Information without debate?

[rere]

So my husband and my MIL got into it last night(I was not there)about homeschooling.My opinion is that it's not up for debate but she's not my mother and I don't care what she thinks.It did bring up an interesting question for me though.

I'm more than happy to answer questions for anyone who truly wants to know(of coarse my daughter just turned 5 so I don't have much to tell them).I am however completely unwilling to debate our choice.So do I just not answer questions for people who I suspect don't actually want to know or do I answer questions until someone wants to start a debate and then shut it down?

Just wondering what others have experienced.Or if you've found a good way with dealing with this sort of thing.

[mrsjtc]

We've gone the "thanks for caring about our kids but this is our choice and we're sticking with it." route. I do remind people that if something changes and we feel the need to PS our kids - we will. And that, combined with seeing that our kids aren't bizzare little creatures but normal kids - makes them leave us alone.

[TanyaS]

Bean dip.

http://goybparenting.com/?page_id=28

[rere]

Originally Posted by mrsjtc

We've gone the "thanks for caring about our kids but this is our choice and we're sticking with it." route. I do remind people that if something changes and we feel the need to PS our kids - we will. And that, combined with seeing that our kids aren't bizzare little creatures but normal kids - makes them leave us alone.

If they start with questions instead of concerns do you answer them?

Originally Posted by TanyaS

Bean dip.

http://goybparenting.com/?page_id=28

Thank you.I sent that to my husband.He was talking about getting his mother a book.I was trying to explain to him why I didn't really think that was a good idea.The article does a better job.

[chaoticzenmom]

You can start out the conversation with "why? Are you considering homeschooling?" A lot of times, I get "yes, we've kind of thought about it, but...." And sometimes I get "NO WAY, that's for the professionals." or "I couldn't stand to be with my kid that long." From there, you know that it's going to be a fun conversation or you'll want to cut it short and change the subject.

As for your MIL. You might want to get your husband more information. My husband loves a good debate, so when I give him articles to read, or a book, he tells me of great conversations with coworkers, etc. I prefer that he has the info that I have so that if someone tries to debate him, he's the one with the power. Since homeschooling was mostly my decision, I have found myself sometimes neglecting to really talk with him about it. That leaves him slightly clueless as to what WE are really doing here.

For example, last night he pulled out a red marker to "grade" our kids math work. I didn't realize that he didn't realize how against punishment and rewards...and grades "WE" are.LOL

I keep articles on the fridge too. 100 reasons to homeschool was there for a couple of years. It makes it easy to start conversations with my husband about stuff and see if we're on the same page. Maybe that "Bean Dip" article would be a nice addition to your fridge.

[rere]

Originally Posted by chaoticzenmom

You can start out the conversation with "why? Are you considering homeschooling?" A lot of times, I get "yes, we've kind of thought about it, but...." And sometimes I get "NO WAY, that's for the professionals." or "I couldn't stand to be with my kid that long." From there, you know that it's going to be a fun conversation or you'll want to cut it short and change the subject.

As for your MIL. You might want to get your husband more information. My husband loves a good debate, so when I give him articles to read, or a book, he tells me of great conversations with coworkers, etc. I prefer that he has the info that I have so that if someone tries to debate him, he's the one with the power. Since homeschooling was mostly my decision, I have found myself sometimes neglecting to really talk with him about it. That leaves him slightly clueless as to what WE are really doing here.

For example, last night he pulled out a red marker to "grade" our kids math work. I didn't realize that he didn't realize how against punishment and rewards...and grades "WE" are.LOL

I keep articles on the fridge too. 100 reasons to homeschool was there for a couple of years. It makes it easy to start conversations with my husband about stuff and see if we're on the same page. Maybe that "Bean Dip" article would be a nice addition to your fridge.

My husband does love a good argument.I like your point about articles.He has read some of the books that I've read but I think we need to talk about it a little more.He trusts me so a lot of the time we don't talk about the specifics.We should though.

[Momma Aimee]

personally i go for over kill. i list all our reasons, and a number of the resources and offer up several books and other readings.

I find once a person is assured that YES we have thought about it, and NO this is not aknee-jerk reasontion -- then they may still have questions espcailly if they don't kow other HSers, but in generall the "fight" is taken out of them.

Just like BF and EBF -- i see it as a subject to to educate about ....

I often do most of the research and "lead" into choices, but DH is fully informated and there with me. He is gald to have the data to debate or argue with people -- be it co-sleeping, or home educateing -- for co-workers or his PITB mom.

do you have a citee for this 100 reasons to homeschool I'd like to read it.

Aimee

[mrsjtc]

Originally Posted by rere

If they start with questions instead of concerns do you answer them?

Yes, I answer concerns to a point. When I start feeling like they are questioning my ability as a parent to educate my child, I say "hey thanks so much for your concern for our child but this is our decision. I'm not going to defend myself to you because there is nothing to defend."

Questions about the how's, why's, etc. I love to answer. I love educating people ABOUT homeschooling and its benefits. I'm not out to make the public school system look bad. I'm not out to make sure everyone knows my kids are smarter than public schoolers (because that's terrible to say!). I just want people to understand how great homeschooling is. I allow and encourage curiosity but not harsh criticism.

My dad had pretty serious concerns about my 8 year old's socialization. He and my hubby got into it while on vacation together in Cape Cod - awkward! - and my dad was really bothered by her not being in a class with lots of kids. Then he called in October to talk to her, only to hear a run down of birthday parties, guitar lessons, enrichment programs and swim lessons. I got back on the phone and he said "How come you've got her so busy?" I had to bite my tongue not to say "I wanted to make sure she's socialized!" :-) He's gotten the point. All that to say, your child is still young. Most likely, after a couple of years your MIL will SEE the benefits and rewards of homeschooling in your child. Hang in there!

[rere]

Originally Posted by mrsjtc

Yes, I answer concerns to a point. When I start feeling like they are questioning my ability as a parent to educate my child, I say "hey thanks so much for your concern for our child but this is our decision. I'm not going to defend myself to you because there is nothing to defend."

Questions about the how's, why's, etc. I love to answer. I love educating people ABOUT homeschooling and its benefits. I'm not out to make the public school system look bad. I'm not out to make sure everyone knows my kids are smarter than public schoolers (because that's terrible to say!). I just want people to understand how great homeschooling is. I allow and encourage curiosity but not harsh criticism.

My dad had pretty serious concerns about my 8 year old's socialization. He and my hubby got into it while on vacation together in Cape Cod - awkward! - and my dad was really bothered by her not being in a class with lots of kids. Then he called in October to talk to her, only to hear a run down of birthday parties, guitar lessons, enrichment programs and swim lessons. I got back on the phone and he said "How come you've got her so busy?" I had to bite my tongue not to say "I wanted to make sure she's socialized!" :-) He's gotten the point. All that to say, your child is still young. Most likely, after a couple of years your MIL will SEE the benefits and rewards of homeschooling in your child. Hang in there!

Thank you.

I would also like to talk to people ABOUT homeschooling and I try to be open so I think I will give people the benefit of the doubt if they ask questions.If someone questions my family that's where the conversation will end.

As for my MIL she may never come around.Her main reason for why my daughter should go to school is "because that's what you do".I also don't think it helps that she doesn't know any other kids.She doesn't realize that if we sent our daughter to kindergarten next year she would be taught things that she's known for years.That's what changed things for my sister(a teacher).I asked my sister"What is kindergarten curriculum?".As she was rattling it off to me and then looking at my daughter(who she knows very well)she just stopped and said"yeh,ok I see your point.".My MIL has no reference and doesn't like ANYTHING out of the norm.Too bad for her.

[mrsjtc]

Originally Posted by rere

Thank you.

I would also like to talk to people ABOUT homeschooling and I try to be open so I think I will give people the benefit of the doubt if they ask questions.If someone questions my family that's where the conversation will end.

As for my MIL she may never come around.Her main reason for why my daughter should go to school is "because that's what you do".I also don't think it helps that she doesn't know any other kids.She doesn't realize that if we sent our daughter to kindergarten next year she would be taught things that she's known for years.That's what changed things for my sister(a teacher).I asked my sister"What is kindergarten curriculum?".As she was rattling it off to me and then looking at my daughter(who she knows very well)she just stopped and said"yeh,ok I see your point.".My MIL has no reference and doesn't like ANYTHING out of the norm.Too bad for her.

It's hard but I've realized that as much as we want our family to love and appreciate what we're doing - not everyone will! Sounds like you have some great support around you with your sister, though.