can't cope with 2 1/2 yo DD

[phytoangel]

i am feeling really ashamed, disheartened, defeated and saddened by my relationship with my 2 1/2 yo DD. she is wild, defient, strong willed, yet loving and sweet. i know that it is probably her age, but she really works me over. she breaks me down to the point of tears daily. i seem to always be calling dh at work crying. we have a 2 1/2 mo and i don't think that this is the beginning of her hell raising. she has always been tough on me. she was a wild and demanding baby and now she is a wild and demanding 2 1/2 yo.

so, i guess that i am asking for advice on how to handle her. she doesn't respond to time outs, she laughs at me when i try to discipline her, she throws tantrums and the word NO means nothing to her. what can i do?

i feel so out of sorts most days. by the time dh comes home i am a complete mess. i feel like a beat up soul. i have tried to remain calm, but after a few hours of dealing with her i break down. i even swatted her bum the other day out of shear anger and then i felt terrible. i never wanted to hurt her, just make her listen and all i did was show her my anger and that hitting is ok. (she even laughed at me when i did it.) not cool on my behalf!

i am all ears for advice mamas!

[junipermuse]

I couldn't read and not reply. I swear we must be parenting the same child. My dd actually will be 3 in feb. but otherwise your description sounded just like her. I also just recently had my second child (he's 3.5 mo). I often cry, and I call my husband at work all the time. I lose my temper almost daily, and I don't know what to do either. Sorry I don't have any answers, but I'm looking forward to hearing any advice others might give. Also just know that you are not alone.

[madskye]

You have so much on your plate right now, hugs to you.

Can you "refill your cup"? Is there anyone who can give you a break through the week, even for 1 hour? Can your DH make a plan on the weekends where he spends some special time with DD1 (and maybe the baby, or maybe include baby later) so that you can have some time to center yourself?

I felt just like you are posting when my DD turned 3--that was her really difficult time. It really was just hard. Things that helped was really being able to see what she did like (what kept her happy and occupied.) For my DD, at 3, she loved to paint. And just getting 30 peaceful minutes where she was occupied could be the difference between a good day and a day of stress.

A lot of people don't like time outs, but I did them with my daughter and I needed them. Sometimes I needed the separation to not lose my temper, and she also would get very wound up and wild when she was acting out. What are you doing for discipline now? I don't think my DD really "responded" to time-outs in that it changed her behavior--but what I think they did do was just stop the situation and give me time to regroup. Then afterward, when she had calmed down, we could talk about what happened.

Do you have a schedule for the day? Her behavior might be worse now because of the new baby, lots of changes, plus it might just be harder to handle now that you have two and can't focus completely on her. A schedule might help both of you, if you try to eat and to to the park and do errands at roughly the same time each day.

Pick your battles--and look at your day to see if there are struggles that you can avoid for a little while. Sometimes if you let something drop for a few days or weeks, it's not as big of a deal when you go back to it.

Why are you crying/what are some sample situations that are really setting you off? Maybe people can help you get through the day better with some specific solutions.