This a complicated thread, and even though I've talked to a couple close friends about it, It's just too big and scary to open up completely.
My situation is that I am not married to my partner. We have been together for 7 years. We have almost 4 year old twins boys, and they are a handful. We are so spent, and don't have much support.
My partner is in school (his last year of art school) and is struggling to imagine the future in a concrete, career oriented way. If he has envisioned it, he hasn't communicated it to me. Communication is a large problem in our relationship. He doesn't like to do it, and I need it.
I graduated from school a year ago, have been working full time, and will be going back to school to get an Nurse Practitioner MSN in family care (eventually).
We started out having kids with no careers, but I had plans, and not much money, but it was working out for a while. I stayed home with my boys and had a wonderful relationship with them, but my partner struggled. He didn't know how to be fully engaged, and even though he is the Stay at home Dad, he still doesn't know how to engage with the whole family. When I am around he sees it as an opportunity to go off and be focused on his work, projects, and alone time. He gets seasonal depression, and is completely unwilling to seek any help for his depression. It is getting worse each year, and he just doesn't get excited about anything. He isn't social at all, doesn't like much about people or the world, and I am the opposite. I am grieving about my life with him. I didn't think it would be like this.
To add to it, I have wanted to have another child for many years, but have held off. He also wanted to have another, and so we seemed to try, but as usual there wasn't much communication. Now I am 6 weeks pregnant, and he is really not sure about having this child, and as much as I want to, I can't do this alone. My family is useless, and his family is around, not very helpful, but wealthy and a safety net.
I am struggling to decide whether to have this child. I feel like if I choose not to, it is because I'm choosing not to stay with my partner. There are many things that I love about him, and I don't know how I would live without him for logistical reasons, but I'm afraid that I'll grow older and older and more and more unhappy.
At the same time i'm afraid that if we don't have this child, I'll never have the chance to have another child, that I'll never meet anyone, and I'll regret the decision I made.
I am just looking for some advice from moms who have made the call to leave, and from those who chose to stick it out. I'm also trying to look at the reasons I want to have this child and try to be reallly honest with myself. I am running out of time, but I didn't expect to be in this situation. I thought we had made this baby together.
My situation is that I am not married to my partner. We have been together for 7 years. We have almost 4 year old twins boys, and they are a handful. We are so spent, and don't have much support.
My partner is in school (his last year of art school) and is struggling to imagine the future in a concrete, career oriented way. If he has envisioned it, he hasn't communicated it to me. Communication is a large problem in our relationship. He doesn't like to do it, and I need it.
I graduated from school a year ago, have been working full time, and will be going back to school to get an Nurse Practitioner MSN in family care (eventually).
We started out having kids with no careers, but I had plans, and not much money, but it was working out for a while. I stayed home with my boys and had a wonderful relationship with them, but my partner struggled. He didn't know how to be fully engaged, and even though he is the Stay at home Dad, he still doesn't know how to engage with the whole family. When I am around he sees it as an opportunity to go off and be focused on his work, projects, and alone time. He gets seasonal depression, and is completely unwilling to seek any help for his depression. It is getting worse each year, and he just doesn't get excited about anything. He isn't social at all, doesn't like much about people or the world, and I am the opposite. I am grieving about my life with him. I didn't think it would be like this.
To add to it, I have wanted to have another child for many years, but have held off. He also wanted to have another, and so we seemed to try, but as usual there wasn't much communication. Now I am 6 weeks pregnant, and he is really not sure about having this child, and as much as I want to, I can't do this alone. My family is useless, and his family is around, not very helpful, but wealthy and a safety net.
I am struggling to decide whether to have this child. I feel like if I choose not to, it is because I'm choosing not to stay with my partner. There are many things that I love about him, and I don't know how I would live without him for logistical reasons, but I'm afraid that I'll grow older and older and more and more unhappy.
At the same time i'm afraid that if we don't have this child, I'll never have the chance to have another child, that I'll never meet anyone, and I'll regret the decision I made.
I am just looking for some advice from moms who have made the call to leave, and from those who chose to stick it out. I'm also trying to look at the reasons I want to have this child and try to be reallly honest with myself. I am running out of time, but I didn't expect to be in this situation. I thought we had made this baby together.
s
