When I pray for peace and grace, I get a migraine...

[EnviroBecca]

What is God trying to tell me??

I've been having frequent (often more than once a week, sometimes for days at a stretch) very bad headaches for years. Probably there are some physical factors involved, as well as stress, and it's a pretty complicated issue.

My question is, how should I be praying about this? Because it seems like I've always done it wrong! At first, I would ask God to take away the pain, and invariably it would get worse shortly after the prayer and last a lot longer than if I "said" nothing about the headache when praying. I took that as a sign that this was not the right thing to ask.

Lately, I've had SEVERAL times when I've felt I was being excessively short-tempered and/or having a rough time coping with my kid and/or my life in general, so upon arriving at church I directed my prayers toward seeking peace and grace, repenting for my behavior, asking guidance in behaving more reasonably, and discerning what I need to do to get back on track. It seems fine while I am praying it. But EVERY SINGLE TIME, within two hours of leaving church I've been hit with a major migraine, the kind that begins with an "aura" of distorted vision (which accompanies only about 2% of my headaches overall) and moves on to crippling pain and a scary disoriented feeling that keeps me from doing much of my normal stuff.

Just a coincidence?? If not, what's the message?

I am Christian (Episcopalian) but open to perspectives from other faiths.

[kangamitroo]

my sympathy to you about your headaches. i have had similar, and know how stressful it can be to have a headache that last so long, then seems to merge into the next one.

one thought i had when reading your post is that maybe when you are praying, you are asking in such desperation (completely understandable) that the anxiety actually is increasing and the pain getting even worse.
i can't believe that God is increasing your pain because you are asking for it to be alleviated. that does not fit for me.

but maybe you have an urgency "right now, please i can't take it anymore"--and there is no way to place answers to prayers on a time table. in other words, maybe praying for relief is not the problem, but the answer will come in an unexpected way/time. does that make sense?

are you doing anything to treat your pain? for me, regular yoga and prayer have kept them under control but i still get one at just before my period. and when i forget to drink water + have stress + have late nights = migraine.

if there is any way possible to get a change of scenery--someone helps with the children while you go for a walk--that might help you cope.

good luck. i pray that you find some physical and spiritual relief.

[smpayne]

Originally Posted by EnviroBecca

What is God trying to tell me??
Lately, I've had SEVERAL times when I've felt I was being excessively short-tempered and/or having a rough time coping with my kid and/or my life in general, so upon arriving at church I directed my prayers toward seeking peace and grace, repenting for my behavior, asking guidance in behaving more reasonably, and discerning what I need to do to get back on track. It seems fine while I am praying it. But EVERY SINGLE TIME, within two hours of leaving church I've been hit with a major migraine, the kind that begins with an "aura" of distorted vision (which accompanies only about 2% of my headaches overall) and moves on to crippling pain and a scary disoriented feeling that keeps me from doing much of my normal stuff.

Just a coincidence?? If not, what's the message?

The short-temper could be a warning sign that a migraine is emminent or it could be part of the cause (stress, hormonal, etc.). The fact that it comes within hours of leaving church could be an indication of an enviormental factor (new carpet, old carpet, mold, dust, toxic fumes, etc). My dh gets migraines due to allergies. He can visit someone with pets or who smokes and be fine during our visit, but a few hours after leaving, he is puking his guts out with a migraine and is sick for days (mold is also one of his worst enemies). My MIL gets migraines that last for days when she travels.

Have you discussed this with your doctor? Ask to see a specialist. We were told that most migraines are allergy related (but not all). Make sure your doctor is clear that this is a HUGE problem that needs to be fixed.

Your stress and guilt about your spiritial walk may intensify your pain and make recovery more difficult, but not likely the cause. God does not expect us to be perfect and he knows we make mistakes. I know that many protestant sects teach that if you have illness or difficulty, it is becasue you are lacking faith. This mentality goes against everything Christ taught. Many of those preachers are the ones that will con little old ladies to give up thier life savings, while they sip coctails by the pool in thier 10 million dollar vacation homes.

[EnviroBecca]

one thought i had when reading your post is that maybe when you are praying, you are asking in such desperation (completely understandable) that the anxiety actually is increasing and the pain getting even worse.

That's interesting and possible. I don't quite understand the role of anxiety: It's supposed to be the trigger for the muscular tension that causes the changes in circulation that cause the headache...but I usually do not get headaches at times when I am really worried, upset, busy, etc.; I get them when I start to relax. If I have something important coming up and want to make sure it's not wrecked by a headache, the WORST thing I can do is take life easy, and the safest plan is to move full steam ahead keeping very busy and sleeping as little as possible. The trouble is, I can't keep that up forever!

But as I'm writing this, I'm wondering if my Sundays are too relaxing! Usually I sleep later than on a weekday, enjoy a leisurely breakfast while my kid watches his favorite TV shows of the week, have a pleasant walk to church (my kid is prone to screaming freakouts when it's time to leave on weekdays but almost never has them on Sundays), and after church hang around at coffee hour chatting with friends...and when we go to church on Tuesday nights twice a month, it can be stressful getting there on time, but once we arrive it's restful, there's a potluck dinner afterward...maybe when I turn over my mental/emotional worries to God, which is such a relief, maybe that's opening me up for the physical tension to start the headache.

My neurologist says it's quite common for tension-triggered migraines to be more common on weekends, and pre-parenthood I definitely saw that pattern. Now, because I can't do errands on the way home from work because I have to pick up my kid on time, my Saturdays are very busy and I don't tend to have headaches on Saturday so much. Unless my partner tries to be nice by taking the kid out so I can sleep late. Sleeping unusually late and lounging around in bed is one of the worst things I can do!

The short-temper could be a warning sign that a migraine is emminent

Of course! It could! There are many other warning signs that I tend to ignore until the headache or visual aura leaves no doubt about what's happening. I tend to slip gradually into a frame of mind where I believe I don't deserve anything I want and nothing good is likely to happen. Church is one of the few things that helps me break out of that, but getting free of conscious thoughts along those lines doesn't mean I'm getting free of the migraine process.

The fact that it comes within hours of leaving church could be an indication of an enviormental factor

Hmm, I don't think so, because I'm often in my church for other reasons--meetings, events, used to lead Girl Scouts there and even had sleepovers there, and I've even cleaned the sanctuary breathing plenty of dust and had no headache afterward.

I have seen lots of doctors, including specialists, plus a chiropractor. I've tried acupuncture (useless) and physical therapy (helpful). I've had several brain scans to check for tumors. I've tried prescription drugs, but the side effects outweigh the benefit. What works best for me is caffeine and ibuprofen together at the first sign of headache.

I know that many protestant sects teach that if you have illness or difficulty, it is becasue you are lacking faith.

Not my church. The attitude is more that illnesses and difficulties are part of life, we all have our crosses to bear, but while suffering can be instructive that doesn't mean it's always good for us, so we all pray and work toward everyone feeling better.

[EviesMom]

Might be a little random, but reading your last post, I wonder if the caffeine and weekend timing have something to do with it? Are you possibly warding off migraines on other days by getting up earlier or drinking coffee earlier? When you don't have coffee, say before church, do you tend to get a migraine from that?

[EnviroBecca]

Evie's Mom, you are right on target with what happened yesterday! I slept late (turned off the alarm thinking kid would wake me soon, but he slept late too) and then, since we were making veggie and cheese trays for coffee hour, figured we should go over right away and I'd drink the church's coffee while slicing food. Didn't think about the fact that it was already 2 hours later than I'd have my first coffee on a weekday. Got to church, and for some reason the sexton had not started up the coffeepot yet; it's normally up by the end of the early service, but maybe early service was cancelled; at any rate he didn't get it going until minutes before the late service, and we wanted to be in the service at the beginning for the lighting of the Advent wreath...so I did not get my coffee until the END of the service, 3 1/2 hours after waking and 5 1/2 hours after my usual coffee time...and although I KNEW when there was no coffee upon my arrival at church that this was likely to be a problem, I didn't DO anything about it such as go get coffee at the bagel place half a block away. I am so stupid. Spent the afternoon helping my friend move, out in the cold which tensed up my neck, while having a migraine. Spent the evening getting a massage from my friend and hearing how grateful he was, but I still feel like a total idiot for forcing myself to pretend the headache is not there.

I purposely didn't pray about the headache one way or another, so that was not the cause.

But I want to keep this a Spirituality thread rather than a Health thread because I do need God's help with this problem and I just don't seem to know how to ask for or accept it.

I've often pictured the headache as a little demon on my shoulder, like in cartoons where someone has a little angel on one shoulder and a little devil on the other, except I only have the devil. It materializes and whispers in my ear, "Don't tell!" and I won't tell anyone it's there (confusing combination of being afraid to defy it, hoping it'll go away if I ignore it, feeling priveleged to be in on its secret even as I know that secret isn't anything good, thinking I must deserve this, and fearing that I'm crazy) and I won't admit that it's poking me with its pitchfork and pulling my hair and climbing into my ear to tear up my brain. I pretend it's not there until the headache has taken over my whole day and, even if I am still doing what I'd planned to do, everything is distorted by the headache.

So maybe the imagery is just that and it isn't really a demon, but it's something. I have to stop letting it ride me like that. How do I do that? How do I get God to help me? How do I recognize God's help when it's being offered to me? How do I accept that help instead of accepting the punishment for I don't know I don't know I don't even know where I went wrong but it must be my fault but why where what did I ever do, and if it isn't my fault then WHY does this happen, or how do I accept not knowing why and just concentrate on finding my way out??? I feel so trapped.

[JTA Mom]

I think you are focusing on the wrong side of the equation.

I am/was a frequent migraine/headache sufferer. It's debilitating. Painful. But I think, rather than focus on why God is 'punishing' you, you need to focus on what you body (or God) is trying to tell you.

You mention coffee. Do you know that is a migraine trigger? Caffeine in general is. When I cut out caffeine, I got a lot fewer migraines.

My migraine triggers are numerous:
rapidly changing weather (overcast one day, clear next),
any hits to the head (even when ds 'playfully' bonks me in the nose....argh!!),
caffeine,
not eating enough (MUST eat above 1200 calories. Any less and boy, ouch!), not drinking enough (at least 6 glasses a day of caffeine free stuff, doesn't have to be water),
electrolyte imbalance (had this after my c/section. Gatorade helped instantly),
not sleeping enough/continuously enough

tensing shoulder/neck muscles (relaxation techniques help, as does a magnesium supplement--most migraine sufferers as deficient in migraines. You need to take enough magnesium to tolerance--aka loose stools--then back off a bit. You WILL be over the RDA. It's okay. As you build stores, your tolerance will build up) I also found that having dh practice some pressure point therapy helps. Pretty much have him (or yourself) press on your 'knots' in your back, shoulders, neck and even head. Hold for 10 seconds. You will feel an increase in pain while pressing there, but once you let go and you hit enough spots, your pain will lessen. It's your muscles spasming that can cause headaches.

too 'chewy' food. Like really tough meat. Ouch.

Spiking/dropping blood sugars. Didn't realize this last one until I started Atkins. Other than day when I didn't eat above my 'minimum' threshhold, I don't get headaches anymore. It's been 3 weeks of widely vascilating weather, lack of sleep, etc. I think the blood sugar 'issues' (that I didn't even 'feel') made me more prone to headaches.

hth!

Ami

[EnviroBecca]

you need to focus on what you body (or God) is trying to tell you.

Okay, but HOW do I focus on that? The way I see it is that my body is telling me that everything I do is wrong EXCEPT for drinking coffee. If I drink coffee every time I sense that it's what my body wants, I feel good most of the time. But if I do my usual thing of second-guessing myself, trying to be "good" and not drink "too much" coffee, the blood circulation in my brain goes wrong and I get a migraine. I'm not denying that caffeine is a migraine trigger FOR YOU and for many people, but migraine triggers are very individualized, and for me caffeine is the best medicine. I tend toward low blood pressure, which probably has something to do with it. It's not simply a matter of addiction because when I'm sick and go off caffeine completely so I can sleep, I don't have headaches except as part of the illness (i.e. sinus infection which feels very different from a migraine).

Anyway, whatever I do is wrong. I've tried all kinds of dietary changes and supplements and exercises and drugs and therapies, and while some things help a bit, I never get rid of the migraines altogether. They were a lot less frequent when I was pregnant and EBFing, but they were still happening occasionally. My point is, I've done a lot of trouble-shooting in the physical realm without accomplishing much, and putting the focus on "solving my problem by changing my behavior" means believing that my actions cause the migraines = the migraines are my fault. There is almost certainly some truth to that, but focusing on that belief is not helping me.

I suspect that there's a lot of mind-body interaction here and that changes in the physical realm aren't going to bring significant relief without changes in the mental/spiritual realm. Yesterday I KNEW what physical things would bring me relief, but I refused myself every single one of them or delayed it until a point where it didn't work as well as it could have. WHY DO I DO THIS, AND HOW CAN I STOP?

[JTA Mom]

Caffeine restricts your blood vessels. During a migraine, your blood vessels expand. Caffeine helps migraines. However it can trigger it. Drinking less caffeine than normal triggers headaches. It looks like a migraine trigger to me, for you. There is NO cutting down of a migraine trigger. Any amount, reduced from normal, will trigger a migraine, if that's what your body is used to. Going from two cups of coffee a day to one, in your body, is still a withdrawal. As for sinus infections vs. migraine pain when sick, can still be a migraine in disguise. Actually, there are new studies out that say migraines are actually misdiagnosed/underdiagnosed way too often, and that what many people think is a sinus headache/tension headache is a migraine. Not all of my migraines present the same way, nor 'flow' the same way. So just because the pain is radiating from a different area (sinuses vs. the tight band around your head) doesn't mean it's not the same thing.

As for listening to your body, you need to start keeping logs. Maybe keep a food/weather/stress level journal, along with headaches. Trust me, headaches have a biological foundation. Unless you want to believe God or Satan or someone is punishing you.

YOUR triggers are your own. Only by slowing down and actually focusing on yourself will you find this out. All the triggers I mentioned that cause MY issues, I've hunted down myself over 12 years. Also, many 'treatments' are just that--treatments. They are trying to fix the symptoms--migraines. The causes though, are not focused on/fixed. It's good to know, for example, for ME, that once I feel that tension in my shoulders to start relaxing them. To mindfully focus on stretching/massaging out the tension. Because if I don't nip it in the bud, it will get worse.

It's a quest, really. I started Atkins to lose weight just three weeks ago. I never, in my wildest dreams, thought it would affect my migraines. Ever. But it did. While I still got one when I really stressed my system (didn't eat enough to meet 1200 calories for 3 days, ds slept 2 hour spurts for 2 days, the literally everyday wild weather variations), it was MUCH different than before. Beforehand, I would probably still have a headache today. But once I upped my calories, the headache/migraine went away. The weather seems to have stabilized the past 2 days, but I only got like 4 hours of sleep due to ds again tonight. No headache. Before, I would be dragging.

Just saying that because you've tried the treatments before and they didn't work, doesn't mean that it's a complete failure. It doesn't mean you are stuck with the pain. It just means you haven't found the reason behind your migraines and need to look deeper. Sometimes the solution is right in front of our eyes, but we just can't see it.



Ami

[smpayne]

I agree with JTA Mom that maybe keeping a log will help you notice things that trigger your migraine that may get overlooked normally. Include everything from food to feelings. Put a prayer request in at your church - don't suffer silently.

Sunday's seem to be a hectic day for you (possibly a stress factor), ask DH to be your "Caffeine Police". Men don't like to hear us complain, unless they can actually do something productive to help fix the problem. Ask him to make sure you get your morning coffee and breakfast before leaving for church. Maybe he can prepare it, or just remind you ??? minutes before leaving. Also ask him to keep an eye on you for some warning signs that you are ignoring. He may be able to help you relax and re-focus.

You mentioned that things were better when EBFing (hormone thing?) - Just a thought, but more sex may help . Wouldn't hurt to try.

I have to be my dh's "Volunteer Police". He tends to over commit himself and in turn runs himself ragged, doesn't get enough sleep and ends up with a migraine that lasts for 2-3 days.

[lolar2]

Good point-- are you overdoing things in general? Have you looked at the "Spoon Theory" on butyoudontlooksick.com, and/ or directed people who are putting you under too much pressure to look at it?