Are they from hell? A vent thread.

[PoppyMama]

I really love my 12 going on 15 year old daughter but she is more work than a toddler and twice as infuriating. I feared the teen years and despite the intermittent joy of having a semi-adult around I am feeling worn down lately and (momentarily I'm pretty sure) wish she would just finish growing up.

[Rockies5]

my son is 12. I wish he were 21. I am trying to focus on the goodness and potential that HAS to still be inside of him somewhere.

After he has gone to bed for the night, and my ears have stopped ringing, I pray for him. He must feel like the crazed drug addict with all those hormones racing around. I just wish they wouldn't effect his mouth so much. He never did have an internal monologue, but now would be an EXCELLENT time to develop one.

he certainly behaves like a crazed person. I try to remind myself how insane and enraged it feels to be that age. Its easy to remember when I find him crashed out in the middle of an argument. It's like brat-narclepsy or something. Man, I wish I had a remote to contol that "feature" of teen-hood.

I comiserate with you. I know you adore her. I'm sorry she is currently possessed.

[Dandelionkid]

Oh c,mon, give me some hope for the teen years!!!It can't be too much worse than my 5 yr old consistently thinking she know everything, I exist to bug her and ruin her fun etc etc. I saw your thread title and came to have a look but I stay far away from this place. I prefer to keep my head in the sand

[PoppyMama]

*maniacal laughter* run very far away until your daughter hits 8-12 and then we will welcome you.

My dd is starting to rub off on me. For years she has thought I existed to make her life hell and now I am starting to think she exists to make my life hell. In all fairness to teens everywhere, she has some mental health issues that are hard to figure out because teens can act pretty wacky anyway so some real problems are not being improved (she has been to counseling) and she is miserable with herself too. It's hard for her to live feeling like she's under my thumb especially since I've never been so authoratative when she was little but I am determined she will make it to full adulthood alive and reasonably healthy. It's all really crushing.

[dyehappy]

I'm convinced by 14yo DD was abducted by aliens at 12 and has yet to be returned. My mom keeps reassuring me that someday, she will make it back; after all, the same aliens abducted me with I was her age.

The most frustrating thing is not knowing from one minute to the next how they are going to act. One day is wonderful, the next day hell. Up, down, up, down . . . round and round. Its dizzying.

[mamahart]

oh mama! I find my 12 yr old dd and 4 yr old ds very similar...irrational, maniacal energy, always running off, sneaking sweets, bizarre sleep patterns. It is unendingly passionate and exhausting.

[Oriole]

I have absolutely no idea what kind of day it will turn out to be. Some days she has such wise and kind things to say, and other days it's all so selfish and superficial and materialistic, and mean. I very much agree with the "dizzy, up and down, up and down" comments.

[moongloe]

i am so glad i found this thread! my ds will be 12 in two weeks.
though i'm sorry the rest of you are dealing with the evils of this age, i'm thrilled to see i'm not alone.

my ds used to be so sweet, kind, and gentle. just last year he cried gigantic tears because he found a dead butterfly. now he's pissy, quick to anger, loud, and extremely mouthy. and selfish! wow is he ever.

even worse: he is behaving badly. recently he used 3/4 a bottle of shampoo in his bath (to make bubbles) then lied about it. he also has snuck treats, & lied about that. yeah, i know he's not off drinking or anything serious, but this is out of character for him (both the sneaking and the lying), and i don't know how to handle it.

i have to believe that sweet guy is somewhere still in there, and that all the goodness didn't just disappear forever. (sigh) thanks for letting me vent.

~peace.

[mamabekah]

interesting to see so many refer to lying

I grew up with and try to enforce a zero tolerance for lying, but I have an illness that mostly manifests itself as a poor memory. My dd knows that I often don't remember things, and even when I do I can be often be convinced that I am mis-remembering it. Thus she has gotten away with lying to me about what actually happened and had parental conflict over the lying issue.

this thread has been good about reminding me of the behaviour problems which are a result of hormone changes. I am acutely aware of the physical changes happening in her body, I should try to remember that some of the behavior issues may be hormonal related also. Duh, its amazing that I hadn't been thinking of that. I just don't think of her as a pre-teen yet.

[boobybunny]

Our daughter just turned 11.. but she is 5' 4" and around 100lbs.

She plays competative basketball..hard... three to four times a week all year round. Back in november she nearly broke her foot. Six weeks in a boot, no physical activity and I though aliens HAD taken her, or wished they would.

The hormones, we went through two cycles while she was healing.. we, I say we cause the whole damned family was cursed with her. We all walked on egg shells, tried to not look at her 'funny' and did whatever we could to to keep the head spining monster away.

She is healed, back at the gym busting a sweat four days a week, and our sweet loving, kind, funny, FUN TO BE AROUND daughter is back. She is goofy, helpful, patient, kind, loving, generous, a totally different kid than that hellion that showed up about five days into her recovery and lack of physical activities.

I guess what I am saying.. and I know our daughter is younger than the magic 12.. but she looks 14.. She needs the physical release of exercise in order to stay uncrazed by the raging hormones. Maybe it would work for your kiddos too.

[Oriole]

Originally Posted by boobybunny

Our daughter just turned 11.. but she is 5' 4" and around 100lbs.

She plays competative basketball..hard... three to four times a week all year round. Back in november she nearly broke her foot. Six weeks in a boot, no physical activity and I though aliens HAD taken her, or wished they would.

The hormones, we went through two cycles while she was healing.. we, I say we cause the whole damned family was cursed with her. We all walked on egg shells, tried to not look at her 'funny' and did whatever we could to to keep the head spining monster away.

She is healed, back at the gym busting a sweat four days a week, and our sweet loving, kind, funny, FUN TO BE AROUND daughter is back. She is goofy, helpful, patient, kind, loving, generous, a totally different kid than that hellion that showed up about five days into her recovery and lack of physical activities.

I guess what I am saying.. and I know our daughter is younger than the magic 12.. but she looks 14.. She needs the physical release of exercise in order to stay uncrazed by the raging hormones. Maybe it would work for your kiddos too.

I've always had that theory that kids would behave much better if they got a healthy amount of exercise. It applies to all ages, really. I wonder if it's more important during teenage years? It's a shame dsd is not interested in sports, I really think it would have done a world of good to everyone. In many ways, having a job served the purpose that sports could have served earlier in life.

[boobybunny]

Oriole
If not sports per se how about cycling? Our nearly 13 year old son HATES organized sports, but will ride his bike for hours if we would let him. I can not wait for the new fly over bridge in out town... it will make bike commuting to school SOOOO much easier for him. (we are about 4 miles by the new bridge... almost 6 on busy nearly freeway speed roads now)

Walking the pet every day? Weights?

Snowboarding? Wakeboarding? Surfing? Swimming? Rock climbing?

[Ornery]

I agree on the sports or actually, any other activity. Whenever my oldest ds isn't training (he plays baseball, football, soccer and does drama), he is a real bear. While I am not a fan of overscheduling and really really hate sitting through hours of sports (I am so not a sports fan), the energy he expends during these extracurricular activities makes him a much kinder, gentler person. When he is in a down period, our home life really suffers.

[lorijds]

The teen years have been even keeled for us--the preteen, not so much. 8-10 was horrible, and made me weep and feel ill in anticipation of what the teen years were to hold. Lo and behold, so far (14 and almost 11, both girls), life is wonderful. They are truly delightful, funny, and loving, and very even-tempered. Nothing like what they were in the 8-10 year old range, where they were angry, sad, uptight, and liable to switch gears at the drop of a hat.

I agree about the exercise thing. While my daughters are not in any organized sports, we are lucky to live in an area where walking and biking are considered normal activities for people of all ages. During decent weather, my kids ride their bikes to school, hang out downtown with their friends, walk to friends' houses, and play outside. The oldest has started running (not far, but still it's exercise) and we walk the dog as a family about a mile each night.

I think I'm going to place my oldest on my gym membership this spring. She wants to do this, and I feel like she's old enough to start going. My family had a gym membership when I was growing up, and I used it a lot throughout my high school years. I feel like sometimes the only exercise I got was at the gym. I certainly feel better about myself and life in general when I exercise regularly.

[Ruthla]

No, teenagers are NOT from hell. At least not the ones I'm living with. They've both been APed from birth, and homeschooled for part of middle school, and they seem to be immune to most of the "teen stupidity" I see in the mainstream culture. Overall, they're good kids, and I mostly enjoy their company (especially when it's only one of them at a time.)

Now, they're not perfect. They're walking bags of hormones, and DD1 is more self-centered than she's been at any other point of her life. They often bicker with one another and with DS. But I'd say the good outweighs the bad, and I enjoy their company more than they annoy me.

[PoppyMama]

I just want to point out that different kids are different people. I have a 10 & 12 year old and their behavior is so vastly different you'd think they were raised in completely different households. I AP'd my kids as well as I could at every stage but my dd is still who she is and that person is extremely difficult and scary. I can change her environment try different approaches to dealing with her but she is the constant and no matter what direction I try to go it slides downhill with her. We were very attached when she was younger and I still adore her and even like her on a regular basis but I'm also afraid that she won't make it to adulthood without severe damage. We are all doing the best we can but being AP isn't a magic pill that solves all problems. My dd is homeschooled as well.

[pixiekisses]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

No, teenagers are NOT from hell. At least not the ones I'm living with. They've both been APed from birth, and homeschooled for part of middle school, and they seem to be immune to most of the "teen stupidity" I see in the mainstream culture. Overall, they're good kids, and I mostly enjoy their company (especially when it's only one of them at a time.)

Now, they're not perfect. They're walking bags of hormones, and DD1 is more self-centered than she's been at any other point of her life. They often bicker with one another and with DS. But I'd say the good outweighs the bad, and I enjoy their company more than they annoy me.

Yeah!
Well, mine has moved out, and she wasn't homeschooled, or self-centered (and she didn't have anyone to bicker with really, since she's that much older).
But the rest of it is very much true.
I really love teenagers too, that stage is just another amazing one to me.