Help me with life after cosleeping - how to get some normalcy back??

[reezley]

OKay, I had a loooong detailed account of our current sleeping arrangements and issues - but I erased it by accident! Here's my shorter version.

DH and I are ready and needing to have some normal nighttime arrangements again. DS1 just turned 5 and starts the night in his twin bed, but gets in the king bed in the master bedroom with dh in the middle of the night. DS2 is 2.75 yo - I sleep on mattresses on the floor with him in the boys' bedroom, since when he wakes in the middle of the night he's not quite old enough to just come find me - If I'm not there he just sits up and whimpers and wants me. Falls asleep again quickly when I'm there, I usually sleep through it. DH wants his bed back- to not worry about waking ds1 in the morning with his alarm, wants some space for himself (literally - ds1 squishes next to him and crowds him) and DH and I want to share a bed again! DH doesn't want to go back to sleeping on the floor with the kids. He wants his real, nice, king bed.

How to we move away from cosleeping at this point? It was totally the right and only way to do things - but now the kids are a bit older and our relationship is suffering for the current sleeping arrangements. Any ideas for weaning the pretty-needy 5yo off of joining dh in the bed?? Other ideas for any of this??

Thank you in advance for your experiences and advice.

[Caneel]

We are in the same boat/bed but with a 4.25 year old so I am also interested in what others have to share.....

[LynnS6]

When dd turned 4, we had the same issue in our queen sized bed. She would get hot under our covers and so try to kick them off. And for reasons only known to her brain, she would also try to throw her feet over us. Repeatedly. Ouch.

We took 2 weeks and consistently moved her back to her bed. We started by laying on the floor until she fell back asleep, but that quickly became very uncomfortable. We then decided to turn her music back on (she falls asleep to a CD), rub her back a bit, and then leave. For about a week, we had to go in repeatedly, but it worked.

With ds, we had a different problem. He wasn't co-sleeping (but the kids shared a room at the time), but he would wake at night and want us in there until he fell asleep. If we left and he woke up, he'd freak out. So, after about 6 weeks of my sleeping on the floor in his bedroom, I decided that this was really stupid. The person with the young bones should sleep on the floor. So, we told him he could come in and sleep by the side of my bed if he woke at night. He did that every night for about 6 months.

This fall we got him a loft bed (he's 8), and he said on the second day "my bed is a lot more comfortable than the floor." Yep. We've seen a drastic decrease in the number of nights he's in our room. Sometimes he goes weeks without coming in. He's been in our room the last 2 nights because it's been windy, and he's anxious about that.

Now when dd wakes, instead of her coming in to our bed, she too comes in to our room. We have a small bedroom, so there's not much space on the floor (we have a tendency to step on them when we get out of bed), but if that's what they need to feel safe at night, I'm OK with it. I have my space in bed, no one is kicking me, and I don't have to get up repeatedly. I don't think that dd would have been content on the floor if we hadn't weaned her from the bed first, though.

[reezley]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

We took 2 weeks and consistently moved her back to her bed. We started by laying on the floor until she fell back asleep, but that quickly became very uncomfortable. We then decided to turn her music back on (she falls asleep to a CD), rub her back a bit, and then leave. For about a week, we had to go in repeatedly, but it worked.

............ So, we told him he could come in and sleep by the side of my bed if he woke at night. He did that every night for about 6 months.

Thanks for your input on this. It's good to know that in a couple weeks a new routine theoretically could be learned... Did she make a fuss about not having you snuggling/touching her while she fell back to sleep? DS1 is a snuggler, and I have a feeling he won't take kindly to insisting he gets no snuggling in the middle of the night. DH also loves his snuggly kid, and they've been cosleeping ever since ds2 was born. But of course some putting of the foot down will have to happen to change things. I feel like he'd take the instruction to sleep on the floor (next to a huge king bed) pretty personally! Did you have a mattress on the floor for your son? Did he take offense to the suggestion of not getting in your bed? I guess he was a bit older than 5 when you started that system?

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by reezley

Thanks for your input on this. It's good to know that in a couple weeks a new routine theoretically could be learned... Did she make a fuss about not having you snuggling/touching her while she fell back to sleep?

She did make a fuss, but we'd talked about what to expect and what we were going to do. It was an adjustment.

Originally Posted by reezley

But of course some putting of the foot down will have to happen to change things. I feel like he'd take the instruction to sleep on the floor (next to a huge king bed) pretty personally! Did you have a mattress on the floor for your son? Did he take offense to the suggestion of not getting in your bed? I guess he was a bit older than 5 when you started that system?

Ds was 7 1/2 when we started the 'by the bed' system. He'd never co-slept. He's got sensory issues and is a sensory avoider. He'd 'snuggle' with me by lying 3 feet away on the bed! Dd is my sensory seeker and snuggler. She did need a couple of months in her own bed before she'd accept the 'by the bed' tactic.

We don't put mattresses down. We couldn't walk in our room if we did that. It's really not that big. And their bedrooms are literally 3 steps away from ours. So, I don't want it too comfy!

[rubidoux]

could they sleep in a bed together?

[reezley]

Originally Posted by rubidoux

could they sleep in a bed together?

That would be so cool! I didn't think of that. There have been times that they've slept next to each other a bit at the beginning of the night, like when we are visiting my parents' -and it's so sweet! My feeling is they are too young to do that safely alone, all night... the almost-3-year-old moves around a lot in the bed (I've had my share of bopped noses) - and he might wake up the older one with his antics too. Maybe there will be a time to try that though!

[rubidoux]

Originally Posted by reezley

That would be so cool! I didn't think of that. There have been times that they've slept next to each other a bit at the beginning of the night, like when we are visiting my parents' -and it's so sweet! My feeling is they are too young to do that safely alone, all night... the almost-3-year-old moves around a lot in the bed (I've had my share of bopped noses) - and he might wake up the older one with his antics too. Maybe there will be a time to try that though!

I think I'd put them on a mattress on the floor and hope for the best. But if it came down to it I might not. I've got a 9 mo old and a 6 year old and I'm scared to leave them in bed alone even though we've got a king and a twin next to each other on the floor. My friends think I'm beyond neurotic.

[Ruthla]

I was also going to suggest a sibling bed. By age 2.5, most toddlers are "sturdy" enough to protect themselves from slightly older siblings. I can see the hesitation with a 9mo and a 6yo, but not with a 2yo and a 5yo.

Your 5yo may not be ready to sleep alone yet- but he might do just fine in with a little sibling instead of Mom and Dad.