another question about not doing santa

[shanniesue2]

I have compromised and agreed with DH that we are not going to do Santa. DH's family doesn't do Santa, my family does. I just decided that it wouldn't make sense to DS for Santa to come only every other year. Anyway, I'm okay with it now. But I'm not sure how to not do Santa without being extreme. Here's my specific question. We are spending Christmas with my extended family this year. I know that some of my family members are going to ask DS what Santa brought him for Christmas. And sometimes, I have an uncle who will even bring a Santa costume and dress up to visit the little kids. Now DS is too young this year for it to make any difference to him, but I'm wondering how I should address it. I mean I don't want to ruin Santa for the other little kids. But as DS gets older, I'm not sure I want adults to keep asking him what Santa brought him for Christmas. I almost thought about putting a status on my FB page, so that I don't have to address it in front of children whose families do play Santa. But I don't know if that would be coming off as too extreme. Maybe I'm just worrying about it too much and should not do anything until something needs to be done? I just don't want it to become an issue during the family celebration.

[claras_mom]

In my opinion, what you've done isn't a compromise, because it doesn't work for both families. A compromise would be doing stockings but no big santa gifts. Just something to think about.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by claras_mom

In my opinion, what you've done isn't a compromise, because it doesn't work for both families. A compromise would be doing stockings but no big santa gifts. Just something to think about.

But it works for *her* family. It doesn't have to work for her extended family.

We don't do Santa. I think a FB status would be fine or even an email/wall post to the specific family members who might be affected if you don't want to broadcast the message to everyone.

I've explained to DS that a lot of things he hears aren't true (like Santa's not watching you to see if you're good & therefore get gifts), but a lot of parents tell their children that it's true. I've also told him we don't have to tell other kids that he knows Santa isn't real, but I'm not going to go berserk if he does say anything.

As for the comments asking what Santa's bringing, DS sometimes will say "I want X for Christmas." Other times, he's hesitated, and I'll say "he told Mom & Dad he wants X." For people who don't get the hint, I have said, "Santa doesn't visit our house" or something along those lines. You should see the people who look absolutely shocked by that, and they usually don't say anything else.

I have no problem when people say anything about being good so Santa will bring gifts that "we don't use scare tactics" or simply "we don't tell our children that." A couple of people have been offended, but then WTH is a stranger telling some kid to be good so Santa will come? With family, I'm more blunt. I told my mom that we just don't try to use fear of no gifts to get the kids to do what we want. She was a bit hurt, but she hasn't said it to them again.

[shanniesue2]

I'm comfortable with my decision and I'm comfortable with calling it a compromise because there are traditions that we are taking from both families. We just aren't saying the gifts are from Santa, and we're not planning on doing pictures with Santa or anything like that. I didn't go into all the details of the compromise because that wasn't what my question was about. My question was how to field Santa discussions with my aunts/uncles/cousins at our big (and I mean HUGE) family gathering. Should I address it before hand just so they don't bring it up to DS directly, or should I just wait till we're there and see what happens?

[shanniesue2]

and just to clarify a little more... DH's family is a plane trip away, mine is in town... we alternate years for holidays. So when we're on a year to spend Christmas with my family, it's not like we're staying with them (like we do on years that we spend Christmas with his family). It's more the big family gathering during the day (after Christmas morning gifts have been open) that I'm thinking about. I have one aunt in particular who really plays up the Santa thing, and every year I'm there I hear her asking all the kids what Santa brought them for Christmas. I have other family members who talk about it as well... although I can't remember too much of the naughty/nice thing because we don't typically see them before Christmas. So there isn't much opportunity for them to say things like, "you'd better be good so that Santa will bring you presents."

And like I said, DS is really young for it to make much of an impact on him now (only 21 months old)... but it's still something I'm thinking about.

[waiting2bemommy]

eh, we don't even celebrate Christmas. I just told ds that it's something fun that some people do. "Santa" is a story that people tell their children but he's not real. I don't think it's a big deal, although we deal with those same thigns you mentioned. I personally do not understand why people insist on asking children what santa brought them. I mean, there are Muslim children, Jewish children, Wiccan children, etc who may not do chrsitmas. Surely people realize that santa is not universal.

I'm not going to go around telling other people's kids that Santa isn't real, but I'm not going to go to insane lengths to keep my ds from saying something that is perfectly true (when he gets old enough to say "santa's not real" to other kids).

When I was growing up and people told me I should be good or Santa wouldn't bring me any presents, I would say, "he's not bringing me any anyway because there is no such thing as Santa." That usually shut them up.

I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. kids figure out the truth pretty quick and the rest will roll off your son's back like water.

[dachshund mom]

I'd deal with it as it comes up. Just reply for DS that we don't do Santa. He's probably going to be exposed to Santa a lot, so that will help him learn how to handle it early on.

Someone on here said she told her kids from the beginning that Santa was a make believe game that some families played. That might be a way to keep your DS from being confused or left out when santa uncle shows up, but still being truthful to him (if that is the concern about doing Santa).

[rubidoux]

I don't think you have to worry about these issues, especially the issues of adults talking to your LO about santa. People ask my son all the time about what santa's gonna bring, or have you seen santa this year, etc... and I don't think it phases him even though he's never believed. He knows that some people do believe, so he gets the people asking are assuming he does. I think. Or maybe he thinks they're morons for being adults who believe. lmao But I don't think so. I think he just gets the whole situation, yk?

As for telling other children there's no santa, I'm sure you can come up with some easy enough explanation for him for why he shouldn't correct them. I tell my son that some people like to believe in God and Santa, so we should not try to tell them they're wrong, just let them enjoy it. And it has totally worked for him. But it has seemed like the kids who believe in Santa really do want to believe and are not dissuaded by other kids.

[cappuccinosmom]

My question was how to field Santa discussions with my aunts/uncles/cousins at our big (and I mean HUGE) family gathering. Should I address it before hand just so they don't bring it up to DS directly, or should I just wait till we're there and see what happens?

It might be helpful for the extended family's sake if you bring it up, in a gentle manner . Just so they're forwarned.

We don't do Santa. People ask my kids all the time about Santa. Sometimes they explain, other times they just shrug it off. It's no big deal to them. From the get-go we've explained to the kids that "Santa" is a Christmas game some families play, that it's all make-believe. We tell them that it's nice to let other kids keep playing the game if their families want to, so we don't say "There is no Santa" to other kids, but if an adult answers we can say (respectfully) "We don't do Santa". It's the same with Halloween. And Easter bunnies.

The people who have had the most concern with our children's "deprivation" are random strangers. Not our kids.

[cdmommie]

We just tell DD that Santa is a fun story and sometimes people pretend to have santa bring presents because it is a fun thing to do. She's 2 so she gets that it's a story. So when her cousins say Santa brought me "this", she will understand the story and theoretically "play along" without ruining it for them. We don't want her to think Santa is the reason for presents and we don't want her thinking Santa is the whole reason for Christmas, but we do want her to realize that it is a fun story and that it might be an important story for some other people even if it's not for us.

[elmh23]

I've told dd (age 5) that while Santa is pretend, lots of kids believe that he is real and it's not very nice to spoil the game with them. As for family, well we just told my family (same situation, dh's family didn't do Santa, mine did) that we weren't doing Santa and it was all good. BUT, I'm an only child with only 3 cousins, none of which have children (and they're all older than me by a decade.) My children are the only children in the family, so it was easy.

Now when people come up to us and ask what Santa brought us, my daughter just looks at them funny and says nothing. She's very shy with new people anyway and takes time to warm up with people she knows well, so it's kind of easy to just say that she's being a little shy.

[claras_mom]

Originally Posted by shanniesue2

I'm comfortable with my decision and I'm comfortable with calling it a compromise because there are traditions that we are taking from both families. We just aren't saying the gifts are from Santa, and we're not planning on doing pictures with Santa or anything like that. I didn't go into all the details of the compromise because that wasn't what my question was about. My question was how to field Santa discussions with my aunts/uncles/cousins at our big (and I mean HUGE) family gathering. Should I address it before hand just so they don't bring it up to DS directly, or should I just wait till we're there and see what happens?

Didn't mean to offend.

[Just1More]

Here's a funny...

We've never done Santa with our kids. DD (4) is the most literal and concrete child I've ever met. She couldn't even pretend to feed a baby doll until the last year. We've always explained it as a game people like to play with their kids. We've been brutally honest about the whole thing since she was tiny.

Guess what happened this year? Despite everything I've ever said, every conversation we've had...dd has decided to believe. She's certain Santa is real. Positive. She wants to know the names of the elves. How many are there, anyway? 100?

I threw up my hands and now I'm playing, too. And we're having a great time. (I can't wait for the oreos she bought just for him...she says she's going to put out extra in case he brings an elf to help...hoorah for me. )

We don't have trouble with our families (neither one do Santa), but the random stranger does often get us. I would think it kind to explain to your family, though. It could come as a personal offense if you suddenly didn't play anymore now that you have a child and are married...sort of a "we're better than you" situation. I'd just be honest and say that you don't want to confuse your son, and it would help if the other grown-ups didn't try to play the Santa game with him.

[mamadelbosque]

I wonder about this too. Cause' I *refuse* to 'do' Santa... and DH's family did/does (DH & his sis still get gifts 'from santa' :eyeroll), and his sister just had a baby so I'm sure in years to come this *WILL* be coming up. For the past couple years though, I've just calmly told them that we don't do santa, and left it at that. DS has been a bit small to 'get it' previously though, so we'll see. I'd tell your family far in advance though that you *don't* do santa and hopefully they won't bring it up. If they do, and your kid 'spills the beans' that santa isn't real, thats their falt, yk?? For me growing up, Santa was just never an issue - it wasn't something I ever talked about cause' I knew he wasn't real, so who cares

[operamommy]

Originally Posted by Just1More

Here's a funny...

We've never done Santa with our kids. DD (4) is the most literal and concrete child I've ever met. She couldn't even pretend to feed a baby doll until the last year. We've always explained it as a game people like to play with their kids. We've been brutally honest about the whole thing since she was tiny.

Guess what happened this year? Despite everything I've ever said, every conversation we've had...dd has decided to believe. She's certain Santa is real. Positive. She wants to know the names of the elves. How many are there, anyway? 100?

I threw up my hands and now I'm playing, too. And we're having a great time. (I can't wait for the oreos she bought just for him...she says she's going to put out extra in case he brings an elf to help...hoorah for me. )

We don't do Santa either, and today my 4-year-old ds2 told me that he was writing a letter to Santa! We discussed how it was a fun game to play and that it's ok to want to play the game.

[Therese's Mommy]

I haven't read all the responses so maybe this was said. We let our children know that Santa (and the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy, and the Great Pumpkin ) are not real, but that other parents let their children believe he is real and that that is their choice. We tell our children they are not to tell their friends or cousins otherwise. Right now, it is only an issue with our 5yo as our 2yo doesn't really have a clue about the whole thing and our newborn isn't spoiling the surprise for anyone Our 5yo is having a bit of a problem dealing with her friends' questions, like "did the tooth fairy come?" She said she didn't know what to say so she didn't say anything, but we told her she can just say "I got a quarter" which is the truth. I am confident she will not spill the beans to anyone, but that is because I know she wouldn't want to ruin anything for anyone else. Coming home from gymnastics today she informed me that Mr Brad, her teacher, believes in Santa, but she didn't tell him otherwise. I explained to her that he knows Santa doesn't exist, but he was saying it because her classmates probably believe Hopefully our 2yo will be the same way.