repetitive asking/demanding/whining/siren...?!?!

[DoopaMama]

OK, so I see that there are lots of strategies for dealing with the repetitive asking like just keep answering, finishing washing A dish instead of saying "2 minutes", etc.

My DD is just over two and when she wants something, a movie lets say. (which happens WAY more than I'd like or like to admit to what with both my husband and I in school plus a million other things including a 2 month old...)
She wants a "mogie"
"mogie! MOGIE!" she demands two or three times, getting louder and more hysterical each time. Usually I can get her to at least say "mogie please"

fine

then, even as she is watching me grant her request she'll be doing this wail/siren thing. or before I've even had a chance to answer

or even after the request has been granted

or for no particular reason at all it seems excep that she wants SOMETHING but instead of even giving me a hint as to what it is she ... sirens.

we've tried ignoring, we've tried being patient/answering again and again/talking to her about it as we are doing it/etc. we've tried yelling, we've tried time outs. I hate to admit it but i've even on occasion caught myself grabbing her arm and yanking to attempt to startle her out of it! more often because i've lost it and am semi-seriously pondering the idea of tossing her out the window just so I don't have to hear it anymore!!!!!!!

HELP! what do I have left to try?

This didn't really start until a little after we started daycare again after spending all summer with mama and papa 24/7 outside harvesting veggies, selling at the market, fencing new ground for sheep, etc. Entirely new class, new teachers, up a level from where she was supposed o be because they had to do some kid shuffling to make it all work, went from oldest in class to the youngest of all. went from a teacher she still begs to go visit every day, even when she totally ignores said teacher (we don't mind much because we're all good friends and enjoy the adult conversation)

I wonder if she's picking something up from other kids, if teachers and student staff are leting her get everything for a little bit of whining and she's discovered that she gets what she wants a lot of times if she only is annoying enough long enough.

it frustrates us both to no end and I know itt makes her grumpier if mama and papa are grumpy and gruff to her as well-even if we are doing our utmost to be calm on top.

any suggestions at all to a least get the siren song to cease??? I'll gladly deal with the asking a million times a second until five minues after whatever request has been met in full if only the siren song stops!!!

[Straggletag]

We've been wrestling, sometimes a little literally, with this problem ourselves. I wish I had a good solution. Caveat: we're not very GD, so take my experience with a grain of salt.

First, we make sure we have a handle on ourselves. Sometimes it's so maddening, one of us has to leave the room to keep our cool. We think keeping our cool and sanity is a higher priority than dealing with the obnoxious behavior right away. If we do leave a room, we try to do it in a non-punitive way, but pretty much every time we go, the LO takes it as a punishment and flips. It's heartrending, but you have to decide right then if you'll be able to keep it together if you stay.

Second, we're just not tolerant of disturbing the peace. If we even tried to let it go for a while, we'd be incapable of meeting anyone's needs at all. We learned that the hard way, so now we refuse to feel guilty about squashing her expression or whatever.

Third, modeling, modeling, modeling. We don't yell because that kind of negates our telling her not to yell, and if we lose control of ourselves, it's going to spiral out of control into a big whole family tantrum.

Fourth, we start with explaining to be polite. She doesn't always get her way if she says please, but I'd crawl through yards of broken glass before giving her her way if she didn't say please. This has made an impact over time, just mentioning it usually causes her to catch herself and correct it.

Fifth, if it's not working or she's even beginning to get hysterical, we do our version of a time out: one of us takes her out of the room with the rest of the family, and keeps her in a separate room until the tantrum is over. No holding, no leaving them alone, and we do talk it out with them if we can. We're not ogres about it. We don't care if it's a negative experience to go to our time out or not, it's just a break until the behavior ends. If they need to thrash it out, ok. If reading a book with them works, even better! I make a point, if DH is the one taking the LO to time out, of reassuring her that she'll be back with me soon, it calms her down.

I can't say we have an angel, she's still a toddler and toddler behavior is really difficult for us to cope with. We've gradually developed a system that we follow almost religiously, though we're always fine tuning it. The no exceptions nature of a system has really helped us out.

[Brownie~]

I am hoping to hear more strategies about the whining! DS is 31 months. He starts the day whining "mama, get up" over and over and over again. Then, he whines "go downstairs" over and over. It's like this all day. After a while, I find myself running out of patience and yelling at him or like above poster said, grabbing his arm. I don't like doing this, cos I feel out of control at this point and am not modelling good behavior.
Sometimes I can get him to "say it in a nice voice," but it's sporadic. Other than the whining, he's a really good kid. I can't point to any upheaval, changes, etc, that would contribute. Everything here is the same ol', same ol'. Any ideas?

[Straggletag]

I hate to say it, but if the kid whines or sirens, that's his reflection/version of something we're modeling. I know where my 3yo's repetitive asking and saying "I need" rather than please comes from. (DH has very selective hearing, another trait she's picked up, so when I need something I end up repeating it.)

[Tjej]

With my kids (3 and 2), asking them to say it in a "nice way" or just saying "try again" usually works. If they start whining after that, then I just stop and wait/sometimes when I'm really annoyed I say something snippy, but I try to just stop and say "I will wait" and then I just wait (or if they still don't stop then I tell them I'm going to go do something else and they can come talk to me when they are ready).

I am watching a 5yo after school some and he has a really strong tendancy to whine almost everything he says. I have tried the "talk nicely" and that sort of thing, and he will then say please or whatever, but he still uses that tone a lot of the time. I will model for him, and have him repeat, and he still uses the tone. I am now trying having him "talk with a smile". I was trying it out for myself, and I don't think I can whine and smile at the same time, so I figure it might work with him. In this case I really think he just has no idea that the tone he uses is not pleasant. He does sometimes say things in a nice/happy tone, so I know that his vocal cords are capable, but anyway, we'll see if the "smile talking" works. Oh, and for siren type stuff with him too, I just persist in my way, remain calm, and he has learned pretty well that it doesn't work with me and he does it very rarely now. Or when he does he catches himself and quits.

Tjej

[Crunchie]

Oh boy, is my kiddo into whining and screaming (he's 2.5). Many, many times a day he wails/screams/whines before he even attempts to say what he wants/needs--for example, the other day he was busy playing on one side of the kitchen when he caught sight of me putting the straw in his cup--instant meltdown. If I flip on a light switch, instant meltdown. Sit down at the table, instant meltdown. It is very frustrating, because while these things might be legitimate in his world, they are such minor details in ours! So it sometimes seems like he's just whining for the sake of whining, which doesn't help us stay patient. Also, he is extremely verbal and has been since a very early age, so he has no trouble communicating his needs/wants to us--this adds to the frustration in our adult minds. If he didn't have the words to communicate his needs to us, it would be a different story.

Anyway, what helps for us is I tell my son that, "I don't understand what you are saying" when he whines/screams/wails. Which, in plenty of cases, is absolutely true (though I probably know what he wants, in a literal sense, the words are unintelligible). Or, in the case of the preemptive meltdowns, I tell him that "I don't know what you want if you don't tell me in polite words first." This works most of the time to get him to settle down and re-phrase--in words, not whine-speak--what he wants/needs. It also helps if I remember that he is a toddler, and that his seemingly ridiculous tantrums over seemingly minor things (like putting the straw in his cup himself) are legitimate in his world. So, I try to find the middle road. If he can let me know, in a reasonably polite way, that he would like to put the straw in his cup by himself--than I'm perfectly happy to accommodate the request!

[kdtmom2be]

Originally Posted by Crunchie

Anyway, what helps for us is I tell my son that, "I don't understand what you are saying" when he whines/screams/wails. Which, in plenty of cases, is absolutely true (though I probably know what he wants, in a literal sense, the words are unintelligible). Or, in the case of the preemptive meltdowns, I tell him that "I don't know what you want if you don't tell me in polite words first." This works most of the time to get him to settle down and re-phrase--in words, not whine-speak--what he wants/needs. It also helps if I remember that he is a toddler, and that his seemingly ridiculous tantrums over seemingly minor things (like putting the straw in his cup himself) are legitimate in his world. So, I try to find the middle road. If he can let me know, in a reasonably polite way, that he would like to put the straw in his cup by himself--than I'm perfectly happy to accommodate the request!

We use the same tactic, it works most of the time and we DO try to remember that wether or not WE feel that it's legitimate that they want to turn the lights on themselves, they feel it is! For stuff like that we have told her that if she would like to do it then she can undo what we have done and redo it (e.g. turn the light out and turn it back on). We've been doing that for a few weeks and there is less screaming and as long as I remember that I've said she can do that and not snap at her for flicking the lights, then everything is good!