IF you send your kids to public school
How do you handle what they do and don't participate in with regard to holidays?
I have DS on the list and he is probably "in" at a very small charter school with loads of parental involvement. The one thing that's got me going "hmmm...." is the "tour mom's" reaction to me asking about whether the school puts an emphasis on specifically HOLIDAYS, since we are Muslim and we do not do Christmas, for example.
I took the reaction as a little defensive "well, they *have to* learn about it"
(I have no problem with things like his current school's "winter program" they sing songs about snowmen and snow and for the "fall festival" they just did things like color a leaf, decorate a cookie with orange icing and fall colored sprinkles...you get it, it stays away from Religion, Santa, and the like)
I told her I agreed with that, on a level of learning what it is that they are seeing in their world and having respect for others' beliefs and their right to have those beliefs and celebrate them as they wish. The example I gave though was, at one public school I worked at, they sang religious church hymn Christmas songs at their holiday sing-along. I would not want my child singing songs like that about beliefs we don't hold. They can learn that there are people in the world who sing and enjoy those songs and believe in what is in them, and learn to respect the right of people to do that, without actively joining in their celebration. Period.
Just like I would never propose a field trip to our Eid prayer with mandatory participation as a way to learn about what Muslims believe. They can learn about our family's beliefs and why my children miss a morning of school a couple times a year without actively participating in something that is not a part of their religion.
How do other people handle this kind of stuff? How will I know if maybe this school, even though it might be a PERFECT academic fit, might be a bad "cultural" fit? (In other words, my kids might feel singled out and bad because of not being allowed to participate in a lot of things.)
(If it helps, we're pretty liberal---for example, they had a tree in the art room and the kids in every grade were making decorations for it--I would let my kid participate in making the red/green chain, tooling aluminum like the 5th graders were in a ball-shaped ornament, for example. He could then bring his ball-shaped item home and hang it up as part of our Ramadan house decorating. the idea was to learn to tool aluminum, they could do any shape.
But I would NOT want my child making pictures of ghosts at Halloween, singing Christmas songs, etc. And his party this afternoon--I won't run screaming out of the gym if I don't get advance warning of when Santa is coming, as I heard he is AFTER I told my kid we'd be going, and now he's all excited so I'm not going to change my promise--but if I can, I'll make an exit before that with some excuse as to why we can't stay. And what we see today will determine whether or not we go next year. It's *supposed* to be "winter-themed activities.")
I *do* want to make this work, as I feel I'd run into this conflict at ANY public school in my town and yet at least at this one, I would know pretty much exactly what they are doing and have more info to determine whether or not I'm going to allow my kids to do it. (Every parent is required to do hours in the classroom every week--half a day per kid your fiirst year, then a minimum of two hours per kid every year after that--PTA and other out-of-classroom stuff can count in later years.)
I'm wondering too though since this school is so small (about 150 kids) if mine are going to be the ONLY ones that don't do some of the stuff and how that will affect them??
(if anyone's wondering though they will NOT be the only "minority" kiddos, I've checked that out )
(FWIW too the school I think is probably the most diverse elementary in town and probably has the most Muslim kids is the one I would NOT open-enroll my children to, I used to work there and I do not agree with how it's run or the approach to discipline. And they STILL had things I wouldn't have let my kids do, difference being that I probably would not know it's going on.)
There are really no other options where I live--it's this school or a regular public school, and I feel it would be MUCH HARDER to get a good academic fit for him especially this year in a "regular" kindergarten. I feel that experience is very important too, as it will impact his whole attitude toward school. The only private schools here are Catholic and other Christian--NOT going to work for us, obviously. I feel like here, he'd have a far better chance of having a good experience with school in general, and I would have more knowledge of exactly what he's doing and be able to help teach him ways to be involved that don't go against our beliefs, and when we need to opt out entirely.
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How do you handle what they do and don't participate in with regard to holidays?
I have DS on the list and he is probably "in" at a very small charter school with loads of parental involvement. The one thing that's got me going "hmmm...." is the "tour mom's" reaction to me asking about whether the school puts an emphasis on specifically HOLIDAYS, since we are Muslim and we do not do Christmas, for example.
I took the reaction as a little defensive "well, they *have to* learn about it"
(I have no problem with things like his current school's "winter program" they sing songs about snowmen and snow and for the "fall festival" they just did things like color a leaf, decorate a cookie with orange icing and fall colored sprinkles...you get it, it stays away from Religion, Santa, and the like)
I told her I agreed with that, on a level of learning what it is that they are seeing in their world and having respect for others' beliefs and their right to have those beliefs and celebrate them as they wish. The example I gave though was, at one public school I worked at, they sang religious church hymn Christmas songs at their holiday sing-along. I would not want my child singing songs like that about beliefs we don't hold. They can learn that there are people in the world who sing and enjoy those songs and believe in what is in them, and learn to respect the right of people to do that, without actively joining in their celebration. Period.
Just like I would never propose a field trip to our Eid prayer with mandatory participation as a way to learn about what Muslims believe. They can learn about our family's beliefs and why my children miss a morning of school a couple times a year without actively participating in something that is not a part of their religion.
How do other people handle this kind of stuff? How will I know if maybe this school, even though it might be a PERFECT academic fit, might be a bad "cultural" fit? (In other words, my kids might feel singled out and bad because of not being allowed to participate in a lot of things.)
(If it helps, we're pretty liberal---for example, they had a tree in the art room and the kids in every grade were making decorations for it--I would let my kid participate in making the red/green chain, tooling aluminum like the 5th graders were in a ball-shaped ornament, for example. He could then bring his ball-shaped item home and hang it up as part of our Ramadan house decorating. the idea was to learn to tool aluminum, they could do any shape.
But I would NOT want my child making pictures of ghosts at Halloween, singing Christmas songs, etc. And his party this afternoon--I won't run screaming out of the gym if I don't get advance warning of when Santa is coming, as I heard he is AFTER I told my kid we'd be going, and now he's all excited so I'm not going to change my promise--but if I can, I'll make an exit before that with some excuse as to why we can't stay. And what we see today will determine whether or not we go next year. It's *supposed* to be "winter-themed activities.")
I *do* want to make this work, as I feel I'd run into this conflict at ANY public school in my town and yet at least at this one, I would know pretty much exactly what they are doing and have more info to determine whether or not I'm going to allow my kids to do it. (Every parent is required to do hours in the classroom every week--half a day per kid your fiirst year, then a minimum of two hours per kid every year after that--PTA and other out-of-classroom stuff can count in later years.)
I'm wondering too though since this school is so small (about 150 kids) if mine are going to be the ONLY ones that don't do some of the stuff and how that will affect them??
(if anyone's wondering though they will NOT be the only "minority" kiddos, I've checked that out )
(FWIW too the school I think is probably the most diverse elementary in town and probably has the most Muslim kids is the one I would NOT open-enroll my children to, I used to work there and I do not agree with how it's run or the approach to discipline. And they STILL had things I wouldn't have let my kids do, difference being that I probably would not know it's going on.)
There are really no other options where I live--it's this school or a regular public school, and I feel it would be MUCH HARDER to get a good academic fit for him especially this year in a "regular" kindergarten. I feel that experience is very important too, as it will impact his whole attitude toward school. The only private schools here are Catholic and other Christian--NOT going to work for us, obviously. I feel like here, he'd have a far better chance of having a good experience with school in general, and I would have more knowledge of exactly what he's doing and be able to help teach him ways to be involved that don't go against our beliefs, and when we need to opt out entirely.
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We have little contact with the rest of the family. My grandmother when she was alive (passed away a little over a year ago) sent them birthday and Christmas checks, they were too little to even know. My aunt sent a box with outfits for each of them last year. 
We sent a thank you. They aren't old enough to ask "why" yet.
