**December** Dating Thread: Updates and (Re)Introductions, please! - Page 9

[LoveOhm]

Originally Posted by Butterflymom

I, for one, am totally cheering you on!

Me too!

Originally Posted by EarthRootsStarSoul

I think I just got dumped. I feel so blindsided.

Sorry you are hurting. It seems to have come in a wave this month.

Originally Posted by Sagesgirl

Now, as for my own situation:

The caseworker has been and gone, and seemed rather nonplussed about the whole situation. The accusations included, among other things, that there were dirty dishes in the sink, my kids smelled bad (!), they had the sniffles, and that we have two cats who go to the bathroom in a litterbox under the bathroom counter. The call was made 6 Nov--TG's birthday is the fifth. Chances are XH called me in right after I hung up on him after refusing to discuss my relationship with the new guy.

Speaking of TG, he's on his way to me now. He's going to be here for a week. It's show and tell time. I've been reading the discussion on introducing the new guy to the kids, because that's where I am. He's talked to them on the phone, of course, but not had the chance to meet them before now. I wouldn't be introducing them if we weren't serious--and we've been together almost three months now. (Man, time flies!) Of course, he's got to show that he can handle the big city, and hang with my family and friends. I made the mistake the first time around of marrying someone none of my friends really liked (not that they told me at the time). I won't do that again.

I am really excited for you!!!!

Originally Posted by NaturalMindedMomma

Me and CM spent this morning together.. It was amazing to get a sitter and just be stress free for about 2 hours. He is really awesome. He just makes me feel good and I need that right now.

I love those peacful couple hours when I can get away, especially in the morning I think you and I are in similar places with needed to feel good, having stress free time, etc.

Originally Posted by DreamsInDigital

Here's my intro, finally.

I'm Lydia, 28, divorced mom of 5, ranging in ages from 10 years to 10 months. I'm currently dating SHPG (smokin' hot pool guy), and we've been seeing each other for almost 3 months.

As I start to open up to him, I'm starting to find that my failed marriage had more an effect on me than I first realized. I need a lot of reassurance, for one thing. I was never insecure before my ex-h. SHPG is trying really hard to understand and accomodate. It's a learning process.

We're going out for breakfast and a few games of pool in the morning. He has the best ideas.

Anyway, hi everyone!

Welcome (back) Lydia! With my new guy I realize I don't feel rushed to know everything or to tell him everything and that for us slowing opening up over time just feels right. We are happy taking turtle steps! What about your failed marriage is seeping into this relationship of yours? Is there some reflective personal work you can do on yourself so that it does not affect your current relationship......? My male BFF is dealing with his present GF's wounds from her ex, she needs alot of reassurance, she was abused so acts like a victim often and she is worth it but at times he feels really overwealmed trying to do his part in a new relationship AND help her heal from her past.

On another note - What a nice idea playing pool and having breakfast love that as a date idea!!! How did it go?

[DreamsInDigital]

LoveOhm, my ex-h is in prison for being sexually inappropriate with a minor. So, uh. Yeah. That might have something to do with my issues. I'm seeing a counselor, but I have a considerable amount of life baggage beyond just what my ex-h left me with.

Still waiting for SHPG to get done with a quick job, then we're off for a late breakfast and game of pool. It's only 11am here, so there's still plenty of time before I have to work.

I was a single mom before I met my ex-h. So I haven't been in this forum in 4 years. But honestly, it feels more normal for me to be a single mom than it ever did for me to be a married SAHM. I don't know if I can ever go back to that.

[JohnnysGirl]

Holland, I'm feeling the whole JB thing quite a lot too, from the sounds of your posts!

Yes, Shy Lawyer is the one I met on the train like 6 weeks ago who I would have enjoyed more active pursuing from but it never came. This date will be the final test to see if there is ANYTHING there or not. I'm just relieved to finally get some closure if there isn't anything meant to be, or then....something else altogether.

Last night I went out with Confident Swede. Who was hilarious. And a gentleman. And ...more about other aspects of the date are elsewhere.
He goes home to Sweden tomorrow for two weeks holiday vacation. Darn. Waiting game sucks.

[LoveOhm]

I do feel shallow in my preference to not date men with children Sagesgirl. I have not turned any down because of that however in dating I have noted what is and is not working.... so I take mental note.

I am sooooo excited for you and TG!!!!! This should be an insightful week for both of you!


NMM Now that I know what you were really saying in your two hours this morning

I agree with Butterfly that it's great CM is being honest with you. Honestly I would not like it (but I am possessive and like possessive men) and in your shoes would be careful that I was not personally diving into an emotional tie with him where I begin to desire an exclusive relationship which he has already stated he is not looking for at this point..... I would instead try to date another man or two and keep my own options open. I would not hope he will change or try to compete, etc. just enjoy him in the moment.

Butterflymom, why is it that men come out of the woods when another suitor enter the picture??? I did like Shy Lawyer and was kinda disappointed not hearing about him more but hopefully he will step up this time and chase the beautiful butterfly! So I look forward to hearing more about him and the new man you met this week.

Holland good for you getting 2 weeks kid free to refresh! Gotta say O does not make you gush the same way JB seems to....

Originally Posted by sugarmoon

It is hard to tell sometimes, how much is someone not being interested and how much is different communication style -- I ask tons of questions, I want information, details, times, dates, ages....ATG is much more laid back. I said something to him about it, and his response was "well, we all have a past, I don't need to pry, you'll tell me what you are ready to tell me...", which seems very reasonable.

This is the way my new guy is too, so u are not alone. I keep telling myself it seems very reasonable and that I don't have to rush knowing everything about him.....

I love your relationship so far with ATG it really gives me hope. And I have to say the small doses of being around the kids makes a good amout of sense. for the happy grin he continues to put on your face. You are no easy women to impress in some departments I know he must be putting in a good amount of work.

Originally Posted by Holland73

Been texting all morning with JB.

There is just a really awesome vibe I get from him. He is very responsive to my emails/texts/etc and open and funny.

I don't know what it is, but it is fun and exciting. I haven't felt that with O.

Plus, JB is taller (5'11"), and kind of ruggedly handsome. Very masculine, compared to O's 5'7" metrosexual, urban flair.

I don't know... but, I am totally

See I love how happy you sound in this post!

Originally Posted by DreamsInDigital

LoveOhm, my ex-h is in prison for being sexually inappropriate with a minor. So, uh. Yeah. That might have something to do with my issues. I'm seeing a counselor, but I have a considerable amount of life baggage beyond just what my ex-h left me with.

I am sorry if I offended you I certainly understand that ex's leave an imprint and we must heal. Good for you to be seeing a counselor.

Butterflymom I am still waiting on more info on Confident Swede I love men who are funny and a gentleman...... waiting to hear more....

[Holland73]

Ok... ready for some gushing!!! And, it wasn't JB making me gush.

O came over last night and... OMG! We talked and talked, so wonderfully open and honestly with each other. It was amazing... he was so connected, available and responsive. Nothing felt off limits and he shared just as much, and sometimes more, than I did. He was also listening, asking me questions and just really wanting to know more and more about me.

And then we kissed and it was just awesome, awesome, awesome. I saw another side to him when we became more physical (all PG rated stuff). A side that was VERY compatible to me and very much exactly what I am looking for!

NOW, at the same time, JB texted me 3-4 times while O was here. My phone was sitting on my coffee table, right in front of the sofa, so O knew I was getting texts (my phone was set to vibrate). I had told JB that was I busy last night and wouldn't be available, so I really wasn't expecting him to contact me.

Anyway, Ds got up once, in a kind of a sleeping walking stupor, and I know that JB texted me during that time when I was putting ds to bed. My iPhone shows the text messages when I receive them, so O could have very easily just leaned forward to look at my phone and been able to read the message from JB. That message read: "Cutie? Totally adorable guy here! Texting you! Late at night! C'mon!"

O didn't react or say anything, though, and it happened before we started to kiss and stuff. I figure it was only our 2nd date and it is probably good for him to know that I have other "prospects."

Man... I have never had to balance two men, especially two with amazing potential. It is a good thing I have 2 weeks off!

[sbphotogr]

LoveOhm: I can see how dating a single dad could go both ways. I def need someone who can work around my super busy schedule. I probably couldn’t accommodate any one whose life is erratic as mine. I am a super logical person as well, so looking at these practicalities makes the option much less desirable. For me love and logic must be able to blend a little. On the other hand, I wouldn’t want to deny the situation given that I have been looked over because of single parenthood
Hazeldust: I think you are doing the right thing by keeping distance. It will get easier much more quickly that way.
Sagesgirl: It seems like your relationship with TG is making you really happy. I’m sure the joy you feel around him will be noticed by your kids as well. What a great holiday treat!
NMM: Seems like this would explain the “I’m not ready for a relationship” comment pretty well. Do really want an intense relationship with CM so quickly, though? This will give you the chance to play it easy and not get too committed. Make sure to keep yourself emotionally separated as well.
Holland73: That’s just what happens to amazing girls!
Butterflymom: Wherever Shy Lawyer was hiding out, he was obviously still thinking of you.
DID: Welcome! I have a lot of baggage to carry around, but therapy was a life saver for me. I found a “life coach” who really helps me figure out how to move forward in a positive way. Keep up and the healing will come.

Couple of updates: Muscle Man Downstairs has proved himself. Not any potential at all of a relationship, but I must say that we get along very well. Actually we have for years, so it’s no surprise that we are still able to hang out casually. However, he is younger than me, has no career in mind, lives with his mom, isn’t as smart as me me, and not as attractive as I like them. It is a little disappointing that I can’t have it all in one man, but I’ll take (and take, and take) what I can get out of this for now.
I photographed Male Model Man again on Friday. He is just so very fine that I couldn’t help myself when he emailed me saying that he “missed our photography chemistry”. Since our last shoot I have gotten several emails from him with picture attachments from shows he’s been in or shoots. He also called to offer me some freelance work. The photo session was fine and he had brought some one along for makeup, so there was no chance of flirting. As I am finishing the shoot my other neighbor shows up (actually the brother of MMD but doesn’t know about the fling with Bro). This boy is flaming gay, and when MMM leaves he is over the top excited over this man’s beauty, and goes about convincing me (it wasn’t hard) that I needed to stop playing around and make a move Given that I have hundreds of photos of MMM and he can really do nothing for my portfolio at this point, I decided to end the façade of wanting to photograph him for innocent purposes. I sent him an email with help of flaming brother letting him know I was crushing and would like to act on it, and otherwise I really didn’t need to continue photographing him. His response was that he was “appreciative you made me aware of the situation”. BLAH! So I told him I would photograph him nude if he still just needed to be photographed by me. Didn’t hear back until two days later with a generic email that said…can’t wait to see the rest of the images from the shoot. Have a great Day! WHATEVER! I’m done with him. He was never interested in me, but I least I took the plunge and stopped obsessing.

[JohnnysGirl]

Holland, so cool that so soon after things fell apart with Paralegal Guy, you have two such great potentials!

sbphtogr, somehow I just don't think Shy Lawyer is that into me or ever was or ever will be, but at least we'll get together face to face for a bit and actually find out one way or another. I want to just call the bluff, show our hands, find out, be done with wondering. Even if it means that's that. And with you and MMM, thank goodness that is that and you now know one way or the other, definitively. You can stop wasting your precious thought energy on him. Just like i want to be DONE with Shy Lawyer if he's not going to seriously pursue me. Who knows though, I do have a small hope that maybe the date will rock and he'll just totally perk up out of his lethargic apathetic attitude and start chasing me like LoveOhm described. ( love you, girl, you are awesome for my ego!) I would love it to go down that way, but I don't expect, KWIM? If a guy shows such lackluster pursuing from the beginning, how often do they really switch gears six weeks later and start doing everything right? Not often!

[Holland73]

Sbphotogr: Thank you!!! Sorry to hear about MMM. But, at least now, you can focus that energy on finding someone more deserving!

ButterflyMom: I agree... if they show lackluster in the beginning, it very, very rarely changes. And, even if it did, I think I would be a bit suspect about the whys. Whose idea was it to get together? Well, at least, you will have a bit more of an idea of what the h** is going on.

Been texting a bit with O this morning. Started off talking about how exhausted we both are (he didn't leave until 1am... neither one of us realized how late it was!) and then moved to reminscing about the kissing session. He said that if the kissing session had gone further, we would have still been there! I told him that I don't do that until I have exclusivity, as it is safer for my heart and my body. He sent a smile in return and told me that I was yummy!

OH... I am meeting JB (for the first time in person!) this afternoon for a quick coffee while ds is in his therapy appointment. Heaven help me if the connection is just as strong in person as it is via email/text!

[JohnnysGirl]

Originally Posted by Holland73

OH... I am meeting JB (for the first time in person!) this afternoon for a quick coffee while ds is in his therapy appointment. Heaven help me if the connection is just as strong in person as it is via email/text!

I can't wait to hear! only 14 hours until my meeting with Shy Lawyer. Who'se idea was it? Not sure. We chatted several times via facebook chat and I have karaoke videos on there and he said he loves to go sing karaoke but his friends hate it and I said I also love to go sing karaoke but my friends hate it and I don't remember who suggested we should go together sometime, and we've been batting that around for 2-3 weeks but I was in London and then when I got back he had a major ear infection and was sick in bed for a week so now finally tomorrow we are going. I really doubt that suddenly he's going to be all into me but you never know and I just want closure there. I want him to hang with me for a substantial amount of time and THEN not be into me, kwim? At least I feel he would have a clear look at what he's passing up on before he passes up on me and I'd feel like that was totally fair. As of now, we've had such brief encounters that I think were very positive so it seems an odd point to suddenly cease motion, and it feels unsettling to leave the thing so undone, with the last known sentiment being that we'd both like to get together, but then it just never happens....? Just one little date, that's all. If it isn't anything to write home about and he leaves me be after that I'll be cool about it.

[mumblemama]

Butterflymom, I totally get it on the closure thing. Not having closure drives me crazy.

Artsy Psychologist and I have been talking and hanging out so much.. I think we're pretty clear on where things stand, but I still think extra feelings (on both ends) are seeping in when they shouldn't be. But I at least feel like things are clear right now. We're going to go see a live show tomorrow and that should be nice.

Otherwise, I met up w/ a girl for a coffee date, Mustang Sally as some of you have heard. I thought it was awesome and good, it was only an hour because she lives almost 2 hrs away, and I had to drive back home really late (I was there for a work related thing). But I thought it was good, and she has such the cutest smile. But then when I emailed her tonight if she was interested in hanging out again.. nada. And I saw her on okc for about an hour or so and eventually sent her a msg, and she immediately logged off. Talk about burn! OUCH!

So... blah. I don't know. I had some random 24yr old send me naked pictures of himself and that made me feel better.

[JohnnysGirl]

Originally Posted by mumblemama

So... blah. I don't know. I had some random 24yr old send me naked pictures of himself and that made me feel better.

Sorry about Mustang Sally. I'm T - 2 hours until my karaoke date with Shy Lawyer and I am starting to feel a bit nervous!! What, in heaven's name, to wear...... wool plaid skirt to the knee, then thick tights below with cool boots? Funky belt around the waist and a simple fitted (but demure) top to coordinate? That says 'I love to accessorize and put together cool, coordinated, outfits' which is true....

Jeans and a red cashmere sweater with heeled boots? That says casual, easy, simple, but still can be flattering (you know, the pair of jeans that makes your ass look the best, with the added effect of 3+" heels on the boots to boost your assets, and a boob-accentuating sweater....).

Hmmmmmmmmm.........

[Seie]

Jeans and a red cashmere sweater with heeled boots? That says casual, easy, simple, but still can be flattering (you know, the pair of jeans that makes your ass look the best, with the added effect of 3+" heels on the boots to boost your assets, and a boob-accentuating sweater....).

You call that casual???

No news here. My life sucks. That about sums it up..

[DreamsInDigital]

Originally Posted by LoveOhm

I am sorry if I offended you I certainly understand that ex's leave an imprint and we must heal. Good for you to be seeing a counselor.

I'm not offended at all. It is what it is, and his choices do not reflect on me as a person. I just have to keep telling myself that so I can stop blaming myself for it.

SHPG and I went out for our brunch and pool date, and it was so much fun. We played some silly tunes on the jukebox and I had a deeee-lish omelet, and then won 3 out of 5 games. He told me he was proud of how much I've learned in the past 3 months. Made me feel all kinds of goofy. I think I actually giggled. We went out for dinner last night, and of course ended up going out to play pool, but we played doubles with a couple he's friends with. We won, and he was just beaming because he's never been able to beat either of them on his own. Tonight is league night so I'll be meeting up with him after I go to my kids' holiday sing-a-long at school. I'm the scorekeeper and his personal cheerleader. But then we're gonna have to take like 3 or 4 days off because my work schedule gets a little hectic. Honestly though, I really want to see him every day.

[LoveOhm]

I like the cashmere sweater, jeans & boots. Seems like the most comfortable and I like comfort when I am out for karaoke...

[Holland73]

Yeah, that is what I wore for my first date with O... green cash sweater, my favorite dark denim jeans and boots (about 2.5 inches, though).

Didn't get to meet with JB yesterday. There was a major accident in the Santa Cruz mountain and he was stuck in traffic for 3+ hours. We are still texting like mad though and have spoken on the phone a few times.

Not sure how/what I am thinking about O. I know he is into me, but he is a bit slow on the uptake. Perhaps because he is dating other women, although I do also believe it has a lot to do with him wanting to take things slow.

I'm not sure, but I am just trying to go with the flow and see how I feel about both of them. They are both SOOOO very different. Ultimately, I am tired to worrying/thinking about how they feel... how I feel is more important, especially at this time.

[Holland73]

Oh, and I am having some "moral" considerations about dating two men at the same time. It is just something new and I am not 100% sure how I am feeling about it right now.

[CanidFL]

Hello Ladies,

Just checking in. It's halfway through the month and no dates here. I'm getting sick of the online dating thing. I have made a good 4 or 5 connections with guys that seem great but they never ask me out then after a few days of e-mails just stop contact. IDK. I feel like you can't really know someone from a few e-mails and I would much rather just meet in person but it has never got past the online thing with any guy.

Do you think I'm doing something wrong? Maybe I don't get the rules lol. I guess I could ask them out but I really want someone to ask me out. I am always the one pursing the men and want to have someone actually interested in me for once.

I am going on vacation tomorrow and will be back in January so to sum it up......December SUCKED for dating....as in not 1 date

Happy Holidays Ladies and I hope you are having a better month then me.

[NaturalMindedMomma]

SO... CM....

I feel like I might want something serious with him. I am not seeing anyone else and have no desire to (maybe some casual dates, but not sex or anything really intimate).

I went to see him yesterday after my job interview... We were kind joking around (we are pretty playful with trying to get a rise out of eachother). I asked him how he would feel about me dating other guys. He said he isn't jealous so it wouldn't bother him, his face said otherwise... he looked like I punched his hypothetical puppy or something...

So he got out of my car very playfully ending the conversation abruptly. SO I left and didn't text him, which I always do text him and he texted me asking if I was mad. I said no and he said, "He would be a hypocrit if he said yes, but that it would bother him a lil." He told me I am a free woman and could date whomever I wanted, but it indeed would make him a little upset.

it's hard because I know I am at a time in my life where I need to be single and not in a relationship, but what is the point of not being exclusive if I don't want to be with someone else??? Its like, if you love someone, you will love them regardless of timing. Not that the chance is there right yet for monogamy anyway. I think the bottom line is, we both would want to be exclusive if we were in different places. He has said to me NUMEROUS times that he knows I am not ready and I need to do things as a single woman and I think that may be a little to blame for holding him back as well.

I went over to his house last night and we talked for awhile and he is just so affectionate and a great listener. I gave him a nice massage because he was sore. Going over there was a last minute thing and he said it was a nice surprise... I just wanted to see his smile and be next to him for awhile. He put my soul at ease through the hardest stuff it seems.

So this leads me to my next question. How do you know your in love? I have had three serious relationships. I honestly think I might be heading towards the big L with CM (which I would never tell him, as I am not sure and not sure how he might react). I think about him all day long, dream about him, the whole nine. I mean besides being monogamous, we might as well be together, we talk all day, are intimate and have a wonderful friendship with so much in common.... How do you know if it's love?

[JohnnysGirl]

So,

Shy lawyer just went home on a late bus after spending six hours with me. We were lost in conversation and karaoke for four hours, getting along great. Once a guy came over and asked SL how he got a woman like that for his company that night, meaning it as a compliment to my appearance, which I was glad about since I'm hoping SL also liked the looks of me after such a long break of seeing one another. Then.... for one hour we were seeking food and then having a snack together. Then we lingered around for awhile and decided to go for one more drink somewher nearby, which turned into two. There a group of english men butted into our conversation asked incredulously if he was MY boyfriend as if thy couldn't believe it. But they were probably just trying to be polite --flatter the lady and tease the guy. I don't get all the outside attention we had, fawning over me and being depreciating towards SL. He looked hot to my eyes! You ladies have seen him, he's not ugly! During the course of the 6 hours at least four men asked one of us if we were brother and sister. Did he not seem interested and the guys were picking up on that and looking for an opening with me? Weird. I've gone on lots of dates and this is out of the ordinary and was quite odd in that respect.
But back to our connection. It was lovely. The conversation just flowed. He asked so much about me but more than that INFERRED (wisely) quite a lot without me needing to spell it out, and then asked the appropriate follow up questions which were really right to the heart of the matter. I like his cleverness. I was very honest with him about everything in my life, everything he asked about. He told a LOT about himself as well. At the end he hugged me and said he had really a lot of fun with me and asked me to keep in touch, making the phone-to-ear mime and I said sure.

Why am I bummed?

Because the last two times we've met, it's been just as much of a 'high' of an experience, that ended up panning into nothing. Just short/curt text responses to my IM/texts to him, sometimes nearly rude, and no motion on trying to spend time with me ever, much less pursue me as a romantic interest. I'm afraid this will be the third time this happens, and I'm sick of the let downs. Three strikes and you're out, though, so if that's the case, I'm absolutely done and just not initiating on iota of contact anymore in his direction or giving him a second thought. Hmph.

[JohnnysGirl]

Originally Posted by CanidFL

I have made a good 4 or 5 connections with guys that seem great but they never ask me out then after a few days of e-mails just stop contact. IDK. I feel like you can't really know someone from a few e-mails and I would much rather just meet in person but it has never got past the online thing with any guy.

Do you think I'm doing something wrong? Maybe I don't get the rules lol. I guess I could ask them out but I really want someone to ask me out.

Some of them are probably married, others contemplating leaving partners/girlfriends and shopping around online to check out the marketplace before leaving current situation. and some of them are single but are casting their net FAR and WIDE and then every couple of days narrow things down a bit and they don't bother to say 'thanks for playing, but no thanks' to the ones they weed out. It's all very crude and unfair.

My suggestion to you is to cast YOUR net far and wide. Write a witty, fun, catchy little jingle of a paragraph sized 'bait' mail to copy/paste out to MANY, MANY, MANY men in your area that appeal to you at all/meet your basic criteria. Something fun, silly, and not to set the tone that you are pursuing them, but just some funny commentary on online dating, a joke, whatever, that might make them smile, with some line towards the end that could be directed to anyone at all but makes them think you only sent this out to *them.* Example: "I'm not sure what it was about your profile, but after I read it, I felt like being a goof in your direction." Then all men who respond to THAT can get a similar copy/pasted little blurb with answers to their specific questions worked in the beginning or end if they even had any. Try not to even consider it a real 'bite' until the guy has responded several times, and then say that it's been fun, but emailing bores you so much you would almost rather watch Oprah, so to keep you away from Dr. Phil and his pals, he must enter round two: phone chatting time, and engage your attentions and interest for at least ten solid minutes to win a mystery prize which you will inform him of later. Then AFTER you've heard a guys' voice and thought he rocked, you give yourself permission to start poking around his profile, thinking about him, hoping he will ask you out, etc....

Just a thought.