am I a horrible mama?

[Agatha_Ann]

I nursed my DS 11 months, and I rocked him for about 10 minutes. The whole time I was trying to rock him he was screaming and scratching my face. Finally I was getting so frustrated that I set him in his bed and left the room. I went to the kitchen pulled a lasagna out of the freezer and put it in the oven. When I came back is was silent. He fell asleep. I feel awful now and I look like a tiger attacked me with my bloodied up face. I do feel like I did the right thing by setting him down when I was getting frustrated and overwhelmed, but I can't believe he cried himself to sleep

[Maluhia]

That sounds like a really rough moment!

I think walking away in a moment of feeling overwhelmed is not the same as doing it repeatedly on purpose to "train" a person.

When M has been overwhelmed I've had to hold her hands, and once in a while hug her from behind so she can't scratch or hit, while telling her "I'm holding you because I don't want you or I to get hurt, no hitting, hugging, etc." with the calmest voice I can muster....tantrums are hard Mama!

[_betsy_]

Wait, it was nap time, and he wasn't going to sleep, you got frustrated and didn't want to be scratched, so you put him down and walked away for a minute. He fell asleep on his own.

You can think of this as CIO (I wouldn't in this scenerio) or you can think of it as him telling you in the only way he has available to him (physical action - scratching - and preverbal - crying)that he WANTED to be put down so he could fall asleep.

I wouldn't be able to sit there and get screamed at and scratched either. Of course you walked away. Give yourself a break, Mama!

[MommaSuzi]

I don't count that as CIO- I figure he fell asleep because he was exhausted. You went back in - he just fell asleep before you got there.
Walking away if terribly frustrated was the best thing for you to do at that moment.
Hang in there!

[treegardner]

You are not a horrible mama! I have totally been there with the scratching thing. In no way would I label that scenario as CIO.

[MamaJenese]

You are so not a horrible Mama! He was tired, you were tired. You were getting beat up. You took a moment (which you needed) to re-center yourself. You left your baby somewhere safe. He passed out! This is not even in the same book as CIO in my opinion.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

It is always preferable to walk away before you snap or get hurt. I cant imagine letting a child tantrum and hurt me.

[Blueone]

You're not a horrible mama. You didn't do it intentionally or meant for him to fall asleep crying. You didn't know it would happen.

There have been many times I get frustrated with my son when he's just screaming away that I just set him down. I don't know what I would do if I didn't. At nap time sometimes the best thing I can do is just lay him down then pat his back. Sometimes holding him until he's asleep just gets him more riled up and he fights it harder. So I just sit next to him and pat his back, although sometimes I have to gently hold his head down because he tries to do tummy time to fight sleep (he sleeps on his tummy).

[leaves]

It's okay mama! Maybe he just couldn't settle when you were holding him, and just realized he was really, really sleepy when you set him down. It was a one time thing and won't do any damage. He knows you love him!

[momo7]

Oh....I feel so bad for you. Sometimes that's all our babies really need. Haven't you ever felt touched out and over stimulated? I think sometimes our babies feel that too.

I think you did the right thing. Don't put yourself through a guilt trip you don't deserve.

[justKate]

Originally Posted by Agatha_Ann

I nursed my DS 11 months, and I rocked him for about 10 minutes. The whole time I was trying to rock him he was screaming and scratching my face. Finally I was getting so frustrated that I set him in his bed and left the room. I went to the kitchen pulled a lasagna out of the freezer and put it in the oven. When I came back is was silent. He fell asleep. I feel awful now and I look like a tiger attacked me with my bloodied up face. I do feel like I did the right thing by setting him down when I was getting frustrated and overwhelmed, but I can't believe he cried himself to sleep

DO NOT feel guilty. It sounds like you gave him what he needed, even if it's not what you wanted him to need.

My DD, 9 mos., attacks me the same way fighting sleep. Sometimes I have to hold her arms down... and I feel awful about that but it's what she needs. You're a great mama!

[sunshynbaby]

Sometimes you need to walk away, count to ten, whatever... That does not make you a bad mama, it makes you human!

[JL83]

My DD is 3 and is transitioning to needing to be left alone to fall asleep. This isn't the first time she's done so.

She also did this at 10 months. For ~6 months, I'd nurse her, put her on her mattress on the floor with her blankie and then leave her room. Without a peep she'd fall asleep.

Then it stopped working, so we went back to parenting her to sleep. That lasted for another 18 months (naps were dropped somewhere in there) and now we're at the point again where we settle her down with a story and a song and then leave.

I'm a big believer in doing what it takes for kids to fall asleep with the least amount of fuss. If a kid cries less when left for a minute or two on their own to fall asleep, how could that be worse than holding them screaming for 10+ minutes.

I know my own DD's needs have changed wildly depending on what she's going through while she's awake. Sometimes having us present was too much stimulation and she just couldn't fall asleep. Other times she's needed to hold onto us to help her stay settled.

[TulsiLeaf]

you aren't a horrid mum! That's called a Mama time out. I have put myself in t ime put many times before with situations like this.

and as I was in the other room trying to stifle a scream I understood why some animals in the wild ate their babies. ( I am so joking, but dude, I was at my witts end)