would like your opinions on having DS here or not for the birth

[Lillypop]

DS will be right around 21 months (maybe 2 weeks before-ish) when the baby comes. DP will be here with me. The only way DS definitely won't be here is if he's with his dad and my phone call for him to be brought home early is ignored. But he only goes away with his dad for about 24-32 hours a week total, not a big concern in my head.

My parents are willing to come here and get DS within 15 minutes of us calling and bring him back within 5 minutes of us calling again if that's what I want (and they are sure that's what I want). They only live 5 blocks away.

I really don't have anyone who can be here with DS to watch him. My parents refuse (dad and step mom) and my mother is crazy. They are also all under the impression that I'll have a midwife here. Um...yeah. DP and I are the only ones that know the truth (and of course, the MDC crowd and my LLL friends, etc).

So ... what has everyone else done? Thoughts on having a 21 month old present for the birth? Will I go nuts and freak out on him if he's his noisy little self? What if he wants to nurse? Will he be upset if I get loud/groaning/grunting/possibly scream?

Ideally, I think I want him here. I want him to be able to see the baby born if he's awake and into it. We've talked all along about how there's a baby in my belly, and he'll kiss my belly (not sure if he understands anything, but it's still cute). I want to offer him the opportunity to see that the baby is coming from me, rather than him going away to Grandma and Grandpa's for a few hours, coming home, and finding this new little person in our home, sucking on his milkies.

Perhaps I've answered my own question. I want him here. But is it do-able with just me and DP here? DS is very comfortable with DP as a father figure, they can play together happily, etc. But if I need DP to be with me, I don't want DS to be ignored.

TIA!!!

[Tizzy]

I'm having a similar dilemma but now that I have TWO little ones it's different.
When DS2 was born, DS1 was 18 months old. Our backup plan was to send him to the neighbors who are like grandparents to him.
We really wanted him to stay home with us, he is very level headed and handles different situations well.
But since DH was home with me for 3 days straight (he refused to go to work! lol) DS didn't have his regular routine. He didn't nap well and was difficult to put to bed. When I finally hit active labor, I needed DH. DS wasn't interested in playing by himself or napping so DH quickly ran him next door and came back so he could focus on me. After the baby came, he went back to pick up DS but all the lights were off so he didn't disturb them. I guess he got tired enough and passed out in bed with them and was very excited when he did come home the following morning. It was a huge adventure for him to stay overnight with them, and then to come home to a new baby was thrilling to him. I can honestly say that we never had any big jealousy issues. He adjusted extremely well.
I am disappointed for my own selfish reasons that he wasn't here with us, but on the other hand, DS2 was born at 9pm. DS1 would have been asleep at that time and I doubt we would have wanted to wake him up anyway until the morning.

[lia_joy]

As much as we all love to have a set plan, I think having someone on-call that can be there quickly if need be, and flying by the seat of your pants tends to work pretty well!! You just never know how the labor will go (smooth, long, difficult, or fast,) or how your kids will be (if they are particularly tired, cranky, or very well-mannered) on a particular day. I'd just prepare for them to be there and also prepare for them to have another place to be.
My boys were 3 & 5 when i had my youngest and We prefered to have the birth just me & DH, but I was REALLY hoping it would occur while they were alseep and they could wake up to a new baby. The birth happened so fast that they were fast alseep across the hall when their brother was born!