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**December** Dating Thread: Updates and (Re)Introductions, please! - Page 2

post #21 of 288
Hi, Ladies

This is my first post here, tho I've lurked & read this thread a few times.

Me, briefly: Twice divorced w/4 living children who live w/me full time.
First marriage at 22, ended about 10 years and 2 kids later. We grew apart,
and separated fairly amicably. Still talk at least a few times a week, and he
sees children at least every 2 weeks. He remains single, and will regularly take care of ALL kids when I am in school on a weekend. Decent guy.
Second marriage much more of a rollercoaster . . . thought I had met the man of my dreams. Turned out I was mistaken. I finally left him in July, 2008. I have sole physical & legal custody of our 2 LOs. He rarely sees/communicates w/them by his own choice.

So . . . I began dating again this past June, after a year of intense introspection & getting to know and appreciate myself again -
And caring for 4 kids, and beginning graduate school.
Met a bunch of people through CL and OKC and saw some IRL . . . .
Eh - no sparks.
Then, a few months ago, I began dating this . . . dare I say it? (Even now, I have this fear of jinxing things if I say it out loud, iykwim!)
really nice, sweet, down-to-earth guy. Professional, educated (I checked him out before I met him for the 1st time, to make sure he was who he said he was.)
Married twice, no kids, about 10 yrs older than me (I'm 40.) We've talked tons, swapped stories; I think it's safe to say that we know about all the skeletons in each other's closets, so to speak. The "L" word has been mentioned. He gets along well with the kids, who all like him. Physically, between us, things are very good . He'll come over after work, bring supper, help clean up, wash my littlest guy, fold laundry . . . . I keep wondering how the heck I got so lucky.
Any one else have that feeling when involved with a super-nice guy . . . worried that somehow, for some reason things'll just blow up?
I do think my worries are unfounded - and probably springing from my last crappy relationship/marriage.
I guess I'm just looking to share, and for some moral support from others who've btdt . . . and inviting any wisdom you all might have to offer. Thanks!
post #22 of 288
Hi, i am a mother of 3, and have been with the same sweet man for 2 yrs (met online). We got engaged this summer, but since then have found ourselves in an extended rough patch. For now we are on hiatus while we work on our own stuff. I love him dearly, he is such a special person. I cannot imagine a more compatible good hearted man to spend the rest of my life with. It's just a matter of us finding a way to be stable as a couple. I am considering whether I want to date at all. I am clear that I need to focus on my mothering, which was really faltering as I rode the roller coaster of the relationship troubles this summer/fall.
post #23 of 288
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluewatergirl View Post
Any one else have that feeling when involved with a super-nice guy . . . worried that somehow, for some reason things'll just blow up?
I do think my worries are unfounded - and probably springing from my last crappy relationship/marriage.
I guess I'm just looking to share, and for some moral support from others who've btdt . . . and inviting any wisdom you all might have to offer. Thanks!
No wisdom, just a big "ME TOO!". I am much earlier in than you, but I feel like I'm constantly watching for the other side of the coin -- I'm almost happier to catalog his flaws than his strengths. It is something like, if I can list out his flaws, and decide I'm okay with them, then maybe there won't turn out to be a big huge skeleton in his closet....

Quote:
Originally Posted by LorenaAZ View Post
lol I'm not seeing anyone yet but wanted to post a for dating in pajamas!!
I joined a dating site 2 days ago and heard from such freaks that it's left me pretty hopeless. I'm in no rush, but I feel silly for having spent the money on the site.

Good luck with ATG!!
Thanks! Dating in pajamas=pretty chill. I do like to meet up with him for a coffee or an afternoon beer in town, when I'm at work though, so he can see me all dressed and looking hot, too!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Holland73 View Post
.

Now... I am still doing a bit of the internet dating search and looking for other opportunities to meet single men. In fact, I joined a Meet-Up for Speed Dating, which sounded like a crazy methamphetamine-high means of meeting other singles. I think that next one they have I will attend, just to see what it is all about.



Sugarmoon: I used to have many of those PJ/"after child is in bed" dates... love 'em. But, I would frequently just wear my yoga clothes, instead of pjs, as I typically just sleep in a t-shirt/undies and don't own any pjs.
Holland, I can't wait to hear about the speed dating. I think something like that would be great for me. I usually know, within moments of meeting someone, if they are anyone I'd want to get to know better, either as a friend or potential romance... and yeah, my pj's are more like yoga pants and any random t-shirt (so yeah, I've been choosing cute ones)

Quote:
Originally Posted by eewieew View Post

Other than that, things are going well. For those of you who remember the whole dramatic saga with Trumpeter, he has actually become one of my best friends. Loves my peanut, has done some amazingly thoughtful things for me, and has really helped me through some hard stuff. Would much rather have it this way forever, than the other way for a little while, and I'm def sure that it never would have lasted.
Thanks for the update eewieew. Your situation with Trumpeter sounds very much like what mine was with Complications -- brief, intense sexual relationship followed by even more intense and valuable friendship. Just watch out for jealous new girlfriends, and enjoy that friendship.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seie View Post

I take it as a sign of mental health though, that I am able to consider that future even if it doesnt appeal to me just yet..

B
Seie.

Thanks for you words. And yes. You are healthy, mentally and emotionally. You are devastated and grieving, of course, but you will get through this. Thank you for letting us be here for you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
On a flight to London. Plane actually moving and about to take off. An australian guy I've exchanged extremely thoughtful, wonderful emails with for two years is passing through and we're meeting for the first time.


waiting for details, here, chickie!

Quote:
Originally Posted by *MamaJen* View Post

I am trying to be smart and sensible about this, but he really seems to be a smart and sensible choice. My heart and my head both like him, as do, er, other parts of me we're not supposed to talk about here.
I this. I'm in the trying to be sensible phase right now as well, but I also think, when you know, you know, right?

Quote:
Originally Posted by goodygumdrops View Post
I did see a few cutie pies but I'm scared to wink at them. I was with my ex for 10 years and I'm just out of practice.
ggd, I had never dated before my divorce. I did the casual hook up thing through highschool and college, never went on a real *date* in my life until Complications, last fall. Online is a great way to get into practice. A bunch of quick coffee dates, most of the guys aren't going to be ones you'd want to hang around with anyway, and even if there's one you like and you feel like you botched it in someway, as you get back up to speed, it's no great loss. For a while last fall, when I had a profile up, I decided I'd agree to have coffee with anyone who wrote to me who didn't seem like a total disgusting creep. I went out with several guys who I *knew* there was no potential with, but it gave me a lot of confidence!

I wish I had time to respond individually to everyone's updates, but I'm at work, and probably should be working.....
post #24 of 288
I am on 3 bloody internet dating sites... and getting nothing. Well, I am getting some hits, but nothing I am willing to bite at myself.

WHICH... makes me think, I am not ready to date yet.

I am really missing the daily contact you get when you are in a relationship... the little check-ins throughout the day.

I find myself still hung up (and fantasizing) on the 2 weeks/3-4 dates I had with Mr. Paralegal, in addition to constantly comparing prospective men with him, which is another sign I need to step back from that dating world for a bit.

The biggest sign that I need to take a break is I am just not feeling good... about any of it.

So, I am going to hide my profiles for the next couple of/few weeks and just go completely "cold turkey" until I feel better about my cold turkey life. Kind of like a dating detox, I guess you could say.
post #25 of 288
I love these updates and hopefully I can keep up with the thread this month !

I'm LoveOhm sassy solo mama to a three year old fairy princess! I write from home and have a organic kids cookbook being published this May plus I am slowly trying to finish my BA so I can fufill my teaching dreams and parenting full time solo so stating my free time is limited is an understatement. Somehow I find plenty of quality men but finding child free time to date and know them better is my biggest hurdle in dating...... so this is what I am working toward improving. I think a big step will be moving out of my parents guest house so I can have "dates in the living room" after dd is alseep, right now I am pretty high on a moderate income waitlist for an apartment so I should in an ideal world be able to move either in March or May (keeping my fingers crossed for that) but it does mean I need to increase my income a little so I am hunting for a part-time job.
post #26 of 288
My prospects - past, present & current..... well many of you know of 2ndHusband well I now have more insight about why he is in rehab and while I don't feel comfy posting details I have decided to walk away. Not as a friend, I will always be his friend due to our history, but emotionally I have decided to let go and I am at peace with my decision. The Agent and I reconnected via text message and it seems we will be the type to occasionally go to dinner, travel together, etc. I have considered dating him in the meantime and will share my petty reasons for that privately Not sure if you recall but PrettyBoy (who's picture I believe is still in privateland) is really making an effort to spend time with me but his constant party ways don't appeal to me and when I told him "if he wants to see me he needs to ask me on a date" he responded "I don't do dates I just hang why can't we hang (at clubs, parties, in groups of his friends, etc.)" so yeah right I feel like paying a sitter $10 - $15 per hour to hang in large groups or at clubs so my response (in my head) was "ummm no thank, next" but........................ I did go to PrettyBoys birthday party and met a man who appears to be a really sweet guy and the first man to give me butterflies in about 5 years!!!! That said, I have no clue how to go about dating him because he is very close friends with PrettyBoy who is my ex and who is still interested in being with me. Is it in poor taste to date to date the new guy whom I actually like? Should I or the new guy clear it with PrettyBoy first? How does this whole thing work??? Since they are friends, if I started dating the new guy we would be in the same space as PrettyBoy at social functions.... Butterfly and others how do I handle this??
post #27 of 288
Hey all,

I have two gorgeous boys (11 & 5) and am self-employed.

I've been separated 3 years and hope to get my own health insurance and finalize the divorce in spring of '10.

I've dated a couple of people since being separated--one for 7 months.

I'm focusing on some personal goals right now and not actively seeking dates. If someone was to ask, I would go if interested but I'm not doing any dating sites right now.

Will probably do dating sites again after I get a few projects done and the divorce is final.
post #28 of 288
Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarmoon View Post
Thanks for the update eewieew. Your situation with Trumpeter sounds very much like what mine was with Complications -- brief, intense sexual relationship followed by even more intense and valuable friendship. Just watch out for jealous new girlfriends, and enjoy that friendship.
Sugarmoon, already dealt with a jealous girlfriend, but she realized that I'm important to him and has instead gotten to know me and we're friends too. All good on that front.

So I'm changing Outdoorsy Engineer's name to simply ODD. He and I have been in constant contact for 3 days now. We were either texting or instant messaging for 6+ hours last night, and have spent a significant amount of time chatting today as well. He's got a kind heart, fantastic sense of humor, and is genuinely interested in what I have to say. Our lives have had some interesting parallels to say the least, we've got the same views on a lot of important things, and we just communicate really well.

We're meeting on Sunday and while I'm really excited about it, I'm trying to keep my cool because I'm so far out of the game, and I'm still really insecure about my body postpartum. Even though I know I look fine, and I don't want to be with someone who would judge me for that, it's still a "thing" that I must work through. I hate being so hung up on this.

Regardless, I've been in such a hole lately, and know that I deserve to have these butterflies in my stomach; the anticipation of something unknown, and potentially extremely fun...I just hope there's some sort of chemistry there. We shall see I guess.
post #29 of 288
Seie I am so sorry for your loss. Give yourself the time you need to heal completely. One thing about being a hopeless romantic and having experienced that sort of deep love you do know it is possible. Many many people risk the potential heart break to feel the amazing feelings the come from being in a loving relationship and you too may be willing at some point to do the same but do be gentle to yourself and allow yourself time.
post #30 of 288
Hello all. I am a divorced mom of two little ones. My divorce was finalized over the summer, and I got on a couple of dating sites this fall. Unfortunately, my current life does not lend itself to meeting men IRL! I'm in nursing school (holy estrogen fest) and basically all my friends are married and having babies. So...only two men have piqued my interest online. One of them disappeared after I mentioned childcare as an issue for scheduling our date. The other has been promising. I guess it's been 6 or 7 weeks, but only 5 dates. He travels a lot, and I've got studying and the kids full-time, so finding time to get together is no mean feat! He's a real gentleman, and it's really old fashioned *dating* with actual dates, and getting to know each other! I think a lot of our values and interests are pretty well aligned, which is good. We shall see! If nothing else, I've been having fun!
post #31 of 288
I'm new here to the dating thread I'm secondimpression, young 20-something mama to 8 month old DS. I WOH full time and STBX is a fair weather dad. Once he found out I was dating, he made it a point to never have weekend visitation because in his mind, it will prevent me from dating then I'll get lonely and come crawling back to him...yeah...

I wasn't planning on dating so soon but I've never been one to turn down a great opportunity so when my work crush (hereby known as Coworker) started flirting back, I couldn't resist. It's funny to think that when I first started at my job (newly married) and was introduced to Coworker I mentally kicked myself knowing I'd married the wrong kind of man. Never would've thought that a little more than a year and a baby later I'd be dating the kind of man I wanted to marry in the first place. We have 17 years between us but it really hasn't been an obstacle, he and my DS took to each other like ducks to water and his family has welcomed me in, no questions asked.

Of course, I'm only 2 and a half months in with Coworker, but I do see definite long term potential. He's also the first man I've ever dated that I knew for a long period of time before dating and didn't meet on a dating site

Quote:
Originally Posted by eewieew View Post


I can't even remember the last time I posted on here! Not to mention that I had to change my username for privacy reasons so many of you wouldn't remember me anyway.
I don't mean to sound totally creepy since we've never talked, but I remember following your pregnancy and admiring your strength for everything you went through. We also live in the same city

Quote:
Originally Posted by LorenaAZ View Post
eewieew.....how do you get to go out so much with such a young one? I'm just trying to figure out the logistics. I can only leave my 10 month old for 2 hrs at a time (her dad watches her, she won't let anyone else watch her). I'm not judging.....just curious since I need to start going out more.
STBX almost never watches DS when I'm not at work so I rarely have time to myself or time for a grown up date. So we do family dates and make the best of those rare bits of time alone together. Of course, I knew Coworker for a while before dating him and already trusted him so there wasn't any apprehension about introducing him to my DS.
post #32 of 288
I'm going to have to jump in here and run. I don't have internet at home right now.

Saw Texas Gentleman last around the 18th of November. This was after driving to Orange for his birthday. He's coming here for about a week starting the 14th. He's gonna meet the kids! I'm a bit nervous, but we will have been together about three months by then. XH is supposedly going to take the girls for the last half of their Christmas break, as outlined in the divorce decree, and if he does that I'll spend that weekend down in Orange--Spring semester doesn't start till 11 Jan. I've been planning to spend Spring Break down there for a while now.

He's applied for a job with a paper in New Braunfels, which is maybe 20 minutes from the side of town I live on. So I've got my fingers crossed for that--we're getting tired of this seeing each other once or twice a month stuff.

XH called CPS on me for going to TG's hometown for his birthday! It's utter BS. Met with the social worker today and she seemed pretty nonplussed by it. The allegations were easy to disprove. Sheesh. I'm still angry that I have to deal with it at all!

Love you girls; hopefully I'll be able to get the 'net fixed and get back on here more regularly soon!
post #33 of 288
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by secondimpression View Post
Once he found out I was dating, he made it a point to never have weekend visitation because in his mind, it will prevent me from dating then I'll get lonely and come crawling back to him...yeah....
Ugh. Me too. My xh was *just* starting to do overnights with the kids (at my house, no less) and I'd been trying to get him to do them without me there as back up, for obvious reasons, but also b/c I have a trip coming up at the end of January for work and will be gone for 3 days/2 nights, and I want to know that my kids will be okay...but then he found out I'm dating, and freaked out about how he's not going to be my "babysitter"

Oh well. ATG comes to my place after the kids are asleep, and we hang out, drink whiskey, talk politics, and cuddle by the fire... ATG works fri and sat nights anyway, so it isn't like he is bummed that I can't go out with him on weekend nights.

Quote:
Originally Posted by eewieew View Post
Sugarmoon, already dealt with a jealous girlfriend, but she realized that I'm important to him and has instead gotten to know me and we're friends too. All good on that front.

So I'm changing Outdoorsy Engineer's name to simply ODD. He and I have been in constant contact for 3 days now. We were either texting or instant messaging for 6+ hours last night, and have spent a significant amount of time chatting today as well. He's got a kind heart, fantastic sense of humor, and is genuinely interested in what I have to say. Our lives have had some interesting parallels to say the least, we've got the same views on a lot of important things, and we just communicate really well.

We're meeting on Sunday and while I'm really excited about it, I'm trying to keep my cool because I'm so far out of the game, and I'm still really insecure about my body postpartum. Even though I know I look fine, and I don't want to be with someone who would judge me for that, it's still a "thing" that I must work through. I hate being so hung up on this.

Regardless, I've been in such a hole lately, and know that I deserve to have these butterflies in my stomach; the anticipation of something unknown, and potentially extremely fun...I just hope there's some sort of chemistry there. We shall see I guess.
I hear you on the postpartum body. I've lost a bunch of weight since my divorce, but have bunch more to lose, and have, of course, all the stretch marks, floppy belly/boobs...I force myself to just be chill about it and it has been fine. I actually think I'm pretty hot Hang in there, love

And yes, you definitely deserve something great. Keep us posted!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Holland73 View Post

So, I am going to hide my profiles for the next couple of/few weeks and just go completely "cold turkey" until I feel better about my cold turkey life. Kind of like a dating detox, I guess you could say.
Yup. I've done this -- just came off of one when I met ATG, in fact. Getting re-grounded in myself, my life, my kids, our rhythms and routines and feeling complete and satisfied with that prior to dating is a good thing

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sagesgirl View Post
I'm going to have to jump in here and run. I don't have internet at home right now.

Saw Texas Gentleman last around the 18th of November. This was after driving to Orange for his birthday. He's coming here for about a week starting the 14th. He's gonna meet the kids! I'm a bit nervous, but we will have been together about three months by then. XH is supposedly going to take the girls for the last half of their Christmas break, as outlined in the divorce decree, and if he does that I'll spend that weekend down in Orange--Spring semester doesn't start till 11 Jan. I've been planning to spend Spring Break down there for a while now.

He's applied for a job with a paper in New Braunfels, which is maybe 20 minutes from the side of town I live on. So I've got my fingers crossed for that--we're getting tired of this seeing each other once or twice a month stuff.

XH called CPS on me for going to TG's hometown for his birthday! It's utter BS. Met with the social worker today and she seemed pretty nonplussed by it. The allegations were easy to disprove. Sheesh. I'm still angry that I have to deal with it at all!

Love you girls; hopefully I'll be able to get the 'net fixed and get back on here more regularly soon!
That is all great news, except the bogus CPS report, of course. Glad it is going to roll away, but seriously! You should not be dealing with that -- we have similiar xh's too, if I recall correctly.

My little update: ATG came over again last night. I had invited him to come over and make a nice adult dinner with me, after the kids were in bed, and then I offered for him to come a bit early, and meet the kids a tiny bit. So he came during bedtime stories, listened as I read to them (we read in the living room), and then they all wanted to talk to him and show off (even the ones who are usually super shy!) for a bit, then I took them up to bed.

While I was upstairs, ATG made me an amazingly yummy dinner AND filled up my wood ring (I heat with wood). Can we say swoon?

We had fun converstations, edging quite a bit around long term relationships -- the question of whether I'd ever want more kids (in the abstract only ) came up, and at one point as we were talking, he said "we've got time", which is just leaving me all swoony today....

. I'm really still just stunned that this is happening in my life.
post #34 of 288
Secondimpression - not creeped out at all! Glad that you remember me...our babies are right around the same age too...single mama playdate?
post #35 of 288
Reintroductions was such a good idea, sometimes it gets confusing trying to keep everyone straight in my head.

sugarmoon-- I've kept up on your stories, glad to hear you seem to have finally kicked the Complications habit! Hope things work out w/ ATG.

Butterflymom-- waiting to hear what's going on with this Australian guy...?!

LoveOhm-- ooh, that's scary territory. It really depends on the people in that sort of situation, but it doesn't sound like Prettyboy would be understanding being that he still wants to hook up with you?? Is there any sign that the other guy wants to date you? Getting in between friends can get UGLY!

Seie, much hugs.

So, I also had a quick question for you all. For any of you not looking for a serious relationship, just want to date... how do you make this clear, or deal with people who seem to want more? Is this a silly thing to do?? I'm happy being single right now, but I do like to date and have people to see, BUT I don't want to get all serious / thinking about the future. And I don't want to date exclusively. But I also don't want booty calls or one night stands, at all. It just seems like trying to find a middle ground of enjoying time with people you like and flirting and just having fun is IMPOSSIBLE. Tell me it's possible! I've never done this before.
post #36 of 288
sugarmoon,

My exh is pulling the 'I'm not going to be your babsitter' routine this week, and has also gotten extremely upset I am dating someone.
post #37 of 288
So, after a consistent nightly 3+ hour phone call with Southern Gentleman, which got a little dirty last night, and some slightly dirty texting today, we're going on our first date tomorrow. I'm terrified! He told me last week that he doesn't kiss on the first date, but I simply won't put up with that. He's been in charge of deciding what we are going to do, and it looks like dinner downtown with a movie at the new theater downtown. A movie that he says he's already seen, but says it is a great movie? (Australia?) It's going to be FREEZING tomorrow, so that's not really a bad plan, albeit a 'safe' one as long as there is in-movie cuddling involved.

So, for someone who's totally out of practice...jeans and a fitted sweater okay for this? He's about half a foot taller than me, so I was planning on wearing boots with 2 inch heels.

I feel stupid asking for last minute tips, but it's been well over seven years since I've done this...
post #38 of 288
Always - what kind of place for dinner? I think jeans & a sweater w/boots will be fine if they're a bit on the dressy side - dark rinse jeans, maybe? The biggest thing for me is making sure my hair looks great and putting on a bit of makeup & jewelry. Not overdone, but enough to make the features I want to highlight pop.
post #39 of 288
AAARRRRGGGGHHH! He had another girlfriend. The jazz composer had a whole other girlfriend in Chicago. I left a flirty message on his Facebook page and she wrote me saying they had been together since June. I wrote her back telling her all about what had gone down between us.
I don't even feel sad right now, just dumbfounded. I think I'm literally in shock. This guy was supposed to be in my town in five days to be with me.
post #40 of 288
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlwaysByMySide View Post
So, after a consistent nightly 3+ hour phone call with Southern Gentleman, which got a little dirty last night, and some slightly dirty texting today, we're going on our first date tomorrow. I'm terrified! He told me last week that he doesn't kiss on the first date, but I simply won't put up with that. He's been in charge of deciding what we are going to do, and it looks like dinner downtown with a movie at the new theater downtown. A movie that he says he's already seen, but says it is a great movie? (Australia?) It's going to be FREEZING tomorrow, so that's not really a bad plan, albeit a 'safe' one as long as there is in-movie cuddling involved.

So, for someone who's totally out of practice...jeans and a fitted sweater okay for this? He's about half a foot taller than me, so I was planning on wearing boots with 2 inch heels.

I feel stupid asking for last minute tips, but it's been well over seven years since I've done this...
If I remember correctly... Australia is a LONG movie, like almost 3 hours. Regardless, it is a good movie.

I think your clothing ideas are great. Exactly what I would wear for such a date... plus a bit of makeup and great hair.

Have fun!!!!
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