Nanny vs childcare outside of the home - other than $, how did you choose?

[JessieBird]

Hi everyone -

Before I went back to work a few weeks ago, a friend and I tried to find a nanny to share in my home for our two 1 year old boys. Quality childcare in a centre or someone's home is expensive around here (if you've heard about our famous $7 a day subsidized spots - it's true that they exist and many are excellent places but the waiting lists are years long) so the costs of care outside of our home and hiring a nanny, shared with another family, were similar so money was not an issue. Unfortunately, we weren't able to find a nanny in time so ended up choosing a caregiver who takes our boys at her home. It is just the two of them along with her 18 mo son and she is mostly quite wonderful (there have been a few hickups but I expect that anywhere) so it is a very good solution and we are all happy about it.

However, I still can't stop thinking of all the advantages (and disadvantages) of having a nanny who comes to our home and I think that I may want to revisit the idea.

For those of you who had both options to consider, why did you choose one or the other? I'm interested in your reasons other than cost. Pros and cons welcome! Have things worked out as you expected or do you wish you'd gone the other route? Is it crazy to consider changing if DS is already in a really great situation?

Thanks!

[HollyBearsMom]

To me it was all about flexability and one on one attention.

I liked having a nanny because:

the hours were on *my* terms. I didn't have to adhere to a open/close schedule.

my sons schedule was based on *his* needs not on the needs of the childcare center/home. He napped, was fed, changed etc when he needed it.

No preparation and no morning rush!!! no diaper bags, extra clothes, diapers to pack.

No having to get dressed, into coats. in the morning, doing the same at night to go home

No having to allow xtra time for drop off/pick up so more quality time at home and less time in car.

No transferring of breast milk so no waste

My parenting ideals were upheld. My son was worn a lot. We are on the same page regarding GD, TV, etc

I had someone to do his laundry, start dinner, do errands. HUGE time and sanity saver

She could bring him to me whenever I wanted. Another time and sanity saver!

Out side time whenever, library whenever, play time whenever

I know there are childcare centers/homes that can do these things but there is something to be said about being in his own home, on his own schedule that really appealed to me.

[MomInCalifornia]

IMy biggest reason was I knew my son would be much hapier if he was here as opposed to someone else's place.

I also agree with lots of what was said above.

[JL83]

I would have chosen a nanny if I'd known someone personally before I started looking. I worked as a nanny, and even though I think I was one of the good ones, I saw the potential for completely ignoring the parent's wishes.

I chose a center because I wanted oversight. I wanted there to be numerous adults, teachers and other parents, around all the time. I found a center which matched my parenting philosophy. They didn't use time-outs, they believed in letting kids make choices, they had numerous highly trained staff members, they worked well with the local college and got alot of student teachers, so even in the toddler rooms there were often 4 or 5 people and 12 kids.

I wouldn't have been able to trust 1 person, who I didn't already know and trust, alone with my child.

Having a nanny sounds so nice, but I couldn't get over that part. I couldn't get over the part that if I said "no CIO" I would have no way to verify that. With a center, they can't do CIO because that prevents the other kids from sleeping, the director thought it was wrong and would have heard crying and put a stop to it immediately.

[darcytrue]

Originally Posted by JL83

I chose a center because I wanted oversight. I wanted there to be numerous adults, teachers and other parents, around all the time. I found a center which matched my parenting philosophy. They didn't use time-outs, they believed in letting kids make choices, they had numerous highly trained staff members, they worked well with the local college and got alot of student teachers, so even in the toddler rooms there were often 4 or 5 people and 12 kids.

I wouldn't have been able to trust 1 person, who I didn't already know and trust, alone with my child.

Having a nanny sounds so nice, but I couldn't get over that part. I couldn't get over the part that if I said "no CIO" I would have no way to verify that. With a center, they can't do CIO because that prevents the other kids from sleeping, the director thought it was wrong and would have heard crying and put a stop to it immediately.

Actually, a child care center can have bad apples as well. And I've never known a daycare to have 4 or 5 adults in a room with only 12 kids. Usually for age 2 and older they have 2 adults for 10 kids or something like that at most of the daycares in our area. Plus, just because there are other people working nearby does not always mean they can see abuse or neglect if it is happening. My older sister worked in a child care center before having her own kids and she witnessed other teachers in her area of the center being mean to kids, ignoring dirty diapers and cries and she did nothing and said nothing about it to anyone because it could cost her a job. She just always commented about it after she quit her job and said her kids would never go to a daycare and she never did put them in one.

I've had personal experiences with daycare centers. I walked in on a teacher in a 2 yr old room once pulling a child out of a high chair by his upper arm and slamming him on the floor. My own son was in a daycare at 2 yrs old and I came in to see the rotating teacher (she covered the other teachers lunches) punishing my son by not letting him have snack while the other children ate in front of him and he cried. The reason? He didn't have his shoes on yet and had to do it himself but yet another child had his shoes and wouldn't give them back to him. I removed him from that daycare the very next day. So you can never assume that just because a child is in a big center that any other adult in that center would care about their wellbeing.

I guess my point is that you just have to trust your gut and go with the person or center that you feel good about. You can never know which decision is the best one. We just do the best we can.

[Skippy918]

We went with a center mainly because DH works from home and it would be too distracting to have DS home with someone else in the house. DH gets distracted pretty easily. He did not work much while I was on leave and he doesn't work much when I'm off from work.

[bluebunny]

I chose a center because I wanted oversight. I wanted there to be numerous adults, teachers and other parents, around all the time. I found a center which matched my parenting philosophy. They didn't use time-outs, they believed in letting kids make choices, they had numerous highly trained staff members, they worked well with the local college and got alot of student teachers, so even in the toddler rooms there were often 4 or 5 people and 12 kids.

Those were my main reasons, as well. The childcare center my son went to was on the campus of a community college and all of the early childhood education majors were required to do a certain amount of clinical hours in the center. Because they were not teachers, the students did not count towards mandated ratios. So instead of there being two or three adults per 12 kids or whatever the ratio was, there were two or three teachers/asst teachers plus two to three students. The kids got so much individual attention. This center was NAEYC accredited. Also, the students had to do one lesson plan as part of their hours and they came up with such interesting things. One did a lesson on turtles and brought a live turtle for the kids to see (2 and 3 year olds).

ETA: As a previous poster stated, you have to go with what makes you most comfortable. I was happy that the center had an open door policy for parents and a viewing area where a parent could observe class without teachers or kids able to see. I sat in that observation booth many times in the beginning and was always impressed with how the teachers interacted with the kids. (So important, especially since the teachers never knew who would be watching).

[JL83]

Originally Posted by darcytrue

Actually, a child care center can have bad apples as well. And I've never known a daycare to have 4 or 5 adults in a room with only 12 kids. Usually for age 2 and older they have 2 adults for 10 kids or something like that at most of the daycares in our area. Plus, just because there are other people working nearby does not always mean they can see abuse or neglect if it is happening. My older sister worked in a child care center before having her own kids and she witnessed other teachers in her area of the center being mean to kids, ignoring dirty diapers and cries and she did nothing and said nothing about it to anyone because it could cost her a job. She just always commented about it after she quit her job and said her kids would never go to a daycare and she never did put them in one.

There sure are some bad centers. But there are also good ones if you look around. The ratio in the 19mo-2.5yo room was officially 3:12 but they almost always had a couple student teachers (who were really enthusiastic and cute and all into reading stories and playing dolls). So it was often more like 5:12.

I was in and out of our daycare randomly alot of the time. I worked less than 5 minutes from them.

I've had personal experiences with daycare centers. I walked in on a teacher in a 2 yr old room once pulling a child out of a high chair by his upper arm and slamming him on the floor. My own son was in a daycare at 2 yrs old and I came in to see the rotating teacher (she covered the other teachers lunches) punishing my son by not letting him have snack while the other children ate in front of him and he cried. The reason? He didn't have his shoes on yet and had to do it himself but yet another child had his shoes and wouldn't give them back to him. I removed him from that daycare the very next day. So you can never assume that just because a child is in a big center that any other adult in that center would care about their wellbeing.

I guess my point is that you just have to trust your gut and go with the person or center that you feel good about. You can never know which decision is the best one. We just do the best we can.

I can't imagine a 2yo in a highchair Even in the 12mo-18mo room they used very low chairs around little tables so that the kids can choose when and how much they eat. There's no forcing kids to eat or anything like that. It would also not fly at all to not let a kid eat.

The daycare didn't use punishments of any sort. I could not get a guarentee out of any of the private centers or individuals I interviewed that they wouldn't use time-outs. They all said they were necessary in childcare.

[darcytrue]

Originally Posted by JL83

There sure are some bad centers. But there are also good ones if you look around.

I agree, there are some good ones..for sure. In fact, I had my DD in one that was excellent. It was called Primrose school and it's a chain center. I loved it. It was more high end and the staff was very professional. I live in the country and before using them I used the lower rate child care centers that I could afford and most had a huge turnaround and were lucky if most of the staff even showed up each day. Those were the ones I had the most troubles with. I remember the center my DD was in at 8 weeks old where the teachers changed every week. The staff never stayed more than a week at that particular center. She stayed there for about a month, if that long. She cried all day long and I could tell by her red eyes when I picked her up at the end of each day.

Originally Posted by JL83

I can't imagine a 2yo in a highchair Even in the 12mo-18mo room they used very low chairs around little tables so that the kids can choose when and how much they eat. There's no forcing kids to eat or anything like that. It would also not fly at all to not let a kid eat.

That daycare I was using at the time was a very old church child care. It has been there for many years. They used the older type of high chairs and they were very high off the floor. All I could envision was my child being pulled out of her high chair by her upper arm and it sickened me. That particular teacher wasn't expecting me to show up in the middle of the day and so I pretty much caught her in the act so to speak.

There are definitely good daycare centers and bad ones, just as there are bad in home care and good. You just have to search them out and really watch them, show up at odd hours of the day to see your child, things like that. Plus, my kids would act differently if they weren't treated right or would have red, puffy eyes from crying most of the day....so that was always a big clue for me.

The fact is that anytime a stranger is watching my child then they aren't going to care for it like I would. I'm sure that most providers do the best they can, but there are some bad apples out there.

[GuildJenn]

I'll share my thought process with you.

I started off WAHM and I had a nanny for 10 hours a week. It took me 2 months to find someone I was happy with. She was great! There are great nannies out there.

Even so, I did worry about having a full-time nanny when I went back to work. I knew and trusted our nanny, but I also knew that full-time child care with no breaks during the day or backup is a hard job. My son is also an extrovert and I thought he would do well with other kids. I also felt that as a WOHP juggling things if our nanny got sick, etc. would be hard. (The up side was that she didn't mind taking care of our son even if he was sick, no drop off & pick up, etc.)

It was also pretty unaffordable so that swayed our decision. We kept her for one day a week for about 5 months as a transition.

For me I decided that in-home care was the most risky; it all depends on one person, just like a nanny, but is in an environment that a) is used for multiple purposes (living + childcare) and b) isn't very controlled, like that person's family members stopping by, etc. If I had known an in-home provider I trusted I would have felt differently I think but I didn't.

So I looked at centres. I think I looked at about 15. There were some I really didn't like, and some I liked okay, and the one we chose, which I liked a lot and now I love. The questions that were most important to me besides discipline, philosophy, etc. were about turnover. This school had had many of the same teachers for 15 years and supported our basic values. He has been loved and cared for there, and had one teacher in the toddler room and has been with the same teacher since then, although he gets to work with all the teachers on breaks, after-school hours, summer camp weeks, etc.

I have been really glad about it. Although again, I loved our nanny, with a centre I don't feel like I'm dependent on one person.

I feel like the relationship with the centre is more business-like; if I'm a little distracted I don't worry that the staff will take that as an insult or be worrying about their jobs. There's less negotiation. I'm not the boss; I'm a client. My home is not also a workplace so I don't have to feel bad if I've left a basket of laundry in the hall. All that lowers my stress. Some of the policies are not as easy, like sick child policies, but they are clear.

I guess in summary, I think a lot depends on your and your child's personality and also your lifestyle. I think you pretty much have to do the legwork checking things out, and the legwork still checking on things, no matter what you choose.

[MacKinnon]

We've been very fortunate to have a combination fo a very high quality center, and good friends or family members care for our children. DS spent his first 2 years with a good friend of mine as a nanny two days a week, plus my FIL, mom or sister the other day.

After age 2, both DD and DS have been in this fabulous center that maintains half the state licensing ratios (1 to 2 in the infant room, 1 to 4 in the toddler room and 1 to 6 in the preschool rooms) and has a Bachelor degreed lead teacher in each room. They are totally developmentally appropriate, play based, and really are just all around awesome. I can't say enough good things about their program.

We still have my sister or my FIL filling in gaps- like before/after care for DD. Starting in January, my neighbor (whose daughter and my DD are great friends) will be doing at least one, if not two or three, days of after care. We are TTC #3 and I antcipate asking my friend if she is interested in watching the baby if she is still a SAHM. I prefer the one on one care for my kids, birth through 2 if at all possible. We've been able to swing this this far, with people we know and trust.

[JL83]

Turnover is interesting.

The daycare we chose had a mix of very long term staff (1 in each room had been there for 5 to 10 years) and then other staff who seemed to change every month or two.

Part of the issue was that the center had VERY high standards for their staff. Because they took such a firm stand on no punishments, it seems like alot of staff couldn't handle that and didn't last long. But there was enough stability that the kids did very well. They have 2 floats, one of whom has been a float for 5 years at the center. (I guess she really likes how the float position works.) So there was enough continuity that it all worked.

[CatsCradle]

DD was in a center for her first two years. Two things that were important to us at the time that we made the decision: 1) DD is an onlie and also very extroverted, so we thought a center would be a good fit, and it was; 2) DH and I are very introverted and private...neither of us would have been comfortable with another person so intertwined with our lives. Sounds silly, but it is just the way we are...

[annekevdbroek]

I have a nanny. Basically, the logistics of getting myself to work by 7:30 and my kids to two different care centers (due to their age difference) was completely undobale. My older son doesn't have to be at school until 9:15. I'd have had to get up and out of bed by, idk, 6:00 am (and I'd have to get up even before that to get me ready). Now I have time in the morning with them before I leave at 7:00. I'd have to pick them up from two different places in the evening. They wouldn't be able to do after school or gym activites or have playdates. A nanny can also help out around the house, run errands, let workmen in, and you don't have the issue with what to do for childcare if the kids are sick. The cost is about, idk $300-$400 dollars more per month than I'd pay for a center for both kids.

That said, I just fired a truly horrible nanny. So, new nanny started this week and she seems great. I had a lot of anxiety about finding someone new, parrticularly after the startling level of incompetence of the first nanny. I spent a lot of time (I'd say 6 weeks) on my nanny search and many interviews, and finally a background check, wrote a strong contract. I did come home *fianally* on Monday to happy, clean, well-fed children, who'd been played with all day, and a clean house.

[slsurface]

[freestylemama]

We use a wonderful center. It's expensive, but our LO thrives there. She's very social and loves her caregivers and the other children. Many of the parents are like minded and the caregivers are wonderful. We're near a university so there's also a lot of diversity there. It's very close to our work and has an open door policy. The kids are out and about all of the time and really explore the community. I'm very, very happy with our choice to use a center. I have complete trust that DD's well cared for and happy and I don't know that I would have that with one person and no exterior oversight.

[Girlprof]

We use a university based center and it's great. It is not cheap, that's for sure, but for many of the reasons already mentioned, I didn't feel comfortable with a nanny: relying on one person, no oversight, no other kids, having to manage an employee, etc.

[columbusmomma]

Originally Posted by freestylemama

We use a wonderful center. It's expensive, but our LO thrives there. She's very social and loves her caregivers and the other children. Many of the parents are like minded and the caregivers are wonderful. We're near a university so there's also a lot of diversity there. It's very close to our work and has an open door policy. The kids are out and about all of the time and really explore the community. I'm very, very happy with our choice to use a center. I have complete trust that DD's well cared for and happy and I don't know that I would have that with one person and no exterior oversight.

This sounds like the type of place DD is going to attend next year
We are very excited about this concept. She's been with her same nanny now for 3 years but I think her ideal situation will be at this center. I'm ready to branch out from the nanny and move onto this type of environment! I think DD will love the change!

[MomToKandE]

We chose a home daycare provider. In our minds it was the best of both worlds. Dd was an incredibly fussy baby and since she's our first I couldn't imagine the 4:1 ratio that was allowed in infant rooms in the centers here. Since dd was always crying if not held I assumed all babies were that way and therefore several would always be screaming.

I was nervous about nanny care and couldn't really afford it so we looked for a home daycare where she'd be the only infant.

We were with one HDCP before she moved out of the area when dd was about 8 months old. Then we found an amazing lady who was our DCP until dd and her younger brother to come later began school. She cared for 2-3 children in addition to her own school age kids. No turnover. No switching teachers when you move from one age room to another.

She cared for both of my children. She was the 3rd grandma. We are still in touch (dd is in 4th grade) and enjoy visiting a few times a year.

[physmom]

We're going to part-time nanny route (well, she's really a mother's helper since I will be at home with her the entire time writing away). We're doing it strictly because the daycare waits here are insane (1 year+) and we need something ASAP. Personally, while I like the lady we hired I'd MUCH, MUCH, MUCH rather send DD to a daycare.

For us, it comes down basically to two reasons:

1. DD is super social. She LOVED daycare. She was at one for a week while I was at a conference and it was the only week that she ever slept through the night. She just couldn't get enough time with the other kids. We can't afford all those classes and the such and my other mom friends have conflicting nap schedules/live pretty far away so playdates have been hard for us too.

2. I could trust a daycare better. Maybe it's a regional thing but I've seen so many nannies here first hand that neglect children while at the parks or out shopping. They're always on their cells and the kid is sitting in his/her stroller with a vacant look on their face (or busy trying to eat dog pooh, sadly I'm not kidding on that one). At least at a daycare they have certain standards they have to live up to and there are more then one adult around to keep them more honest. This is one big reason why I'm going to be at home the entire time our nanny is coming. I'm just way too paranoid. Now, if it was a family member or someone I'd known for awhile it would be COMPLETELY different but for someone I just met, no way!