Car Seat Hatred

[BabyMae09]

I have no ideas how to handle this, and I'm running out of patience. As I write this, I'm sitting in my Mom's living room, instead of at home with my DP. Why? Because our house is 40 minutes out of town and DD screams the entire ride home. In the day time, she usually fine in her car seat. But at night, no way!

We've tried everything: binky, sippy, blankie, nursing her until she falls asleep, then putting her in her car seat (she promptly wakes up almost every time) I mean everything. We even had a bad moment a few weeks ago when we simply had to ride home with her in my lap, otherwise we would have gone crazy (please don't flame me for that, okay? I know it's dumb. we were at our wits end that night)

I'm talking loud, angry, hysterical, sad crying that doesn't stop unless we take her out of the car seat and hold her. I cannot listen to her cry like that.

And yes, we have to go into town, at least once a week, and we can't leave until 6pm, because of DP's work schedule. Today I came in with the kids on my own, and stupidly didn't get home before dark, so then there was no going home. I knew if I tried to drive with her screaming that I was going to cause a crash

Please, please, help. Any advice is welcome.

[Mama2Jesse]

Can you ride in the back and nurse her while she's in her seat?

Videos of herself on the cellphone (miracle worker for DS)? Light up toy? Somebody playing peekaboo? How old is she, anyway?

I've yoinked DH's work laptop and angled it towards DS, sat back there and played veggie tales. Worked.

I feel your pain. I once spent a thirty minute ride home going "Ah, Thup thup thup!" because for some reason that calmed my raging infant son. DH snickered. I made him thup right along.

[BabyMae09]

Originally Posted by Mama2Jesse

Can you ride in the back and nurse her while she's in her seat?

Videos of herself on the cellphone (miracle worker for DS)? Light up toy? Somebody playing peekaboo? How old is she, anyway?

I haven't tried nursing her while she's in there. I don't think my boob would go that far. Also, DS has to be in the backseat, and that makes things really crowded.

Lightup toy, no. Peekaboo, no. She's six months old.

[OurGift]

Mine is 5mos and 3 weeks. My son doesn't like riding in the dark either. I bought a 2-LED flex neck booklight from Target for about 8 dollars (they're by the CD and book section). We point it to the ceiling as it's to bright to directly look at. He has been a happy camper since.

Prior one of us had to sit in the back and use something like this: http://www.amazon.com/Toysmith-Mini-...=pd_rhf_shvl_3

[Comtessa]

I totally feel your pain! My 6-month-old hates the car too. She's starting to get better, but there are some days/nights when we have to stop two or three times in a half-hour drive across town so I can take her out of the seat and soothe her.

Things that have helped us (temporarily): dangling a toy from a string over her carseat, singing to her (The Sound of Music is her favorite; DH always snickers when I get to "Climb Every Mountain," but it works), stroking her face while driving with one hand (a little dangerous, probably, but I've got it down pat by now). Keeping a light on in the backseat at night helps a bit as she hates the dark. She also has a vibrating teether toy that keeps her occupied for a while if I give it to her. I'd bet that anything that blinks and moves would interest my DD, too - she doesn't have any toys like that at home, so when she does see one it's absolutely fascinating.

I second the idea of videos on the laptop. If your LO doesn't have any access to TV normally, a few minutes' worth of a DVD playing in the backseat while you drive will be utterly fascinating for her - and will preserve your sanity and safety while driving.

ETA: I almost forgot, we also got one of those mirrors so we can watch her in the rear view mirror, and it has calmed her down A LOT to be able to see me/us in the front seat when we're driving. I think she feels like she's been abandoned back there if she can't see us. I can turn around and make faces at her in the mirror, and it calms her down. Definitely invest in the $10 or whatever for one of those; it can't hurt and it might help.

[Aufilia]

I feel your pain. DS is also a carseat hater, but at 5.5 weeks he's too young to be entertained by toys. Sometimes it seems to help to nurse him 'til he's ALMOST asleep and put him in the carseat awake (putting him in asleep never works, he wakes up when you try to buckle him). Just yesterday I took out the infant bucket seat and put in DD's backup convertible to see if that would help, but no. I'm crossing my fingers that he'll grow out of it because not using the car just isn't an option...

[pastrygirl]

Have you tried switching to a convertible? At 6 months, it can be installed more upright (Britax seats allow up to 30 degrees instead of 45, for example). My older son hated his infant seat, so I switched him to a convertible at 3 months old. The difference was night and day!

My younger son right now hates the car seat for the most part, though I'm able to get a few trips per week without any screaming. I have a feeling I'll be switching him to a convertible soon, too.

[Mal85]

Mine is 9 months old and hates riding in the back by herself in the dark. She'll tolerate it okay during the day, but only for one or two rides in a day. No shopping trips for her on the weekends!

We do our best to make sure someone can be in the backseat with her. If I have to run to the city, I try to get someone to go with me so that me or that person can sit in the back with her. Sometimes playing the music a little loud will help. Mine prefers songs with less lyrics, more music.

We just took a trip out of town and had to leave after dark to get there and come home. This was a 3.5 hour car ride and I was terrified she would have a fit and it would take us forever to get there. But, I pumped enough in advance to be able to have a bottle ready for her on the car ride there and on the way home. She'd sleep some, wake up, take some of the bottle, play a little, go back to sleep.

Is there any way you could have a bottle prepared when you have those longer trips into town? Maybe that would be easier than nursing over the car seat, I never could figure that out.

I think mine just likes the company in the back seat, especially at night.

[thedenverduo]

My ds is 3 and half months old, and we have had this exact same problem. We were at our wits end trying everything we could. We finally figured out that, at least for him, it is a matter of overstimulation. I think at night all the lights zooming around really get to him. So we have started putting a big blanket over his seat to make a little tent. We use one that is a black and white pattern, so he still has something to look at, but he doesn't get overwhelmed and cry hysterically anymore.

Also, I'm sure you thought of this but wanted to mention it just in case... ds HATES having a wet/dirty diaper in the car. I'm not sure why it bothers him in the car seat and not much anywhere else... but we've gotten to the point where we just always change him before we get in the car.

Hope you find something that works! I know how frustrating it can be to try to drive with a screaming baby in the back.

[sarahr]

How old is your LO? If she's young enough, the best thing I found with my dd is really loud white noise. Put your radio on static (between stations) and turn it up all the way. Until my dd was 4 months or so, this calmed her down immediately, often putting her to sleep.

[AllyRae]

We have a carseat hater. In fact *all* of my kids have been carseat haters and screamed bloody murder every.single.time they were in the car until they were old enough to be forwards facing. DD is now 10 1/2 months old and not only does she scream every minute of every car ride, but now she pulls a protest and stiffens her body and won't even let me put her IN the seat on some days.

It really sucks. I have no advice because I've tried everything...a new seat, nursing in the back, toys, binkies (she hates binkies), singing, white noise, mirrors, everything. Nothing has ever helped. And yay, now they say wait until 2 years old to flip them around...13 1/2 months left to go...

[honeyhaze]

Has anyone suggested trying a different car seat? When I was choosing our seat before my son was born, I read a lot of reviews that said some infants absolutely hate "infant car seats" because the plastic material makes them sweaty and itchy. So instead of getting an infant car seat I went straight for a convertible seat. My son still fusses in it sometimes, but not usually for longer than five minutes and typically only when he's really tired (and he usually yells when he's tired anyway, unless I'm able to nurse him to sleep).

I'd try some different seats.

And if nobody has suggested it yet, one of those car-seat safety mirrors might also help. They're a bit of a projectile hazard, but I think they're fairly safe if they're properly strapped on.

[red and lulu]

Originally Posted by sarahr

If she's young enough, the best thing I found with my dd is really loud white noise. Put your radio on static (between stations) and turn it up all the way. Until my dd was 4 months or so, this calmed her down immediately, often putting her to sleep.

i couldn't go anywhere with my dd. it was impossible. then about 6 weeks ago, i tried the static radio and it worked like a charm. still does (she's 4.5 mo). if she doesn't fall asleep right away she'll just hang out back there and talk to herself. i should also note: she has a mirror, a convertible seat, a toy strung from the ceiling, she's always tanked up and changed before a ride, and sometimes at night she needs a light on. so it could be any combination of those things...

good luck!!

[KarlaC]

The only thing that's worked somewhat for us was singing. But I didn't just start singing in the car, I started singing while we were in the house(like for weeks ahead of time).

I found a song he loved & ran with it. When he started to get hysterical in the car I started singing really softly so he had to hush to hear me. It's not fool proof but it does seem to help a bit.

[jenniferadurham]

I didn't read all the replies. Sorry if this has been said.

I had the exact same reaction with ds, now 11.5 months. He HATES dark cars. We drive with him not in his seat either bc he will scream and cry until he throws up...NOT good when you are the only one in the car and have to pull over bc he is choking on it!!! He also HATED being backwards.

So...we turn on one of the lights above, and we moved him to a convertable seat and put him facing forward about 3 weeks ago. He is WELL ABOVE his size and felt like it was worth it to do so. I also have his sister that is 7, entertain him and act goofy. He LAUGHS and LAUGHS when she makes silly noises.

Now...it's hard to say about your LO being so young, you can't do this. I would say at least turn on the above light...get a DVD player that hangs from the seat head...hang something that lights up and plays music.

Good luck mama...I know how frustrated you are!!

[bezark]

DS was a car seat hater from about 3 weeks to 4 months (he's 8 months now). I think what helped him be okay with it was to gradually increase the length of our trips. I started out with just a quick trip around the block - if we made it home before he got upset, it was a success - and gradually went further and longer. He can now happily play in the car for about an hour, one way. As long as he's had sufficient mama time in between, he's fine for the drive home as well.

With the recent time change, we discovered that he hated driving at night. I took a similar approach for that. I started taking him out for a drive about 15 minutes before it got dark, and we'd just drive around until dark. The next night, we'd start 10 minutes before, and go a few more minutes past dark. The third night, 5 minutes before dark until 10 minutes after dark, etc. On Thanksgiving, we had a really pleasant 45 minute drive home at 9pm.

I hope this helps!

[BabyMae09]

Originally Posted by bezark

DS was a car seat hater from about 3 weeks to 4 months (he's 8 months now). I think what helped him be okay with it was to gradually increase the length of our trips. I started out with just a quick trip around the block - if we made it home before he got upset, it was a success - and gradually went further and longer. He can now happily play in the car for about an hour, one way. As long as he's had sufficient mama time in between, he's fine for the drive home as well.

With the recent time change, we discovered that he hated driving at night. I took a similar approach for that. I started taking him out for a drive about 15 minutes before it got dark, and we'd just drive around until dark. The next night, we'd start 10 minutes before, and go a few more minutes past dark. The third night, 5 minutes before dark until 10 minutes after dark, etc. On Thanksgiving, we had a really pleasant 45 minute drive home at 9pm.

I hope this helps!

That's a good idea. I think her deal is that she just wants me. If I pull over and start to undo her straps, she stops crying immediately

[Icehockey18]

I feel your pain! I have a car seat hater too! We have often had a 20 min trip turn into hours with all the pulling over and soothing. Here's what has helped us: a mirror for peek a boo, singing, someone in the back, a blanket in the window, a toy to chew, reaching back to pat his head, and tanking up before. I have nursed while his was in the car seat, a bit awkward, but worked. I know many have mentioned these, but what I have learned is one works one day and something else works the next. I try to time car rides with nap time so I can get him to sleep. I just curse red lights, he wakes up the minute we stop.
Good luck!!!

[BabyMae09]

Originally Posted by Icehockey18

I just curse red lights, he wakes up the minute we stop.
Good luck!!!

yup, that's familiar!!!

[FiveLittleMonkeys]

I have a car seat hater too. It's gotten better since I put him in a convertible, but there are still times he cries. I hate it. I've tried everything - white noise, lights on, toys, mirror, talking, singing. Nothing seems to work.

Since my dh is currently deployed, it's just me doing the mom-taxi thing with 5 kids. There are times I just have to sing along with the radio and bear it. I can't take him out of the seat, and I have to be in the van. It's probably not the most AP thing, but I just get where I'm going as fast as I can. If I pull over and take him out, he is even more hysterical when I put him back in. I'd rather get where I'm going and take him out for good.