Santa (don't let the kids read)

[mama2toomany]

So we have never ever done Santa, He simply didn't come to our house, and my children knew why. The honest reason. I don't lie to my kids. I am not saying your a liar or trying to offend anyone who does Santa. Its just that I am also selfish and do not want a mythical creature getting all the credit for my hard work. Christmas here isn't about gifts. its about love. I put a lot of love into Christmas.


But, my 5 year old has decided to believe in Santa all on her own. (thanks dora). And I am not entirely sure what to do about it. I don't want to crush her young imagination and hopes, but I also do not want to encourage the whole gimme gimme aspect of Santa.

Thoughts?

[lovemybubus]

I say that childhood is all about *magical* moments, imagination and creativity. How do you know Santa does not exist? Maybe he does, but since you refuse to believe he doesn't come to your house any more.

We talk about fairies, giants, friendly monsters and Santa over here. If kids (and adults) didn't love the stuff why are there fairy tales that have lasted generations and generations? Have some fun, take your dds lead. You won't regret it and she won't hate you for it later. I can *almost* promise. Now, if she asks you point blank, then yeah, of course, keep it real. I can tell my dd (4y) doesn't truly believe in any of it, but yesterday when we could see the dust in the little square of light coming through the window she whispered, "mom, the fairies are visiting us while the others sleep, because we're special and they wanted us to know that." She also had a sly smile on her face, as if to say, "I wonder if mom believes me?"

[fireweed]

You could tell her the story of St Nicholas; or explain how santa is not real as in flesh and blood real, but represents the spirit of giving.

[sunnmama]

We call all Christmas shopping "Santa work" or "elf work", even though we acknowledge that Santa is just a story. Maybe you could include her in some "elf work", choosing or making gifts for her siblings or others? That would honor the spirit and imaginative fun of Santa, but also acknowledge the true source of the gifts.

[mama2toomany]

sunnmama--- You have given me the best idea! I always make stuffed animals and blankets and what not for shelters and homeless. We always take all our old toys and old coats and give them away in MNPLS (lots of homeless with signs, very sad). Anyways, I think I will include her in this "elfwork" and also take your advice Fireweed and just tell her about the spirit and story of St. Nick.

You girls rock my world. Thank you!!!

[JL83]

DD also believes because she's been in daycare.

So we're having Santa bring the stockings. She's going to get 1 or 2 very small unwrapped presents from him, and then everything else will come from real people. This year I think she's getting 1 DVD, chocolate orange and some stickers.

[mistymama]

In our family Santa is all about the magic and spirit of Christmas - not about telling any lies.

Growing up it was fun and magical - my Mom never lied, she always told us how santa represents the magic spirit of christmas and it's all about believing in that magic. We do the same thing with ds - heck I STILL enjoy the magic of Santa and Christmas.

Also, in preparation for Santa coming - we always do a big cleaning out of our rooms and closets. That's me, dh and ds - and we give our extra clothing, toys & food to less fortunate families. It's a tradition that I think really helps ds understand how lucky we are and really shows the true magic of Christmas - giving, not receiving.

Anyway, IMO there are lots of ways to put a positive spin on Santa that don't invole gimmie gifts. Good luck!

[mama2toomany]

I guess I should say sorry for saying lie. I had a very negative experience with Santa, I found out when I was 5, and woke up to my mom and grandfather having an arguement and my mom yelling that she had to get all the Bleeping presents under the tree.

I felt very lied to, I was really ticked off, plus I had to keep the lie to myself so I didn't ruin it for all the other kids. I hated it. because to me at 5 it was a lie. My mom lied to me. thats how I saw it. I am sorry if it offended anyone.

I have to talk to the older kids about this too, they never had Santa, they know of him, but we never did it. Same with the bunny and fairies and what not.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by mama2toomany

I don't want to crush her young imagination and hopes, but I also do not want to encourage the whole gimme gimme aspect of Santa.

I haven't read the thread, and don't know how to address your problem (we do Santa), but I will say the "gimme gimme" aspect of Santa doesn't really come into play around here. My kids are far more engaged in the idea of someone who wants to give people presents, and the magic of reindeer and coming down the chimney and all than they are in the gifts. DD1 has been worrying (she's a very solemn little girl, in many ways) about what we should leave for Santa and his reindeer, because she really wants it to be something he'll like. We also talk about what Santa represents to people, with respect to helping out families in need, surprise "Santa" gifts within our family (such as when my mom gave my dh an "extra" gift the first year he lived here...everyone got one from her, and then dh got a little one from "Santa"), etc. We go and do pictures, and they ask Santa for something, but it's very low key, and they're not being "gimme gimme gimme" about it at all. (Well, maybe ds2 is a little bit, but he's like that, in general. We're working on it.)

[darcytrue]

We don't "do" santa in our house either but both of my older children went through a few years of believing in santa anyway. No harm in that. It's actually kind of cute. But they still know their mom and dad are the ones giving them the gifts.

[Tjej]

I've been trying to explain to DH the idea of not ruining the "magic" of Santa, while still being honest about him. Thank you all for some of your insight.

My DD doesn't seem to scarred by our confusing information, though. DD asks me one night if Santa comes to our neighborhood (which I admittedly evade answering), and the next night she has her dolls telling eachother that Santa is just pretend.

Tjej

[mamadelbosque]

We never did Santa growing up, but at one point we did read a book, I think it was "The Real Santa Clause" or something which was a different santa story... it was very good - about a kind old man who gave gifts away on christmas, not elfy or fairy taily like, but just a different story about how santa clause 'started'... maybe try reading a story like that??

[LianneM]

My 4yo has also decided he believes and that we are wrong My main problem with it is that he has asked for one thing from "Santa" and if he doesn't get it he'll be crushed, but if he does, I feel like it'll confirm it was Santa. I did buy it and we're giving it to him, and I figure he is going to believe whatever he wants anyway so it doesn't matter

I suggested playing Santa and putting things in others' stockings (his daddy and sister) and he said, "But Daddy will think it's from Santa!" He is getting into the giving aspect though, through modeling by us.

[mama2toomany]

LianneM I feel the same way.

My dh thinks we should get her what she is asking for (only 3 gifts, we don't do it up here). And then get her something else, a small gift that she would like but hasn't asked for and make that from santa.

I don't know yet. But I really appreciate all the insight and advice. I knew I could come here and not get flamed.

[sapphire_chan]

My parents never did Santa, we didn't have TV in our house, and in a child psych study I registered as a "true believer" in Santa.

I do remember setting out cookies and such, but I don't remember ever expecting that Santa would bring gifts. And we certainly never had any "Santa" gifts under the tree.

I guess I believed in Santa the same way I believed in Goldilocks or Rapunzel, sort of fun to daydream about, you might meet people dressed up like them, and it's fun to make food to put out for them even when you know it'll really be eaten by your parents.

[a-sorta-fairytale]

We also did not do santa because both dh and myself felt very lied to about it as children. Last xmas dd was 4 and decided she wanted to believe in santa.

My dad encouraged this and even brought over some little handmade necklaces for dd from santa. I could tell she wanted to believe what everyone at her school did but didnt quite buy it.

She would say things like "we dont have a chimney, what is the fat guy gonna do, kick in the door?" or "there are millions of children i dont think anyone could get all over even our city in one night" and "well, do you believe mom?" to which i would answer that i didnt but i could never know for sure unless i met him. When she got the santa gifts she played along and was like "oooohhh grandpa look what santa brought me" and then said to me "its funny that santa has the same beads grandpa does."

she asked this year if she can leave out cookies for me and dh since we "do all that work buying/wrapping/and putting out presents" she just wanted to try it out. Ds was too little to care or notice so this year it is back to the usual.

[Sierra]

This is a timely thread since my kids are playing around with the idea of believing.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by mama2toomany

But, my 5 year old has decided to believe in Santa all on her own. (thanks dora). And I am not entirely sure what to do about it. I don't want to crush her young imagination and hopes, but I also do not want to encourage the whole gimme gimme aspect of Santa.

Thoughts?

DS is going through this same thing! It's preschool for him. All of the other kids believe in Santa. His teacher speaks about Santa as if he's real. I told him that it's a great story, but it's untrue. At first he just said no, that I was wrong, and Santa's real. Then the other day he said he'd thought about it, and there must be more than one Santa because there was no way one person could carry all of those toys. Aha! So now he's been thinking about it, and I think maybe it will be good for him.

Maybe she will do the same. I had already decided that we'd do what we've done the past 3 years on Christmas Eve (one present, apple cider, and reading Twas the Night Before Christmas), but I'm not going to put out cookies or anything like that. The story's nice, but truly it's not their imagination that you're dashing - it's everyone else's. If your dd came up with Santa on her own, then that'd be different, but she's only repeating something she's heard/seen. So, I say just explain that yeah, Dora talked about Santa and lots of kids believe in it, but you don't.

[BugSara]

Maybe Santa is real, but only to those who truly believe.

[PPK]

I believed in Santa and it wasn't about the material aspects, as much as it was the thought of some huge guy in a red suit shimmying down our chimney and eating the cookies we made and taking the carrots and raisins we left for his reindeer. I never felt decieved when I found out he wasn't real..in fact, my grandfather walked into our porch one day dressed as santa and left a few gifts..my sis and I didn't find out for maybe a few years that it was him, but its a wonderful memory and I remember thinking it was very special that he did that, even when I was young.

I'm not a fantasy-type by nature, but its a very magical thing to experience.

If she wants to believe, I think following her lead would only be natural. Indulge the girl a bit