Please help me stop yelling!

[mi_amor]

I am sad that I have started yelling at DS. I am very ashamed that I get angry and yell at him.

Do you have any great tips or ideas to replace yelling with something gentle?

I usually get frustrated around dinner time, especially if DH is out of town. My Mom yelled a lot, and I do not want to repeat that.

Thanks

[Meems]

When things get really intense, I have a tendency to yell and I hate it.

First I made a vow not to yell at my DD again and I catch myself now before doing it.

I give myself time to think, I think I read this in Raising Your Child, Raising Yourself. Just stop and give yourself time to breathe. Let the awful thoughts run through your head but don't say them.

I am also reading No Scream Parenting which is good, too.

[mi_amor]

Thank you, I'll have to check those books out.

I would love to be patient like Michelle Duggar. She never seems to raise her voice and gives me hope it could even be possible with 18 or more kids.

[Meems]

I think that some people are "yellers" and others just don't have it in them. I don't know where I get it from, only that the reason I get worked up is b/c I take it personally when my DD refuses to cooperate and I need to be somewhere (pretty much ALWAYS the reason). Once I narrowed it down, I changed my game-plan, go with it and don't appear impatient (anymore, to the best of my ability )

[violet]

It strikes me that you know when you start yelling --- dinner time, especially when going solo. My dh had a year of lots of out of town time and I took to doing things a bit differently when he was away. Dinnertime came earlier and was on paper plates (i know i know, bad bad bad) or was at least more simple to prepare. I often took them to the park in the afternoon, after naps, with a ton of snacks and let them run and play and play until it was cold and getting dark. Then home, bath, and another healthy snack and bed. Did you notice, we never ate dinner those nights. We just ate. Or what if you took a break for yourself before or while preparing dinner. Your favorite music and some quiet activity for the kids - coloring, playdough, etc. where you can get them busy then supervise while you stir up some noodles? Give a bit of slack to yourself and the kids in the evenings. Sometimes we just need to check in with our own bodies/minds about 4pm and see what WE need. SOmetimes I realllly need to pee and I've been putting it off too long. SOmetimes I need to have a snack myself because I'm getting short tempered from hunger. Sometimes I need to sit down and let the kids run amok while I gather my strength, then I'm ready to fact the evening. I'm carrying on too long. Hope something in there was mildly helpful. You are not alone. I was never ever a loud mouth type person and my kids have brought me to yelling on more occasions than I care to count. But not so much when I do a little bit of self care.

[mi_amor]

Thank you for the insight! I do need to change my gameplan when DH is not here and when I feel I need to be somewhere by a certain time. That's what gets me stressed out the most.

The part of checking in with myself is also key. Sometimes I realize I've only had one small cup of water all day, and I'm sooooo thirsty and miserable.

The food struggles come from my feelings of inadequacy when I don't know what DS wants to eat, and he's not eating what I put out for him. I need to take that less personally and try more food options for him.

Thank you for helping me get to the root of my problems.

Now I'll just have to think of more snacks DS will enjoy during the day. What are your children's favourties?