how old was your lo the first time you left them ?...

[red and lulu]

...and how was it?

my dd is 4 months old and we haven't been apart for more than a few minutes. b/c i am self-employed (and i have always mostly worked from home) i haven't had to worry about going back to a job and leaving her with someone else so i've never pumped. i also live alone, and while dad is around frequently i am her primary caregiver and then some. so, what's my point? i don't want to leave her... and since i haven't yet we're in a cycle where i never do leave her because i haven't yet, and while i know on some level she'd be fine w/o me, i feel like, why leave her if i don't have to? she's not a clingy baby at all, very comfortable with others, even strangers... but will that change? i keep telling myself that when she's 6 mo. it'll be ok to leave her w/ grandma or dad for an hour or two if i have work to do, but....

anybody else on the 24/7 baby show? am i being silly?

[sunflwrmoonbeam]

Technically she was away from me the first 2 hours of her life (yay c-section). And then the next day about 20 minutes during the hearing test as I couldn't stand in the hall for the entire time. But for what you're talking about, she was about a week old when I sat on the porch for an hour and read to get a break.

She's now 5 months old and has never been away from me for more than 3 hours at a stretch, sleep included.

[odoole]

I first left my DS at home with my step-dad when we got home from the hospital. He was a preemie and we still hadn't purchased a bunch of baby stuff. Looking back, I can't believe I did that, especially since my step-dad had never held a baby before DS!!!

At that age it's so easy though. He just slept the entire time.

Since then we've left him with grandparents, siblings, and one one occasion, friends for up to 3 hours at a time. I think we've done that a total of 8 or 9 times. It's always been fine, but I can tell the older he gets, the harder it will be to leave him. He definitely knows who we are now and I can already see separation anxiety creeping in.

I'm considering doing an overnight away next month, when he's 5 months old, and leave him with Grandma. We'll see!

[gossamerwindweb]

we are 24/7 and I was with my daughter 24/7 until she was 2 1/2 years old.

[tracymom1]

I do not leave my 4mo for longer than 3 hours, but I do pump and leave a bottle just in case. Usually, though, my trips out of the house without her are under an hour - just to do the grocery shopping or have a quick lunch with a friend. DH is an amazing father - sometimes I wonder if I should work full time and have him be the stay at home parent!!! So I always feel comfortable leaving for short bursts.

Never, though, would I be gone any longer than a few hours... probably will feel that way for the next year.

[bezark]

DS is 8 months and has never been away from me for more than about 30 minutes. I know I could leave him for up to about 3 hours at this point (between naps/nursing. He doesn't take bottles and needs me to sleep), but I don't really have any desire to. I don't mind doing any shopping, errands, or social trips with him.
And the only people I'd feel comfortable leaving him with are DH and my mom. When DH is home, I want to be with him, and my mom works.

I imagine I'll feel more okay with it when he weans, but I don't plan for that to happen for at least another year.

[seafox]

I think DS was about 4 weeks old when I went to get a lovely postpartum massage He stayed with DH and was fine, I was gone about 2 hours.

I went back to work when he was 3 months - he's with DH during the day (he works at home, part time) and I'm gone for about 7-8 hours 4 days a week. Its hard and I miss him terribly and second guess our attachment a lot but its also nice to see how close he and DH are. Its actually a nice balance since I have the boobs and all but DH has the days with him, so they are also really close. And we balance parenting well since when I get home Ive been missing him and totally take over - whereas most working husbands probably don't do that.

[mamadelbosque]

I've left DS at home with my DH a handful of times while I went to teach tae kwon do (lately though we've just both gone in and taken turns hanging out with him). I left him w/ my mom for... ~8 hours on black friday while I went shopping w/ friends and he slept the whole frigging time (left after a marathon nursing session ~11:30 picked him up ~7:30 or 8, and got home at 9...).

[BlueWolf]

M-F it's just me and DD (almost 5 months) 24/7. DH is only home on weekends as he travels for work. I've left her with her daddy for 3 hour stretches before and they do fine together. He's part of the parenting team too and deserves a chance at bat sometimes Besides, he really enjoys his daddy/daughter time without me in the picture. After all, if given the chance, DD wants her momma... but if momma is gone, daddy is a good replacement (for awhile at least).

I've also left her with my mother for a couple hours while DH and I go out for some alone time. She adores her grandma but gives her a run for her money LOL. DD is a very high needs, fussy baby...

[Kelly1101]

We went to a movie (Harry Potter) when she was 3 months old. I was a nervous wreck. I stepped outside of the theater to call about 5 times. She was perfectly fine.

Went out for dinner/movie on our anniversary, when she was 5 months old. Stopped in between the movie and dinner, so only two hours / home to nurse / another hour. She napped most of the time we were gone.

And we went out for lunch when she was about 6 months, about two hours.


So, three hours is about the longest she's been away from me at this point (she's 7.5 months now). It's a lot harder on me than her, I think.

I don't think you're being silly at all. I love always being near her. Those three occasions were nice, being able to relax and have a drink with my husband, etc... but it was weird, it was like I kept looking around for her and she wasn't there.

Basically, it's okay to be attached to your baby She'd probably be fine, but why leave her if you don't want to?

As far as being clingy, well, if she's anything like my baby, she WILL become clingy/separation anxiety for a while, but that's just a phase (and nearly all babies will go through it at one time or another). And pretty much everything I've read says that the more attached you are to your baby, the more of a trust-bond you build up, the LESS clingy and more indepedent the child will be in the long run. So I wouldn't worry on that account.

I would suggest getting a cheap hand-pump, though, and knowing how to put it together and use it, for when the two of you are ready, or if there is ever an emergency.

[birthangeldoula]

At 2 months old we went to our first night out. We just had a short dinner and movie. We were gone 3 hours tops. I called at least 4 times.. She did great. I however did not.
As she got older it's easier to leave her with my in-laws when we do get the chance to go out on a "date night". She LOVES her grammy and papa and has a blast with them.

[Shy0717]

DS is 5 1/2 months old and I first left him when he was around 4 weeks or so. I'm single and I work out of the home 3 nights a week so I left him with my mom (which is his second favorite person). I also made a point to leave him several times before I went back to work (when he was 12 weeks) because I wanted it to be gradual instead of a 12 hours of shock. It also gave my mom a chance to learn his cries as its been a good long time since she's dealt wtih a newborn and a breastfed one at that. I'm really glad we did it because we had a lot of trial and error and it would have been sooo much worse for him. It was the hardest thing I've ever done and if I had a choice I wouldn't have left him that soon. Now that he's bigger I usually only leave him to go to work at night. About once or twice a month my mom volunteers to watch him while I get some much needed me time. Other than that we're pretty much attached at the hip....or the boob in his case lol.

[CrunchyKnitter]

I left DS with my mom for a couple hours at 3 months to run up to the salon and get my hair dyed. Haven't done it again and now I plan to color at home. I didn't like being without him.

[mamakaikai]

At 9 months I went back to work so I left my baby with my husband who was sahd. At 12 months, we left her with a firend once or twice and with her grandma a handfull of times. Before the 9 month mark, I had only been apart from her an hour here or there when my husband would take her for a hike while I got some alone time.

[Kelly1101]

Oh, I didn't think of "leaving her" in terms of having my husband watch her. Like, in the evenings, he'll watch her while I run out to the grocery store to pick something up, like 20-30 minutes. But we've been doing that since she was like three weeks old or so. Since we're kind of a single parenting unit, I have zero stress if he has her while I run an errand, as long as one of us is with her... the three times I talked about above, were when BOTH of us were not there with her.

[Llyra]

I've always been very comfortable leaving my kiddos, even early on, for short periods of time. I think it's good for them to develop relationships with DH, my mom, etc. I don't leave them with people I don't entirely trust, and I wouldn't leave a child who was unhappy about it unless I had no other choice. But for the most part, it's gone very well.

The first time I left DD1 was when she was a week old, to go get a tooth filled. I had been on bedrest the whole third trimester, and the tooth badly needed attention, so we were just waiting for the birth to get it done. It took about forty-five minutes, and it was fine. DD slept the entire time, on my mom's chest, while my mom watched TV.

We started doing longer stretches with my mom, or MIL, or my close friend, at about three months old or so. I went back to work two nights a week right about that time, and I would be gone four to five hours each time, and she would stay with DH.

The twins were often left with DH or my mom for an hour or so, so that I could spend time with DD1, right from the earliest days. The first time I left them for longer was when they were 2 months, and I had an outpatient surgery. (I have a chronic, serious illness.) It didn't go so well-- it was about five hours I was away, and DS was hungry and wouldn't take milk from the bottle, and cried a lot.

DD2 was fine with it, though. She was one of those kiddos who went back and forth from bottle to breast with no trouble. (Not like my other two!)

I went back to work part-time when they were 4 months, two nights a week, but I limited my shifts so that I was only away four hours at a time-- DS never took a bottle. He preferred to wait until I got back. He refused bottles that whole first year, so he was never left longer than 3 or 4 hours, except one time when I went to see my aunt who was in the middle of really intense cancer treatment. DS wasn't allowed to be there because of the risk of spreading infection-- no kids under 12 allowed, and I wasn't about to push the boundaries because my aunt was really dangerously vulnerable.

That was rough. DS was very unhappy without me.

I started allowing overnights, with my mom only, when they were nightweaned.

[jacie87]

The first time ever DD was 5 months old and I left her with my friend's mom while I ran to taco bell. It was less than half an hour, but when I returned I found my DD lying in a playpen screaming. Apparently friend's mom thought she needed a nap and believes in CIO.... She's not watching any kids of mine again ever and I have learned to be way more picky about who gets to watch DD without me being around.

Ideally I would prefer to be 24/7 until my child is old enough to tell me if something bad is going on while I'm away, but that's not always practical. I'm just finding that people I would think I can trust with my kid, I really can't...for example, DH's step-mom is a really sweet woman, but apparently she thinks potty training before 2 is child abuse, and she would make my DD use a diaper before setting her on the potty. DD has been using the potty for several months, and while she still wears diapers when we leave the house, she doesn't dirty them. She will scream and hold it for as long as she can before she will dirty a diaper.

My mom used to give my daughter a pacifier any time I left the room, because she thought she was too attached to the breast and needed to learn to suck on other things, and DH's aunt gave her a spanking for crying when she put her in a car seat, and she was only 12 months old at the time. I try to screen people as best I can but I am really uncomfortable now leaving DD with anyone, and I don't want to until she can verbally tell me if something is going on that shouldn't.

[Kelly1101]

Originally Posted by jacie87

The first time ever DD was 5 months old and I left her with my friend's mom while I ran to taco bell. It was less than half an hour, but when I returned I found my DD lying in a playpen screaming. Apparently friend's mom thought she needed a nap and believes in CIO.... She's not watching any kids of mine again ever and I have learned to be way more picky about who gets to watch DD without me being around.

OUCH! I would have been so upset. I think this is why I only am comfortable leaving her with my mom-- because I completely trust my mom and she agrees with me on most basic parenting theories.

[kriket]

DH and I went out on our date for our birthdays (we're July 4th and 5th) DS was about 2.5m I left him with my mom and was a ball of nerves the whole time. I think we ate dinner faster then we have ever in our lives! I pump for work, so it's not an ordeal to have milk ready for an outing. We try to get out on our own about once a month, my mom watches him most of the time.

[pixiekisses]

Oh, they've probably been a couple of years old, or older, before both me and dad has left them with someone else.