Are you having an affair ... with your baby?

[Serenyd]

Are you having an affair ... with your baby?

Warning TMI sex alert - do not cross this line if you are squeamish...

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This article made me think about my own situation ... DP wants sex. I don't. We tried @ 3 1/2 weeks, and afterwards it was like a horse kicked me in the crotch. Apparently, I strained some muscles down there during childbirth that weren't ready for the workout. And it wasn't a long interaction, believe me.

Unfortunately, I now have no desire to try again, and he keeps bugging me. He's even said that if I don't cooperate he's going to find someone else to sleep with. Very mature. I just had my 6 week checkup yesterday and to be honest his behavior is a big turn-off.

[Ms. Cellaneous]

I'm sorry your partner is being such a butt. (Immature word for immature behaviour!)
Is he joking about "finding someone else"? I hope so, but that's an awful thing to say to the mother of your child, either way. I think *someone* deserves a kick in the crotch, and it's not you!!!
Have you tried other "fun and games" that don't involve pain for you? On a practical level that might help, but on a deeper level he's obviously got to adjust his attitude. As you said, it's just not attractive. Good luck!

[ThoughtFullMama]

Wow. Mean. But, yes, I am having an affair with my baby she is amazing and I can't keep my eyes or hands off her. Things will calm down I bet. Although, I'd say something to him. I mean, geeze, doesn't he care how you're feeling physically?

[Spiralshell]

I hear you. DP is VERY interested. He keeps asking over and over when I will be cleared to DTD. I'm at 5 weeks post-c-sec now, and my incision site is still sore. He is clearly quite randy, and our 'alternate fun and games' only seem to be winding him up more rather than relieving him. So when he talks about sex, he's talking about the kind of vigorous bedroom romping which we did once upon a time, while I'm thinking of starting with some tender gentle lovemaking. While I do want to start again, I have absolutely no desire for anything strenuous... I really don't want to start on a bad note.
Also, I'm stinky, my breasts are dripping milk, I have done only the most cursory leg-shaving for the past several months, and I only just this week stopped bleeding. I'm not feeling very sexy!

[Serenyd]

Originally Posted by Spiralshell

Also, I'm stinky, my breasts are dripping milk, I have done only the most cursory leg-shaving for the past several months, and I only just this week stopped bleeding. I'm not feeling very sexy!

I'm like, I barely have time to take care of basic needs, and sex isn't very high on the totem pole, heck, it's not even on my radar right now!

nak

[MandyB]

Glad to see I'm not the only girl here with a DH who's begging for it these days! LOL I have absolutely NO desire to do any of that and haven't since Evan was born. DH on the other hand, has other plans. I hate it because I feel bad telling him no all the time, but I swear, he asks at the most terrible moments!

Like I really want to do it when the kids are in the next room running around playing!? Or even better, when they are in the van with their seatbelts on all ready to go somewhere and he comes inside to see if the baby and I are ready to go and he wants to just have a little quicky right there in the living room when the kids could walk in any minute! It really turns me off when he can't plan it out better and ask at at time when I might get to enjoy it instead of freaking out about what the kids are doing! Plus, he asks at such inappropriate times that of course, I have to turn him down. Then I end up feeling like a jerk for always turning him down! Geez, I guess I'm more bothered by all of this than I thought I was!

It's just not fun when you're DTD and your boobs start shooting milk out like missles in the middle of it all though! And then when he tries to actually touch them..ugh! I'm touched out these days...and they're sore...and I don't want to activate the let down by him touching them.

[firewoman]

I'm 8 weeks PP and we haven't done anything yet. I had grand plans of doing alternative things to keep him satisfied but after his vasectomy it became quite evident that, like Spiralshell's DH, that would just make matters worse. I really do want to please him and I know that I would enjoy it, too. I'm not feeling at all sexy. I need to work on that. My toes need painting, my legs need waxing and I haven't had my hair done since March. Right now if I have any extra energy, I'm more interested in going to the gym to help get rid of this baby weight (from past babies, not this most recent one!). Is that selfish of me?

[zenproof]

hop on pop. that was awesome.

my husband could have written that article.

the last time we did it (its been two times now and im almost 3mos PP) - i was all throbbing down below - it was weird. just like the OP mentioned - like i had been kicked in the groin. odd.

and no, it was NOT an orgasm. haaaaaaaa.

[MeadowMom]

Same deal here. I might be being selfish, but dh's timing sucks! When I get 10 minutes, I want them for me! To shower, to change clothes, to brush my teeth or hair.
I guess it's nice to know he still wants me flabby, smelly and messy

[First-Time-Mommy]

ddc crashing.

i would have been hurt over the comment your dh made if it were directed at me. - i mean come on, pregnancy is one thing after another. we get pregnant, we start getting sore and multiple other things, then we go into labor, shove a baby out(or c-sec.), WE ARE SORE either way it goes. then sex is expected despite the tenderness and afterpains it will cause... where is the compassion? i hope he was joking too as a pp said. it's not as if you can snap your fingers and make all of the postpartum pains and symptoms vanish.

[joyakshi]

tell him you'll sue him for palimony if he doesn't give you the time you need

[zjande]

My libido's not very high these days. But I do try to find time for dh's needs because it makes him happy, and he deserves it. But the real trick is just finding the time!

[Serenyd]

Is it possible that tandem nursing is causing this lack of desire? I mean hormone-wise ... after all this is #3 and I haven't experienced this before post-partum.

[Contrariety]

I really struggled to be intimate with DH after DS was born, but this time around, it's not bad at all. Maybe it's because I'm more comfortable in my role a mom, and a mom who can enjoy sex not to mention, that it's been better this time. DH and I were also really connecting sexually - the best it's ever been when I got PG this last time, and I'm very anxious to get that back. Though until DH gets his V and the all clear, we'll be using condoms, so we have a good long time until it's going to be really good again, but I've really wanted that closeness with him, so it's been easier this time to be intimate, even though it's a little tender in certain positions. It helps that DH has realistic expectations for sex postpartum. If he had the attitude of the OP's partner, it would be a different story, I'm sure.

[Leilamus]

Originally Posted by zenproof

hop on pop. that was awesome.

my husband could have written that article.

the last time we did it (its been two times now and im almost 3mos PP) - i was all throbbing down below - it was weird. just like the OP mentioned - like i had been kicked in the groin. odd.

and no, it was NOT an orgasm. haaaaaaaa.

we dtd at 5 weeks and i was in pain the rest of the night. we're 10 weeks pp now but i really have no interest.

[Pookietooth]

My dh is very very understanding. Almost too much...

[Mirrormonkey]

I am terrified of post partum sex! With my first we waited almost 6 months PP after an aborted attempt at 3 months PP. This time around I am not interested in pregnant sex at all either. The few times we tried I have had bleeding and strong contractions afterwards.

I feel bad for DH but he is really understanding and never pushes me even though sometimes I wish he would...

[Norasmomma]

It's hard not to be having an affair when you've always got your boob in someone's mouth, other than you DP.

Honestly I just don't feel that bad for guys-I mean c-mon it's not like we all did this to ourselves, they helped create the affair.

I'm not having any issues really accept finding any time to DTD-it's not like we have a heck of a lot of time alone.