My 6 month old's 'tantrums'

[ihugtrees]

First, I'll be totally honest: I come from such a mainstream background. I was raised that way, and took classes that thought that way, and nannied that way to children who were parented that way as well. A few years ago, if one of my nanny babies acted that way, I wouldve said "Sorry! You can't have that!" and walked away, let them 'pitch a fit', essentially 'cry it out'. I know it sounds horrible but that is the way I was taught, and it wasn't until I was pregnant and started reading independently that I realized how cruel that was. I am really saddened when I think of the way I treated children before...

I didn't expect to deal with this so soon though! My 6 months-this-week DD has suddenly started getting quite the strong will! If she drops a toy, shrieking ensues. If she grabs something she shouldn't have (plastic bag, sharp object, something she could swallow),first I ask, "Can I have this please?" and if she lets go, yay! But she often doesn't, so I gently pull it out of her hands (I hate when I see parents yank things from their kids!) If I don't immediately have something else to put in her hands to distract her, she gets very mad...she arches her back, screams, waves her arms and legs wildly, and nothing makes it better. Even if she stops crying, for awhile after, everything upsets her. Since this is all new to me, I'm not really sure how to handle it! My family says, "She is just throwing a tantrum" and they aren't as sympathetic as I am.

Does anyone have any advice for how to deal with this new phase my sweet girl is in? I find myself feeling frustrated, and my old way of thinking ('she is manipulating me. if she wants to pitch a fit, well then go ahead, i dont care') creeps back up even though I know I don't believe that way. I feel so horrible about that, but at the same time I don't know how to handle this, either...I think that the problem is that I haven't replaced my old way of doing things with new skills to handle the situations I'm presented with.

[Adallae]

It was good to read this - my DD (6 months tomorrow) recently started throwing a fit when we try to take something away as well. If it's something I'd just rather she not have (for example, she likes to chew on my books), I grap a toy to distract her, or tickle her, or lift her up to play airplane, and she usually drops it on her own. If it's something dangerous, like grabbing a plastic grocery bag, I pull it away and tell her 'Not for Ameya', then grab a toy and ask her if she wants that instead. If she starts to throw a tantrum, the best way to get her to move on is to get her to laugh. I'll do a silly dance while I put the item away, or hop around the room, or sing and clap. She's so surprised by what I'm doing, she forgets to fuss. Not sure how long this will work, but for now I'm loving it!

[Teenytoona]

I don't know what to tell you. My DD was like this at a very young age (I distinctly remember the very first time she yelled at me in anger). She's 21 months and she's still got a fiery temper. I wonder if I should have done something different at that young an age, but who knows. I always just tried to calm her down, I still do.

[Ellien C]

Well - is she manipulating you, or is she trying to communicate in the only way she knows how? Hey - I wasn't done with that = w-a-a-a-a-h-h-h!

I would try to make a trade with a baby before I yanked anything out of her hands. May I have it please? Can we trade? Oh that is SO interesting isn't it? There are probably some hiding games you can play as well.

Also, I wasn't all that concerned with a lot of modern safety standards. So - she could play with a plastic bag if I was there with her, sharp didn't come into play much as 6 months, and I didn't worry too much about small objects. I figure baby monkey's somehow survive in the while without choking on stones or sticks. I was careful with small magnets.

You can also show her some empathy when she is "communicating" rather than just walking away.