Experience with nanny bringing her own DC?

[robinia]

Hi all. Our very nice nanny is pregnant and due early next year. She's keen to continue working for us. By the time she has her baby, our kids will be 5 (at school, so drop-offs, pick-ups and holidays) and 18 months (care all day).

Does anyone have good experience of a nanny who brings her child to work, or experience of being that nanny? I would like her to continue working for us, and definitely do not want her to leave her baby at home with grandma, but I'm thinking this may be a fairly demanding day. Would you ask her to wait a period of time before returning to work and if so how long? Obviously she is an adult and gets to make her own decisions, but I don't want to put her in a position of messing up bonding, breastfeeding etc because she is looking after our kids (and also of course would like my kids to get the attention they need).

Thanks.

[JessieBird]

I don't have any experience but will be following the replies you get. I would like to hire as a nanny a woman who has a two month old. I really like her and think that the situation has great potential to work out well for all of us but my friend, with whom I would share the nanny, is hesitant because she is scared that the nanny won't be able to care for our two boys (both 1 year old) and an infant. An infant's needs are just so immediate. It's a tough call and I think it really depends on the people and children involved.

It's also hard to predict what the temperament of the baby will be and how becoming a mom will change the nanny. I remember as a child having an absolutely wonderful nanny - she was so kind and creative and patient with us. However, once she moved out and had her own children, she changed completely. She was the mom from hell (always angry and screaming all the time) with both her own kids and us when she came back to babysit us after shool. It didn't pass with time so was more than ppd and eventually my parents had to let her go. It was really upsetting for all of us. Sorry to scare you! I'm sure that ours was an extreme and unusual experience.

Currently my friend and I send our sons to a caregiver who looks after just the two of them in her home along with her 18 mo son. We have had a few issues to deal with but they have been minor and overall I trust that my son is getting just as much love as her son is.

[StephandOwen]

I was that nanny. My son was born when the girl I watched was 15 months old (also had an after schooler that was 7). I went to work on a wednesday, admitted to the hospital that night a few hours after I left work, delivered Friday afternoon, returned to work on Monday (half days that first week because my ds needed to return to the hospital every afternoon for a week then full time the following week). It worked out wonderful for all of us. Of course, it could help that my boss was my mom and the baby girl I was watching was my half sister The 2 kids grew out of babyhood together, basically. We did that situation for 3 years (added another baby my mom had for the last year of that) until I had to quit because I moved.

Things that made it work.... my ds was an easy easy easy baby. Easiest baby I've ever met (and I work in a daycare so I've met lots of them!). We now know that's because he has autism but... at the time his quietness was a big plus! The girl I was watching was sometimes a handful, BUT she was very gentle with my son. It also helped that my boss was very flexible with getting off work a little early for all the doctors appointments I needed to take my ds to (Since I worked 7:30am-5ish pm the dr was closed by the time I got off work on a typical day).

[JL83]

Those ages wouldn't bother me. I know plenty of women with that kind of age spacing who get through every day just fine.

[MomInCalifornia]

My son is 5 and our nanny brings her 8 month old. It's worked really well. He's our youngest and has really fallen in love with her little one.

[ArtsyHeartsy]

I was a nanny for 12 years, most of my experience was without kids, but when I had my daughter I got a part time nanny job in which I took her to work and it was really nice. It felt very strange to think about leaving my kid with someone while I took care of other children. Just doesn't seem right.

The boy I took care of was older, but he fell in love with my daughter, and she loved being there. I know that if I had a child during my longer term full time jobs it would have been good too.

The one issue was breastfeeding. I don't think the kid I took care of had ever seen it before and because of his age it was kind of ackward. Sometimes it was harder to do some of the outings he wanted to do, so on those days I would arrange for my dd to be w/her grandma.

I will say, that I was SO thankful that I was able to take my dd to work with me and that my boss was okay with it, actually encouraged it. I'm sure that your nanny would be very thankful and be more happy to be there and not away from her baby!

[annekevdbroek]

I recently hired a new nanny (she starts next week). In advertising I specifically stated that someone who wanted to bring their own child was welcome to reply. The woman I hired turned out to be childless. I did find though that there were a pretty good number of women out there who were interested in the job sepcfically because they hoped to bring their babies. I think how well it will work depends very much on the personalities of every person involved, the ages of the children, and your expectations. I wanted a nanny who is able to take the kids on quite a few outings and I think that might be very hard if someone was caring for a newborn and 2 toddlers, for instance. I think it can be a wonderful arrangement for everyone as long as expectations are well discussed in advance. I personally think kids thrive in interactions with other children.

[mamabutterfly]

One thing to talk specifically about would be illnesses - you & she should be clear about what to do when your kids are sick, or when the baby is. Will she come when your older is home sick from school & her babe is small? if it's flu? if hers is sick/teething etc? should she have backup for her baby, or will you or dp stay home in the event anyone is sick?

i have 2 pt babysitters in my week, and one has a dd a little younger than mine. the illness thing has been a bummer. she really prefers not to come when hers is under the waether at all, or be around mine when she's sick (i'd stay home if she was really bad off, but i'm talking about sniffles).
the second sitter i have comes w/o her now-grown children, and boy it feels much more reliable to me during the winter.

not necessarily to put you off the idea, but just something for you guys to discuss.

also,will you do for child care in the gap? how long would a "maternity leave" be? would it be totally unpaid? have you asked her when she was thinking of returning? i'd think she should be home after the birth for a bit to rest up and bond. what also for her ideas on how she would balance nursing and the toddler? i do think it's better to talk thru this stuff now than at the time it comes up.

[springbride]

Speaking as a past nanny (thought not since DD was born) I worked for some people who just laid out a few things that they wanted to have done everyday. It worked well on those really scattered/distracted days (life situation is a long story...)

If you're worried about her neglecting the kids, you and your friend might do well to write up a couple of suggested schedules/routines for the days. Show them to the nanny and ask her if she thinks any of them would work/she would be able to follow.

[meco]

I was employed as a caretaker for a child (at the time 1), and I brought my son (2). I thought it went really well. The kids played well together, both were really happy having each other around, my son adored him, and it was a great experience for all. It was all about balance.

I provided childcare when my son was a baby as well, and it worked out well too. I think it was easier when he was a baby overall.

I think if you like her as a nanny, it's worth trying the arrangement and see how it works for everyone.

[Rockies5]

my nanny has an 18 mo. My kids are 3,5,8,10, 12. works great for me, but this isn't scheduled regular care...and the kids do complain that she treats them "like babies". However, they say that about everyone but me and my sisters so I'm pretty sure she is simply being nice to them and using a nice voice, lol.

I'm a doula and shes on-call so this is typically evenings.

[MamaChicken]

I have an 11 yo, 2.5 yo, and twins 1 yo. My nanny has a 3.5 yo and is pregnant with #2. I plan at this point for her to come back after taking a couple of weeks off and I think it will work out okay. It will be a major handful, but then it already is! She is an AP mom, and I know it's hard for her to adjust to so many little ones, can't always give as much attention as you like to. But with only 2-3 kids? Should be a piece of cake!

[GranoLLLy-girl]

I vote for allowing her to bring her new baby. The alternative (especially if you really like her) is that once the child is born that she would find a job that would allow her to bring her child if you refuse to allow her to do so. Like the other poster said, I can't imagine caring for someone else's child while someone is caring for mine--especially a new born. This might also make her even more appreciative of her current situation--that she CAN bring the baby to work. Where else can you find a job that allows that?
I would also think that she would be MORE distracted if she DIDN'T have her baby with her--calling often to check on baby, wanting to leave early to check on baby, thinking about baby and worrying about baby instead of focusing on child care.
Let the baby come--besides, if she practices AP at all, most of the time, she'll be wearing baby and going about the usual routine--which is the best of both worlds for her, the baby, and your child/ren.

[robinia]

Thank you all for the responses - lots of interesting perspectives to consider. To be clearer, I'm the one who's saying to her not to leave her baby behind! - but I also want it to work out for my 2. Interestingly enough, she says she's spoken to an agency and was told there are plenty of opportunities for nannies bringing their own babies.

[smpayne]

I think since she is already used to your children (and them to her) and she has experience with infants, it shouldn't be too big of a problem. I would seriously think twice if it was someone with no prior experience dealing with multiple children.

It would not be unreasonable to have a discussion about problems that might come up, like illnesses, doctor appts, etc. A new contract (or such) may also be a good idea as the terms of employment are changing. Get a definite "return to work" date (?? weeks after birth). Is her leave paid, unpaid can she claim state disability, etc.

[phdmama]

Before I had children, I nannied for a wonderful family with one baby girl. After about a year, I got pregnant with my daughter. I nannied through my entire pregnancy and came back about a month and a half after my daughter was born. This was an ideal situation for everyone! The family helped us become good parents and the girls grew up together. It helped their daughter prepare to become a big sister; when her mom became pregnant with their second, she remembered my pregnancy and hearing about the birth. I stopped caring for their child after the second was born (although I babysat occasionally) because the mom decided to quit her job and stay home. Now, years later, our daughters are still friends and invite each other to their birthday parties (despite the two year age difference).

[lorijds]

When I went back to school, I sought out a babysitter with a young child. It was great. The age difference was not as much as yours, but the kids are very close friends to this day.