**December** Dating Thread: Updates and (Re)Introductions, please! - Page 3

[Rosehip]

Oh wow, MamaJen. That is a shock! Had she also thought they were exclusive?

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by *MamaJen*

AAARRRRGGGGHHH! He had another girlfriend. The jazz composer had a whole other girlfriend in Chicago. I left a flirty message on his Facebook page and she wrote me saying they had been together since June. I wrote her back telling her all about what had gone down between us.
I don't even feel sad right now, just dumbfounded. I think I'm literally in shock. This guy was supposed to be in my town in five days to be with me.

Ugh... that really sucks!!! What an ***hat!!!

Have you spoken with him yet? Does she sound legit?

[AlwaysByMySide]

Originally Posted by Rosehip

Always - what kind of place for dinner? I think jeans & a sweater w/boots will be fine if they're a bit on the dressy side - dark rinse jeans, maybe? The biggest thing for me is making sure my hair looks great and putting on a bit of makeup & jewelry. Not overdone, but enough to make the features I want to highlight pop.

It's a casual place - Mongolian Grill of some sort? I've never been. He tried to change it to a fancy sushi place last night, but I told him I didn't feel like getting super duper dressed up for someone I didn't know. I have dark rinse jeans, and the sweater I was thinking about is really soft (which most guys then have the excuse to 'pet' it all night. ), but it's supposed to be very cold, so I'll have a jacket over it when we aren't sitting down wherever.

Definitely great hair...I met up with a friend of mine today and she insisted that I wear it down. I'm going to the gym in the morning, will blow dry there, and then flat iron when I get home, so it has all day to calm down. (I have a LOT of hair, so it needs time to 'settle'.) I'm light on the makeup and jewelry as a general rule anyway, but I have a zit (WAHH!!) growing on my nose, so we'll see what happens to it by tomorrow.

Originally Posted by Holland73

If I remember correctly... Australia is a LONG movie, like almost 3 hours. Regardless, it is a good movie.

So, it turns out, he was only asking me if I ever saw it just to see if I ever saw it...it's not playing anywhere. No clues on what we are seeing, or even if going to a movie is what we are going to end up doing.

Originally Posted by *MamaJen*

AAARRRRGGGGHHH! He had another girlfriend. The jazz composer had a whole other girlfriend in Chicago. I left a flirty message on his Facebook page and she wrote me saying they had been together since June. I wrote her back telling her all about what had gone down between us.
I don't even feel sad right now, just dumbfounded. I think I'm literally in shock. This guy was supposed to be in my town in five days to be with me.

I HATE HATE HATE guys that try to pull that. So sorry, MamaJen.

[CanidFL]

MamaJen - that does sound shocking. I'm sorry to hear that

Well ladies, since posting on here saying I was ready to get back in the dating game, someone has contacted me on match.com. I signed up a few months ago and after trying to make contact with a few guys just gave up. So this guy winked at me then wrote an e-mail. He seems like a good guy. We have been e-mailing for a few days now but I'm not really sure how this whole match.com thing works.

Can anyone help me? How long are you supposed to e-mail before you go on a date?

I would like to meet this guy but kind of leaving it up to him to ask me out. I just find it.....IDK boring chatting in e-mail. It's so much easier to talk in person lol.

oh and I will call him computer hottie or CH for now

[Rosehip]

Canid - meet ASAP. I would tell him that it's been nice to chat, but you'd like to meet for coffee in person before you continue the rather anonymous emails. I've heard of too many email-only relationships where one person is led on by someone with no intention to have a real-life relationship. If he's interested, it will happen ASAP!

[Holland73]

My Match.com progression has gone as such:

1. Email for approx. a week, give or take a day or two. Generally, after 2-4 emails through Match, we move it to our personal email addresses.

2. Talk on the phone, which ultimately, leads to setting up the first date.

3. First date.

Depending on our schedules, it can take anywhere from a week or two to get to that first date.

[Holland73]

Originally Posted by Rosehip

Canid - meet ASAP. I would tell him that it's been nice to chat, but you'd like to meet for coffee in person before you continue the rather anonymous emails. I've heard of too many email-only relationships where one person is led on by someone with no intention to have a real-life relationship. If he's interested, it will happen ASAP!

See... and I don't like meeting them ASAP. I prefer to get to know them a bit more via email and phone conversations before meeting face-to-face.

But, I can also get a really good feel for a person via email/phone, so it feels a bit more... I guess, safe to me. I am good at reading between the lines and asking the *right* kind of questions, which helps. Plus, having a bit more time lessens the chances of wasting time AND money on a crappy date since I was able to "screen" him a bit more. Kwim?

[sugarmoon]

Yep, it is a fine line, imo, between valuable time spent screening/getting to know and creating a false relationship without really knowing them..

I spent almost a month emailing incessantly with Complications before we met, and while that was fine, it was also a clue about where he really was in terms of readiness, that I missed.

ATG and I emailed for a week, on a multiple times a night basis, then met for coffee. I don't like talking on the phone particularly, so I haven't gone that route. I enjoy writing, and I like a guy who can write relatively eloquent/witty/coherent emails so that is a bigger test for me than a phone conversation.

But....if you want to wait for him to ask you out, that's okay too. Just keep it in perspective, in the meantime!

[Seie]

Mamajen: That sucks. Im sorry

Im not gonna hang around here so much just yet. Will give you updates on mysituation if any news, but so far no contact from running man. I havent called him since I sent him a passionate, desperate, stupid e-mail on sunday and he refused to pick up the phone when I called. After that I took a step back. Not sure when I am ready to attempt another phone conversation. I doubt he would hang up on me again - he probably just needs time. But he does owe me a better end than this after a year of believing it as a life time thing.

Reading here is a bit discouraging to me actually. Reading about all the not so good guys who take advantage, act selfish, decieve, lie and just generally act immature and stupid just makes me feel it's not even worth it
I am losing faith in male kind..

[DanishMom]

Originally Posted by Holland73

See... and I don't like meeting them ASAP. I prefer to get to know them a bit more via email and phone conversations before meeting face-to-face.

But, I can also get a really good feel for a person via email/phone, so it feels a bit more... I guess, safe to me. I am good at reading between the lines and asking the *right* kind of questions, which helps. Plus, having a bit more time lessens the chances of wasting time AND money on a crappy date since I was able to "screen" him a bit more. Kwim?

That is my strategy too Holland. I also want to feel like there is something building though it is on a tiny scale through emails. Of course it might not get any further long term.

Mamajen: I'm so sorry. I know how much you wanted this to happen. Please update and let us know how you are doing.

[secondimpression]

Originally Posted by sugarmoon

I hear you on the postpartum body. I've lost a bunch of weight since my divorce, but have bunch more to lose, and have, of course, all the stretch marks, floppy belly/boobs...I force myself to just be chill about it and it has been fine. I actually think I'm pretty hot

I was there too with the postpartum body feelings. I had extensive tearing and scaring in my nether regions and STBX made me feel really insecure about my sexuality as a result. Getting naked with Coworker massively restored my confidence; he loves my body just the way it is, scars and furry under arms included! It's funny but when you're confident that you look good, people pick up on that and whatever tiny flaws you see in the mirror seem to vanish.

Originally Posted by eewieew

Secondimpression - not creeped out at all! Glad that you remember me...our babies are right around the same age too...single mama playdate?

I am PMing you!

Originally Posted by *MamaJen*

AAARRRRGGGGHHH! He had another girlfriend. The jazz composer had a whole other girlfriend in Chicago. I left a flirty message on his Facebook page and she wrote me saying they had been together since June. I wrote her back telling her all about what had gone down between us.
I don't even feel sad right now, just dumbfounded. I think I'm literally in shock. This guy was supposed to be in my town in five days to be with me.

I'm sorry, that's just rotten all around!

Originally Posted by Rosehip

Canid - meet ASAP. I would tell him that it's been nice to chat, but you'd like to meet for coffee in person before you continue the rather anonymous emails. I've heard of too many email-only relationships where one person is led on by someone with no intention to have a real-life relationship. If he's interested, it will happen ASAP!

There's nothing worse than really hitting it off with someone online and never making it to that first date.

[AlwaysByMySide]

Originally Posted by Rosehip

Canid - meet ASAP. I would tell him that it's been nice to chat, but you'd like to meet for coffee in person before you continue the rather anonymous emails. I've heard of too many email-only relationships where one person is led on by someone with no intention to have a real-life relationship. If he's interested, it will happen ASAP!

Yep - I had a month's worth of almost daily emails (for awhile...then every other day...then every couple of days) with one guy. Long emails. I kept bringing up going out, gave him my phone number, he never called, we never went out. He kept telling me he had work projects, that he worked more than 40 hours a week, etc. What a waste of time.

The one I'm going out with tonight, we emailed a couple of times last week, made plans on Sunday to go out on Friday, talked on the phone every night this week, so I'd say that that was a good progression. (In fact, judging by how we've hit it off on the phone, I kind of wish we had made plans earlier in the week.)

I got skeeved out by one guy who didn't want to even chat at all before going out, so I think there is a happy medium. A week or two seems right.

[JohnnysGirl]

Mamajen, I'm just so sorry. There was nothing but bubbling great news on this thread for a chunk of November and now all this shit in December. God.


Add me to the list. the Aussie and I had connected to soi intimately on an intellectual level via emails for two and a half years but in person it was like this huge wall was up between us and nothing I could do could melt it down. He was super polite, kind, etc, but I could feel and eventually he admitted that he was distancing himself emotionally...he said he just couldn't bring himself to invest emotions in my direction knowing there wasn't long term potential to it coming to anything. I tried to tell him that I think it's still worthwhile while we are together for 3 days to at least make the most of it and have a wonderful time in person after soooooooo many hours of writing letters back and forth for years to one another, just to get that special, live, aspect of one another finally to add to this connection we have had with one another in this life, regardless of the future. But I couldn;t get him to really connect with me and now that he's off to the states and I'm wandering the UK alone, I'm feeling more lonely than before. If that's possible. He is still a good friend and we will continue to write to one another and cheer one another from a distance but I doubt we'll arrange another live chunk of time together.

[mumblemama]

Just a quick update on my dating situation...

I met this guy on okcupid, we'll call him Soul Singer, had some really good long chats for a few days. We met up earlier this week at a jazz bar, which had some pretty good live blues that night... in any case, he's really sweet. We hit it off well, he's funny and amazingly cute, very sweet and seemingly open and straight forward type of person. And very smart! Just had a couple drinks, walked around downtown quite a lot. We've been texting a bit since then, he likes telling me I'm cute and awesome, and who doesn't want to hear that? Definite potential there and another date planned for next week.

And then I met up w/ Hot Guitarist, whom I am renaming Shy Guitarist. Him and I went on two "dates" about a year ago now, also met him online. We've kept in vague touch over the months that I've been in a relationship, and I asked him out last week. I don't know what it is about this guy, he just makes me a little loopy, I find him absolutely adorable and endearing in a very silly way. He's passionate and thoughtful but seems to try covering it up with humor. It's sometimes unsettling, and he makes me feel unsettled. So why do I like seeing him so much! I don't know. But anyway, we hung out at his apartment... pizza, beer, youtube videos and a lovely cat named Roxanne.

Annnyways, both their pics are posted privately. There are other vague prospects but I think I'll limit my attention on these two for the moment.

--

Mamajen, that is so suck.

Butterflymom... that just sounds a bit weird. Sorry you're feeing down.

Sorry that many of you are having a not so good month.

I really prefer to meet people ASAP. If there's an initial connection, I don't want to waste too much time chatting or emailing back and forth. I think it's too easy to fill in the gaps when communication is online, and get the wrong true impression of people. Not saying it isn't possible, but I think it can be a very dangerous game. I much rather meet someone and have a good (usually) time and then if that's it, that's it.

[AllysonB]

So the guy I have been seeing, since mid November lol, has shown to be a really great guy. He still shows scars from a previous relationship, but we talk through everything and he says he is letting those go because he doesn't want to penalize me for his past. He is two years younger than me (not part of my original plan) and still in school so not quite ready for a family, but we have talked about it and are looking in that direction. I still have a year or two left in school and I think that will be a good amount of time to see where it goes. He really wants to have a family and cares about me alot. I care for him alot as well. We have great chemistry. He wants us to meet eachothers families so hopefully that goes smoothly.

[Rosehip]

Originally Posted by Holland73

See... and I don't like meeting them ASAP. I prefer to get to know them a bit more via email and phone conversations before meeting face-to-face.

But, I can also get a really good feel for a person via email/phone, so it feels a bit more... I guess, safe to me. I am good at reading between the lines and asking the *right* kind of questions, which helps. Plus, having a bit more time lessens the chances of wasting time AND money on a crappy date since I was able to "screen" him a bit more. Kwim?

I should clarify that I was suggesting ASAP in response to her statement that they'd already been emailing back & forth for several days. So, figuring it would take a couple of days to find a mutually agreeable time & location, etc., you're a week out from the initial contact right there.

[Ione]

Blind date was a total dud. Not much else to say.

[momanderson]

I have another movie's on my couch date planned with neighbour tomorrow night! I need a better nic name for him! happy hunter maybe? He loves to hunt and is into archery too. Ya I'll call him happy hunter or hh.
I'm really surprised he wants to get together, he is working a 7 day stretch with 76 hours between Thursday and next Wednesday! I find that hot for some reason! I said we should get together for movies again when life settles down a bit, he suggested sat night! he's going to come over after work, so it will be 8 or even 9ish. We just watched movies during the day on Tuesday while all the kids were at school and my youngest was with his dad. Tuesday evening happy hunter put a fb status that he had a great day! and he is NOT a status guy, I think he's had maybe 5 status's since joining fb 2 years ago! So I guess things are going well, but honestly I don't know! I don't get dating, I don't think xh and I really dated it was straight to a relationship.

[LorenaAZ]

Seie, I'm losing hope too.

I was emailing back and forth with a local single dad for about 2 weeks. We kept having schedule clashes and couldn't meet during that time. Then I asked a friend of mine if she knew him (he frequents a coffee shop that is my friend's 'second home') and she told me the most horrific things about him. She has no reason to lie about it, and the information is so bad that I'm sure he would deny it if I asked him. Plus, I am not into drama, so I won't even go there. I simply stopped emailing him. It made me SO ANGRY that guys are such posers and liars!! At the same time, I was glad I kept my guard up and never shared my phone #, address, etc. I'm really private and cautious about that.

[AlwaysByMySide]

Went out with Southern Gentleman last night. He's nice and all, but he's not making serious sparks with me. Still, he might grow on me. We ate dinner, realized the movie we were going to go see didn't start until 10, so we had an hour and a half to kill. He drove us up to the top of a mountain so we could talk and look down on the city lights. Did some cuddling in the movie theater, and got a serious kiss good night.

Texted me to ask if I got home okay, and said he wanted to go out again, soon. Now it's just logistics of getting someone to watch the kids, because I would feel bad about making my dad do it every time I want to see him, but I DO want to see him more than once a week. I guess this is what makes dating extra tricky when you are a single mom.