post #121 of 188
12/18/09 at 1:53pm
Mine are all fairly young yet. The ten-year-old boy can really pack it away, though, and I suspect it will only get worse, LOL!
After the holidays, I'd really like to talk to you all about small living spaces. I have no idea our square footage, but I do know we have three rooms down (living room, dining room, kitchen) and three bedrooms and a bathroom up. I have a freezing cold uninsulated attic for storage and a basement that would be lovely if it didn't leak.
What I'm wondering is how 'normal' or maybe just usual it is to be spending nearly all of one's time fixing and managing chaos. By this I mean that I feel like, and timing-wise it works this way, I don't have any time to spend reading and playing or just engaging our boys in meaningful or really connected ways. They seem to go from one crisis to another, and usually that stops for about an hour once I've lost my patience with it, they have their stress-fix and they calm down for an hour.
I should also let you know that both dh and I and our parents and some of their parents/siblings all have forms of adhd. I have the inattentive type and have dealt with it successfully through years of self-initiated behaviour modification. Most of my family self-medicates with drugs and alcohol and dh and his family self-medicate with licit substances like pots and pots of strong coffee and cigarettes but dh uses 'all-natural organic' energy drinks to keep himself stimulated and focussed.
Our boys bear all the adhd markers of our families and I take great pains in helping them to find constructive ways of keeping their brains satisfied. They have an indoor mini and an outdoor 14' trampoline and I teach them many ways of obtaining that rush they need so many times per day to focus, but still, they seek conflict likely because it is pretty instant and doesn't require much effort.
So, they construct crisis after crisis and I'm afraid that when they are grown they are going to complain to me that I didn't spend enough time with them, when there simply isn't enough time in a day to put out all their fires while being foremost engaged in fire-prevention tactics as it is, and then also do the daily chores, food prep, and somehow spend time with them in relationship the way they also need.