Okay. DD is almost 4 and the last few weeks there has been a marked escalation in angry fits of rage. She'll wake up fine, then if something/anything happens that doesn't make her happy, i.e. mostly associated with food or clothing, she SCREAMS and I mean as I sit here typing my ears are literally SORE from the shrill high-pitched horror flick screams she does. My husband has started to wear cotton in his ears -- you feel the vibrations and it it painful even after she does it. I am not kidding.
After the scream, the onslaught of the most horrible things she can muster to say happens. I hate you/You're stupid/I want new parents/Please leave this house/I hate you all the way up to the sky (in lieu of our standard I LOVE you all the way up to the sky
). She does not know profanity, but I feel quite confident that if she did, she'd use these opportunities to use it.
And now she's started punching/hitting/pinching/slapping us.
The whole rage things lasts for about 5 to 30 minutes, depending on a variety of circumstances. Afterwards, she's actually quite contrite and almost embarrassed. But then approximately 20 minutes later (on average), it happens again. She will seem perfectly fine. And then the shrill ear-piercing scream will herald another storm coming.
Here it is, 12:00 and we have our first snow outside. She wants to go out in the worst way, but can't get past putting on all of the clothing necessary for playing in the snow. Everytime we try, it throws her into a fit.
Now, I can tell you what would have happened to me as a child if I tried ANY of this stuff. But I try to remember that that's not the correct way to handle things. I know how that affected me.
But....WHAT DO I DO IN THE MIDDLE OF THESE RAGES? I mean, I get the whole preventative stuff mentioned in books and the parenting strategies, etc. but literally when she is screaming (We are seriously afraid someone is going to call the police because of her blood curdling screams!!) and spewing hateful words and hitting us, what to do THEN?? In the moment?? We cannot just let her physically hit us, but any attempts to stop it basically turn into a physical battle of wills. The only thing that does seem to do a measure of good is time-out, but not all the time. I tell her to sit until she can be quiet and then when she is quiet she can get up. That seems to work sometimes, but I really don't want to have her sit 1/2 her day in time-out, which is a chair in our living room -- I don't send her away for isolation time-outs. And time-out doesn't seem to be teaching her anything, (or maybe it does? I don't know!) It does benefit me by giving me a time-out to regroup for the next round.
Dairy affects her behavior and she consequently does not get a molecule of dairy anywhere in her diet, not even her homeopathic remedies (I need to find a non-dairy source for those...). She gets no artificial anything - I make most of her snacks/cookies homemade for this reason. I don't think she gets HFCS unless we eat out (not often) and it's snuck in something. She is a very picky eater. I don't eat meat or chicken (seafood only) and she doesn't eat those things either. Her dad does eat meat. I do make a concerted effort to make sure she gets sufficient protein -- we eat eggs, beans, whole grains, nuts, etc.
Bach's Flower Remedies help sometimes, but often she will NOT open her mouth for them if she's raging and if I try to just get it in her, she spews it out
.
About a month ago, I started her on Tall Tree vitamins made by Country Life. In addition to the standard vit/min blend, there is Inositol, PABA, and Choline. Do you think any of those could be triggers?
I have The Explosive Child, The Active Alert Child, The Highly Sensitive Child. Unfortunately, dealing with a child that has always been very High Needs does not leave me much leisure time to read, although I have read bits and parts of those books.
I sat on MDC last night until 1:30 am researching other posts regarding similar things, but I would say that DD's biggest issue is not the violence, but the verbal attacks. I know that that's just another form of violence, but I am not sure how to handle it.
Okay I'm starting to ramble. Any thoughts appreciated!!!!!!!!!
After the scream, the onslaught of the most horrible things she can muster to say happens. I hate you/You're stupid/I want new parents/Please leave this house/I hate you all the way up to the sky (in lieu of our standard I LOVE you all the way up to the sky
). She does not know profanity, but I feel quite confident that if she did, she'd use these opportunities to use it.And now she's started punching/hitting/pinching/slapping us.
The whole rage things lasts for about 5 to 30 minutes, depending on a variety of circumstances. Afterwards, she's actually quite contrite and almost embarrassed. But then approximately 20 minutes later (on average), it happens again. She will seem perfectly fine. And then the shrill ear-piercing scream will herald another storm coming.
Here it is, 12:00 and we have our first snow outside. She wants to go out in the worst way, but can't get past putting on all of the clothing necessary for playing in the snow. Everytime we try, it throws her into a fit.
Now, I can tell you what would have happened to me as a child if I tried ANY of this stuff. But I try to remember that that's not the correct way to handle things. I know how that affected me.
But....WHAT DO I DO IN THE MIDDLE OF THESE RAGES? I mean, I get the whole preventative stuff mentioned in books and the parenting strategies, etc. but literally when she is screaming (We are seriously afraid someone is going to call the police because of her blood curdling screams!!) and spewing hateful words and hitting us, what to do THEN?? In the moment?? We cannot just let her physically hit us, but any attempts to stop it basically turn into a physical battle of wills. The only thing that does seem to do a measure of good is time-out, but not all the time. I tell her to sit until she can be quiet and then when she is quiet she can get up. That seems to work sometimes, but I really don't want to have her sit 1/2 her day in time-out, which is a chair in our living room -- I don't send her away for isolation time-outs. And time-out doesn't seem to be teaching her anything, (or maybe it does? I don't know!) It does benefit me by giving me a time-out to regroup for the next round
.Dairy affects her behavior and she consequently does not get a molecule of dairy anywhere in her diet, not even her homeopathic remedies (I need to find a non-dairy source for those...). She gets no artificial anything - I make most of her snacks/cookies homemade for this reason. I don't think she gets HFCS unless we eat out (not often) and it's snuck in something. She is a very picky eater. I don't eat meat or chicken (seafood only) and she doesn't eat those things either. Her dad does eat meat. I do make a concerted effort to make sure she gets sufficient protein -- we eat eggs, beans, whole grains, nuts, etc.
Bach's Flower Remedies help sometimes, but often she will NOT open her mouth for them if she's raging and if I try to just get it in her, she spews it out
.About a month ago, I started her on Tall Tree vitamins made by Country Life. In addition to the standard vit/min blend, there is Inositol, PABA, and Choline. Do you think any of those could be triggers?
I have The Explosive Child, The Active Alert Child, The Highly Sensitive Child. Unfortunately, dealing with a child that has always been very High Needs does not leave me much leisure time to read, although I have read bits and parts of those books.
I sat on MDC last night until 1:30 am researching other posts regarding similar things, but I would say that DD's biggest issue is not the violence, but the verbal attacks. I know that that's just another form of violence, but I am not sure how to handle it.
Okay I'm starting to ramble. Any thoughts appreciated!!!!!!!!!
. Just reinforced to me that it really isn't a discipline issue (as some might think and as I'm sure our mother approached it as) but more of an opportunity to teach coping skills and help them thru it, and as one mom said, to never give up on them.
