Help Please

[mom123]

I am going to be having a son shortly and am undecided on circumcision. It doesn't really matter too much to me, i just wan my son to be happy with his penis. My husband is circumcised and has told me that uncut guys get made fun of all the time in the locker room in school and i don't want that to happen to my son. I was wondering if this has ever happened to you or any of your family members.
I was also wondering if girls are ever surprised when they find out their boyfriend is uncut since being cut is more common in the U.S. I have never been with an uncut guy so i do not know to much about them and how to take care of them. Thanks for the help! I just want my son to be happy with our choice!

[Minarai]

Welcome to TCAC.
Please prepare yourself for a flood of information.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

It is very rare nowdays for there to be total nudity in locker rooms in school so that isnt an issue most of the time. The circ rate in the USA stands at nearly 50% now so your ds will probably not be the only intact one out there.

There are many men out there circed who wish they where not but there are very few men that are intact who wish to be circed. If he is one of the rare few then he can choose to be cired as an adult with proper pain management and without having to deal with pee and poo on an open wound.

80% of the worlds men are intact and have zero problems. Only in the USA where it is a cultural thing do we do this to our boys on a regular basis.

Dealing with the intact penis is so simple just leave it alone. Wash it like a finger and never push the skin back and never allow anyone else to do so. Unfortunaly because circ has been so common in the past many Dr. are not up to date on intact care and can hurt your ds so you must watch for that.

The foreskin is fused to the head of the penis like the fingernail to the nail bed to circ the must tear that loose then cut the skin off. This is obviously painful and rarely is proper numbing used. Most still only use a paci with sugar water to sooth the baby. Some use a injection which hurts badly itself and then proceed to circ before it totally gets numb. Others use EMLA cream to numb the skin only but EMLS is never supposed to be used on the genitals bad things can happen. Even with proper pain relief at the time the wound still takes a long time to heal and during that it is an open wound. Not only the remnant foreskin but the whole glans is raw.

Your ds risks death with circ. Yes rare but it does happen every year. This poster nearly lost her ds recently to blood loss from a circ http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1158645 she let her dh bully her into. All these posters regret allowing their ds's to be circed, nearly 600 regret stories http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=112410 once it is done it cannot be undone. There are other risks that are more common skin bridges and adhesions, to much taken off so that as an adult erections are painful and the skin sometimes tears.

One thing all cired men have is reduced sensation. The glans are supposed to be an internal organ protected from friction so rubbing clothing causes the glans to become keritenized a form of calouse not as thick as on the hands but thick enough that touch sensitivity is reduced greatly.

Circ is considered a cosmetic only procedure no medical orginization in the world including the AAP induce circ. Many insurance companies no longer cover it for that reason.

[momtolivy]

I find this such a weird question - not to the OP, necessarily, but in general. It's like - hmm - should I have my precious newborn son undergo medically unnecessary cosmetic surgery to achieve a result that will mean his body is forever altered in a negative way, in addition to all the risks associated with surgery those specifically related to circ? What?? I don't mean to be totally snarky, but I just don't get why anyone would think to themselves that it would be a good idea... Being strapped to a board to have your genitals sliced into is not exactly a warm welcome to the world, is it?

[Fellow Traveler]

Well you got my PM. Like I said I feel like I dodged a bullet. Most women, if they care for your son, won't care if he is circumcised or not. It's become increasingly common not to so he won't likely be the only one, it's my experience that being intact isn't as uncommon as you think. Also if you leave the choice to your son he can always choose circumcision down the road but most don't.

[BlessedMommy2006]

Welcome to the board!

My DH comes from a circumcising family himself, so intact penises weren't something that I had a lot of knowledge on at first, but after reading the info I was determined to leave my DS intact.

The care is really easy: don't do anything. Just wash the outside and don't try to retract.

The foreskin serves important sensory and protective functions. We wouldn't routinely remove any other body part because it might develop problems or because others thought that it was more fashionable.

Your son will more than likely be extremely grateful that you didn't have him circumcised, after he finds out what circumcision actually is. In the rare event that he's not, he is free to have himself circumcised.

From the standpoint of being married to a man who wishes that he could have his foreskin back, I will say this, if a man is unhappy being intact, it takes him about 45 minutes under general or local anesthesia and he can be circ'ed. However, the reverse doesn't apply, if he is unhappy being circ'ed.

Take care and feel free to ask any other questions that you might have.

[glongley]

To the OP: You're right to consider how your son will feel about being circumcised or not, after all it's his penis. After all, he's the one whose life and body will have to bear the consequences. If he's not happy about being intact, he can always choose to get circumcised later, but if he's not happy about being circumcised, well, he's just out of luck - he'll never be able to get it back. The thing is, the foreskin is a very normal, valuable, and integral part of the penis - not only in how it looks, but in how it functions. It is not an inconsequential body part, and cutting it off is not an inconsequential act. Please learn about how a circumcision is actually done (there are circumcision videos and photo essays on line). Please learn about the short and long-term complications of circumcision. Please learn about the numerous protective and sexual functions of the foreskin. You can google all of these, and there are lists of resources in the stickies at the top of this forum.

Once you learn enough to realize the value of the foreskin, you start to realize that the only appropriate person to ascribe a value to it, is the owner of the penis. No one else, not parent or doctor, has the right to take away a normal, healthy, functional part of a person's body without their permission, unless there is a REALLY compelling, and immediate medical reason that cannot be solved by less risky or damaging means.

The social concerns you have come up commonly in American culture, because most of us have grown up without any knowledge of the normal intact penis, and there have been a lot of negative myths promoted about it, since the Victorian era. However, they are just that - myths. I think you will hear from the various intact men on this board that the worries about teasing or rejection from females are just not an issue. Kids get teased for all kinds of things; but this calls for parenting skills, not preemptive amputative surgery. And some women may be a bit surprised at the look of an intact penis, if circumcised is all they've ever seen; but likely they will also find it interesting and fun. As it turns out, sex with an intact penis has important benefits in comfort and satisfaction for the female partner anyway.

Once you get to where you accept that your son is the only one who should be able to decide how much of it he wants to keep, you begin to realilze that the parent's role is one of honoring and protecting the child's wholeness. No decision needs to be made, you just leave his body whole the way he will be born. All the social what-ifs will either not materialize (most likely scenario), be much less of a problem than you thought, or will bring out a loving resourcefulness in you as a parent through which you will know what to say, or find out what you need to do, in order to protect you child's birthright to an intact body.

Congratulations on your baby-to-be, and I'm glad you found this board. Please do your research, and come back if you have other questions or concerns. This board is a great source of information and support for keeping your baby whole.

Gillian

[benj]

Originally Posted by momtolivy

I find this such a weird question - not to the OP, necessarily, but in general. It's like - hmm - should I have my precious newborn son undergo medically unnecessary cosmetic surgery to achieve a result that will mean his body is forever altered in a negative way, in addition to all the risks associated with surgery those specifically related to circ? What?? I don't mean to be totally snarky, but I just don't get why anyone would think to themselves that it would be a good idea... Being strapped to a board to have your genitals sliced into is not exactly a warm welcome to the world, is it?

Not really a welcome, but if "everyone" is doing it and you're being told that it's beneficial, it's not that hard to see why someone would follow blindly.

As for the locker room thing; whenever I was in a locker room, if you said/looked at another person's genitals, you would get flamed for being homosexual. Not that it's any better. However, I went to public school and I'd rarely have to strip down completely in a locker room (showers were kind of pointless because we only had 5-10 minutes to change and get to the next class on time.)

I had been turned down by a girl for being intact, and although it was humiliating (and still bothers me), I'm kind of glad that I wasn't with someone that shallow...

[BigC]

The best way to ensure your son is happy with your choice is to leave it up to him.

[Fay]

My family is full of intact males who have never been teased for being intact, not even in the 1970s or 1980s. Only about half of American boys are now being circumcised, so appearance is really a non-issue. As for the "look like Daddy" argument, if your DH had a nose job, would he insist on that for his newborn son -- without anesthesia? Circumcision on newborns is cosmetic surgery without anesthesia.

Women such as myself appreciate intact men because the foreskin actually *does* have a purpose, and I can assure you that it is a very pleasant purpose.

[mamaoffour]

You are very lucky to have found this forum before you birth your son. Two of my four kiddos are boys,both are circumcised. My DH is and my three brothers are too. For me it was "normal", and so I followed my DH lead and had my sons circumcised. Thank goodness nothing life threating happended to them but if I had my time again I would never do it. It will forever be a wound on my heart. I will ask for their forgiveness when they are older.

My DH elected to be circumcised as a young adult and this is a choice we should have allowed for our sons.

It is too late for me and I cannot nor will not let it bring me down.I did what I thought was the best at the time-but it was a mistake. All I can do is encourage people like your self to pause and think- its his penis not yours,let him decide.For him AND you it is the best decision.

[Greg B]

Originally Posted by mom123

I am going to be having a son shortly and am undecided on circumcision. It doesn't really matter too much to me, i just wan my son to be happy with his penis. My husband is circumcised and has told me that uncut guys get made fun of all the time in the locker room in school and i don't want that to happen to my son. I was wondering if this has ever happened to you or any of your family members.
I was also wondering if girls are ever surprised when they find out their boyfriend is uncut since being cut is more common in the U.S. I have never been with an uncut guy so i do not know to much about them and how to take care of them. Thanks for the help! I just want my son to be happy with our choice!

If it doesn't really matter much to you, then let him decide when he is an adult and can make his own informed decision about the advantages and disadvantages.

It is not your husband's penis, nor does your husband have the ability to judge the advantages of a foreskin since he does not have one.

Your husban's concern is understandable, since this has been repeated often by procircers. My wife's doctor used this argument to pressure us into circing our first son. But we refused. And you know what? He and his brother have never had to remove their clothes in school actually, so it has not been an issue at all.

But even if it was, how will you know if it would be an issue for your son? How was this not a big issue when circ got started? How did infant circ even get started if this was such a big issue....

Yes, of course some women will be suprised and unsure how to deal with your son's normal penis, simply because they live in a country that irrationally has circ'd so many people. That is simply a problem of education. They may be suprised by his size, his beard, his techniques, his underwear....

Having a foreskin provides dramatic benefits to the man and his partner. I have not come across any advantage big enough to justfiy amputating this highly valuable part of a boy's penis. You son will not fault you for letting him make his own decision. He may very well be angry when he finds out you amputated his foreskin for no good reason.

"His body, his choice."

[WC_hapamama]

Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X

It is very rare nowdays for there to be total nudity in locker rooms in school so that isnt an issue most of the time. The circ rate in the USA stands at nearly 50% now so your ds will probably not be the only intact one out there.

As my DH and brother have both told me (not to mention pretty much every other guy I've asked), no guy wants to get caught staring at another guy's "bits" in the locker room. DH is intact and my brother is cut.

I have a 12 year old, intact son who is a 7th grader at the local public middle school. He's never been naked in the locker room. I don't even think the middle school has showers in their locker rooms.

[Claire and Boys]

Originally Posted by BigC

The best way to ensure your son is happy with your choice is to leave it up to him.

This!

[intactDS]

Hi-
I am a 24 year old and I am intact and I have never ever been made fun of for my penis by anyone! In fact, I once had a conversation in college with some male friends about circumcision and the few of us who were intact kinda ended up making fun of the circumcised guys! Doing cosmetic surgery on your son's penis because you're worried about teasing just does not hold water in my book. AT LEAST wait for the teasing to manifest itself before you make an irreversible decision about his penis (which I doubt will ever happen).

I also wanted to say that my DP of five years had said on a number of occasions that she doesn't think, should we break-up, that she could be with any man who isn't intact. So you never know, maybe in the future he might have trouble because you had him altered.

So, in brief, we are beyond the point where circumcision is such a norm that to be otherwise will make your son an "other" in many people's eyes.

[A&A]

Please read this link:

http://www.circumstitions.com/Itsaboy.html

[Night_Nurse]

Originally Posted by mom123

I am going to be having a son shortly and am undecided on circumcision. It doesn't really matter too much to me, i just wan my son to be happy with his penis. My husband is circumcised and has told me that uncut guys get made fun of all the time in the locker room in school and i don't want that to happen to my son. I was wondering if this has ever happened to you or any of your family members.
I was also wondering if girls are ever surprised when they find out their boyfriend is uncut since being cut is more common in the U.S. I have never been with an uncut guy so i do not know to much about them and how to take care of them. Thanks for the help! I just want my son to be happy with our choice!

Mom123,
Congratulations on your pregnancy and I commend you on researching this important topic (many people don't). I used to tell people reasons why they shouldn't circumcise. But honestly, I don't think the info ever does any good unless the parent comes to the decision on his/her own after doing extensive research and soul searching. My best advice is to go to as many websites as you possibly can and search out all the pros and cons of circ and the advantages of keeping a child intact versus having a child circumcised. Some sites are very anti, while others are very pro. Read all of those and then read as many neutral sites as you can. Make a list of what you perceive to be a pro and a con.
Will your son hate you if you circumcise him? Maybe. Will he hate you if you leave him intact? Maybe. Most men I know like their penis regardless. And most kids (girls too) wind up resenting their parent for something or another during their lifetime. That's just part of being a parent. Kids get teased for all kinds of things (height, weight, glasses, braces, athletic ability or not, etc.). I HATED my name growing up. I resented my parents for giving me my first name. But I had the option of changing once I was an adult (I didn't, I now like my unusual first name). But my point is if your son doesn't like his penis as intact, he does have the ability to change it to a circumcised one later down the road. If you circumcise him and he hates it (or has physical problems because of a bad circ job) it can't really be "undone". So for our family, the best decision was leaving the choice up to our son (despite the fact that my own husband is circumcised). There is no special care, just wipe the outside of he penis away from the body during diaper changes/baths, and my son has never had any health issues or teasing due to being intact (he's school age). And yes, there are plenty of circumcised boys still in the US, but there are also many boys being left intact. Your son wouldn't be the only intact boy in school, not that the boys really have the chance to see each other nude anymore (from what I've been told by highschoolers).
But do your own research and discuss your husband's fears with him. I hope you'll take some time to read this thread here on MDC from moms who had their son circed but later regretted it. I believe it's 27 pages:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...t+circumcision

I don't think we are allowed to discuss sex on here anymore so I'll just say I'm a girl from TX who has slept with both circed and intact guys. I was never shocked when I found out the man was intact and I found it all worked the same way for me and I don't prefer one over the other. I really think once your son is sexually active that peers his age will have seen both kinds and nobody will be surprised or anything. I'm guessing it will be like men seeing breasts nowdays - they are used to seeing both naturally-born-with kinds and surgically enhanced kind. Even though men may prefer one over the other, I've never heard one say they'd turn down a women if she didn't have the kind he preferred to look at.
Hope that helps. Good luck in your decision!

[LaffNowCryLater]

Kids don't get naked in the locker room, DH and I are 25 and it certainly never happened when we were in school. DH is in the army and trust me, guys don't go around comparing penii....and the last thing a man would do would admit he was checking out another man's genitals in the shower.

[bubbamummy]

Im from England where it's pretty rare to be circumcised. DH was the 1st circumcised guy ive ever seen...when we 1st got 'together' I asked him 'what was wrong' with his penis...yeah...not such a hot move when you're about to get jiggy

To me circumcision just seems 'odd'. I was totally shocked when he told me it was 'normal' in the US. Infact im pretty sure my jaw nearly hit the floor when I thought that a whole nation of people found this procedure acceptable.

Anyway, needless to say our son is whole and intact Im proud to say I bought my whole baby home from the hospital, he wasnt without any body parts The thought that 'he might be made fun of' has really never crossed my mind. No one has ever looked at my vagina and found fault with it, not sure why it might be the case for boys

[georgia]

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