Need help deciding on who to chose to care for my child if/when I go back to work

[robynholly]

I am trying to figure out which situation is best for my 20 month old DS if/when I go back to work. I would love your help, opinions, input

Option A: Send my DS to stay with my cousin who has been like a sister to me. She has a 2 year old DD. She is sort of a free-range parent. She loves my son and he feels very comfortable with her. Her little girl is also fond of my DS. She doesn't share my holistic views however. Her DD can eat whatever she wants and she is fully vaccintating her child, not to mention, giving her baby motrin/tylenol "just in case" her teeth are bothering her. I am not judging her decision to vax, etc...just presenting the facts. She lives close to my home and work. I believe she wouldn't give my DS anything I didn't want her to, but because she isn't always paying attention, DS may be able to grab one of her daughter's snacks when she wasn't looking. Also, there is the chance that other family members would be around from time to time too like my aunt and other cousin and her DD who is the same age as my DS.

Option B: Send DS to stay with a woman who I met through the holistic moms group I am a member of. She has a 16 month old DS. She shares most/all my views about nutrition, parenting, and vaxing. She is a teacher who is staying home with her son. I am also a teacher. She lives close to my home and work. I don't know her as well as I know my cousin obviously, but we are getting to know each other better and better.

Is it better for DS to be with family? Or with someone who parents like me, but isn't family. Cost would be the same for both options. Would LOVE some persepective on this

[mrscookie]

can you split the time between the two of them? My son stays one day with daddy, one day with daddy and grandma, one day with grandma only, and two days with a friend and mama to a little playmate and I think it's great to have some variety.

[sarahr]

I'm lurking on this forum trying to remember what it's like to have a baby and I hope you dont mind me jumping in.

I'd go for the new friend. Family care is great -- my mom used to watch my dd -- but you give up a lot of the control you have when it's non-family care. It's much harder for me to give my mom instructions because that's not the relationship I want to have with my mom. If she does something that makes me unhappy, I can talk to her, but really, if she's set in her ways, there's nothing I can do that won't damage our relationship.

With non-family care, you are much more the "employer" and so can give instructions that you can expect to be followed. If it turns out you are unhappy with the care, you can change, without damaging family relationships.

As long as you think your LO will receive warm, nurturing, attentive care at both places, I'd go with the new friend. Or, you could go one day a week to the cousin and just decide that you're okay with more lax food rules that one day a week.

[Comtessa]

I'd vote to send the LO with a cousin, personally. I grew up being cared for by lots of extended family, and I feel like it has given me a really strong connectedness to my family tree. Plus, your LO would have a chance to spend time with his big cousin - a nice thing for both.

Nothing in your OP makes me think that your LO would get substandard care there - just because your cousin doesn't practice holistic, etc., parenting to the same degree that you do doesn't necessarily mean problems. It depends on how flexible you are. Will you be horrified if your DS manages to swallow some food that's not organic/vegan/kosher/(ykwim)? Or if he watches TV? The first, for example, would be OK with me; the second, not so much. It all depends on your comfort level.

BTW, it probably is worth a conversation with your cousin to see if she does CIO or spanking, for example. Something like that would be a dealbreaker for me.

[ihugtrees]

Originally Posted by sarahr

I'm lurking on this forum trying to remember what it's like to have a baby and I hope you dont mind me jumping in.

I'd go for the new friend. Family care is great -- my mom used to watch my dd -- but you give up a lot of the control you have when it's non-family care. It's much harder for me to give my mom instructions because that's not the relationship I want to have with my mom. If she does something that makes me unhappy, I can talk to her, but really, if she's set in her ways, there's nothing I can do that won't damage our relationship.

With non-family care, you are much more the "employer" and so can give instructions that you can expect to be followed. If it turns out you are unhappy with the care, you can change, without damaging family relationships.

As long as you think your LO will receive warm, nurturing, attentive care at both places, I'd go with the new friend. Or, you could go one day a week to the cousin and just decide that you're okay with more lax food rules that one day a week.

I agree with that ^^

I could never leave my DD with my family on a regular basis, because I'd feel horrible trying to instruct them to do things differently than they do...especially since my parents are raising my 2.5 year old cousin...maybe it'd be easier if all of their 'kids' were grown. I'd think it'd be the same with a cousin.