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**December** Dating Thread: Updates and (Re)Introductions, please! - Page 8

post #141 of 288
12/13/09 at 4:25pm
True love CAN last! I want that!
Love struck after 20 years - study

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post #142 of 288
12/13/09 at 5:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Holland73 View Post
Honestly, I would have also been bothered if I were ODD... AND, I am older, have been in a relationship for longer than 2 years and been through a divorce with a child.

Additionally, didn't your orginal post about finding your wedding ring say something about still not being over your h?

I am wondering how fair that is to ODD? We all deserve to be with someone that is 100% available to us.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
Yes she did, and to those of us who have followed every post on her and her daughter's father's relationship all throughout 2009, it's pretty clear that it's a complicated, complicated area, and.... sorry, eewiew, but I agree with Holland73, and it's completely understandable that anyone she dates may have unsettled feelings about it. And I'm certain you know/get that! But just because a super serious relationship might be tough to fall into this minute because of that added snafu area, doesn't mean that your relationships you find in this stage of your life aren't meaningful and that you shouldn't date, or that you owe it to others anything other than yourself and your honesty. They can decide to take their chances getting involved, with their eyes wide open.

Basically, I wish everything wonderful for you, eewiew! I am definitely on your side, cheering you on, and I think despite complicated feelins towards your ex, you are headed down the right path, in the right direction, and taking great care of yourself in the moment. I hope all the best relationships and best possible outcomes eventually fall in your lap when the time is right.
First, thank you Butterflymom for your well wishes.

Now, to address the other comments...no, I'm not over my H, but I'm close. I will readily admit that; no denial here. I don't blame ODD for being weird about it, but I also believe in brutal honesty - this is where my head is, and if there are concerns, I want a partner who will speak to them and work with me.

So I guess we'll see what happens.
post #143 of 288
12/13/09 at 11:46pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by eewieew View Post

So I guess we'll see what happens.
I, for one, am totally cheering you on!
post #144 of 288
12/14/09 at 3:14am
Here is my update, though I don't know if any of you know my story. In August I started seeing a young man of the age of twenty. I am thirty. I was surprised when he asked me out knowing my age and that I have three kids. We had alot of fun and spent the next weekend together. We had alot in common and fell in love. He was very comfortable with the kids and they with him. He was very mature and didn't seem to want to go out and be wild. So the weekend before Thanksgiving he got his own apartment in the town where I live. Before that he would stay with me and basically he would be around in the morning before work and in the evening after work. We were really happy! It was so amazing and I had a hard time when he got his own place. I missed having him around and felt like I was losing him. Then he went home(his family lives about two hours away from here) for Thanksgiving. He came back the day after and I called him to see when I could see him again. He'd had a hard time at home and I pushed him to find out when he planned on calling or seeing me and we ended up breaking up. Now I am heartbroken and can't understand what happened. All I needed was some reassurance that he was still with me and that he loved me but other things came up and now he is gone and I don't know how to deal with this heartbreak. I go through the motions and try to fake it but inside I am numb. I want to see him, or write to him and let him know how I feel but that feels so intrusive when someone makes it clear that they are done. I never got any sense that he was not being sincere and usually you can see these things after the fact, but I knew he was restless. I just wish he'd have been honest with me and told me that he would be leaving at some point. It was so good up until the day he left for Thanksgiving. That is why this is so hard to take. If only I could see what went wrong, but it was just my needyness, which was normal, i think, not obsessive. He was constantly asking me if I needed help and I was constantly refusing. I think I asked him like two or three favors in the 4 months we were together. All I can do is accept it. but I am not ready. It has not even been two weeks since I last saw him, but it is like he never existed, and we work at the same place! I don't know what to do. I want to fight but I love him and have to respect his wishes. I am lost.
post #145 of 288
12/14/09 at 4:20am
Ouch Hazeldust that sounds like a heart wrenching situation...... hope you heal quickly! (((HUGS)))
post #146 of 288
12/14/09 at 4:47am
Hazeldust: Im so sorry. I'm heartbroken too and know how it feels. No good advice here. I have read tons of recover from heartbreak advice and nothing is helping. I still feel overwhelming grief - especially in the morning. I feel like there is no point to anything. No way I can fall in love with anyone ever again. All that stuff. I also never really knew what happened -why it was so perfect the one week and then the next thing I know he breaks up and my world has just fallen apart. So sorry you are going through it too
post #147 of 288
12/14/09 at 7:14am
I think I just got dumped. I feel so blindsided.
post #148 of 288
12/14/09 at 12:31pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by eewieew View Post
Sugarmoon - when you say it went down, and fast, do you mind sharing what happened?

We've had a lot of touchy, uncomfortable times, for sure, and it's really hard to keep everything harmonious, which at times entails swallowing a bunch of crap. I just wonder if I'm being unrealistic about what is possible to achieve with an ex. There's a part of me that's just making the best of a crappy situation, but another part of me does legitimately want him in my life and value his insight/opinion, and vice-versa.

Other mamas? Thoughts?
I tried that myself, and it backfired. I wound up expending way too much emotional energy on him, and swallowed too much of his BS, and the end result of it is that when he found out, back in the day, that I was talking to Warrior_Deluxe, he flipped out, and when I went to see Texas Gentleman TG's birthday, he flipped out even worse and called CPS on me.

So my personal experience colors the way I look at your experience, and what you are going through seems very, very similar to what I put myself through, right down to not being quite over my ex-husband. Honestly, you have got to distance yourself. There simply is not a "you" to work on any more. The longer you try to work on your relationship with your ex, the longer you will be tied to him emotionally. And screw how potential dates might feel about that--It's not fair to YOU.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sbphotogr View Post
Sometimes I day dream about meeting a really great single dad at the park or wherever. It’s always such a positive little fantasy. I never factored in drama. Is it really worth avoiding?
Honestly, I would have felt incredibly hypocritical, as a single mother, to say no to a single dad because of him having kids. I think it's quite shallow of prospective partners to turn me down because I have kids (of course, they do get to do that, and I get to roll my eyes at them because of it ). I've talked with a few single dads in the past, and the relationship they have with their children speaks to me. There was one fellow whose sons lived in AZ, and he was a-OK with that (he'd actually moved to Austin post-divorce). I decided he just wasn't the kind of guy I wanted in my life, KWIM?

***

Now, as for my own situation:

The caseworker has been and gone, and seemed rather nonplussed about the whole situation. The accusations included, among other things, that there were dirty dishes in the sink, my kids smelled bad (!), they had the sniffles, and that we have two cats who go to the bathroom in a litterbox under the bathroom counter. The call was made 6 Nov--TG's birthday is the fifth. Chances are XH called me in right after I hung up on him after refusing to discuss my relationship with the new guy.

Speaking of TG, he's on his way to me now. He's going to be here for a week. It's show and tell time. I've been reading the discussion on introducing the new guy to the kids, because that's where I am. He's talked to them on the phone, of course, but not had the chance to meet them before now. I wouldn't be introducing them if we weren't serious--and we've been together almost three months now. (Man, time flies!) Of course, he's got to show that he can handle the big city, and hang with my family and friends. I made the mistake the first time around of marrying someone none of my friends really liked (not that they told me at the time). I won't do that again.
post #149 of 288
12/14/09 at 1:21pm
Sagesgirl, how have you prepared the kids for having TG come live with ya'll for a week? They've never met him before, and he's going to be sharing your bed with you, and spending all his time with you and the kids, right? Have you anticipated what your ex might do? I hope it all goes great.
post #150 of 288
12/14/09 at 1:24pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by EarthRootsStarSoul View Post
I think I just got dumped. I feel so blindsided.
to you and to Hazeldust, and of course Seies, who are all hurting.
post #151 of 288
12/14/09 at 3:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
Sagesgirl, how have you prepared the kids for having TG come live with ya'll for a week? They've never met him before, and he's going to be sharing your bed with you, and spending all his time with you and the kids, right? Have you anticipated what your ex might do? I hope it all goes great.
He is not going to be staying with me, actually. He has a hotel room. Our tentative plan has been to take the girls to school, spend time together while they are there, and then get back together after the girls' bed time (8:30). I'm playing the interaction between him & the kids by ear, at this point, though they're going to have a while today, because my mom has a doctor's appointment this afternoon.

The girls know TG a little bit from talking with him on the phone. I told them at the end of last month--as soon as he got his vacation time scheduled--that he was coming down, and I've been talking it up this past week. They know him as a friend of mine, at the moment. They adore him from the small bit of interaction they've had thus far--he sings to them.

I'm not entirely certain what the ex's reaction will be. It would not surprise me if he called CPS again, or even the sheriff's department (under the mistaken impression that I'm still not allowed opposite-sex visitors). I'll do what I can to mitigate it, but there's been little in his history to prepare me for this level of crayzee, so I'll have to handle stuff as it comes.
post #152 of 288
12/14/09 at 4:25pm
Wow, Salesgirl.. keep us updated. Sounds like the big step on seeing where things are going to go.

Much to those who are heartbroken.
post #153 of 288
12/14/09 at 6:38pm
Sage- I have afeeling my ex situation might end up going something like yours. UGH .. Your plan for visiting with TG sounds awesome! Good for you momma! have fun

For the mamas with sad hearts hugs and happy thoughts for you..

Me and CM spent this morning together.. It was amazing to get a sitter and just be stress free for about 2 hours. He is really awesome. He just makes me feel good and I need that right now.
post #154 of 288
12/15/09 at 12:33am
Here's my intro, finally.

divorced mom of 5, ranging in ages from 10 years to 10 months. I'm currently dating SHPG (smokin' hot pool guy), and we've been seeing each other for almost 3 months.

As I start to open up to him, I'm starting to find that my failed marriage had more an effect on me than I first realized. I need a lot of reassurance, for one thing. I was never insecure before my ex-h. SHPG is trying really hard to understand and accomodate. It's a learning process.

We're going out for breakfast and a few games of pool in the morning. He has the best ideas.

Anyway, hi everyone!
post #155 of 288
12/15/09 at 10:30am
Hi Lydia! SHPG sounds GREAT. I think it is completely normal to feel insecure after a divorce (especially if the relationship involved abuse or manipulation). Hang in there, confidence and trust comes back to you!

Morning ladies!

so last night I had to go and get a loveseat off craigslist about 30 minutes away. CM and I had been texting off and on since I left his house earlier. He stopped texting back for a while and I left my house to get the loveseat and called my friend Ashley to come with since I didn't know this lady I was meeting. I also called CM and he said, "wow that was fast" i had NO idea what he was talking about and I guess he had just texted me and I had not got it yet... We do stuff like that all the time... Like we are reading eachothers minds or something. anyway. I tell him where I am going and he asks me why I didn't ask him to go. So I get to Ashley's house and she has been smoking the happy stuff and is in no shape to move a loveseat down a flight of stairs. SO I ask CM to come. So I go and get him and he asks me to come up and meet his sister (big step, he doesn't let just anyone meet his family and I know this). So we leave and he says he needs to tell me something. We are both very open and honest with one another and after the whole "I'm not ready for a relationship" thing a month or so ago, I just assumed he was dating other women, which is cool, we are not monogamous. anyhoo, he tells me he is seeing another girl and kind of explains the situation and I am not sure how to feel. We both know about eachother (me and the other girl). He told me because he wanted me to know exactly where he is at. This is a girl from his past so he obviously likes her. I think I feel ok about it, although I told him I don't like it, but it's his right to see other people, I told him I do want him all to myself and he giggled. It bothers me more that it is one other girl rather than a few, it makes me feel like he is more serious about her. I don't feel as bad as I thought I would about it though. I just almost feel like I am in competition or something????

Any insight would be nice...
post #156 of 288
12/15/09 at 11:15am
Sounds like you have everything quite well thought out, Sagesgirl!

NMM, it seems like CM is super honest and I love that. Why not play the field a bit and be casual, as well?



As for me, I not only met someone kind of interesting this week, but then Shy Lawyer is back on the scene (he never really left, he's just been so lazy about getting together that I assumed HJNTIY and wrote him off but we maintained friendship via SMS and facebook), and we are going out in two days.

I'm not sure which thing I'm more excited about.

DreamsInDigital, wow, SHPG sounds ...well, smokin'
post #157 of 288
12/15/09 at 12:06pm
Ok, so here is what is going on with me...

Pakastani guy... OK, I don't like that calling him that, so I will just call him by his first initial, which is O.

Anyway, O is coming over tonight after ds goes to bed. When we spoke on Saturday, it didn't sound as though I would be seeing him until next week, when ds heads to gma and gpa's house, but apparently, he changed his mind and asked if I wouldn't mind if he came over tonight.

It will be nice to see O again, as I am not 100% sure what I am thinking about him. As I reflected on our first date and prior conversations, I noticed he didn't really ask a whole heck of a lot about me. I was doing most of the question asking, trying to get a better feel for who he was... it was not really reciprocated. I really want someone that REALLY wants to get to know me... who REALLY digs me and wants to find out what is under my skin, in my heart and head. He hasn't been very forthcoming with those kind of behaviors or actions, with the exception of surprising with coming over tonight. So, we'll see how this 2nd date goes.

I had a quick coffee date with a man I met via OKC on Sunday. He was just barely taller than me (I am 5'2") and I just wasn't feelin' any sort of vibe. Nice guy, but just too little for me.

I started chatting with another guy last night, JB. He is a interventional cardiac specialist, very fascinating when he explained what he did to me. We emailed 3-4 times over a 3-4 hour period (he had an ER interruption -- he was on-call at the hospital). He even emailed me a long email via his lil' iPhone keypad! I get a really cool vibe about him, just through his word choice, answers to my questions, his own questions, etc. So, again... we'll see.

Ds is going to gma and gpa's house on Sunday for 2 weeks (I'll be up there for 2-3 days for Xmas), so I will have lots of free time to have some fun and just hang out a bit... with girlfriends and dates. Although, knowing my luck, the dates will dry up as soon as I drop off ds.
post #158 of 288
12/15/09 at 12:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
As for me, I not only met someone kind of interesting this week, but then Shy Lawyer is back on the scene (he never really left, he's just been so lazy about getting together that I assumed HJNTIY and wrote him off but we maintained friendship via SMS and facebook), and we are going out in two days.
Shy Lawyer... isn't he the one that you met on the train??? Can't remember, sorry.
post #159 of 288
12/15/09 at 1:20pm
Thread Starter 
Shy Lawyer, yeah, she met him on the train. And, YAY, for him being back on the scene!

NMM, hmmm. I wouldn't like it either. But...protect your heart, go out with some other men, and see how that feels, for both you and CM....

Holland, lots of irons in the fire, I like it. It is hard to tell sometimes, how much is someone not being interested and how much is different communication style -- I ask tons of questions, I want information, details, times, dates, ages....ATG is much more laid back. I said something to him about it, and his response was "well, we all have a past, I don't need to pry, you'll tell me what you are ready to tell me...", which seems very reasonable.

DiD, good to see you here -- I hadn't noticed you in single parenting before, but welcome! SMPG sounds great. Then again, any guy whose nickname starts with 'smoking hot' sounds pretty good!

and Sage'sgirl..YAY for a whole week with TG. Sounds like a pretty good plan for working around the kids. Have an awesome week!

and as for me....ATG came over last night after he got out of work. And it was great. Very Great. BIG old grin on my face this morning. He is planning to come again tommorrow night. He doesn't work on Wednesdays, so he can come earlier. I think I will invite him to come earlyish, to see the kids a little bit again -- small doses, yes, but getting him, and them, some more time to get to know each other...

post #160 of 288
12/15/09 at 1:39pm
Been texting all morning with JB.

There is just a really awesome vibe I get from him. He is very responsive to my emails/texts/etc and open and funny.

I don't know what it is, but it is fun and exciting. I haven't felt that with O.

Plus, JB is taller (5'11"), and kind of ruggedly handsome. Very masculine, compared to O's 5'7" metrosexual, urban flair.

I don't know... but, I am totally
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Mothering › Mothering Discussion Forums › Parenting › Life as a Parent › Single Parenting › **December** Dating Thread: Updates and (Re)Introductions, please!