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Life skills everyone should have before leaving home... - Page 8

post #141 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades View Post
Maybe I just have a bias for seafood. I'd eat it everyday if I could. I just can't imagine my children growing up never eating a whole category of a popular food.
My stepfather hated fish.. my mother never ever served it. (did I say that or did I delete it?) In any rate I have tried to teach myself to make fish. After years of trying it seems the only fish I make that my kids will eat is pan fried. Everything else.. just never turns out. We don't eat it all that often... the stuff I like is expensive. DD wants to try salmon but I don't like it. Dh thinks I should let her try it.. but I can't cook it either....Maybe some day we will find a restaurant that serves it. I mean.. we are in the PNW and the kids have been going to see salmon runs all fall!
post #142 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by aniT View Post
It's not about "I didn't do it so it's not important." It's more about the fact that it is not skill that it would hurt them not to have.

It does sound like your family is very privileged so I guess it would make sence your children learn things that others consider only those of privilege need to know as a "necessity."

Where do you get shrimp if you don't get it at the store? Do you catch it yourself?
Yes, my family of choice is privileged, but my family of origin isn't. I know I have to be careful with my children because they will say things like "do you have sushi (or hummus or tons of other things)" to my FOO, and it can be awkward. Consequently when my son said my grandmother's fried chicken wasn't meat because he didn't recognize fried food, it was kind of a weird moment. Geez, I didn't even realize I had so many food issues!

On the coast where I grew up, you get seafood from fresh fish markets...or a guy selling it on the side of the road!
post #143 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by aniT View Post
My stepfather hated fish.. my mother never ever served it. (did I say that or did I delete it?) In any rate I have tried to teach myself to make fish. After years of trying it seems the only fish I make that my kids will eat is pan fried. Everything else.. just never turns out. We don't eat it all that often... the stuff I like is expensive. DD wants to try salmon but I don't like it. Dh thinks I should let her try it.. but I can't cook it either....Maybe some day we will find a restaurant that serves it. I mean.. we are in the PNW and the kids have been going to see salmon runs all fall!
My husband's not a big salmon eater either. I usually marinate it in either fresh-squeezed lemon and garlic or (much easier) Italian dressing. It tasty less "fishy" that way to him, and he'll eat it. You can get it vacuum-packed in freezer sections. At our grocery store, it's $4.50 for 4 fillets. You could let her try that since you just have to defrost one. Then if she doesn't like it, you can easily give the rest to someone who does and only be out the $4.50.

Fish is very hard to cook. I actually prefer to cook shellfish to finfish because I have a hard time knowing if fish is done.
post #144 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by jessjgh1 View Post
I guess one of the basics I would teach is to make someone in that situation feel comfortable. ...
That goes for both extremes... of being with people that are well above or well below your means.
You make good points. My DH is really great at that. He's never flinched at anything my family's done despite how bizarre some of it seemed to him. When we opted to live in downtown Cincinnati, it amazed me how completely cool he was with everyone given how he grew up. I honestly don't know why. It's not something I think my ILs passed on, and it's not something I see in either of his sisters (his brothers seem to be much better about it, though). Someone actually said to me, once, "I have to give him crediting for being with you. It has to be an odd experience for him." Yes, our childhoods were *that* different.

I hope I'm teaching my children the same. I know I've talked about teaching them to be "functionally privileged," but I do want them to experience and know people from all strata of society (and to be courteous to everyone no matter how they appear).
post #145 of 183
you can also soak fish in milk before cooking- that takes the fishiness out as well.
baking or broiling are easy ways to cook fish.
post #146 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
This. I had so many people who were stunned that I was a grown, married woman with a full-time job and a child, and I didn't drive. I was equally stunned at how many people couldn't seem to find their way around their own community without a car...and I'm not talking about the kind of area that's laid out to make it almost impossible to function without a car. Vancouver is generally very transit-friendly.
Yes to this!

I dislike driving, and people are often stunned that we take the bus. It is not very hard! It is also not very hard to find good walking paths in our city. I also know someone who is almost 20 years older than me and can't go out at night because her parents don't drive at night any more.

How about safe walking skills? Wearing reflective clothing and things like yaktrax. I walk as my commute, and when I drive I am constantly scared by people who dress in black and hop out into the road in front of cars.

Also, improvisational cooking. You don't need to cook with all of the ingredients in the recipe. It's ok to substitute/do without instead of running out to the store when you're out of an ingredient. It's ok to cook with what's in the fridge. Interesting meals are invented that way.
post #147 of 183
has talking and being comfortable with a range of diferent age groups been mentioned?

I know lots of teenagers that cant carry on a conversation with an adult.. and adults who can't talk to little kids or teenagers.
I grew up being comortable making interesting conversation with adults and often found other kids my age sort of boring. that was not so cool back then, but it has been useful as an adult- job interviews, professors, etc.
post #148 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades View Post
No, it's not a basic life skill, but you both seemed bent on "I don't do it" versus "I do."
I don't know if you meant me or not, but I'm not "bent" on "I don't do it". I simply can't conceive how any skill that a person can live 41 years, go to school, find employment, have four children and support her family (financially, emotionally, etc.) without ever learning can possibly be called "basic".

Quote:
go to school, I think the bigger skill to be taken from the things listed like skipping rocks and juggling is that all children need to be taught relaxation/coping skills whether that's juggling or meditation or tossing a baseball in the backyard. Coping skills are a really important skill to have to get through adult life.
Of course coping skills are important, but that's not where the poster who mentioned skipping rocks was coming from (according to her). And, in any case, tht means coping skills are important, not that juggling is "basic".

Quote:
Hmm...rather than privilege, it speaks to me of social climbing. DH grew up in an upper middle-class house. They had more than one fork at their house on some nights, and they certainly had been to restaurants of that caliber. I grew up working-class, but my mother taught me how to do things like fold linens and use various forks because she always anticipated I'd enter a social class where it was necessary.

As a student, I was taken by professors and speakers at events to really expensive restaurants. I remember one night being almost in tears (thankfully in the bathroom) because the menu had 4 entree choices, and I didn't know what any of them were. I was starving, and I was terrified either to ask or to order something I wouldn't like. I did once ask a professor I knew really well what something was because the menus were in Italian (and my literacy in Italian is pretty rough), and she said, "you can't read Italian!"
Umm...wow. I hope my kids have the basic social skills not to exclaim over
someone else not being able to speak a particular language. That's far more basic than knowing how to use various forks.

Quote:
Yes, cases like mine may be rare, but I know how much they made me feel unworthy of being at the place where I was *because* I didn't grow up with privilege.
The people who made you feel unworthy are the ones who are/were lacking very basic social skills, not you.

Quote:
Maybe I just have a bias for seafood. I'd eat it everyday if I could. I just can't imagine my children growing up never eating a whole category of a popular food.
I doubt if my sister's kids (other than the oldest, because he's eaten at my place quite a bit) have ever had any kind of fish or seafood. She can't stand the stuff, to the point that the smell of it cooking makes her feel ill. My kids have had crab, shrimp, clams, various fish, etc. - but they don't eat mushrooms, because dh and I both hate them. I will let my kids try them, but I don't become nauseated by the mere smell. I can understand why my sister doesn't offer seafood to her kids...
post #149 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
I don't know if you meant me or not, but I'm not "bent" on "I don't do it". I simply can't conceive how any skill that a person can live 41 years, go to school, find employment, have four children and support her family (financially, emotionally, etc.) without ever learning can possibly be called "basic".
I think a number of the things listed here aren't basic. I don't think reading a bus schedule is basic, for example. I've never, ever had a reason to even look at a bus schedule. While I'm confident I could and figure it out, it's not something that's relevant to my life at all - and not something I'd think is important to teach my children. And I don't think skipping stones is basic, though the original poster from that comment said she was being a bit tounge-in-cheek about it, too.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
Umm...wow. I hope my kids have the basic social skills not to exclaim over
someone else not being able to speak a particular language. That's far more basic than knowing how to use various forks.
Sure, but many of the people I know do work with the assumption that *everyone* knows lots of things that aren't basic. I speak French, so by extension, why wouldn't I know other Romance languages? That was the general thinking there. Heh, I've since learned basic (vacation-worthy) speech & reading on many of the popular languages, though still working on some of them, so that I won't get caught in that type of situation again. Interestingly it's actually come in handy.

By great irony, my son has a beautiful knack for languages and knows many words in Spanish & Swahili, which he loves sharing with other people. He once identified a cat with the French "un gato" when he was about 18 MO just because he'd heard me say it a couple of times, which really floored a lot of the mamas we were with. It was fun just to shrug my shoulders and smile because it's not something we've ever actively taught him.

I know my experiences are weird, but in thinking about what I want to teach my children, I do, as all of us do, use my experiences to guide me. I once was telling someone a story about how my husband's friends are too cerebral for fun by saying "we once went out to a pub and argued about algorithms all night." The person I was telling said "what's an algorithm," and honestly I felt stupid (not exactly the right word, but it won't come to me) for telling the story without realizing that other people wouldn't understand it - much the way I feel when people tell me stories involving pop culture.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
The people who made you feel unworthy are the ones who are/were lacking very basic social skills, not you.
Well, yeah, they are. The people in my field aren't known for their social skills, but I still need/want them as mentors. The bar to entry is based in large part on recommendations and connections with other people, and pretty much everyone in the field is that way.
post #150 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by aniT View Post
Where do you get shrimp if you don't get it at the store? Do you catch it yourself?
This part tickles me. I guess most people do get it at the store, and we do now, but I have lived in a coastal community where seafood was something sold at the docks or along the road -- or yes, it was caught by a friend/neighbor/yourself that morning. No one bought it in a grocery store.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades View Post
Yes, my family of choice is privileged, but my family of origin isn't. I know I have to be careful with my children because they will say things like "do you have sushi (or hummus or tons of other things)" to my FOO, and it can be awkward. Consequently when my son said my grandmother's fried chicken wasn't meat because he didn't recognize fried food, it was kind of a weird moment. Geez, I didn't even realize I had so many food issues!

On the coast where I grew up, you get seafood from fresh fish markets...or a guy selling it on the side of the road!
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades View Post
I hope I'm teaching my children the same. I know I've talked about teaching them to be "functionally privileged," but I do want them to experience and know people from all strata of society (and to be courteous to everyone no matter how they appear).
I also have this goal for my kids! I seek experiences for them that are more typical of both extremes of the social spectrum. I don't want "class" -- which I abhor the idea of anyway -- to ever limit their options in life.

DH amazes me in how he can talk with anyone. He has set trailers for people without indoor plumbing, but also has had university presidents and key political figures on speed dial.
post #151 of 183
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MadiMamacita View Post
I grew up being comortable making interesting conversation with adults and often found other kids my age sort of boring. that was not so cool back then, but it has been useful as an adult- job interviews, professors, etc.
I know what you mean. My parents didn't do daycare or anything for us (like I said earlier, the owned their own business) and so, outside of school, a lot of my interactions were with adults. I've always been more comfortable with adults than people my own age...
On a separate note: It made dating hard because the teenage boys I knew were really childish...
post #152 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades View Post
He once identified a cat with the French "un gato" when he was about 18 MO just because he'd heard me say it a couple of times,
not to split hairs, but I believe that is spanish.. what you meant was le chat.
post #153 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by AFWife View Post
I know what you mean. My parents didn't do daycare or anything for us (like I said earlier, the owned their own business) and so, outside of school, a lot of my interactions were with adults. I've always been more comfortable with adults than people my own age...
On a separate note: It made dating hard because the teenage boys I knew were really childish...
Most teenage girls I've ever known have found teenage boys childish, even if they didn't spend a lot of time with adults.

I was always much more comfortable with adults than kids my own age, as well. It was...awkward.
post #154 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades View Post
I think a number of the things listed here aren't basic. I don't think reading a bus schedule is basic, for example. I've never, ever had a reason to even look at a bus schedule. While I'm confident I could and figure it out, it's not something that's relevant to my life at all - and not something I'd think is important to teach my children. And I don't think skipping stones is basic, though the original poster from that comment said she was being a bit tounge-in-cheek about it, too.
Fair enough. Our local transit is online now, in any case. I do think navigating public transit is a useful skill to have (if you live somewhere with a reasonably good system), just in case of vehicle breakdown, if nothing else. Mind you, we do live in the age of cellphones, so I guess people probably just call a cab these days.

Quote:
Sure, but many of the people I know do work with the assumption that *everyone* knows lots of things that aren't basic. I speak French, so by extension, why wouldn't I know other Romance languages? That was the general thinking there.
I don't get that thinking at all, but even if I did, that doesn't mean any one particular person is necessarily going to speak any one particular language.

Quote:
Heh, I've since learned basic (vacation-worthy) speech & reading on many of the popular languages, though still working on some of them, so that I won't get caught in that type of situation again. Interestingly it's actually come in handy.
Learning other languages is very useful. I keep meaning to get back to it, but haven't. I had high school French & German - through grad - and a smattering of Spanish...but I never had cause to use it, so most of it is gone. Languages are fun and interesting, but for someone who hates travel and is a bit of a hermit, they're hard to hold onto, yk?

Quote:
He once identified a cat with the French "un gato" when he was about 18 MO just because he'd heard me say it a couple of times, which really floored a lot of the mamas we were with. It was fun just to shrug my shoulders and smile because it's not something we've ever actively taught him.
I'm not sure why anyone would be floored. Kids that age are built for absorbing language. I've heard kids in the under two range say things they've heard once, in some cases weeks or months prior, on more than one occasion. Their brains are total sponges!

Quote:
I know my experiences are weird, but in thinking about what I want to teach my children, I do, as all of us do, use my experiences to guide me.
Understandable. I think this thread has two main topics going on in it - the "what skills are needed to function as an adult" topic and the "what skills do I need to teach my child so he/she can function in our world" topic. They're closely related, but not quite the same. An adult can obviously function (get and keep a job, pay the bills, have relationships, have kids if they want, live in non-squalor, eat healthy food, etc.) without knowing multiple languages, for instance. But, a person can't function in your circle that way.

Quote:
Well, yeah, they are. The people in my field aren't known for their social skills, but I still need/want them as mentors. The bar to entry is based in large part on recommendations and connections with other people, and pretty much everyone in the field is that way.
To each their own. I'm not an ambitious person, and have no desire for a career, so I have trouble imagining a situation where I'd need/want to spend my time around people who are so patronizing and condescending.
post #155 of 183
I haven't read the whole thread, and I'm sure that these have been said a million times but the things that have come up for me in learning to live on my own/run my own house, and watching family and friends do the same are:

Money: Anything you do with money at all, your kids need to know how to do, and don't. How to set up a bank account. How to get a loan. How to know if it is a good loan. How do decide if you should get a loan. How to get and use a credit card. How to not spend all your money. How to save, how to keep track of your money, things you might not think to start saving for right away, honestly I don't even know what you need to know, I'm still learning. I grew up in a family where the parents never ever ever discussed money with children. We were given an allowance and told we should buy our clothes with it to learn to budget. However, we were not taught how to budget, and when the money ran out, they bought us clothes anyways. Its really hard to learn this stuff as an adult.

Food: How to cook basic food, how to menu plan (tied in to money, but also good eating), how to eat healthy. Even basic things. My sister was making pasta, and she cooked the pasta right, and added some butter, but asked me to taste it (I was visiting) and tell her how to fix it because it didn't taste right. "Did you salt it?" So many people forget to salt food or don't know how vital it is to taste.

Procurement of nessecities: Where do you go to buy a cutting board? Socks? a spray bottle for cleaning? Lots of places have these things but where is the most affordable for quality type of place to get them? For the cutting board, the hardware store? target? sur la table? ikea? your local grocery store? As for socks, target? costco? gap? walmart? the shoe store? etc

Cleaning: Everything you clean, even if it seems obvious to you, your kids need to know it needs cleaning. If you don't do ALL of your cleaning (even if you hire a monthly or bi-monthly cleaning person), your kids need to know what and how they clean too!! Things like that the baseboard and blinds need dusting, how often the toilet needs scrubbing, how to fold a fitted sheet, how to clean a tub, how to dust, how to sweep, how to mop, when to mop, when to sweep, when to dust. That every surface needs dusting. This is so important if you had someone to help with cleaning. I have seriously spent so much time googling cleaning, such as how to fold a fitted sheet, or how to clean something, or how often to clean something, because my parents had cleaning people come weekly when I was a kid.

Discipline: How to clean the house when you don't want to and the computer is far more appealing. How to save your money when you really want to spend it. Other things like that.
post #156 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by BarnMomma View Post
Thought of one more...

HOW TO DRIVE IN THE SNOW

Seriously, here in the north east snow is a part of life. And yet, first fluyrry of the year and it's accidnet after accidnet after accident and people in SUVs or whatever else just flying around like it's summer then BAM they're spinning out and end up in a ditch.
Where I live, the basic life skill is: how to always have milk and bread in the house, so that you NEVER, ever have to drive in the snow.

Seriously, the only people that drive in snow are the ones that absolutely have to get to work (doctors, midwives, nurses, EMTs, firemen). Everyone else stays home. Yes, until it melts. Which is usually after noon.
post #157 of 183
I don't know if this has been said yet but Dh can not load the dishwasher to save his life. I always have to go behind him and rearrange so everything can fit.

He also just learned how to cook rice at the ripe old age of 31.

When we got married his Mom apologized to me for doing everything for him.

He had to learn real fast to put his clothes in the hamper or else they were not getting washed and also if he ran out of something he needed to write it on the board or else I would not know. I have to many other things to do than read his mind.
post #158 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magelet View Post
how to fold a fitted sheet
when you're done teaching your kids, can you show me too?
post #159 of 183
The biggest, most important thing I intend to teach my children:

- How to ask for help so that you can get the job done yourself.

They can ask a person, they can ask google, they can ask a book, I don't care. But they need to have the skills to look at the unknown task in front of them, be it cooking chicken, loading a dishwasher or changing brake pads, and find a resource that will tell or show them how to do it properly, so they can figure it out.

This morning, I took apart my kitchen drain and unclogged it, by myself - okay, my 1 yr old helped. We got a little dirty, but we fixed it, and we saved $75 on a plumber. I used some sort of Handyman book I recieved as a wedding gift and google to figure out how.

I think having the tools to do the research to figure out how to do something you don't know how to do is invaluable. I may not know how to set a formal table, but I can open a book or hop online and learn how to starch and fold cloth napkins and which forks should be where, etc. I may not know how to replace brake pads & calipers, but I can get on to youtube, and save $200 doing it myself, etc, etc.
post #160 of 183
Quote:
Originally Posted by mran View Post
The biggest, most important thing I intend to teach my children:

- How to ask for help so that you can get the job done yourself.

They can ask a person, they can ask google, they can ask a book, I don't care. But they need to have the skills to look at the unknown task in front of them, be it cooking chicken, loading a dishwasher or changing brake pads, and find a resource that will tell or show them how to do it properly, so they can figure it out.

This morning, I took apart my kitchen drain and unclogged it, by myself - okay, my 1 yr old helped. We got a little dirty, but we fixed it, and we saved $75 on a plumber. I used some sort of Handyman book I recieved as a wedding gift and google to figure out how.

I think having the tools to do the research to figure out how to do something you don't know how to do is invaluable. I may not know how to set a formal table, but I can open a book or hop online and learn how to starch and fold cloth napkins and which forks should be where, etc. I may not know how to replace brake pads & calipers, but I can get on to youtube, and save $200 doing it myself, etc, etc.
Great post! So true.
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