Weekly thread, Dec 6-13 - Page 6

[rhiOrion]

Ivy,

I think I'd opt for the January training or you going with with for the July one. but I think i'd avoid him going in July. Especially if you have a history of PPD.

BUT, take that with a grain of salt... I've never had a kid. It just sounds even MORE difficult to be without him at that time. Plus he'd be extra miserable missing time with the new baby.

Could he do the January training but you guys fly out to visit him for a couple of weeks in the middle? That shouldn't be too late to fly, right? Then you're not stuck in a hotel room for 6 weeks... it's more like a fun vacation!

[MaterPrimaePuellae]

Originally Posted by Pepper44

It's in the 40's here with huge gusts of wind. My little bantam rooster (who is full grown and the size of a Coke can) keeps getting blown over!

How cute!! I want chickens *so* badly! The only bad thing about our possible home purchase is that it has an HOA, so probably no chickens. Boo.

Originally Posted by justamama

Today my Reese turned 2! .....<3

What a great birth story!

Originally Posted by sew_crafty_girl

Last night I had my most vivid baby dream....I was laying on the couch and a foot pushes up out of my belly and I could see each toe in detail and was marvelling at how 'cool' that looked, called the family over to see and then the whole leg pushes up and out, then all the other limbs take a turn. Then the creepiest part is the baby's head pokes up, like the scene in Alien...only through my skin, and looks at me and I hug it.

For some reason last week I had two crazy baby dreams-- w/ the first, he was born in a hospital; somehow I lost him and wandered around the rooms until I finally took him away from a nurse just as she was about to give him the Hep B vaccination Unbelievable. I woke up thinking, "You need to find something else to worry about, crazy person."

Originally Posted by ivymae

So basically my options are:
A) January, with two kids and heavily pregnant, in an unfinished house, hope he is home in time for the birth.
B) July, stay home with three under 4, and depend on friends to keep me sane.
C) July, go to D.C. with three under 4 and be with DH when he can.

I don't know. It feels no-win right now, and I am really, really trying to be supportive of DH, since he's doing everything he can to make everyone happy, but ugh.

Will his job pay to put you up somewhere? IMO, DC in January would be lots of fun (a LOT more fun than being alone w/ three LOs for 6 weeks). At the very least, you could go and be with him for two weeks in the middle or something so that the separation is not as long. Either way, I'd definitely go for Jan. over July, especially if that would be better for his job prospects.

[justamama]

Ivy- I think I'd go w/him in July. But I am dying to visit DC and for me a change of scenery would likely help my ppd so ymmv.

[smeisnotapirate]

Originally Posted by Pepper44

It's in the 40's here with huge gusts of wind. My little bantam rooster (who is full grown and the size of a Coke can) keeps getting blown over!

I'm wishing for snow. My DD would be so excited. We just have mud right now. So much mud that we can't hardly go out in the backyard, and my dogs are a horrible mess from just going out to do their business.

It was 50 degrees when we woke up this morning, and tonight it's supposed to be 18 degrees. How's that for a temp swing!

Yeah, we're like that too. A ton of rain, which does nothing but make mud. Blech.

[Peace+Hope]

i'm jealous of the snow some of you are having! buuuuttt.... it sure was nice here today - i think it got above 60, and i opened up all the windows to get fresh air in here and wow, it felt great!

ivymae, wow, that is tough. where exactly is the training? i assume the hotel would be in that part of town? DC metro is amazing, and sehbub makes an excellent point about all the fun stuff to do... and free! the location would definitely be important, so if you know it and want to post it, and those of us who are familiar might be able to help. i do not think it would be as doable in january for you guys to go (but you didn't list that as an option, did you?), unless you don't mind lots of walking outside with your little girls in frigid temps. july is HOT though - and muggy - whew!

you have written so much about your support systems and how important they are to you. would you have a friend or two that could fly out for short visits? i'm imagining the best case scenario of at least a 2 br extended stay place... we had MANY friends and family visit us when we lived in DC - people love having a free place to stay on vacation!

any chance you could look into a sub-lease situation? it might be hard to secure this far in advance for july, but if the company would cover it, you might be able to find a place with more room?

with the PPD, and the better situation for your husband's career, i could totally see you toughing it out at home without him in winter, with the rest of your life intact. then he'd be home for you in house-fixing weather and possible ppd time, and maybe with a raise?

[crazyeight]

i don't know...i guess it's my sense of adventure but i think dc in JAN would be best. cold and snowy and you maybe huge but it sounds wonderful! even if you let him go ahead and find a place (and finances allow etc) that's suitable. you aren't stressed about hotel yuck/searching but also giving the girls a good time with YOU before the baby comes. i would def make it about them having mommy time and a big ole scrapbook to display after the baby comes and the baby gets all the presents it can help remind them of the weeks they spend exploring.

i mean that's just my dream...

had an appt today. hb at around 140-150 and my growth is exact (3 fingers above bellybutton). hb found on my right between bellybutton and my pubic area. told the mw i'll be flying and she gave me paperwork to carry just in case. also mentioned being worried about the birth (getting there in time). she said that my chart does have right on top that i have a history of quick labor but as SOON as I felt ready to come in no matter what. i still am not sure that it will be enough time. read a birth story with a mom on her 3rd and it was 47 minutes (active labor). it took me an hour to make sure with dd (but still that's only 5-10 contractions!) then an hour to wait for the sitter (which i still haven't figured out WHAT do about that this time) and got there pushing! aaahhhh!

ds picked up a waterbirth book and was looking at v. graphic pics and seemed interested but i'm not sure how to handle it all and i'm not really thinking i want him there....

weather: well it gets to 60 still here; 40's at night. chilly for us. it's nostaligic to get the hats and mittens and big coats.

[leavemealone]

Originally Posted by ivymae

Let me run something by you all, and see which option you think is crazier. DH's job has been great about agreeing to let him work remotely (aka in WA instead of D.C.) but in order for him to advance (and them to agree to let him stay remote), he has to attend a minimum 6 week training in D.C., with it possibly going as long as 12 weeks (depending on all kinds of crazy government crap). They only offer this training twice a year, either in January, or July. We've been planning on him leaving Jan 15th, and just making it work even though I will be huge, and in a new (unfinished) house in the winter. DH feels horrible leaving us like that though, so he's offered to go to the July training instead, even though it will hold back his career. BUT - really, being alone with a two month old + the kids for possibly three months sounds like a different kind of hell. Either way I am going to have to depend on friends a lot, unless we go with him and just live in D.C. for a month or three. There though, I have no support system, no comfort level, and would likely be in a hotel or tiny condo with three kids all day while DH is in training. Bear in mind that my PPD was at it's worst 2-8 months postpartum last time...

So basically my options are:
A) January, with two kids and heavily pregnant, in an unfinished house, hope he is home in time for the birth.
B) July, stay home with three under 4, and depend on friends to keep me sane.
C) July, go to D.C. with three under 4 and be with DH when he can.

Having lived in DC for about 2.5 years, my opinion would be, if you are going to go, to go in July. You can get out and about with nice weather (could be hot, but also might not be - just depends on the year), hit the museums, parks, zoo, etc. Depending on where you are staying, you may be able to take the metro to most places so you wouldn't have to drive much. If I wasn't going to go with him, I'd still want DH to be gone in the summer so that I am not cramped up in the house while the weather is cold. However, that is what I would do, so you may decide differently. I'm jealous - I'd love to move back to DC instead of being stuck in OH.

[ivymae]

Thank you so much for your replies ladies. I agree with all of you, which is part of my problem! Ha! I used to love a good adventure (lived in a tent and traveled up and down the west cost alone when i was 20), but being so exhausted and sick has made it hard to take my girls to the grocery store alone, let alone a new city. We'll see how it goes. I talked it over with DH when he got home, and ended up in tears, trying to explain how scared I am of the few months postpartum anyway, let along with all this upheaval. I don't think he realized how scared I am of becoming that angry, ugly person I was after Alice's birth... he saw that as a fluke, since I didn't have it the first time, so it didn't soak in how much it terrifies me until tonight.

He's going to talk to his bosses more, and see what they can work out, and if he does have to leave in Jan/July, we will go with him, at least for a while. If we stay home, he wants my sister to come stay with me, so it will depend on her schedule/her husband's schedule as well. I am so blessed to have a close circle of friends here who I can count on, but it's not the same at 3am when i just need someone to take the screaming baby/toddler/preschooler for a minute.

I'm afraid all of this anxiety over making this decision made today a rollercoaster of a day, since it is also my dear sweet Ella's fourth birthday. We are making pancakes and bacon for dinner (her favorite) and she got to rent the new Tinkerbell movie. It blows my mind that my baby is old enough to help flip pancakes. Some days go by slowly, but the years go by so quickly.

[GreenTeaGinger61]

Ivymae: Is the company going to pay for the room if you go to DC?

I'll be utterly honest here: For me, and for many many women I know, going from two to three was very hard. Much harder than going from 1 to 2. I did this when my son was five, and second daughter was 2. About a month in I was on the phone crying to my mom to come help me. I am not sure if I could have handled having dh away or living somewhere else during the first four or five months. It was seriously that rough. I'm not saying this could happen to you but I am saying it's something to consider.

My choice, again I'm thinking if this was me, would be to go (if company was paying for it) in January. Yes it's cold but there is a lot to do inside in most cities and you wouldn't be trying to navigate a new city with a baby and two small children (public transportation rocks but it's hard with many little ones). If the company wasn't paying, I'd opt for dh to go in January rather than July.

[OneWithTwo]

i didn't get the house

[sehbub]

Originally Posted by erickalynne

i didn't get the house

I'm sorry. I'm sure the right place will come along soon.

Hey, weren't you asking about an Amby bed?

My sister works for a large medical center and is in charge of all recalls and this came across her desk today:
http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml10/10056.html

To date there are two known deaths from suffocation and all Amby beds have been recalled.

[GreenTeaGinger61]

Originally Posted by erickalynne

i didn't get the house

I'm sorry Erika! I hope something even better is in the future.

[Riverbeauty]

Originally Posted by erickalynne

i didn't get the house

oh momma! you just aren't having an easy life right now are you!

sending hugs and prayers for you!

[Carita]

i vote for sending DH in Jan - without you... as he is approaching the end of training, and its getting time for you, he might be able to just retake the last couple weeks. Also if he completes the training early, he'll be able to stay home and help earlier too, right?

big snowstorm - the college of my interview was closed, but they held it anyway. it was okay - great match for me, but logistics are daunting... lets just say - FT professoring pays cr*p. LOL. you would think you get better pay, but you don't... weird, huh? anyway - lots to think about.

[sew_crafty_girl]

Hubby felt the baby kick for the first time this morning! He saw it happen a couple days ago. This week I've experienced a big growth, seen movement AND had Blake feel baby.

[Amandamanda]

i am so happy! i was talking to a friend of mine that i worked with back when dh and i lived in florida 4 years ago who i keep up with regularly through the years through texts and email.. and we were talking about how we were moving back and she asked what apartment we were moving into..

and it turns out she lives in the same complex!!! i was like you better not be lying to me! its gonna be awesome! it will be so nice to have another familiar face around in the beginning. i have a good amount of friends that live there still from when we were there the first time, but this one will be literally in the same place as i am! and she told me it was a really nice apartment complex and not ghetto at all- which was my biggest concern. its so hard finding a place to live just by seeing pictures online, so its nice to have real confirmation too. too bad we are only planning on being there a few months before looking into buying a house!

[OneWithTwo]

It's ok about not getting the house. Price was awesome, but ceiling heat worried me AND size of bathrooms/bedrooms..not a lot of storage either, like cupboard space.
It will free up some money for christmas and I can decorate now, which would be a good thing, take guilt off my mind.
I will continue looking, but SO far craigslist is showing nothing for houses in my price range and neither are the management companies.
So tomorrow will be a VERY BUSY day.
I am going to the private u/s place just for dating/measurements. He is WAY active to be so far behind, I could be wrong as I am not a Dr.. The comforting thing I have talked about with a few friends is that a few of them(pregnant) are measuring behind also. My friend who is due 2 weeks before me, her son is measuring 22wks and she is 25.5weeks. So not that it's a good thing, but I don't feel so alone. Then off to the big hospital for their u/s and an appt. with my peri. I don't like 2 u/s in one day, but I want a second opinion, even if the private facility doesn't know they are the second opinion.
I just don't feel he is as unhealthy as they are telling me? So keeping positive, I know he is ok and healthy...I feel it.

[smeisnotapirate]

ericka. Glad you can decorate, though.

Originally Posted by Carita

great match for me, but logistics are daunting... lets just say - FT professoring pays cr*p. LOL. you would think you get better pay, but you don't... weird, huh? anyway - lots to think about.

My dad is a professor, has been my whole life, and yup. Pay is crap. I wish our system valued teachers more.

College holidays are nice, though! (Even though my dad always worked summer session and stuff to make up for the $ he wasn't making.)

ETA: WHOOP! HALFWAY!

[GreenTeaGinger61]

Good luck Erika! Let us know how it goes.

Houses are a mixed blessing. We rent one (we don't own for a variety of reasons). It is bigger than most of our apartments have been. It's old and charming. We don't worry about noise. But it is much more expensive and not just in terms of rent. Heating is a nightmare, and even though my gas bill is high, we're still cold all the time. I miss the amentities of a complex (pool, exercise room, etc) and my kids miss having tons of other kids to play with (we're not comfortable letting them out where we live).

Carita: The pay in Maine for anything seems so much lower. I was making almost 10, 000 more as a teacher in the South than I would have in Maine. And I almost passed out when my professor told me how much he made as a first year professor. He was complaining but it was 20,000 more than what a professor I knew in Maine started out making. Nuts.

Amanda: Awesome news about the friend being that close. That has got to be so great when moving some place. Does she have kids?

[Amandamanda]

good luck ericka! and wow i feel like such a jerk for being all excited about my new place without reading the past posts and seeing that you didnt get your house. something BETTER will come along, i am sure of it!

and GreenTea, nope she is single with no kids. so yeah, but i'm still excited!