I am really close to the edge...the pacifier edge!

[sugarpop]

Please convince me I don't want to give my daughter a pacifier!

Car rides are awful! If the car slows down she cries, if it stops she screams! If it is moving sometimes she is ok! What do you mamas do to keep the little ones from crying in the car? Are my expectations to high? She is 2.5 months old. I dread going in the car. I feel like I have a bomb, I use to think it was ticking but now I don't think there is even a time limit. She could explode at any moment. I get so frazzled, upset, stressed out! It ruins the outing for me and makes me wish I had never left the house! But then I get cabin fever and NEED to get out. Ugggg what do you do? Do you just let them scream?

I pull over every time, if shaking a rattle doesn't work. I feed her, walk her, comfort her and try again. Sometimes we get another mile or two, only to do it all over again.

Today we went to get a Tree it was a little over an hour away. We had two stops to make on the way, so really the ride should have taken 1.5 hours maybe! Instead it took us 5 hours, 3 were spent in a parking lot. I left at nap time. I changed her, nursed her and cuddled with her before leaving...all was good, and then we got in the car. I am so tempted to buy a car pacifier and see if that helps...is that as bad of idea as I think it is?

[em123]

I don't think pacifiers are bad, but I'd be surprised if she took it to be honest. I waited 6 weeks to offer my son one and he outright rejected them (and I tried 4 different brands). I've heard the same thing from everyone who waited to try them.

But if she will take it? Pop that sucker in (pun intended), you'll be a safer driver and a saner mama.

[odoole]

I'm confused. Why wouldn't you want to give her a pacifier?

If it helps her to feel calmer and more secure, as they do my son, I think it would be to everyone's benefit to let her have one.

My son loves his pacifier for times when he's feeling upset -- i.e. car trips and when he's fighting sleep. Other than that, he has no interest.

[midnightmommy]

We give my daughter a pacifier, but I gotta tell ya when she is screaming in the car the pacifier is worthless. Our daughter is starting to get better, and scream less now that she is six months.

My tips...
-skip the long trips for awhile or make sure you have lots of extra time to stop and nurse
-do short trips and build to longer ones
-hang in there

Oh and I will admit that when we've pulled over a couple of times. I know she is fed, changed, she has stopped crying while we are pulled over. She is just done being in the seat. The only answer is to get home. So she cries in the car seat while we get home. We try everything else first. Sometimes iy's a judgment call you just have to make.

[Michigan Mama]

We use a paci sometimes. There's nothing wrong with it if it helps you be more sane and happy!

Oh, I did have one incident like yours. What was supposed to be a 45 min. drive took an hour and a half. I stopped twice to nurse and comfort and both times, ds2 cried again the second I put him back in his seat. Finally, I just had to drive with him crying. That's when I decided I wouldn't do that again. If I know he is fed and diapered, etc...I'm just going to keep going because stopping and taking the time to get him happy only to have him screaming again just made me more stressed. And no matter what I did, I ended up having to finish the trip with him crying anyway.

He cried in the car all the time for the first 6 weeks or so. Then one day, he just stopped. Now he is usually awake and happy or sleeping.

I bet your little one will outgrow it before you know it! Hang in there!

[xelakann]

ditto the above answers. Pacifiers aren't evil... both my little ones are paci users. Both have high suck needs with a mama with too much milk, making comfort nursing on the boob hard.

I also agree that when my baby is fussy in the car usually she won't keep the paci in.

[Whistler]

My little guy is the same age and doesn't keep a paci in yet. But not for lack of trying! I agree w/pp. Skip the car trips for now if you can.

My DD hated the car from a young age and it was miserable. I finally had to just drive with her crying because it was the only way to get to... say...our parents' house.

A few thoughts though... is she comfy? Make sure her straps are snug but not too tight. Make sure she is not too hot or too cold and doesn't have sun in her face or air blowing in her face. Try playing soothing music... tuck a shirt that smells like you next to her... make her as comfortable as possible.

If you have to take a trip and she cries, remember, it's not the end of the world. It's not fun, but it won't hurt her to cry for a little while. If she is changed and fed and snuggled and... and... sometimes it is best to just keep driving and get where you need to go.

Then when you get there treat yourself to a glass of Merlot!

[Theia]

My DD started using a paci around 3months. I felt so guilty about it. But it helped at times that made life easier. And I didn't make it a big deal, like she had to have it before bed/nap, or anything. She mostly used it in the car, and for naps. Slowly they got lost or buried under furniture. But now at 22 months, she has totally forgotten about it. We found the last one in the car a couple of months ago after a complete absence of a few months and she was excited for a few minutes, and then she was done with it. I didn't let her run around with it or have free access to it when it was a daily thing. It was strictly for naps and the car. But fortunately she never developed a super strong bond with it. It did help and I'm glad I used it. But I'm also glad that she never took such a strong bond with it as some do. Maybe your DC will do the same.

[whozyourdoula]

We used a pacifier for one of our four and it worked like a charm until we went on long trips. I think some kids just don't like to ride. He would scream anytime we were in the car longer than 10 minutes.
I have to laugh about the long drawn out trip because I have certainly been there. Our six hour trip to bring the baby to meet the family turned into a almost ten hour adventure. The way home he was an amazing baby and slept most of the way, had one changing break and one nursing and changing break and we didn't hear a peak.
Like the others said just baby step on the longer rides and do what you have to in order to stay sane.

[alaskaberry]

To be honest, we use pacis for the car and for bed-time. DS2 really liked it when he was your dd's age, but now that he is 11m he usually throws it across the car to show his disgust, lol. We use the MAM orthopedic pacifiers. Idk about other ones, but I never had nipple confusion with my boys with it.

Sorry I'm not more helpful, I tend to turn up the music and zone out when kids start screaming in the car!
This album always puts both my kids to sleep: Dinosaur Rock. Or you could try reggae, or real slow country.

[JMJ]

I am practicing ecological breast feeding, and we do not own any pacifiers. I'm not saying that those who do use them are wrong, just that that is my decision. It is interesting to note that Shiela Kippley (who defined "ecological breast feeding") herself even notes that occasional short-term use of a pacifier once breast feeding has been well established does not mean that you are not breast feeding ecologically. She gives the specific example of giving a pacifier while in the car when mom's boob just cannot be available.

Here's how we cope without. As much as possible, DH drives, and I sit in the back seat next to DD. By 8 months old now, I'm able to drive about 30 minutes with DD in the back seat, but I really don't feel comfortable doing more than that. I save longer trips for DH's day off.

When DD was about 4 months old, she got tall enough that I was able to lean over while buckled with just a lap belt and nurse her while she is fully buckled into her carseat. At 8 months old, her days of this are numbered. She is getting too tall. When she was too young to nurse her in the car, I would make sure she was well fed before going out, sit next to her, talk to her, touch her, sing to her, and let her suck on my pinkie (Is that any worse than a pacifier?). I would also take public transportation a lot so that she could just ride up against me in a sling.

When I drive and she cries, I first focus very attentively on driving. Safety is my number one priority. I'll talk to her in a sing-song voice or sing to her. At stop-lights, I'll reach my hand back and rub the top of her head. If I think there is something besides my attention that she needs or if she continues crying for more than a few minutes, and the trip is going to last for more than another few minutes, I will stop. With just a short trip, if she cries the whole time, I just try to be emotionally present to her, and I think hard about how necessary it is to make that trip right now.

Also, as other moms have mentioned, make sure that her car seat is comfortable and that the straps are not too tight. They just have to be basically straight. They shouldn't make your child's breathing difficult. I have heard of many children being much more comfortable in a convertable car seat than an infant bucket. Also know that this won't last forever. DD still cries sometimes while I'm driving, but usually just when she's tired, and we need to get home. She'll usually fall asleep after a minute or two of me singing.

[Rani]

An additional thought for you. My friends daughter would do that and they discovered that while the straps were not too tight, the car seat ITSELF was the problem. She didn't like sitting in it. They tried another brand that was built a bit differently and behold, the incidences were reduced to normal once in a while crying. I think perhaps her feet were going to sleep or something but who knows? If you can borrow one from someone perhaps to test?

[mamazee]

I would try the paci, but it won't necessarily work. Some kids hate hte car so much, no paci will ease their upset. But I'd give it a shot. It might help, and there's no reason for a babe to be unhappy if there's an easy solution around.

[Kelly1101]

By 2.5 months, I don't think a paci is going to cause any nipple confusion or interfere with breastfeeding.

A lot of concern with paci's, is that parents use it as a reflex to "plug up" cries rather than finding out the reason for the cries / reading cues. But in this case, you KNOW why she's crying-- she hates the car.

I'd say don't feel bad about it, give her a paci. It won't hurt anything if used just for the car rides when you can't actively soothe her. Keep in mind that it may not work, but if it does, it's okay.

[darcytrue]

My DD took the breast, bottle and pacifier right at birth. I guess I'm a lucky one. My first two hated paci's with a passion.

At 2 months old it may be tough to get your L/O to hold the paci in her mouth. My DD is almost 3 months old and it falls out all the time. If I'm driving, which I usually am, then I need one of my older children to sit beside the baby to keep putting her paci in.

My baby also cries in the car often. She was worse around the same age as your baby is right now and then got better. Now she only cries if she sleeps and wakes up and is bored or is hungry when we go places or sleepy before we leave the house. So I try to leave the house after a feeding and when she is well rested if at all possible.

I tied a couple of baby dice on my DD's handle of her carseat and she has those to look at. She loves them. My kids also will shake a rattle for her and that quiets her every time. She loves that too.

[Llyra]

I had a car seat hater. That was my DS. It was pure hell. I'll tell you, if he would have accepted the pacifier, he would have had it, with my blessing. I think there's nothing wrong with using a pacifier in a situation like that. Why not try it? Don't be surprised if it gets rejected, though.

What really worked for us was getting rid of the infant car seat and getting a good rear-facing convertible seat. The position the baby sits in is different, and baby sits higher, and many car-hating babies calm down a lot once they are in a convertible. So you might try that-- you'll need to buy one eventually, anyway.

[KaliShanti]

My first was a car screamer. This saved my sanity! http://www.amazon.com/Manhattan-Toy-.../dp/B00009KWV5

[Bokonon]

Originally Posted by JMJ

I would make sure she was well fed before going out, sit next to her, talk to her, touch her, sing to her, and let her suck on my pinkie (Is that any worse than a pacifier?).

Can I ask how sucking on a pinkie is different than a pacifier? Isn't it still a substitute for a breast? I know this sounds totally snarky, and that is not at all how I'm intending it - I'm just really curious.

OP, like the others said, your LO may not take a paci at this point, and even if she does take it, there will be screaming when it falls out of her mouth and she can't put it back in.

My baby had a paci in the beginning because she was in the NICU for prematurity, but stopped taking it after a couple of months. I've sporadically tried offering it again, as she has a very strong need to suck, and gets mad when I put her to the breast and she gets milk sometimes. At 7 months old, she actually started sucking on the paci I gave her yesterday! I was shocked, but it really calmed her down and helped her sleep. I still nurse on demand, and her taking a paci now may cause problems later, but it's a good thing for right now while she's teething and doesn't want breastmilk.

[lifeguard]

I personally do not like paci's - primarily because so many of the people I know who have used them have forced them on their babes when they were young (literally holding it in the babe's mouth when the babe was trying to get rid of it) & then they would take it away suddenly when they decided the child is now too old.

BUT I did use one in the car. Ds only would take it for a few months that way but it was a useful tool at the time. We have a 30 minute commute to get most places so going in the car is just a fact of life & having him scream the whole time was misery for all of us.

[koalove]

i posted your same post here 5 months ago when ds was a newborn. we used a paci because i just could not drive with him screaming. i have to say, like everyone here said, the paci helped, and now he never cries in the car, and has lost interest in the paci. we didnt have to wean him at all. he just doesnt need it anymore.