I'm fairly new the these forums, but ladies, I am so thankful for you! I live in East Texas currently, but have lived in Los Angeles and Iowa in the past 2 years. I have never seen so much anti-natural birthing/feeding/parenting as I do here, and in the South in general. It's hard.
I have a friend who has a baby 1 year older than my own 10 month old. She had a horrible birthing experience, with interventions and resulting in emergency c-section. She started BFing, but stopped. On numerous occasions she has made comments about how her family are not "baby makers" etc when this sort of topic comes up.
And it comes up a lot, because of our children, and that midwifery/birthing assistance/lactation consulting/natural etc is definitely my passion and where I'm pursuing as a lifelong "career". I had a homebirth which compared to hers was a piece of cake, have BF (exclusively until my daughter started eating off our plates 2 months ago), and we still BF about 10-12 times a day for either nutrition, comfort, or a quick "on the go" snack as she's crawling past while playing. VERY different experience than my friend.
We just went out for a little while and got to talking about breastfeeding. I tend to avoid this sort of topic around her because I know she's not at the same place I am (her husband actually told her he didn't want her to breastfeed the baby they're pregnant with right now because he didn't want the problems). But she seemed to be just talking about it with me so I kept going.
I am not as well-adversed in BFing/etc as I would like, but I do know a lot about the breast from my own research, LLL, being very interested in ANY BFing/childbirth stories from other women.
Anyway, the conversation did not go well. I know I wasn't abrasive at ALL, and she even said I'm one of the least judgmental people she knows and she never feels attacked or anything by me directly. But she started crying because it's so personal and vulnerable to her, and she said even just me saying a fact like "breastfeeding is better from a nutrition standpoint than formula" makes her feel like I'm saying she's a failure. This followed about her c-section too. She said she didn't feel like I had any room to really talk about any of it, because I had such a good time and did not understand how most women have it.
She said I'm one of three women she knows who had a birth unlike hers.
But then she said that she tried to BF and her Dr told her that her son was allergic to breastmilk and that he couldn't breathe and would have died if he wasn't put on formula.
I didn't pursue anything about that at that point in the conversation, and we finished with her embarrassed and me so sad I'd made her cry.
I don't know what to do, with her or even others. Childbirth/BFing is SO personal, obviously, that if someone hears that they maybe didn't or aren't doing the best, then they're a failure. And it seems that once someone does it once, they can't change their mind, because that would be admitting they'd failed or done it wrong.
How do we lactivists reach out to these hurting women? There is NO ONE that can tell me (though they try) that BFing or not BFing does not effect a woman's psyche. IT DOES. I'm even more riled up at the Dr who told her that, and didn't help her work through it correctly. How do I even share the truth about the breast, or BFing, with women who are so scarred they HAVE to believe the untruth to feel like they can live with the decisions they've already made?
Argh, I'm upset at the people in the medical field (and I suppose outside of it) that tell women they can't do it. I know my body is not the exception. But I don't know truly how to help change the mindset. And I hate that mindset, because it makes women like my friend feel like failures and cry.
...I think I'm going to go have a good cry myself, some chocolate and a movie. Then I'll go read 'Womanly Art Of Breastfeeding". It's always so encouraging. I just wish my LLL meeting was sooner than this next Thursday. I need me some BFing support!!!
I have a friend who has a baby 1 year older than my own 10 month old. She had a horrible birthing experience, with interventions and resulting in emergency c-section. She started BFing, but stopped. On numerous occasions she has made comments about how her family are not "baby makers" etc when this sort of topic comes up.
And it comes up a lot, because of our children, and that midwifery/birthing assistance/lactation consulting/natural etc is definitely my passion and where I'm pursuing as a lifelong "career". I had a homebirth which compared to hers was a piece of cake, have BF (exclusively until my daughter started eating off our plates 2 months ago), and we still BF about 10-12 times a day for either nutrition, comfort, or a quick "on the go" snack as she's crawling past while playing. VERY different experience than my friend.
We just went out for a little while and got to talking about breastfeeding. I tend to avoid this sort of topic around her because I know she's not at the same place I am (her husband actually told her he didn't want her to breastfeed the baby they're pregnant with right now because he didn't want the problems). But she seemed to be just talking about it with me so I kept going.
I am not as well-adversed in BFing/etc as I would like, but I do know a lot about the breast from my own research, LLL, being very interested in ANY BFing/childbirth stories from other women.
Anyway, the conversation did not go well. I know I wasn't abrasive at ALL, and she even said I'm one of the least judgmental people she knows and she never feels attacked or anything by me directly. But she started crying because it's so personal and vulnerable to her, and she said even just me saying a fact like "breastfeeding is better from a nutrition standpoint than formula" makes her feel like I'm saying she's a failure. This followed about her c-section too. She said she didn't feel like I had any room to really talk about any of it, because I had such a good time and did not understand how most women have it.
She said I'm one of three women she knows who had a birth unlike hers.
But then she said that she tried to BF and her Dr told her that her son was allergic to breastmilk and that he couldn't breathe and would have died if he wasn't put on formula.
I didn't pursue anything about that at that point in the conversation, and we finished with her embarrassed and me so sad I'd made her cry.
I don't know what to do, with her or even others. Childbirth/BFing is SO personal, obviously, that if someone hears that they maybe didn't or aren't doing the best, then they're a failure. And it seems that once someone does it once, they can't change their mind, because that would be admitting they'd failed or done it wrong.
How do we lactivists reach out to these hurting women? There is NO ONE that can tell me (though they try) that BFing or not BFing does not effect a woman's psyche. IT DOES. I'm even more riled up at the Dr who told her that, and didn't help her work through it correctly. How do I even share the truth about the breast, or BFing, with women who are so scarred they HAVE to believe the untruth to feel like they can live with the decisions they've already made?
Argh, I'm upset at the people in the medical field (and I suppose outside of it) that tell women they can't do it. I know my body is not the exception. But I don't know truly how to help change the mindset. And I hate that mindset, because it makes women like my friend feel like failures and cry.
...I think I'm going to go have a good cry myself, some chocolate and a movie. Then I'll go read 'Womanly Art Of Breastfeeding". It's always so encouraging. I just wish my LLL meeting was sooner than this next Thursday. I need me some BFing support!!!
