Bringing a preschooler back into bed... advice from been there, done that mamas?

[Aletheia]

I am considering bringing my 3 year old back into the family bed (already has a 15 month old in it, and husband.) My primary objective: to help with the nighttime pottying, which has not gone so well thus far (about 2 weeks into going to bed with no trainers/dipes, and he's woken up wet and unhappy most of that time. THe main reason we are pursuing pottying at night is his insistence on not wanting to wear diapers or trainers to bed. He is vehement on the subject. Already it seems to be a pride issue.)

DH is gone this week, so bringing him back into the bed for a week is all I can do right now. Is it worth it? What are the pitfalls? Would you do it?

[writteninkursive]

I would not do it. Teaching them potty-training is teaching them an element of independence. To bring him back into your body is kind of renigging on that independence. It seems to me he would start correlating going to the potty with sleeping with you, and it could get psychologically confusing to him.

Also... do you want pee all over your bed?

I think consistency is important here. So if he's been consistently sleeping in his own bed, and learning to go potty, you should stay on that track instead of moving him and confusing him.

Just my thoughts!

[alegna]

I'd say try it if you think it would help. But my 5.5yr old is in our bed She moved out briefly just after 4, then moved back.

-Angela

[Llyra]

I wouldn't count on it helping with the potty issue. As near as I've been able to find out in my research, nighttime dryness is a developmental milestone that kids reach when their bodies, brains, and bladders are ready, and training doesn't really help much. If he insists on trying, I'd let him try, but I would be prepared for the necessity of going back to diapers for awhile. Some kids just take awhile, and 3 is really young for it.

If he's waking up wet more than once or twice a week, I definitely would be led to the conclusion that he's not physically ready yet.

If he insists on trying anyway, I'd teach him to change his own sheets, so that he can feel some ownership over the process. We used to layer a waterproof pad, a sheet, another pad, another sheet, etc. so that DD1 could just strip off one layer of sheet and pad and leave them on the floor, and go back to sleep on her own. (Leave clean PJs too, easy ones to put on like an oversized shirt.) But she was wetting only once every ten days or so. She was about 4 1/2 when we first started trying.

But I wouldn't hesitate to bring a child back into the family bed for any reason if the reason struck me as a good one. My DD1 officially stopped cosleeping at 15 months, but she's had long periods of cosleeping since then, because of nighttime fears, trouble adjusting to a house move, anxieties connected with her new siblings, illness, etc. My experience has been that she stayed just exactly as long as she needed to, and moved back to her own bed when she felt ready.

[Aletheia]

Thanks, everyone for the responses.

I am actually used to pee in the bed. We EC, and have with both kids done it at night with regularity-- but just the ones in our bed. It's not perfect, but when DS1 was still in bed with me, he could sleep naked all night and the pee more often than not ended up in the potty, and not in the sheets. That's why I feel extra motivated to get using the potty at night-- he did it for so long as a baby, and consequently didn't sleep in a diaper all that often. I can't imagine sleeping in a diaper. I'd just like to get him to that stage as soon as can be-- but for his own reasons, and not mine. And so Llyra, this is particularly helpful:

Originally Posted by Llyra

If he insists on trying anyway, I'd teach him to change his own sheets, so that he can feel some ownership over the process. We used to layer a waterproof pad, a sheet, another pad, another sheet, etc. so that DD1 could just strip off one layer of sheet and pad and leave them on the floor, and go back to sleep on her own. (Leave clean PJs too, easy ones to put on like an oversized shirt.)

I think just knowing that he could handle wet sheets would be huge for him.

I may go post in the EC forum to get feedback there, too.