Bringing kids to see g-ma in the hossy--traumatic, or...? - Page 2

[Krystal323]

thank you so much for all the insight. my mom's actually doing a bit better today--but my older kids are spending time with their dad today and Monday. I will take them on Tuesday if it's still feasible.

Again, thanks very much for helping me to think this thru...

[pauletoy]

I am very glad your mom is doing better today. I will pray that she continues to improve.

I would also take my children. My father passed away last year. I am so thankful that we took our kids to see him the Saturday before he died. I will always believe it gave my dad a sense of closure to see his grandbabies one last time. Really, it was the only thing I could do for him. My kids were 6,4,2, and 3 months. It was not traumatic at all.

[Fiverdoe]

Its funny, I guess I would follow most people's advice but I would definetely not take them. THe 10 year old, okay, but none of the other kids. I visited relatives who were near death in the hospital when i was young and it was awful... I would never take my 5 year old to visit the hospital to visit her DGM. Just my 2 cents.... my DGM died in the hospital when I was 9 and we were not allowed to go, thank goodness.

[LiamnEmma]

My father had a massive heart attack last summer and was in a coma for a week. It was sudden (obviously), and in another state, so I initially went by myself until he awoke. Then I came home, packed up the kids and returned for the weekend. I did a lot of prep with the kids re; IVs, frailty, etc. They were somewhat frightened, and fortunately he lived through it, but I was glad I took them. I will always remember that I was not allowed to see my grandmother just before she died and that I was not allowed at either her or my grandfather's funerals. I think we make death too taboo for children rather than just allowing them to experience the good and bad of it. There is so much closure involved in that, even though it does mean lots of questions and sadness, and sometimes fear. So my two cents worth is that yes, you should take them.

[sarahr]

My mom has also been in the hospital for several months, although she is now getting better. Big hugs -- it is so hard to see our parents get sick and to balance their needs with our children's needs with our needs.

My dd is 3 and also normally sees grandma at least once a week. When my mom was in the ICU and we didn't know what the outcome would be, I did not want to bring my dd. It wasn't allowed and I didn't even try because I thought all the tubes and stuff and seeing grandma unresponsive would be terrifying, and at 3 my dd doesn't have the words to process/for me to explain.

After grandma moved to a regular room, I brought my dd twice. She seemed uncomfortable and clingy and didn't interact at all with grandma. But she said she enjoyed it when I asked her later.

Now grandma is in a rehab hospital and is able to sit in a wheelchair. Bringing dd is much better (although the hospital rules often get in the way).

This is a long way of saying that I'd bring the older kids, but probably keep the 2 year old at home.

[Jessy1019]

I think it would be more harmful for them not to get a chance to say goodbye.

Explain what kind of condition she is in, let them know that she may not be able to talk to or recognize them, but tell them they can talk to her, hold her hand, etc if they want to.

My kids have seen sick relatives in various condition in the hospital. They've handled it fine, even if they were sad about the situation.

[Krystal323]

hey all--just wanted to update--i got a phonecall today that my mom is able to sit up and respond to people now, so she's doing loads better from when I started this thread! I'm really stunned, but grateful! I am bringing the kids to see her tomorrow

[meemee]

woohoo hope she continues on her journey to recovery. she will be delighted to see her gkids.

[*bejeweled*]

I would most definitely take them to see her in the hospital. You will never have regrets.

[*bejeweled*]

I just read your update. That is wonderful news!

[onelilguysmommy]

:yay: I hope she continues to get better!

[DeerMother]

Originally Posted by jeanine123

I'd explain to them what happened to grandma and what kind of shape she is in now. Make sure they know that she may not recognize them and if she does, she may not be able to respond. Make sure they know that she will have quite a few wires and tubes on her and be hooked up to a lot of machines with lights and beeping, etc. Once they understand what they will see then I think you should ask them whether or not they want to go and then respect whatever decision they make. Your older two are old enough to be able to make this decision IMO.

My parents didn't explain that my great-grandma would look different, be hooked up to machines etc. I was somewhere around the age of your dc. It was shocking and really scared me. The experience shook me up for a long time and is still a little disturbing if I think about it. But if I would have been prepped before we went I maybe could have visited for longer than 5 seconds before running out of the room.
Sending you strength to get through this tough time.

eta - just read update. Great news! Def take dc to see her.

[darcytrue]

My MIL died earlier this year. She lived on the cancer floor at the hospital for a little over a month and died there. I took my 14 yr old and 7 yr old to see her several times per week. It helped them AND her to do this. They handled the funeral much better too.

to your family.