Dealing with tantrums

[mom61508]

DD is almost 18 months old. She is now starting to test me and throw tantrums when I take something away from her. What are some good sources to learn how to handle this? I'm not as patient as I should be with her either.

Another problem I'm having is she constantly wants me to hold her. I don't mind holding her but It's impossible to make dinner and do chores when I have to old her. This has been going on now for about 2 weeks. What would you do?

[Luke's mama]

I just watched Harvey Karp's dvd Happiest Toddler on the Block ( he has a book too)--checked it out from the library--and it seems like his method really works! Just to summarize, you validate their feelings by talking and acting like them--stamp your feet, wave your hands, and say in urgent voice "I know you want to ..... (whatever it is, like get on that table)" several times, plus, "I know you do" and saying "You are mad", etc. etc.--they kind of stop fussing and then you sweep in and distract with another activity or sweep them along with your enthusiasm--say, for ex, "But it is dangerous to get on that table, and you and mommy are going to go in the kitchen and ....." I hear you about the wanting to be held--except my 18 mo. old has been like that it seems from day one! Dinner is a nightmare when I don't have my husband around to help out--I do pick him up and then keep trying to set him down, and it is good if you have some cabinets he can get into while you are working--esp. if they think that the cabinets aren't just toys for them but are full of real stuff they can explore--but you can set it up so it is stuff they can't hurt/you don't mind if they get into--and rotate the things so they don't get bored. Maybe your LO is tired? Sometimes mine gets esp. clingy at dinner time when that is the case. I have had to give up and go get him ready for bed those days.

[simplemama32]

It doesn't always work (but what does, right?), but it seems to help if I can involve DS in what I'm doing. If I'm trying to cook, I'll give him some potatoes, a scrub brush or old toothbrush, and a pot with a little water in it and let him "wash" the potatoes. One day I gave him a pitcher, a spoon, and a wet tea bag, and he "made tea" for a good 20 minutes (!).

When I'm doing laundry, his "job" is to pour the soap in the washing machine and to put the dryer balls in the dryer...and boy does he take it seriously! ;-)

As for the tantrums...what are you taking away from her? If it's a toy, could you give her a warning first? Like, "OK, DD, it's almost time for bed, so in five minutes we need to clean up your toys." Then repeat a couple times ("Two more minutes!"..."Ok, time's up!"). She obviously won't understand what "five minutes" means exactly, but she'll get the idea that it's a short, limited time.

If you're taking away something she's not supposed to have to begin with, like a dangerous or delicate item...well, I just tell my DS he can't have it along with a short explanation why, and then pretty much ignore any tantrum that follows. Not in a mean way, but I just don't provide an audience.

I try not to look at it as him testing me so much as him being frustrated at being so little in a grown-up world, and at lacking the communication skills and ability to reign in his emotions that adults (usually) have.

[mom61508]

Thanks Ladies!

She could be tired I guess. She wakes a lot during the night. Last night was 5 times then she was up at 6:15. Then takes about a 2 hour nap at noon. Then to bed usually around 8:30 but we are pretty flexible with her bedtime....not sure tha'ts a good thing

Things I take away from her for ex: my glass of water with a straw in it. She likes to play with it which is fine but when I get tired of holding the glass and need to go do something she starts screaming and wailing her arms. I try to give her something else but she still get real upset. I really feel that she's crabby most of the time tho. She used to be happy all the time. Now she's clingy and get's angry easily?????? Could it be teeth? She did have some diarrhea last night.