a lot that's been left unresolved.

I've casually seen a few different men over the past 4-5 months, and it worked out well for me...kind of like easing yourself into the pool when the water is chilly. Had to end my latest conquest, though, because I realize that I'm ready for something more, and he didn't want that with me. I miss him though, and am still somewhat holding out hope, because there was so much potential....but I don't have a lot of time to waste on something that just isn't going anywhere. I shall call him Hot Mess...because he is one.

Needless to say, this has been a tough week. Ex just moved out of our old apartment yesterday, which knocked me down harder than I ever could have imagined. Besides our daughter, that was the last link to the life that we had. Our baby was conceived there. I realize that it's closure, which is a really good thing, but I still need to process these feelings and put them in their proper places.

Decided yesterday to enter the realm of online dating, and actually met someone. He lives kind of far, but I think that could ultimately be a good thing, as we're both super busy with school, and me with my girl; him with his job. We've been messaging and he gave me his number; I reciprocated, and he's been texting me all night. He wants to drive up here and meet me on Sunday. He's pretty effing hot, super outdoorsy, and has VERY strong political leanings that totally mesh with my own. Seriously motivated, inappropriate sense of humor...so I'm cautiously optimistic and enjoying this feeling of being pursued. This one will be Outdoorsy Engineer.

Other than that, things are going well. For those of you who remember the whole dramatic saga with Trumpeter, he has actually become one of my best friends. Loves my peanut, has done some amazingly thoughtful things for me, and has really helped me through some hard stuff. Would much rather have it this way forever, than the other way for a little while, and I'm def sure that it never would have lasted.

So that's what I've been up to in a nutshell. Have been traveling and trying not to drown in schoolwork otherwise.

Excited to hear what everyone else has been up to!

[LorenaAZ]

eewieew.....how do you get to go out so much with such a young one? I'm just trying to figure out the logistics. I can only leave my 10 month old for 2 hrs at a time (her dad watches her, she won't let anyone else watch her). I'm not judging.....just curious since I need to start going out more.

[Seie]

Im Seie, 32, mother of 3, left their dad almost two years ago after a 7 year long relationship that was good and bad, eventually only bad though. He was sick and verbally abusive, so left with the kids. We are on ok terms now, as long as we keep it about the kids. I dont like him being there, witnessing my life through the kids, but it is what it is i guess.

Right now, just right now, i am going through the biggest, hardest, meanest greif i have known in my life. My world is a very dark place these days. I have spend a year of my life in a relationship with the man i still believe to be the love of my life. The one man i have ever looked in the eyes and thought, there is noone, will never be anyone but him. He broke up with me on saturday, out of the blue for personal reasons.

I am processing this the best i can, analyzing, wondering, grieving, being angry, in despair, just crushed and broken most of the time.

I dont know - i dont want to live a life without a special someone, but right now, i doubt i can ever love anyone else the way I love him. So - when to date again I dont know. I have not been known to waste my time, but this time I got seriously seriously burned. Not sure when I am ready to have my heart fried like that again.
I have kept in touch with this thread over the past year, and to be honest I dont know if it has weakened or strengthened my belief in love. I guess I really am a die hard romantic. Yes, i believe in love, i have exprienced it now for the first time in my life, just as I now experience the kind of heartbreak poets, and artists alike have been portraying all through human history, but that I have never fully fully understood till now. Until now I have never known a person could be torn apart like this and still breathe, but I guess it is a condition for being human and for being able to feel that kind of love, that you will lose it again. That you will break into a million pieces and that you will somehow still have to get up in the morning and live till one day, thankfully you die.

So just saying, i am around and eventually, probably sooner than I think right now, I will be putting myself outthere again, risking my sanity over again. I am not looking forward to it though I admit. Just thinking about it makes me feel old and tired.

I take it as a sign of mental health though, that I am able to consider that future even if it doesnt appeal to me just yet..

B

[AlwaysByMySide]

I'm excited to be jumping back in on these threads!

I'm a solo mom to a 4 year old and a 22 month old, no c/s, no visitation from their father (who is in prison). I dated a guy over the summer, which turned out to be a horrible mess, and haven't really been looking for awhile.

eharmony has done a whole lot of nothing for me (I found a couple of guys that were decent, in writing, but I never paid for the membership, so I only communicated on free weekends. By the time I got two of them to the point where we could exchange emails, they turned out to be morbidly obese, and even if it is shallow, I'm planning to run a marathon next year, so I obviously wouldn't match up with someone that big. And the rest, just never answer the communication requests.) So, on a whim, I signed up for plenty of fish. Got a LOT of duds there, even though my profile is extremely detailed, but ended up getting a bit from what seemed like a decent guy. HE approached ME. A month's worth of emailing later (he was always busy with work), and now I haven't heard from him in over a week and that is perfectly fine with me. Stupid.

Got another bite last week, we exchanged a few messages, then he asked for my phone number. We have talked for 3+ hours the past two nights, about everything under the sun, texted a few times yesterday, and have plans to go on a date on Friday. (He offered to pay for the babysitter even! Thus, his title is now Southern Gentleman.) He is religious/goes to church, which is important to me, but doesn't have the seriously conservative/intolerant view that Moniker-less had. He loves kids, and wants to have a bigger family than just two kids (which I am all about, and even put in my profile that I didn't feel like I was finished having kids). He has already been told that he won't be meeting my kids for quite awhile, and is perfectly okay with that.

Then there is Weird Engineer that a friend of mine is pretty much forcing me to go out with. He's 14 years older than me, is an engineer, has been married twice (and I've met his first wife, who totally has the crazies, and I hear his second one wasn't much better). He is a volunteer scuba diver at the aquarium and a volunteer firefighter, and asked if the kids and I would like a backstage tour (and meeting the penguins!) at the aquarium, or playing at the firehouse. He is, on the whole, totally socially awkward, and someone that I would have absolutely turned down for a date, but I'll never hear the end of it from the friend if I do, so it's going to happen whether I like it or not. My barometer is if someone I date can hang out with my family, and be comfortable, and with my friends, and be comfortable. Southern Gentleman I think would fit in quite well. Weird Engineer would be raked over the coals by my family (and they would think I have completely lost my mind), and my friends would probably tolerate him. He's very nice, just a bit of a geek, and I have zero romantic attraction toward him.

Next!

[Ione]

Single mom to one almost-7-year-old DD. Been divorced since July '06. Haven't dated much but am trying to put myself out there a little more. Put up a profile on OKC a while ago but have only gotten messages from duds so far. Also am signed up with It's Just Lunch, and have a blind date through them this Friday. Other than that, not much going on (other than life, work, and daughter, of course).

[sugarmoon]

I am really enjoying these updates! Keep 'em coming

My evening with ATG was great. It was the first time we'd seen each other in a week -- he was away for Thanksgiving...I shared my best whiskey with him, while we hung out on my awesome velvet couch...we then talked and cuddled until the wee hours of the morning, and by some fabulous miracle, my 2 year old didn't wake up at all! Very rare, but it sure was welcome last night!

He told his family about me over Thanksgiving, and told me more of his story last night, filled in some of the gaps, and seemed to instinctively know what I'd want to know, without me asking. For instance, I knew he had lived with one woman for 7 years and was dying to know why it ended -- he told me, without me asking. The big reason was that she didn't want kids and he does. He also admitted that there other reasons, including his ego (she had a very high paying "professional" job, he had more of a blue collar low paying job, and that became an issue for him, even though he knows that it is just ego -- I like how he can reflect on that honestly). He appears to be on good terms with most of his exes, which is also always a good sign.

So, call me... still smitten

[eewieew]

Originally Posted by LorenaAZ

eewieew.....how do you get to go out so much with such a young one? I'm just trying to figure out the logistics. I can only leave my 10 month old for 2 hrs at a time (her dad watches her, she won't let anyone else watch her). I'm not judging.....just curious since I need to start going out more.

Oh I don't think you're judging...I often wonder the same thing!
Basically, I live with family and have tons of family in close proximity. They've all been around since day one. Her dad watches her when I'm in school, and his mom takes her two weeknights and a friday overnight.

I made it a point to get her used to others caring for her, as well as allowing others to learn her cues so that they COULD care for her, mainly because I know myself and my need for solitude. I need to maintain my life--it's important to me, and it honestly makes me a much better mother to her, because my needs are being met too.

[CanidFL]

Hello ladies!

I have posted every month in this thread but never meet anyone so have nothing to talk about lol.

XDH and I split 6 months ago after 6 years. I have ds (2) and still live with my ex. XDH has a serious gf now and is rarely at the house (he sleeps at her house) which is fine by me

So it's holiday time......I feel like I am ready to meet someone but honestly, I am really scared. I don't know how to date, meet people, flirt, etc. I go out and see guys but not really sure the rules anymore. How do you even talk to a stranger?

I am not pursuing anyone and have not had anyone show interest in me since x and I split.

I don't have a lot of time to go out and do things so I guess my options are limited on meeting people.

Anyway, that is my story. Think I'm ready to date but really scared of it lol.

Seie - I'm so sorry for your grief right now

[crazyeight]

I am Danielle, 24, pregnant mother of 2. My STB exh and I split in March of this year (and have been rocky since Oct of last and i've been unhappy for years). I've been ready to move on for a while but didn't know it so when we split I was out of the chute ready to date. I did. Hooked up with my now ex who is the baby's sperm donor. I have no contact with him and he's in jail. I'm still trying to get my divorce finished (didn't start it till sept cause exh was deployed) which I am doing all the paperwork. I also consider myself a solo mom although ex lives in the same city he just has no interest in having, wanting, seeing, asking about the kids and is giving me lots of trouble (donkeys behind).

Rescue Ranger if anyone remembers is still around. ALL the time. Quick backstory is that he was a familier aquatince of ex in jail (lets call him Jail Bird cause i'm sure i'll be dealing with him quite a bit) and is the brother of Jail Bird's best friend. He ended up volunteering to help me move (so Jail Bird doesn't know where I live), then taking my truck (that I bought FOR Jail Bird but in my name thankfully) to fix it (i do still have a vehicle!) and overall just volunteering for anything I even hinted at being overwhelmed at. He started off staying a night here or there, then a couple consecutive nights and now really just hasn't left for the whole month. lol. We've had several discussions on the whole thing. Jail Bird and I had a hard, rocky, pissed off relationship but things were intense (and we are intense people) but I am safe talking to RR about anything, even if it's reminiscent stuff that I need to say. RR has 2 boys (8 and 5) who live in Utah. He is HOPEING to get them for xmas but thinks likely he'll have to go up there and see them instead of having them here for 2 weeks. He also is really hoping to have them for the summer. He has mentioned several times that he would like to have us all together and I'm ok with it for now. RR isn't my type, he's much more simple, more vulgar, less educated, and has made more mistakes than I like (but Jail Bird made far more but my situation with JB made me very skitish around RR for a while) but I also have realized that my expectations of life (and the proof of my mothers expectations of life) have rarely panned out. He's put it simply "i'll scratch your back if you scratch mine" and enjoyment of the company and companionship is heartwarming and a HUGE stress relief. He is simple in being happy too. A good meal, kids being happy when he gets off work, and helping me with housechores, snuggling in bed and he's good as gold.

So I've found myself either settling (the negative view some days) or being blessed with such a helpful understanding person (my positive days). He won't stay in AZ forever (i don't want to either) and has said that whenever he leaves I am welcome to go with. He has a prospective job (better pay) in Eloy (40 minutes) but I know he's torn on whether to want it cause it puts him out much farther from me. I can rely on him to watch the kids occasionally if I am desperate (I do NOT like having him watch them b/c they aren't his responsibility and I usually DESPERATLY need him on a work day so he looses hours at work). He is fully present and is sharing the pregnancy with me even though it's not his baby. I have just recently gotten big enough that I NEED maternity clothes and I was going out for black friday anyways and he gave me $100 for to use on me and the kids.

I still do have a profile on OKC but I am just uninterested in putting up the effort. I don't have on there that I am pg (and no pics of me pg) so I still get 2-4 emails a week. I just don' have the energy to have a conversation, let alone having the kidless time to date?! HA! exh has not seen the kids in a month.

So thats me I guess....

[mumblemama]

Hello, ladies. Nice to be back here. Not sure anyone remembers me, and I used a different name.

So, I am a mother of 3, and now share custody with their dad 50/50. I have a pretty busy life with work, the kids, and my own interests and like it that way right now. I just got out of a 10 month relationship and... feel relieved. It was smothering.

I'm not looking for a serious relationship, at all. I am happy with my life and want to continue on that path and have so many things I want to do and explore on a personal level. This is new for me, as I've never much learned how to be alone, but it feels so good to me right now.

Nonetheless, I like dating and so I have been. I had a few dates last year w/ Hot Guitarist. We hit it off, but at the time I was seeking someone who'd give me more attention. With his busy schedule there isn't much time for dating in his life. We're now at similar places, so I'll be seeing him again this week.

Other than that, I have a profile on OKcupid but I'm listed as only wanting new friends. I still get a lot of messages, and have connected with a few people, and am going out to listen to some jazz this week with one of them. I'm not sure what I'll call him yet.

That's it for me. Been very interesting/fun to keep up with all your dating escapades, even if I didn't post!

[JohnnysGirl]

So,

On a flight to London. Plane actually moving and about to take off. An australian guy I've exchanged extremely thoughtful, wonderful emails with for two years is passing through and we're meeting for the first time.

[momanderson]

Hi ladies, I'm a recently single mom of 5. Dad is in the picture, takes them one weekday during the day and overnight on Saturdays. I've been chatting/ messaging with a hot neighbour for close to 2 months now. We had one great date 2 weeks ago and then watched movies and cuddled and made out a bit on my couch all morning while our kids were in school today! It was nice, warm comforting all those fuzzy feelings! He has 3 kids every other week and works a lot so time together is hard to find! On thursday he starts a 7 day stretch with 3-12hours and 4 10 hour shifts plus and hour commute. I admire his work ethic though, he is really an awesome guy from what I can figure out. No idea where this is going but enjoying the time, it's nice to be wanted

[*MamaJen*]

I swear I'm going to try to actually keep up with the thread this month.
So, I am a single mama to a baby boy who will be two years old at the end of this month. His dad and I never married, but we dated and lived together for a couple of years. We split up in March and he moved out in September. Really, the only thing we have in common is the baby. X is a nice guy but he struggles with depression and substance abuse. He spent a lot of the relationship lying on the sofa and I've been a lot happier since he moved out.
Anyway, shortly after X moved out I met this incredible guy, the son of someone I know professionally. He's a successful jazz composer and musician and we have this amazing connection. We've read the same books, we're on the same wavelength, we have the same ideas about so many things. He's fiercely intelligent, very sweet, good looking, really interesting and amusing to talk to, and I'm just smitten. He lives in Chicago but he was in my town for a month in October, and he's coming back down next week for at least another month, maybe longer. We've also discussed the possibility of him moving down here, or at least splitting his time between here and there. He'll be here in just six days, on Tuesday, and I'm am about to die from excitement. We're full of plans for all kinds of stuff we want to do while he's down here, restaurants we're going to go to, museum exhibits we're going to hit, shows and concerts we'll see. After so long with a boring and depressed partner who had very limited interests and certainly didn't want to go to museums or symphonies, I got used to just doing things by myself or with friends. It's so exciting to think of sharing things I enjoy with a man I'm so in love with. And he says he's in love with me.
I am trying to be smart and sensible about this, but he really seems to be a smart and sensible choice. My heart and my head both like him, as do, er, other parts of me we're not supposed to talk about here.

[AllysonB]

I am a 27 yo single mama as of 6 mths. ago, to my 2 DS. Separated from DH (after being married for 7 years) and moved closer to family for support and started school again. XH lives out of the country and won't have regular visitation with DC until he returns. I hadn't had any intention to get into a relationship or really to even date. I had been quite content to do what I wanted. Well a girls night out led to a rare meeting of a great guy who I'll call Doorman. I DO not date/meet guys at bars, just not my thing, (he feels the same for girls). Well anyway, on our way out we ended up chatting with him for quite awhile. I felt a connection with him and saw in his eyes that he was a nice man. I got his number and we have been talking and seeing eachother everyday. That was his second job, he is in school also and wants kids. We have talked about so much together and feel really connected to eachother. He is a smart, sweet, kind man and I am very much enjoying getting to know him. At this point from all of our discussions, we feel like this could be a permanent thing. We both want a lot of the same things and he is so affectionate and that is something I need. I hope this turns out to be as great as it seems.

[goodygumdrops]

I'm 33 and a solo mom to an almost 3 year old boy. My ex and I have been seperated for about a year, which is crazy to realize. My ex and I have decided to stay married for the benefits and he enlisted in the army and doesn't live in the same state as us. I just recently signed up to follow match.com but I haven't paid for a membership yet. I don't even have a profile up, just a small secondary pic. I got one wink and I am not interested. I did see a few cutie pies but I'm scared to wink at them. I was with my ex for 10 years and I'm just out of practice.

[Kino]

I'm kino. I was single for three years, but me and exh continued to share a home for most of it. We co-parent with me beginning to want more than 50/50 custody. He's a good father, he just works a lot and I'd rather her come to me than a sitter. We're working out the details as I'll be moving a bit further away in the new year.

I began a new partnership in February (knew him for two years prior) and we planned my current pregnancy together. Due to my chronic illness and financial situation (I'm healing from Sjogren's) I've decided to move in with him - something I never thought I'd ever agree to, but I'm making the best of it. Yes I love having my own home and independence, but there are good things about living together in a committed relationship. So *breathe* let's see how this goes.

I enjoy the stories and advice in this thread. It helps me keep perspective in my long-term relationship.