Help me

[BetsyNY]

I have four-year-old twins. One has autism and is in a full-time program. The other is home with me.

I'm just feeling at a total loss on how to fill our days. We go to my gym and he plays with the other kids in the daycare, we have a weekly playdate with a friend, we run errands. A lot of the organized homeschool activities are either for kids older than my son or they're at a really bad time for us--I'd have to leave to pick up my other son from school just as things were getting started.

I started a website in the hopes of stimulating more interest, discussion, activity, etc. I'm trying hard to get it off the ground, but between the kids and my job (I work from home posting articles to business websites) and trying to keep the house in some kind of order, I just don't have the time. It's pretty dead and that makes me feel bad too.

He says he wants to go to school, and then the next time it comes up, he says he doesn't. I get that he's four and probably doesn't know exactly what that means. I don't get a lot of support from my husband, who thinks he should be in school anyway.

I feel like if I put him in school for a couple days a week I will have failed, and my friends will look down on me for not being able to do this the way they can.

I'm also PMSing, and everything's looking pretty bleak right now.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

[craft_media_hero]

Well . . . at four I really don't think it's necessary to "fill" your days with organized homeschool activities. I think that it's perfectly fine to stay home and let him play with blocks and such, read stories, have snacks . . . I guess I don't see what you're looking for here. It's not necessary for your four year old to be in a ton of activities and go to homeschool groups, especially if he has a brother to play with. Family activities will provide enough socialization, if that's what you're worried about. Especially since he's playing with kids at the gym and such.

You sound very busy with the house and your business and being a mom. That is enough. You don't have to keep up with anyone else. Your situation is unique, and other SAHMs or HS moms may seem like superheroes, but it sounds like you're definitely doing your fair share of parenting here. So don't compare yourself with them. Are your kids relatively happy and well-adjusted? Then you win. Don't get into the cycle of "what they do is what we should do" coz what they do probably doesn't work for you and yours.

The best thing you can do is relax! Take a deep breath, and repeat as necessary "I am doing enough". It's okay to not do anything at all! And in fact, that's great for kids! Having lots of free time to play and explore their world is key at this age. If you feel like you need more structure, perhaps you could make one day be Library Day, the next Gym Day, Baking Day, Nature Walk Day, Wash Day etc. But ideally, being home and just living is (in my opinion), the best thing ever for your family and your little one.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Personally I think preschool is different from "school" and doesn't count. You can still homeschool a child who has gone to preschool and you won't lose your homeschool club card. DD went to preschool because she loved playing with other kids, and it was a play-based preschool. But she's not going to kindergarten (unless she consistently asks to).

It also sounds like you are doing just great, really, and don't need to change anything, unless you would like to.

[lach]

Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie

Personally I think preschool is different from "school" and doesn't count. You can still homeschool a child who has gone to preschool and you won't lose your homeschool club card. DD went to preschool because she loved playing with other kids, and it was a play-based preschool. But she's not going to kindergarten (unless she consistently asks to).

It also sounds like you are doing just great, really, and don't need to change anything, unless you would like to.

I agree with both parts. My daughter is in a lovely Montessori preschool, but I plan on homeschooling. I don't see how the two conflict at all, and I don't consider her going to preschool a failure on my part in any way, shape, or form.

I think you need to think more objectively about this. Maybe make a list of pros and cons of your various options, and take a real objective look, instead of just thinking of what you "should" be doing or worrying about how other people view you.

I know for a fact (because I have gotten nasty comments) that many homeschoolers really look down on me, consider me negligent, and think my daughter will be irrevocably emotionally detached from me. Just because she goes to preschool for three hour stretches. I would tell you where they could stick it, but it would go against the TOS She's blossoming in unbelievable ways, begs to go every morning, and I get quality time with the baby and the opportunity to run errands with only one screaming child in tow. She gets to play outside, do craft projects, sing songs, read books, play with toys that are different, and play with other kids. My son gets to take an uninterrupted morning nap and gets lots of cuddle time at library story hour. I get a break of an hour a day while she's at school and he's napping. So far as I can tell, there isn't a single negative to my situation.

Obviously, what works best is different for every family. What's important is that you do what works best for your family.

[BetsyNY]

I think part of the problem is that every time I get stressed or overwhelmed, my husband thinks the answer is to put D in school. It makes me feel unsupported.

I don't think preschool is like school-school either.